By the time Liz had finished her analysis, Jo had opened all the envelopes and sorted them into piles, one for recycling and the other for action.
‘I’m so sorry, Jo. I feel like I’ve let you down,’ Heather said.
‘You shouldn’t feel bad. I’ve been fooling myself along with everyone else.’
‘Well I’m telling you now; you won’t fool me a second time. I’m going to be watching you like a hawk.’
‘That’s exactly what I wanted to hear,’ Liz said.
‘Me too,’ Jo added.
While Heather gave Jo a tight hug, Liz got to her feet. ‘How about I clear this mess and then make a start on dinner? You’re welcome to stay, Heather.’
‘Thanks for the offer but I’m expected back home,’ Heather said, realizing a second later that she was in danger of failing Liz’s first test of loyalty. ‘But I’ll stay if you want me to, Jo.’
Jo raised an eyebrow at her mum before smiling at her friend. ‘You go home, Heather. I’m safe enough while I’ve got my mum fighting my corner, aren’t I, Mum?’
Liz was only half listening as she said, ‘Of course, sweetheart.’ She had become temporarily distracted by the pile of papers Jo had said were for recycling. ‘You haven’t opened this one yet. It’s from the police.’ Without waiting for permission, she tore the flap and pulled out a photograph which had a note from DS Baxter attached. ‘It’s a photo of you-know-who at a cash machine,’ she said with a barely disguised curl of the lip. She was holding out an image of David withdrawing money.
Pushing it away without even looking at it, Jo said, ‘Please, Mum, I don’t need to see it, Steph’s already identified him. I don’t want to look at his face.’
Jo still hoped that one day David would have the guts to step out from his hiding place so she could put her fears behind her once and for all and get the answers she deserved and needed. But by comparison, she couldn’t imagine a black-and-white photograph giving her anything other than more questions, so it was returned to the envelope and pushed out of her mind.
23
Jo and her mum sat in silence. They were sitting on a wooden bench secreted away in a walled garden that was bursting with colour thanks to a carpet of crocuses, the first of the spring blooms to break through the icy layer of winter. Reynolds Park was close to home, but the journey had been a long one.
‘It went better than I expected,’ Jo said at last.
‘At least she didn’t say come back when you’ve worked out what’s wrong with you,’ her mum said cynically. Her gloved hand was playing nervously with the contours of her seat. ‘But then I think I would have throttled her if she’d tried that one.’
‘Dr Lawton is nothing like Dr Robertson was,’ Jo said, referring to their old family GP who had so quickly come to the conclusion that Jo was nothing but an attention-seeking teenager.
‘But General Anxiety Disorder, it sounds so …’
‘Official?’ Jo asked. She was still getting used to the term herself, and although her GP couldn’t be conclusive, it sounded much better than her mum’s description of a little bit of this and a bit of that. It was only a label, however, not the cure – and certainly not a remedy to rid her of that feeling of being watched.
‘At least she seems to think therapy will help and a six-week wait isn’t too bad, I suppose.’
‘By the way you were badgering her, I wouldn’t be surprised if an appointment came through sooner,’ Jo said, keeping her tone light while she tried not to frown.
There was no doubting that she had come on by leaps and bounds since her mum’s arrival. She had been sick with nerves every time she left the house; frightened in equal measure by the thought of having another panic attack and the ever-present possibility that her husband would appear out of nowhere; but she had gone outside and so far there had been no more than a wobbly moment or two. She could almost believe that one day she could leave the house and not be confronted by the hunted feeling that had pursued her for the past few weeks.
What she tried to focus on now was the doctor’s conclusion that the panic attacks weren’t simply a recurrence of an isolated incident that had happened fifteen years ago. Jo’s battle with anxiety certainly had its roots in her teenage years but with the doctor’s gentle coaxing, she had allowed herself to follow a clear path through to the present day, her life littered with all of those quirky rituals and idiosyncrasies that David had adored – or perhaps endured. She had a mental illness and this was what caused her shortness of breath, the crushing feeling of weight on her chest, not the possible presence of a man in the shadows, watching, waiting.
‘I remember how you used to stalk the customers in our shop,’ Liz said, jolting Jo out of her inner thoughts. ‘Rearranging anything they dared to pick up or move. It annoyed the hell out of me.’
‘You don’t have to remind me,’ Jo said, but the laugh caught in her throat as she wondered if it was her annoying habits that had pushed David over the edge.
Liz couldn’t share the joke either, but for different reasons, and for once, she looked in a worse state than her daughter. Her face was haunted and her eyes hollow.
‘I never understood, not back then, and not even when I turned up two weeks ago. I’m ashamed to say it, but it’s only just starting to sink in. I came here thinking I could fix you, Jo. I didn’t realize I was the one that broke you in the first place.’
Jo closed her eyes and savoured the long-awaited revelation but only for a moment. It was a step in the right direction for their relationship, but Jo wouldn’t let her mother take the burden all on her own. ‘I should have spoken up, but then you were my mum and I was a teenager, so you were the last person I wanted to talk to,’ she said. ‘I’d worked myself up into a state because I was scared that you and dad were going to get divorced. I thought I was the expert on broken hearts and I didn’t want dad to go through it too, not when it wasn’t his fault. Did he know about the affair?’
Like Jo, Liz pretended it wasn’t the first time they had openly acknowledged that her relationship with the travel agent had gone beyond innocent flirtation. ‘I told your dad years later; long after it was all over. I needed to clear my conscience but I knew I was taking a risk and I wouldn’t have blamed your dad if he’d kicked me out of the house. But instead we moved on together. That was why we relocated to the Lakes. It was a fresh start for both of us.’ There was a pause and then she added, ‘I never imagined for a minute that you would be the one left to suffer the after-effects.’
Jo took her mum’s hand in hers. ‘Oh, don’t go building yourself up into the villain of the piece. I’ve had plenty of other traumas since then. You weren’t the only one to mess with my head and, at the end of the day, it’s my head and my mess and you know how I love putting things back in order again.’
‘What about going back to work, though? I meant what I said about supporting you if you need to take more time off.’
Jo was shaking her head. ‘No, I go back in less than two weeks and I’m ready. It’ll be good for me and Irene’s champing at the bit to look after the baby.’
Just then Archie began to stir. ‘I’ll see to him,’ Jo said as if to prove a point.
Archie had been sleeping in his pram to the side of the bench but Jo picked him up and cradled him in her arms. She took a long look around the garden until her eyes settled on the entrance. She couldn’t stop herself from imagining David stepping through the arch, but despite the lurch inside, she wouldn’t cower from that thought. If he caught sight of her now, she would look to the world like a proud new mum. One day she hoped she would feel like that too.
‘I think it’s time we all went home,’ Jo said turning to her mum, a chill wind causing a shudder to run through her.
‘OK,’ her mum said brightly, taking a moment to realize what her daughter meant. ‘No, Jo. I couldn’t leave you, not yet.’
‘I need to learn to cope on my own again,’ Jo insisted. Her mum had been a godsend and the thought of sendi
ng her back to the Lakes filled her with dread but, she reminded herself, her mum wasn’t disappearing into thin air, nor was she running off with a travel agent.
‘Maybe next week,’ Liz countered. ‘Besides, Steph’s going away this weekend and we promised to look after Lauren.’
‘I promised,’ Jo corrected. ‘And I can manage, Mum. I’m ready to stand on my own two feet again thanks to you.’
Liz stood up and before she wrapped her daughter and grandchild in her arms, she said, ‘You don’t have to thank me. I love you and I’d do anything for you.’
Jo caught her mum wiping her eyes as she pulled away. ‘And I love you too.’ Jo’s lips were trembling almost as much as her mum’s as they both tried to smile. ‘Go home, Mum.’
Liz took a deep breath then released it through pursed lips. ‘I suppose I do need to get back to see what kind of state your father’s left the shop in,’ she mused.
‘Well, if you need someone to come and help reorganize the mess, you know where I am,’ Jo said. Sensing her mum needed one final push, she added, ‘You’ve already made Steph and Heather swear to be at my beck and call if I need them. The worst is behind us, I promise.’
Jo coped well during the first few days on her own, although she spent precious little of that time actually on her own. Steph dropped in during her lunch hours and Heather came by on her way home from work. By Friday, Jo was tired of being kept under constant scrutiny and told them to stop fussing and keep away – she was determined to have a day without worrying about anyone watching her, seen or unseen.
This morning she had risen early after a reasonable night’s sleep. Archie had woken in the night only once and she was showered and dressed before he woke for his eight o’clock feed which he took with only a little resistance. He’d become used to his grandmother cosseting him throughout the day but while Jo still felt distinctly second best, he settled back down surprisingly easily.
She was feeling confident and looking forward to her first full day flying solo. She was toying with the idea of going on a shopping expedition to get some treats in for Lauren’s stay that weekend – she had decided that she would rather have Lauren at her house than move herself and Archie into Steph’s – when she glanced out of the living room window and spied Sally walking down the path.
The day was bright and clear, but as Jo stepped into the hall, only thin slithers of light trickled through from the outside world. The front door’s brooding eye had been closed, its lid made from a patchwork of multicoloured silk. It was a parting gift from her mum who had made the blind from two dozen deconstructed neck ties she had acquired from a charity shop. It was the perfect remedy to stop Jo from feeling anxious every time she passed through the hall, expecting a figure to loom large through the glass panes.
Approaching the door, Jo became aware of her breathing, which remained steady as did her pulse. A smile crept across her face as, without hesitation, she opened the door that she no longer needed to deadbolt because only she had a key.
‘Hello, Sally, this is a nice surprise,’ she said, although by the look on her sister-in-law’s face she wondered about that.
‘I don’t suppose there’s been any more news from the police about David?’ Sally asked once they were in the living room, having given Archie only a passing glance as he slept peacefully in his bassinet.
‘The police? God no, I don’t think they’re even looking for him now,’ Jo said. ‘If there’s going to be a breakthrough then it can only come from David or someone who knows more than they’re letting on. If I’m honest, I was hoping that person would be Steve. That day Irene thought he’d disappeared, I was hoping he might have gone straight to David and we’d be able to track them both down.’
Sally had a look of disgust on her face. ‘It’s a shame it wasn’t Steve who went missing in the first place! I don’t think David deserves whatever it is that’s happened to him – but Steve? Now there’s someone who deserves everything he gets.’
‘I take it there’s no chance you’ll let him back home then.’
‘What home?’ Sally asked bitterly. ‘The house is on the verge of being repossessed.’
Jo was dumbfounded. She watched her sister-in-law drop down heavily on the sofa and put her head in her hands before asking, ‘What’s happened, Sally?’
‘I’ve been such an idiot, Jo! Who in their right mind would let someone like Steve take control of the finances? I should have known he would go off the rails without David keeping him on the straight and narrow. In fact I could see it; I just let it happen. I was tired of beating my head against a brick wall and Steve’s habit was definitely a brick wall.’
‘Steve’s habit?’ Jo asked.
‘His gambling habit.’ Sally shook her head. ‘I take it by the look on your face David didn’t tell you, but then again I don’t think he truly appreciated how bad it was. Neither did I until the bailiffs turned up on our doorstep. That’s why I kicked him out.’
Jo stared at Sally in disbelief. She knew her sister-in-law only worked part-time and Steve’s job in a car factory wasn’t exactly well paid but they had always been relatively comfortable, or should have been, on paper at least.
‘He has gambling debts?’
‘Big ones,’ Sally confirmed. ‘The car’s already been repossessed.’
‘What will you do now?’
‘I’ve seen a solicitor to formalize the separation but our finances are a mess. We’re almost certainly going to lose the house and when that happens, I’ll be moving back home with my mum. Fortunately she’s more than happy if it means I’m finally shot of Steve.’ She looked up, blinking rapidly as she willed away angry tears.
Jo wiped her fingers across her mouth as if to rub away the feeling of Steve’s lips on hers. She had found yet another reason to find him repulsive. ‘I’m so sorry, Sally, I don’t know what to say. Irene was telling me he’s working lots of overtime so maybe he is trying to sort things out,’ she offered.
‘That’s what he’s telling her,’ Sally replied with a sniff. ‘Don’t take anything he says at face value, Jo.’
‘I’d rather not speak to him at all, if I’m honest,’ Jo said. When Sally gave her a curious look, she added, ‘I’ve had my fill of the Taylor brothers, I think we both have.’
‘Don’t think too badly of David, Jo. He was a good man; we both know that in our hearts. I certainly owe him a lot.’ Sally had her head bowed and was turning her mobile phone over and over in her hand. ‘I think the police should still be searching for him,’ she said, almost too quietly for Jo to hear.
Jo felt a shiver that gave her goose bumps. ‘Why? What makes you say that?’
‘I know you don’t want to hear this and I understand how it must be easier to think he’s left you rather than imagining something awful but it just doesn’t make sense. We should still be looking for him, Jo. I don’t know, maybe—’
‘No, you don’t know,’ Jo interrupted. ‘It’s not wishful thinking if that’s what you’re trying to say. There’s enough evidence to prove David’s guilt, Sally.’
‘Yes, but some of that evidence came from Steve and I don’t believe a word of it. I don’t accept that David was so afraid of becoming a father or so keen to travel the world that he would abandon you both, and you know what?’ she asked, finally looking up. ‘I don’t think Steve believes it either. He may talk about David running away but he acts like he’s never coming back, as if he knows he isn’t coming back.’
Jo’s mouth fell open in shock. ‘Are you saying you think he killed him?’
‘God, no, of course not! I didn’t mean it to sound like that, not at all. It’s just that … I get the feeling that Steve has reconciled himself to the fact that David must have died. He wouldn’t walk out on you, Jo. I think you know that but if you’ve forgotten then maybe you should look at this. I came across it the other day and I knew I had to show you.’ Before Jo could stop her, Sally pressed a button on her phone and turned the screen towards Jo. ‘Don
’t you remember this? Is that the kind of man who looks terrified of becoming a father?’
Jo’s eyes were wide with shock so she could see the screen perfectly. When the video started to play, the first sound she heard was the tiny squeals of delight from Luke. He was sitting cross-legged on a leather recliner looking to his left at someone out of shot of the camera. He clapped his hands and shouted, ‘Again, again.’
A man’s arm could be seen pulling the lever on the side of the chair to raise the leg rest. A moment later, the man came into full view. David was wearing jeans and the jumper Irene had bought him the Christmas before last, which he hated but had worn to prove how much he loved his mum. When he glanced towards the camera he winked.
‘Oh, I’m so tired! I think I need to have a rest,’ he said.
With a hint of amateur dramatics, he sat down on the leg rest only for it to collapse beneath him, dumping him unceremoniously on to the floor. Luke’s resultant squeals verged on hysteria and then the camera started to shake. Sally could be heard laughing and Jo was there in the background too, but David’s laugh was the loudest. He had grabbed hold of Luke and was tickling him.
‘Stop it!’ Luke cried between breaths.
‘Stop it,’ Jo said coldly. ‘Stop it, Sally. Please.’
Sally shook her head. ‘Have you forgotten what he was like?’
Of course Jo remembered. It was the last Christmas they had spent together and it had been moments like this, watching David playing with Luke, that had formed part of the justification in Jo’s mind for ignoring her husband’s calls to postpone having a family.
The Missing Husband Page 25