“I agree,” Ash said. “And I don’t know the answer to your question. That information wasn’t in the file I was able to decode.
“But if you were just a dormant Nephilim, they wouldn’t have thought you might be the N’Chai Toroth. And that tells me your ability had manifested already. You probably just didn’t realize it. Sometime in your past, you were exposed to magical energy, and instead of being affected by it, you drew it in. If they were already watching you as a potential supernatural being, that would have been a huge flag for anyone with knowledge of the purported abilities of the Chosen One.”
I cast my mind backward in time. I tried to think of any situation I might have had an encounter with real magic. Nothing came. I couldn’t think of anything. Was Ash full of shit? Did it happen when I was baby, so I couldn’t remember? Or was there some other reason? Maybe I just didn’t recognize real magic for what it was when I basically turned it off.
“As fascinating as all this is, what does it have to do with my inability to use the decharmer?” I asked.
“That’s what I came here to tell you,” Ash said. “I believe you can use it.”
“Ash, we’ve already seen that I can’t.”
“No,” he said. “You struggled to use it at first. Everybody does. It’s not an intuitive device. And then we thought that maybe your magical immunity was interfering somehow. And because that’s what we thought, it became real to you. The more you couldn’t do it, the more convinced you became that you were immune to magic and therefore couldn’t make a magical tool work.
“But the truth is, you don’t deflect magical energy. Instead, you suck it in. And if that’s the case, you absolutely should be able to work the decharmer.”
Felicia smiled and gave me an I-told-you-so-look.
“Shut up,” I said to her.
“I didn’t say anything,” she said, still smiling.
“With words,” I added.
“Anyway, Sassy, I think you should come in with me this morning,” Ash said. “We can talk more about what The Order knows about your powers and why they are hiding them from you.
“Plus, now that we know you have the potential to make the decharmer work, you need to break through that blockage in your mind. The mission is tomorrow. Ephraim is working hard on Director Scott to change the plan. If we can show early enough that isn’t necessary, he won’t be able to hijack the mission from you.”
“Are you sure that’s a good thing?” I said. “I mean, as far as I can tell, he’s right. I am exactly the wrong person for this job.”
Ash regarded me carefully. His eyes were so sad, his expression so sympathetic, they caused fresh tears to form. God damn it; this shit needed to stop. What kind of hero cried at the drop of a hat? They seriously needed to find someone else.
“Sassy, you need to stop letting Ephraim dictate the narrative,” Ash said. “He’s jealous and angry and grieving over the loss of his father. Ephraim is lashing out at you because it’s easier to blame you than to deal with his estrangement. You’re not the problem. He is.”
“He’s right, Sassy,” Felicia said. “I have no idea what I would do if this were happening to me. But I know you. You’re strong. You’re the strongest person I know. You can do this. You just have trust yourself.”
“Trust myself?” I tried not to shout, but it was hard. “I injured someone yesterday. Two days ago, I panicked and hurt a student. All because I couldn’t do what I was supposed to. How heroic is that?”
Ash sighed.
“Listen,” he said. “Nothing is changed. Erin will be all right. You dislocated her shoulder. She saw a healer. It will be okay in a day or two.”
“And you said Amy was fine,” Felicia put in.
“Who’s Amy?” Ash asked.
“The student I hurt!” I practically shouted. “Keep up, Ash.”
“Sorry,” he said. “I was focused on the important matter at hand: D’Krisch Mk’Rai is still out there, and The Order will attempt to take him out. You are a Nephilim, whether you want to be or not. No matter what you think, the higher-ups in The Order believe you are the N’Chai Toroth. Your failure with the decharmer to date doesn’t change any of this, Sassy. And you can’t walk away from your destiny. It will find you, no matter where you try to hide.”
“Ash,” I growled, “you talk about my destiny one more time, and I will rearrange that beautiful, sex-demon face of yours. I choose my actions. I choose my fate. Nothing is decided for me, especially not by some ancient, stupid prophecy I’ve never heard of.”
He hung his head. Then he shook it. He was seriously close to me introducing him to my right fist.
“Fine,” he said, looking up. “No more talk of destiny. But whether it is your destiny or not, nothing has changed. Mk’Rai still wants you dead. The Order still thinks you are important. If you want all this to end, there is only one solution.”
God, I was sick of hearing that. I was so fucking tired of being told there was only one way out.
“Let me ask you something,” I said. “If you’re on my side, if you’re telling me all these secrets the Order doesn’t want me to know, why are you so insistent on me coming back and executing this genuinely stupid plan to assassinate a dragon? What’s your motivation, Ash? Why help me and then tell me I have to do the thing you’re trying to help me prevent?”
“Actually, I’d like to know that too,” Felicia said.
Ash’s pretty, black eyes darted back and forth between the two of us. He looked like a kid caught in a lie. This time, it wasn’t cute.
“Because I believe in The Order,” he said. “It’s not just a job, Sassy. I’ve been raised in the magical world, and the importance of The Veil and The Order have been drummed into my head since I was little. Working for The Order is like being a real-world cop. I do it because I believe in the mission.
“I also believe in The Prophecies. It’s impossible to be part of a world where there are dragons and fairies and demons and not think prophecy is legitimate. Clairvoyance is a real power. So why couldn’t somebody from long ago see the future?
“And I’ve hacked into The Order’s files on you. I know things about you very few other people do. So I believe you are the N’Chai Toroth. I think you have the power to unmake the magical world and create it anew. And since that will mean the destruction of everything I know and love, I want to make sure you get the right kind of guidance.”
I stared at him, thunderstruck. I guess I should have realized all this. It made perfect sense. Like he said, he’d been doing this his whole life. Of course he was invested.
But it didn’t make me feel better.
“Ash, if you believe in The Order so much, why are you hacking their files?” Felicia asked.
An excellent question.
“Faith and trust are two different things,” he said. “I believe in The Order’s mission. That doesn’t mean I necessarily trust the people telling us how to execute it.”
That made sense too. And it worried me.
“Besides,” he continued, “it may seem clichéd, but knowledge is power. I’m a cryptographer, a security specialist. My job is to know things so they can be used for our advantage. And I can do my job better if I have a fuller understanding of the whole picture.
“Plus, I’m insatiably curious. I find the more I know, the better my chances for survival.”
He still wasn’t making a good argument. In fact, he was scaring me.
“Sassy,” he said, as though he could hear my thoughts, “you’ve no reason to trust me or anyone else in The Order. We haven’t been fully honest with you, and for all you know, I could just be playing you.
“But I give you my word: I’m on your side. I think you are the N’Chai Toroth. And if I’m right, you need to know how to awaken and use your powers. You want to be in control of your own destiny? You’ve got to understand what others believe it to be. You’ve got to have full awareness of your abilities. That will give you the means to be self-directed.<
br />
“Otherwise, The Order or someone else will manipulate you for their own ends. Then the predetermination you detest will come true.
“I can tell you all I want that you need to do this for me, for The Order, for justice, for the betterment of both the mundane and magical worlds. But the truth is, you need to do it for yourself. It may feel like you’re playing along with someone else’s scheme, but you’re actually seizing control of your own life.”
Damn it. That argument felt convoluted, but it also made sense. I was sick of other people telling me how it was. And I was really sick of Ephraim acting like the King Shit.
“You’re sure you can teach me how to use the decharmer?” I asked.
“Yes,” he said. “Now that we know what your power actually is, I believe it will be a simple matter to teach you how to use it.”
“Fine,” I said. “I want it done by this morning. I want to show Big Brother Asshole that he can’t hold a candle to me.”
“All right,” Ash said. “Let’s get going. We’ve still got a lot of work ahead of us.”
I stood up, ignoring my uneaten muffin and cold coffee.
“Go get ’em, Sass,” Felicia said.
I threw her a quick eyeroll. I did not need a cheerleader. What I needed was this damned dragon dead, so I could get back to my life.
Despite my misgivings, though, I was determined to succeed. I may not have accomplished much in my life, but I had more willpower than almost anyone, when I set my mind to something.
Big Brother Asshole was in for an ugly surprise.
Twenty
A t Order headquarters, everyone stared at me. I walked in with Ash, and I could feel the accusatory stares.
This was the woman who was going to fuck everything up, they said. She can’t work a decharmer. She dislocated Brinson’s shoulder. She’s a livewire, a problem, a liability. She’ll fuck us all over.
“Are you sure this is a good idea?” I whispered to Ash as we moved through HQ on our way to the subbasement.
“Yes,” he said. “Once you prove you can do it, things will change. People are naturally worried right now. Just like you are.”
He was damned right about that. I was worried. I still wasn’t sure I could do this. And I was still damned sure this asinine plan to assassinate D’Krisch Mk’Rai was going to go wrong in some spectacular way, whether it was my fault or not.
We’d just made it to the elevator, when Big Brother Asshole came around the corner.
“Just a minute, you two,” he said.
I cringed inwardly. I knew he was about to metaphorically whip out his dick, and I did not want any part of that.
“Director Scott has concluded that Ms. Kincaide is unsuited to the task of acquiring the dagger,” he said.
“Wow,” I drawled. “I wonder what made him think that.”
“Your inability to use a simple tool like a decharmer,” he said, his expression smug.
“Really?” I said. “It couldn’t have been some jealous, little bitch with a tiny penis whining at him for almost a week, huh?”
Ash grabbed my arm, trying to pull me into the elevator before things got violent. I stood my ground.
“You can think whatever you want of me,” Ephraim said, his face a mask of fury. “I’m not the incompetent one.”
“Huh,” I said. “Then I wonder why they want someone with absolutely no experience in this shit to do the job instead of you.”
Big Bro’s pale skin flushed crimson. He was so easily goaded. Every insult I threw at him landed perfectly on target. It was awesome.
“That’s just it, Kincaide,” he said. “They don’t want you anymore. They figured out that ‘someone with absolutely no experience’ is a horrible choice for an important job. There’s a new plan. The briefing is in . . .” He checked his watch. “. . . ninety-two minutes. Both of you are expected to be there.”
“Oh, I’ll be there,” I said. “Just in time for Scott to tell you we’re going with the original plan after all.”
“Let’s go, Sassy,” Ash said. “We’ve got work to do.”
Ash pulled me into the elevator. I flashed Ephraim my best fuck-you-very-much look. Then I pressed the down button and smiled at him as the door closed on his scowling face.
“All right, Captain Pindick just put us on a clock, Ash,” I said as the elevator began its descent. “You better be able to crack this in an hour-and-a-half.”
“I know,” he said. “You need to focus on the job at hand, and not Ephraim.”
“Deal,” I said. “The less I have to think about that douche, the better.”
Minutes later, we were in the training room with the case that had been vexing me for the past three days. I swore that bitch was mine today.
“Okay,” Ash said. “Center your thoughts and find the magical current.”
I closed my eyes and put my hand on the case. I breathed in deeply and blanked my mind. I listened to the sound of my heart, felt the silence in the room.
A hum penetrated the quiet. It snapped and popped like an electrical current. I could feel it running around and over my hand. It tickled and excited me.
“Got it,” I said.
“Now, instead of trying to manipulate the magical energy, I want you to try to draw it to you.”
Okay, sure. How the hell did I do that?
Keeping my eyes closed, I focused on the feeling of the magic and imagined what it looked like. A picture of this green lightning bolt leaped into my mind. It zipped and zapped across the top of the box, running around it in an endless loop.
Cool. Now, how did I draw it in?
I remembered Mama taking Ben and I to the Cincinnati Museum Center when we were little. Like a lot of cities, they converted their old, Twentieth-Century train station into a science museum, and there were interactive exhibits for the kids. They had one on electricity, and there was one of those balls where, if you touch your finger to it, to the current moves to you, making it look like you were shooting lightning out of your fingertips. Ben and I had a good time pretending to be superheroes with electrical powers.
Envisioning the decharmer as my finger on that ball at the museum, I told the magic to come to the ring. It resisted. It warped and flowed around my hand, but it didn’t want to obey me.
“Ash, I can see it, but I can’t make it do what I want,” I said.
“Stop trying to force it,” he said. “Open yourself up.”
I sighed. All this shit was so metaphorical. How did you actually do it?
I went back to my Kenpo. It might be practical self-defense, but it was still steeped in Eastern philosophy. So I thought about chi. I didn’t believe in the mystical energy force the Chinese attributed to life and well-being, but the concept of focusing your chi and driving it in a punch or a kick was one I knew well. Whether it was horseshit or real, being focused, putting all your power into a small place and exploding through it was something I understood.
So I imagined the perfect reverse punch. The one that you drove through the WaveMaster or your opponent’s body.
Suddenly, I was back at my black belt test. It was my fourth round of sparring, and Kai was trying to wear me out.
He threw a backfist at my head, followed by a reverse punch to my body, and then an uppercut. Points didn’t matter. They didn’t care how many times I got hit, as long as I scored one good shot each round and refused to give up. So I let him tag with me the backfist and covered up to protect my ribs.
With my head exposed and my arms in tight, Kai tried to follow with a ridgehand to the back of my skull. Perfect.
I ducked the attack and drove a reverse punch into his ribs. He was overbalanced from the wild swing at my head. The force of my blow sent him reeling. After three clumsy steps, he face-planted on the mat.
“Wow!” exclaimed Bryan, one of the other black belts on the test.
“Damn, Kai!” said Wendy, also one of my testers. “I’ve never seen a brown belt score a blow like that on a test!
”
Kai looked up at me. His face was a war of pride and fury.
But he got up and bowed to me.
“Two-minute rest,” he said. “Then you’re up again, Wendy.”
“Okay, good,” Ash said, back in the present. “Now sync the energy, so you can disrupt it.”
I opened my eyes in surprise. I’d pulled in the magical energy. I could actually feel it running into the ring.
Closing my eyes again, I pictured that green electricity flowing to my hand. When I could see it, I commanded it to wiggle. It obeyed, waving slowly back and forth.
I increased the speed until the magic was wriggling erratically in every direction. A second later, it fizzled.
Holding my breath, I opened my eyes and lifted the box’s lid. Nothing happened.
“Holy shit!” I crowed. “Ash, I got it! I got it!”
“You did,” he said, a proud smile spreading across that gorgeous face of his.
Dear God, he looked sexy when he smiled at me that way. I’d thought I’d wanted him when he appeared all cute and embarrassed. But having him look on me with pride? I thought I was going to have to change my panties.
“Now,” he said. “Let’s try it again. If you’ve only gotten it once, Ephraim will be able to say you were lucky, that you may not be able to get it on the mission. We need to have a body of evidence to present to Director Scott.”
I nodded. Having to reproduce the effect so quickly after finally pulling it off, took some of the shine off my accomplishment. But he was right. I was a teacher myself, and I knew that repetition was the key to being able to reproduce the skill when it mattered.
Ash closed the box and stepped back.
“Don’t you need to cast a spell or something on it?” I asked.
He laughed – the first time I’d ever heard that from him. It was a glorious sound. My loins practically lit on fire. It was hard to focus on anything. Without intending them to, my eyes wandered to the bulge in his pants. Those jeans were tight, and the size of the lump they concealed was promising.
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