“Maggie,” the redhead offers.
The blonde is quick to follow up with, “Lily.”
“It’s nice to meet you both. I appreciate you letting me hide out with you.”
“Not at all,” Lily says.
To prove her point, she slips off the stool next to Maggie and hops up next to me, leaving me sandwiched between the two of them. Both girls lean in closer. Their nearness is a little unnerving, but there is part of me that is relieved to have contact with a woman and not feel the familiar rush of hunger following close behind. Even still, I have to force myself not to jump when Maggie lays her hand on my forearm.
“So, Zander, what are you majoring in?”
I contemplate lying, but in all honesty, I have no idea what I want to major in and I don’t want to say something that will get me in trouble. Besides, something tells me these girls aren’t interested in my GPA. “Haven’t decided yet.”
“Funny, I’ve never seen you around campus,” Lily says. “I’m sure I would have remembered seeing you.”
“I don’t go to UNM,” I say.
The girls look confused. “Where do you go to school?” Maggie asks. “Here I thought you were local.”
Her pouting lips are obviously meant to be coy. I can’t decide whether I want to laugh or roll my eyes. Instead of doing either, I test my instinct to be honest. “Actually, I’m still in high school. I’ve got another year before I have to pick a college or a major.”
That stops both girls cold. They lock eyes with each other, their heads tilting as they consider. Some silent conversation passes between them that I will probably never be able to understand. Then, Maggie looks down at me with a mischievous smile.
“I don’t believe you. No way you’re only seventeen.”
“Eighteen, actually.”
“Held back?” Lily asks.
I shake my head, enjoying their puzzlement just a little. “I got sick and had to repeat a year because I missed too much class.”
“Why not take summer classes?” Maggie asks. She clearly doesn’t believe me and thinks she is going to find some hole in my story.
“I couldn’t afford to fail a class, or I’d lose my eligibility to play sports. Then I’d lose a bunch of scholarship offers.”
That seems to perk up the girls’ interest. “What do you play?” Maggie asks, scooting a little closer. The urge to move away is so strong that I can barely resist jumping off the stool.
“Football and basketball.”
“And you have scholarships already? You must be pretty good.” Maggie’s hand curls around my biceps a little tighter, making me wonder just why David sent me to this girl.
Before I can answer Maggie, Lily interrupts with a squeaky gasp. She shoves her phone at Maggie, forcing her to back off a little in order to take it. Thankful for the break, I seize the chance to scoot a little further away. The sound of my name coming from the phone keeps me from going too far. I look over the screen and see highlights from last week’s championship game flickering by as the sportscaster comments on my performance.
When the video ends, both girls stare at me in disbelief. “You weren’t kidding!” Lily exclaims.
“Wow, you’re really good,” Maggie adds. “I love football.”
Lily seems to have a little more logic swimming around in her head. “But you’re in high school!”
Maggie counters with, “Yeah, but he’s eighteen. It said so on the video. That’s totally legal.” Her gaze leaves her friend and lands seductively on me. “So, those scholarships… do you have one for UNM?”
I nod, suddenly having a hard time forming words as Maggie’s hand slides onto my thigh. A competitive edge glints in Lily’s eyes. Her body presses in against mine.
“Can we buy you a drink?” Lily runs her fingers up my arm. “I’m assuming that since your uncle got his underage nephew into the club, he won’t mind you having a little fun with us.”
My blood is racing now, but my head is clear enough to remember that David will kill me if I even think about drinking. Alcohol makes controlling our hunger much harder. No Godling is allowed to drink. Plus, my coach would flip out if he ever found out. “Sorry, that’s where my uncle puts his foot down.”
Maggie’s lips brush lightly against my ear. My whole body tightens in response, the only reaction I can manage without bolting. “How about a dance then?” she whispers.
I balk. I have no desire to find myself on the dance floor with Maggie or Lily. Our intentions behind this conversation are clearly quite different, and I have no idea how to untangle myself without causing a scene. Panicked, my eyes dart over to David. He is watching intently, as I knew he would be, but offers no help. All he does is tap his watch, holding up three fingers to let me know I’m not finished yet.
I want to strangle him right now. Instead of living out my fantasy, I force a smile onto my face and say, “Sounds great.”
Both girls hop off their stools, surprising me. I’m even more taken aback when both of them grab one of my hands and start pulling me toward the dance floor. They each flash me daring smiles. I drag against them, but they seem to take it as some kind of game. Their hands slide up my arms slowly, as if they are reeling me in. Both are giggling now, swaying their hips in time with the music.
As the girls start dancing in front of me, I realize I have no idea how to dance with them. There doesn’t seem to be any steps, just a lot of swaying and touching. That last part nearly sends me running when Maggie’s arms wrap around my neck and her body presses in close. I can feel every inch of her writhing against me. The response she elicits from me is surprising. Not only does my hunger begin to stir under such intense stimulation, but my body reacts as well. The desire to indulge slowly begins to consume me.
Suddenly, Maggie spins out of my arms and Lily takes her place. Her enthusiasm surpasses her friend’s. She takes my hands, guiding them down her body to her hips. I can’t resist the urge to pull her against me. Lily grins at the contact, running her hands up my chest. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know this is all meaningless. I surprise myself by not caring.
Maggie is tangled in my arms again when David appears next to me. His presence surprises the both of us, making me step away from Maggie quickly. She turns her pouting back on for David’s benefit.
“You’re not going to make him leave, are you?” she asks. “Lily and I can get him home safely.”
David smiles a surprisingly genuine smile. “I’m sure you could, with a detour to your dorm room on the way.”
The shameless grin on Maggie’s face sends a rush through my body. Embarrassment at how appealing that sounds is a close second.
“I do apologize, ladies, but I must take Zander away from you. We have plans elsewhere that can’t be ignored.” He gestures apologetically to both girls, but puts a firm hand on my shoulder. “Enjoy the rest of your night, ladies.”
David begins leading me away, but Maggie catches me first. Her lips press against mine in a flash. Her arms and body follow. My shock does not outmatch my physical desire and hunger. I pull her in closer, letting myself give in to my desires for once.
Too soon, David is pulling me away, out of the club and back to his car. When we are both seated, he looks over at me, a strange sense of pride filling his features. “After a few initial difficulties, you did rather well, Zander.”
I’m not really sure how to respond to his compliment, or even which part of the night he is referring to, so I stay silent. The longer neither of us speaks, the more my mind whirls. Embarrassment at my behavior with Maggie tries to flood my mind, but the easy pleasure of being around her makes full regret impossible. It felt good, for once, to let go and give in. I know I can’t make this a way of life, but I appreciate the realization that not every second has to be so controlled and rigid.
After letting me have a moment with my thoughts, David asks, “I feel confident that you found the intended meaning in this exercise tonight. I expect you to employ the same
tactics in your combat training this week. I want to see a more balanced fight between you and your sister.”
“You will,” I respond.
David nods and starts the car. As he drives, he seems to be thinking deeply. We are almost back to where I left my truck at the restaurant when he looks over at me. “Realizing that you can let go once in a while wasn’t the only thing I wanted you to take away from this experience tonight. The second meaning I’m not so sure you understood.”
All the other women David sent me after had a glaring problem I was expected to handle. Maggie and Lily were different. They simply wanted sex. I realized that pretty early on, but David wasn’t trying to get me to go home with them. He wouldn’t have pulled me away if he wanted me to let go that much. I struggle for a moment to figure out what he means. I think back to the moment when I realized it felt good to be near a woman without my hunger taking over. This wasn’t about the girls so much as it was about Ivy. Slowly, I realize the lesson he wanted me to learn was that I need to stop fixating on Ivy—revenge or love—and realize that there are other options for me, safer options, ones I can indulge in without it leading to someone’s death.
I know what his lesson was, but that doesn’t mean I learned it. I can hardly admit that I am actively working out how to take down the Eroi, but I can go along with what David believes my true preoccupation to be.
“David,” I say slowly, “it’s going to take a lot more than that to make me to forget about Ivy.”
He nods, not arguing for once. “I don’t expect you to forget her. Someone like her is impossible to forget.”
“Then what?”
David doesn’t respond for a moment. He sighs, coming to a stop behind my truck. “How did those girls make you feel tonight?”
“Hungry,” I say honestly.
“Good,” David says. “Remember that when you can’t get your mind off Ivy.”
I am honestly stunned by his words. “You’re not actually telling me to sleep around with other girls in order to avoid thinking about Ivy, are you?”
“If that’s what it takes,” David says, “but no, that’s not what I meant. I was referring to the fact that if two young women you share no real connection with, other than hormones, can fire up your hunger, imagine what being in that same situation with Ivy would do to you. Can you imagine dancing with Ivy the way you did tonight? Kissing her as that Maggie woman kissed you? You were safe enough tonight, but you know exactly what would have happened if Ivy had been there instead.”
Death. That’s what would have happened. David looks over at me seriously.
“Zander, you can never be with Ivy. Your hunger for her will get worse every time you’re near her. It’s already bad enough that you would have killed her, if not for Van’s interference. You can barely handle kissing her, let alone having sex with her.”
“I already know that,” I say, my tone making David glare at me.
His narrowed eyes last a few seconds longer before he shakes his head and says something that surprises me. “I honestly don’t know if you’re still stuck on Ivy emotionally like you want me to believe, or if you hate her so much for betraying you that it’s affecting your ability to focus, but you need to get a handle on it one way or another. I don’t care how you choose to deal with memories of her. Just deal with it. Your training is too important. You can’t let yourself be distracted.”
“Why is my training so important to you?” I ask. “I seriously doubt you put this much effort into other Godlings you stumble onto.”
“Other Godlings do not have the potential you and your sister have,” David says seriously. “A battle with the Eroi can’t be held off forever. You both have a role to play, power to unlock, and I mean to see that happen.”
“What makes you think Van and I are anything special?” I ask. “From what you say in training, I’d think we were a pretty big disappointment to you so far.”
“You’re not a disappointment. You’re behind.” David looks over at me, his expression intense. “Don’t mistake my criticism to mean you don’t have immense power. You and your sister wouldn’t have survived this long on your own otherwise.”
Shocked that he is being so honest with me—not to mention shocked by his answer—it takes me a moment to respond. When I do, I take a risk and return his honesty. “It’s not knowing that gets under my skin.” I shake my head. “It’s not even trying to figure out whether or not she loved me. I don’t care anymore. It’s trying to understand why she would throw her life away for the Eroi. I can’t understand that.”
“Knowing the motivations of a Richiamos is impossible,” David says testily. “You have two choices, and I don’t particularly care which you choose. Either obsess over Ivy for the rest of your life and never let anyone else in, or hate her and seek solace with someone else. Do whatever works for you, but do not let this interfere with your training.”
The car is silent again. I watch as David’s hands clench and unclench around the steering wheel. The first time I brought up Ivy with him the night we talked in the kitchen, I got the impression that he had a more personal knowledge of Richiamos like Ivy than he was admitting. Now I am positive.
“Which one did you choose?” I ask quietly. “Do you still obsess over her, or did you drown yourself in someone else?”
David’s hands strangle the steering wheel a moment before falling into his lap. “I live alone, and I always will,” he says, ending the conversation, but not making my choice any easier.
Chapter Six: No More Lies
(Zander)
I haven’t visited Oscar since before the night I almost killed Ivy. Van and Ketchup have been coming instead. From all reports, Oscar has been doing better than ever with me staying away. Perhaps he would prefer the arrangement stuck, but I need to see my brother. I have too many questions with no answers. I have to know that he is okay, too. More than anything, I need to apologize.
Rita, the receptionist, looks up when I approach. Her mouth splits into a grin when she recognizes me. “Zander! It’s so good to see you! Van told me you were feeling better, but I was still so worried.”
Having been prepared by Van, I know she is referring to the lie about my illness Van told the first time she came with Ketchup in order to see Oscar on a non-visitation day. I smile back at Rita, touched that she cares so much. “Thanks, Rita. I’m feeling a lot better now. I hear Oscar has been doing well lately, too.”
“He has,” Rita confirms. “He’s never been so stable for so long. Oscar’s doctors weren’t thrilled when your uncle David insisted they allow Oscar more than one visit per week, but they agreed to a test run, and it has done wonders for your brother. I’m just sorry it took them so long to make the change. Your uncle is a godsend.”
“Yeah,” I agree halfheartedly. Not exactly the title I’d give my fake uncle, but I do appreciate him bringing a little more relief to Oscar.
Rita pats my hand gently. “Oscar should be ready to see you in just a few minutes. I’ll let you know when you can go back.”
I thank Rita and sit down to wait. The minutes seem to tick by slowly, but I know my nerves are more responsible for that than the clock. When the orderly steps up to escort me back, a jittery feeling starts creeping through my body. By the time I reach the visitation room, my hands are shaking.
Pulling open the door seems like a monumental task. Seeing Oscar staring at me with clear, but angry eyes when I do open the door makes me freeze. It is perfectly clear that he does not want me here. I consider leaving, but I know this needs to happen. Still, I don’t want to force myself on him and cause problems.
“Can I come in?” I ask.
Oscar seems surprised, since I have never asked his permission to visit before, but he nods slowly. It’s hardly a genial welcome. I’ll take it, though. Oscar’s eyes stay latched onto mine as I walk toward the table. My movements are slow, so as not to provoke him. It seems an eternity later before I plant myself in the chair opposite him.
It’s hard not to slink down in my chair. “I know.”
“When they took me away, you promised you would protect Van.” Oscar’s body strains against the chains. “You didn’t protect her. You almost got everyone killed. You chose Ivy over your own sister.”
“Yes, I did,” I answer honestly, surprising Oscar. “I trusted myself over everyone else. I thought I was strong enough, but I wasn’t. I was being selfish, and I regret my choices more than I can ever say.”
Oscar sneers at me. “You regret getting involved with Ivy? I don’t believe you.”
I decided before I came here that I would be honest with Oscar—no matter what he asked. He deserves that. I am beginning to realize now how difficult that will be, but I refuse to back down from my promise.
“You have no idea how much I regret getting involved with her. What I regret the most is not having enough control to walk away. I knew from the first time I met her that I could never withstand her, but I deluded myself into thinking I could try. I put everyone at risk.” I look up to meet Oscar’s gaze squarely. “I will never do that again.”
Far from convinced, Oscar leans back in his chair. “Why did you come here today? I told Van I didn’t want to see you, not after the lies you’ve told. You know how much I hate liars.”
“I came to apologize, and to ask for your help.”
Oscar cackles. The disturbing noise bunches my shoulders, as if they can block it out. “My help?” Oscar demands. “What help do you think I can give you?”
“Information.”
That sets Oscar back in his chair. He eyes me with such animosity that I find it hard to face him. I watch with concern as his body tightens like a spring ready to lash out. His lips part, but his teeth stay clamped together as he says, “You want to know about before. Before Mom and Dad. Before I broke. Just like Van, you want to know why.”
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