“Well, I’m sure that you did something to deserve it,” she said with feigned haughtiness that had him grinning as he turned and pushed the kitchen door open with his back.
“I buried all your dolls in the pig’s pen,” he said, chuckling as he carefully set her down on her feet.
“You really were a horrid child,” she said with a smile as she walked away from him and began to search through the cupboards, wondering what she’d done to make Robert do something so cruel. It was probably something much worse than what he’d done to her, she thought with a satisfied sigh.
“Tell me what you need and I’ll get it for you,” Robert said as he quickly lit more candles as well as several oil lamps so that they could see what they were doing.
As she quickly scanned what was available to them, she decided that eggs, ham and fresh biscuits would probably be the easiest thing for her to make. Decision made, she told him what she needed as she did her best to ignore her stomach’s growling demands.
Robert shot her an amused smile that she chose to ignore as she started on the biscuits. By the time she had the dough made and ready to rise, she was ravenous and considering skipping this step and simply cutting the biscuits and baking them, uncaring that they would end up flat. The only reason that she hesitated in doing just that was Robert. She’d bragged that she made the best biscuits and now she wanted to prove it. But, she was so hungry and she wasn’t sure that she was going to be able to wait until-
“Here,” Robert said as he placed a small platter overflowing with cheese, bread and cut ham in front of her.
“Thank you,” she barely murmured as she started to attack the food.
“You’re welcome,” he said with a chuckle as he helped himself to the food.
For several minutes they sat there eating in comfortable silence while she kept an eye on the dough. It was actually rather nice, she thought just before Robert had to go ahead and ruin it.
“I think we should talk.”
Chapter 24
“I know,” Elizabeth agreed with a small sigh as she popped another piece of cheese into her mouth, sounding so damn disgruntled by the prospect that he couldn’t help but smile.
For a moment she stared down at the bowl of dough as she toyed with a piece of bread and he wondered what she was thinking. Perhaps she was preparing herself for another fight, he realized with a wince. He was done fighting with her. They’d been doing it since they were children and, as much fun as it had been, it was time to put an end to it.
She was his wife and his responsibility, and they couldn’t go on like this. He’d been very fortunate that he hadn’t been raised in a cold family, and he wanted their children to be just as fortunate as he had been. Like most couples, his parents weren’t in love, but unlike most couples that he knew, they were very good friends.
It probably hadn’t hurt that his parents were raised knowing that they were betrothed to each other. They were two years apart and had lived less than two hours away from each other as children. They’d accepted the situation without complaint. His mother’s family had wanted a title for their daughter while his father’s parents had wanted to fatten their coffers and ensure that their son had a pleasant wife.
They’d always been friends, sometimes acting more like siblings than a married couple. They’d never shared a room, never looked at each other with anything more than casual affection, and never pretended to be in love. Not that he wanted to know, because the knowledge would probably scar him for life, but he doubted very much that his mother had graced his father’s bed since she’d provided him with an heir and a spare so that the line could continue.
She’d also never seemed upset that her husband kept mistresses and lovers. It never seemed to bother her, and Robert knew that she was well aware that they existed. Whenever his father left to go spend the night with another woman, she always gave him a knowing smile and wished him a good night.
They’d never fought, yelled at each other or ignored either James or himself as they pursued their own amusements. They raised their children in a warm family, with love and understanding and Robert wanted that for his own family. He certainly didn’t want to raise his children in a cold home like the one that Elizabeth had been raised in.
Lady Norwood was the typical mother and wife of the ton. She said the right things, wore the latest fashion, obeyed all the rules and snubbed her nose at those who didn’t. She also had very little to do with the raising of her daughters. She’d left that to nannies and governesses, only involving herself in her children’s lives when it came to gossip, the prospect of her daughters marrying, or if her daughters embarrassed her in some way.
The only good thing that he could say about Lord Norwood where his daughters were concerned was that the man did genuinely love and care about his girls. He’d seen Lord Norwood worry about them, smile warmly when he saw them and seem genuinely pleased to have them around.
Unlike his parents, the Norwoods were virtual strangers, choosing to spend most of their time apart. Although Lady Norwood hadn’t complained about her husband keeping women on the side, she did demand a shinny bauble the next morning. It hadn’t taken Robert long to figure out their routine. Every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday night, Lord Norwood would bid his wife goodnight before he left to spend the night with his mistress. In turn, Lady Norwood would send her husband a cold glare, not because she was truly upset that he was spending his nights with other women like Robert had first suspected, but to remind him that she would expect him to buy her forgiveness in the morning.
It was not the type of marriage that he wanted and certainly not one that he wanted his children to be exposed to everyday. While he would like to be able to put the past behind them and start over as friends, he also didn’t want his parents’ marriage. He didn’t simply want a cordial marriage. He desired Elizabeth and wanted to spend every night with her in his arms and, in order to get that, they were going to have to talk.
“I’m very sorry that I didn’t tell you about the baby,” she said softly, bringing up the one subject that he’d decided to put off until another day.
“Why didn’t you?” he asked just as softly, terrified that he’d say or do something to scare her or make her cry.
Too late, he realized as she wiped a tear off her cheek with a small cooking cloth. Pretending that everything was okay, she stood up and focused all of her attention on the bowl of dough. Somehow he forced himself to remain seated when all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and tell her that he forgave her, that it wasn’t important, but it was.
He wanted to know, needed to know. He wasn’t as angry as he’d been before. Christ almighty, how could he be? She’d just lost their child and he knew that she grieved over that child with all her heart. He’d seen the anguish in her eyes as she’d cried over the loss of their first child.
She’d only been a little over a month and a half into her pregnancy, but he knew that she’d already loved that baby. While most women would simply accept the fact that they’d lost a child since it happened so frequently, Elizabeth had taken the loss hard. It told him so much about her, confirming his earlier opinion of her and making him regret ever calling her a bitch even if he’d only done it in his head. He just couldn’t see the woman that he’d held in his arms over the past two weeks while she cried her heart out being a vicious bitch who would purposely subject a child to a life of misery and being labeled a bastard.
He just couldn’t.
“I didn’t want to trap you,” she mumbled as she rolled out the dough with an expert touch and began to cut out circles.
“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked a little more roughly than he’d intended, making her noticeably cringe.
“I didn’t want to force you into marrying me, Robert,” she said tightly as she quickly placed the cut dough on a pan, focusing all of her attention on the task at hand so that she wouldn’t have to look at him.
“It wouldn’t have been for
ced,” he explained, getting to his feet and moving to help her when she picked up the pan.
He took the pan from her and carefully placed it in the hot oven, careful not to step too close to the open fireplace beneath the ovens. Once he was sure that it was far enough inside the oven, he turned around and found Elizabeth busying herself with cleaning up the small mess on the table.
Without a word, he stepped up behind her and wrapped his arms around her, bringing her back against his body. “It wouldn’t have been forced,” he repeated more softly this time.
“Yes, it would have,” she said, moving to step away from him, but he wasn’t letting her go.
“No, it wouldn’t have, Elizabeth,” he said, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.
“You don’t love me, Robert. You don’t even like me and you certainly don’t want to be married to me,” she explained softly as she simply stood there, allowing him to hold her.
“What makes you think that I don’t like you?” he asked, smiling when she released an indelicate snort.
“Would you like a list?” she asked, settling back against him and making him wonder if she was even aware of the action.
“Is it a short list?” he asked absently as he enjoyed the feel of having her in his arms and no longer having to worry about proprieties and all that bullshit.
Then again, it was still looked down upon to show affection for one’s wife in public, but he didn’t give a damn. He loved touching her, holding her and he’d be damned if he allowed rules made up by a bunch of hypocrites to dictate his life. She calmed something deep inside of him, gave him peace, and made him smile even when she was going out of her way to vex him.
It was simply impossible to truly hate her.
When he realized that she’d gone quiet again, he contented himself with simply holding her. For several minutes they stayed like that, him holding her in his arms while she absently traced her fingers along his forearms. He could have held her all night, but they needed to talk. Praying that she didn’t push him away, he asked her once again for the answer that he dreaded.
“Why didn’t you tell me, minx?” he asked, pressing a kiss to her lavender scented hair.
She didn’t answer immediately, and for a minute he thought that perhaps she would never tell him, but she took him by surprise when she admitted something that he never thought he’d hear from her.
“Because I was scared.”
“Of me?” he asked hollowly as his arms tightened around her, praying that the answer was no, but that was too much to expect.
He’d made her life a living hell for too many years to count until finally he’d been forced to step away, terrified that he’d do something foolish like take her over his knee and give her the spanking that she so rightly deserved. Putting space between them had probably saved them from killing each other or losing their damned minds.
When she came back into his life, he hadn’t been able to resist her. He loved being around her, tormenting her and waiting to see how she would react, but now he had to wonder if he’d gone too far.
“No,” she said, shaking her head as she continued to trace the length of his forearms with her fingertips, “I know that you would never hurt me, but….”
“But, what?” he asked, pressing another kiss against the top of her head.
“I didn’t want you to hate me anymore than you already did,” she said so softly that he almost missed it.
“I don’t hate you, Elizabeth,” he promised.
“You’re being awfully sweet about this whole thing, Robert, and while I appreciate that, I understand. I should have told you as soon as I was sure that I was pregnant and…”
“When was that?” he asked, cutting her off.
“When was what?” she asked, sounding confused.
“When did you become certain that you were pregnant?” he asked softly, praying that the reminder of what they’d lost didn’t make her cry. It killed him to see her cry.
“After what happened in the library,” she mumbled. “I didn’t know what to do or how to tell you.”
“Would you have told me?” he asked, closing his eyes as he waited for her answer.
“As soon as I figured out a way to tell you without making you hate me” she admitted, sounding so damn miserable that he couldn’t help but smile.
“Then perhaps it’s time that we called a truce?”
Chapter 25
“A truce?” Elizabeth repeated back slowly, understandably wary considering the suggestion was coming from Robert Bradford and that this wasn’t the first time he’d suggested such a thing.
“I think that it would be for the best,” he said, repeating the same words that he’d used sixteen years ago when he’d tricked her into crawling out from her hiding spot in his father’s barn where she’d been hiding after a rather unfortunate incident involving Robert, a bowl of honey, and about five sacks of chicken feathers.
“I see,” she said, carefully disengaging herself from him as the need for self-preservation kicked in.
Although she wholeheartedly agreed that a truce of some kind would be beneficial so that they wouldn’t end up killing each other, she just couldn’t quite ignore the voice screaming inside her head to make a run for it. Knowing that it was both foolish and pointless since there was no longer anywhere to run now that they were married, she forced herself to remain in the kitchen so that she could hear him out.
That didn’t mean that she was going to do something foolish like staying within reaching distance of him. As casually as she could, she walked around the table and started to work on the eggs, telling herself that she’d be able to make it to the door if this turned out to be a trap. Other than an amused smile that told her that he knew exactly what she was thinking, he didn’t comment on the action.
“I don’t want to spend the rest of my life fighting with you,” Robert explained, stating her biggest concern.
They didn’t have a love match, the one requirement that she’d had for marriage. She couldn’t even say that they were friends and given their history and how their marriage came to exist, she hadn’t expected a cordial marriage when her father had grudgingly agreed that she had to marry Robert.
After his announcement that first night when he’d described what he’d expected of her, she’d anticipated to live a life of solitude where he ignored her until their child was an adult and her usefulness had come to an end. Then she’d imagined that he would probably move her into a cottage where he would never have to see her again. It wasn’t an existence that she would have accepted meekly, which meant that their marriage probably would have been filled with turmoil, arguments and eventually hatred.
She didn’t want that kind of marriage.
So, if he was offering her an olive branch, she would happily accept it. As long as it was beneficial to both of them and it didn’t end with her living in the middle of nowhere with only squirrels and her ever growing hatred for Robert to keep her company.
“What are you suggesting?” she asked, trying not to get her hopes up that they could be friends. He’d been very kind towards her for the last couple of days and while that gave her hope, she also realized that it could have been out of pity.
“I’m suggesting that we work together to set some terms for this marriage that we can both live with,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he watched her work.
“That sounds reasonable,” she had to admit, more than reasonable considering that most men didn’t care one whit if their wives were happy.
“From this point on, I think that it would be best if we started with a clean slate,” he suggested, sounding hopeful as she grabbed a pan, the small bowl of butter and the plate of cubed slices of ham and headed for the stove. She opened the stove door, making sure that the fire that the servants had set before retiring for the night was still going before adding some more coal and wood to ensure that the fire was hot enough to cook their food.
“Meaning?” she a
sked, not exactly sure where he was going with this.
“That we forget the past and start fresh,” he said after a slight pause.
“And how exactly do you propose we do that?” she asked as she dumped the ham into the pan. “We’ve always hated each other.”
“Not always,” he pointed out as he moved to lean against the wall to her right.
Instead of arguing with him or admitting just how much she didn’t hate him, she focused all of her attention on stirring the ham so that it wouldn’t burn. He didn’t say anything for several minutes, probably waiting for her to admit to something, but she refused to confess anything until she knew where she stood with him. Finally he grumbled something about her being stubborn and began.
“Most marriages start with a fresh beginning and I’d like that for us,” he said as if what he was suggesting was even possible.
“That’s because most couples didn’t grow up hating each other,” she pointed out, stirring the ham a little more than was necessary.
“True,” he murmured his agreement as he reached over and plucked a piece of ham out of the pan and popped it into his mouth. “But, most couples spend the rest of their lives hating each other.”
She didn’t bother arguing that point, because he was right. While she knew of several couples that were able to tolerate each other, she knew far too many couples that couldn’t stand the sight of each other. Her parents, unfortunately, fit the latter category. On the surface, her parents appeared to tolerate each other and to even like each other, but that was just a show they put on for the ton and their friends. They barely acknowledged each other in private and, when they spoke, it usually ended in arguments.
“What I’m suggesting,” he said, pausing only long enough to steal another piece of ham, “is that we accept what happened when we were children and move past it. I’d like a fresh start with you, Elizabeth.”
“And do you really think that’s possible?” she asked, her lips twitching as he stole another piece of ham.
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