by Doug Lennick
Remember that a life well lived is your best revenge. Instead of focusing on your wounded feelings, and thereby giving the person who caused you pain power over you, learn to look for the love, beauty, and kindness around you. Forgiveness is about personal power.
Amend your grievance story to remind you of the heroic choice to forgive.
EXERCISE: FORGIVING YOURSELF AND OTHERS
Louise Hay, best-selling author and motivational teacher, recommends this exercise:
Sit quietly with your eyes closed and say, “The person I need to forgive is ___________ and I forgive you for ___________.”
Do this over and over. You will have many things to forgive some for and only one or two to forgive others for. Then imagine the person you are forgiving saying, “Thank you.” Do this for at least five or ten minutes. Bring your attention to all the resentments you still carry. Then let them go.
When you have cleared as much as you can for now, turn your attention to yourself. Say out loud to yourself, “I forgive myself for ___________.” Do this for another five minutes or so.
According to Louise Hay, “These are powerful exercises and good to do at least once a week to clear out any remaining rubbish. Some experiences are easy to let go and some we have to chip away at, until suddenly one day they let go and dissolve.”28
* * * * * *
The practices described previously are just a few of the many ways you can increase your level of emotional well-being. Because money, health, and happiness are interconnected, everything we've recommended throughout the book leads to greater happiness. When we live in alignment and on purpose, we feel happier. When we work on key activities to achieve our goals, we feel happier. When we prepare financially for the certainty of uncertainty, we feel happier. When we exercise regularly and eat healthfully, we feel happier. Happiness takes work. As co-author Doug has said, happiness is an action sport. But if we take action, and do that work, we'll discover that the intersection of money, health, and happiness is a great place to be.
NOTES
1 Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want (New York: Penguin Books, 2007), pp. 20–22.
2 Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want (New York: Penguin Books, 2007), p. 20.
3 Martin E. P. Seligman, Flourish (New York: Atria, 2011), p 11.
4 Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience (New York: Harper, 2008).
5 Martin E. P. Seligman, Flourish (New York: Atria, 2011), p. 12.
6 Richard Leider, “The Power of Purposeful Aging,” Inventure and the Purpose Company, June 1, 2017, http://richardleider.com/the-power-of-purposeful-aging/.
7 Sonja Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want (New York: Penguin Books, 2007), p. 67.
8 For example, research of noted anthropologist Donald E. Brown, as discussed in Human Universals (Philadelphia: Temple University Press), 1991.
9 See Doug Lennick and Fred Kiel, Moral Intelligence 2.0 (Upper Saddle River, New Jersey: Prentice Hall, 2011) for extensive discussion of connection between universal principles and effective behavior in organizational settings.
10 Andrew Coleman. A Dictionary of Psychology, 3rd edition (Oxford, UK: Oxford University Press, 2008).
11 The Freeze Game was introduced to co-author Doug Lennick by performance psychologist Rick Aberman, Ph.D., his colleague at think2perform.
12 Doug Lennick was taught this exercise by Fred Luskin (author of Forgive for Good and director of the Forgiveness Projects at Stanford University) and performance psychologist Rick Aberman PhD, Doug's colleague at think2perform.
13 Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D. in discussion with co-author Doug Lennick, May 25, 2007.
14 Sue McGreevey, “Eight Weeks to a Better Brain,” Harvard Gazette, January 11, 2011, http://news.harvard.edu/gazette/story/2011/01/eight-weeks-to-a-better-brain/.
15 If interested in using the EQ-i to assess your overall level of emotional intelligence and current state of happiness, contact the authors at think2perform (www.think2perform.com).
16 “The EQ-I Model and the Science Behind It,” MHS Assessments, https://tap.mhs.com/EQi20TheScience.aspx.
17 Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness, p. 22.
18 Adapted from Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness, p. 26.
19 Robert A. Emmons, Thanks!: How the New Science of Gratitude Can Make You Happier (Boston: Houghton Mifflin Harcourt, 2007).
20 Amy Morin, “7 Scientifically Proven Benefits of Gratitude That Will Motivate You to Give Thanks Year Round,” Forbes.com, November 23, 2014, https://www.forbes.com/sites/amymorin/2014/11/23/7-scientifically-proven-benefits-of-gratitude-that-will-motivate-you-to-give-thanks-year-round/#35b2ab56183c.
21 Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness, p. 96.
22 Seligman, M.E., et al. “Empirical Validation of Interventions,” American Psychologist (July–Aug. 2005): Vol. 60, No. 1, pp. 410–421.
23 King, Laura. “The Health Benefits of Writing about Life Goals,” Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin (July 2001), Vol. 27, pp. 798–807.
24 As explained in Homaira Shifa, “Kindness in Islamic Beliefs,” People of Our Everyday Life, http://peopleof.oureverydaylife.com/kindness-islamic-beliefs-3704.html. Retrieved on May 31, 2017.
25 Lyubomirsky, The How of Happiness, p. 127.
26 Pascal Kavanagh. “I Forgave My Mother for Abusing Me,” Real Simple, https://www.realsimple.com/work-life/life-strategies/inspiration-motivation/stories-forgiveness#/abusive-mother. Retrieved June 20, 2017.
27 Fred Luskin, “9 Steps to Forgiveness,” Forgive for Good, http://learningtoforgive.com/9-steps/, 2010. Retrieved June 21, 2016.
28 Louise Hay, “Exercise Revenge and Forgiveness,” LouseHay.com, http://www.louisehay.com/exercise-revenge-and-forgivness/.
Afterword
By Doug Lennick
Roy Geer would have been (and probably is) very proud of this book. Co-author Ryan Goulart and I and our collaborative writer Kathy Jordan are proud to have completed it for him and for us and for all of you.
You are responsible for your happiness, your physical health, and your financial health. The third has a lot to do with the first two. You can develop and leverage your financial intelligence, and we can predict that the results will be spectacular. You will be physically healthier, and you will be happier.
Kimberly King is an award-winning social entrepreneur whose many passions include promoting global health and well-being internationally and in the United States. King's experience working with projects such as the UN Sustainable Development Goals and Bhutan's Gross National Happiness initiative reinforces key messages of this book. In a recent conversation with Doug, she noted:
In nearly every culture, it's clear money does provide elements of comfort and security that generate well-being. Yet studies show that in countries where most can afford basic necessities, more wealth matters less than more joy.
The same holds true for health. Once a fundamental baseline is achieved, the metrics of a good life are not measured in dollars or pounds, but in happiness and well-being. While money and health do matter, the path to happiness is about having enough, not more.1
Michelle Young, who I introduced you to in the Preface, is a financial advisor who also sees the connection between money, health, and happiness. She states the following: “As a financial advisor I see that when people have a lot of financial debt and financial issues, it weighs heavily on them. When I help them get to the other side, I can see the relief emotionally and physically.” Michelle's husband Tom, head of field distribution for Thrivent Financial, adds: “Happiness, health, and money are issues for everyone, and money is least talked about in a constructive way and has to fit into values like family and health and that leads to happiness. I really believe it's hard to progress if you don't have all three . . . money, health, and happiness.”
Roy Geer grew wiser with age and could
clearly see the connection between money, health, and happiness. In fact, as he aged into his eighties and neared 90, Roy concluded that a goal all of us share is to be happy. He also concluded that it was more likely that people would be happy if they financially could afford to meet their needs and if they were in good physical health. Roy himself was in good financial health and good physical health until a few days before his passing. Roy was happy and you can be, too.
We hope you've enjoyed the book and can put its contents to work. We also hope you pass the book on to friends and loved ones so that more people can develop and leverage their financial intelligence and find their own intersection of money, health, and happiness.
NOTE
1 Kimberly King in discussion with co-author Doug Lennick, May 15, 2017.
Appendix A
Exercise: What Are Your Top Values?
Review this checklist of values. Begin by checking off the 15 that are most important to you. Then reflect and narrow that list to 10, and after more reflection, select your top five values. If you have an important value not on the list, use the blank spaces below to record other values. Don't rush through this exercise. Take some time to reflect on what really matters most to you.
□ Adventure □ Autonomy □ Challenges □ Change
□ Community □ Competence □ Competition □ Cooperation
□ Creativity □ Decisiveness □ Diversity □ Ecology/Environment
□ Education □ Ethics □ Excellence □ Excitement
□ Fairness □ Fame □ Family □ Flexibility
□ Freedom □ Friendship □ Happiness □ Health
□ Helping Others □ Honesty □ Independence □ Integrity
□ Leadership □ Loyalty □ Meaningful Work □ Money
□ Order □ Philanthropy □ Play □ Pleasure
□ Power □ Privacy □ Recognition □ Relationships
□ Religion □ Safety □ Security □ Service
□ Spirituality □ Status □ Wealth □ Work
□ ______________ □ _____________ □ ______________ □ __________________
You can download a copy of this exercise from the Leveraging Your Financial Intelligence Toolkit at www.leveragingfi.com.
Appendix B
Exercise: Values and Behavior Alignment
Step 1: In Column A, rank order from 1 to 10 the values you most want your life to represent.
Step 2: In Column B, rank order these values from 1 to 10 based on time and energy invested in each over the last year or so.
Step 3: Determine the difference between priority score for each top value and priority score for values in action.
Step 4: Subtract number in Column B “Investment” from number in Column A “Importance” and place in Column C “Alignment Level.”
Step 5: Reflect on alignment or gap between priority of values and time/energy based on each value. Is there alignment between what I believe is important in my life and my actual behavior?
A: Importance B: Investment C: Alignment
Values What I Want My Life to Reflect (Rate importance from 1–10) Time and Energy I Spend (Rate from 1–10) Alignment Level (Subtract Column B from Column A)
Wealth (how much money you have)
Material Possessions (things you acquired)
Family (as you understand your family, including non-traditional families)
Social Status (degrees, job titles, awards, etc.)
Health (physical and emotional)
Power (feeling you control people and circumstances)
Ethics (being honest, kind, generous, etc.)
Fame (well-known by many people)
Attractiveness (regarded as being beautiful or looking good)
Work Performance (professional competence and mastery)
How to Interpret the Values and Behavior Alignment Exercise:
The larger the positive number in Column C (Alignment Level), the more you invest in this value relative to its importance.
The larger the negative number in Column C (Alignment Level), the less you invest in that value relative to its importance. For instance, you may rank “Fame” as 10 in importance but 4 in your investment of time and energy. That leads to a gap of 6, which suggests that you may be spending too much time on a value that is not as important to you as others. As another example, you may rate “Family” as 1 in importance, but a 5 in your investment. The gap of −4 indicates that you may not be investing enough time and energy in your family relative to their importance.
A score at or close to zero (−2 to +2) in Column C (Alignment Level) suggests close alignment between a value's importance to you and the time and energy you invest in that value.
Such numbers are only rough estimates of alignment between values and behavior. However, it's a useful way to begin to think about how well you are using your time and energy.
You can download a copy of this exercise from the Leveraging Your Financial Intelligence Toolkit at www.leveragingfi.com.
Appendix C
Exercise: What Is Your Life's Purpose?1
Take some time to reflect on the questions below. Answering these questions can help you clarify the high-level meaning and direction that you would like your life to take. You may also find it useful to discuss your responses with a close family member or friend.
What are my talents?
What am I passionate about?
What do I obsess about, daydream about?
What do I wish I had more time to put energy into?
What needs doing in the world that I'd like to put my talents to work on?
What are the main areas in which I'd like to invest my talents?
What environments or settings feel most natural to me?
In what work and life situations am I most comfortable expressing my talents?
You can download a copy of this exercise from the Leveraging Your Financial Intelligence Toolkit at www.leveragingfi.com.
NOTE
1 Adapted from Richard Leider, Repacking Your Bags: Lighten Your Load for the Rest of Your Life (San Francisco: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, 1995).
Appendix D
Exercise: Visualize Yourself Living Your Purpose2
Sit or lie down in a relaxing spot.
Take some deep breaths, and focus in turn on each part of your body from head to toe, allowing your muscles to loosen and relax as you concentrate on each part of your body.
While continuing to breathe naturally, imagine yourself near the end of your life.
Reflect on your life to this point in time. Throughout the years, what has given your life the most meaning and purpose?
Allow yourself to feel a sense of contentment as you realize that you are fulfilling your purpose.
After spending a few minutes in reflection, open your eyes and return to the present while maintaining a sense of satisfaction about a life well-lived.
You can download a copy of this exercise from the Leveraging Your Financial Intelligence Toolkit at www.leveragingfi.com.
NOTE
2 Based on an exercise discussed by Jim Loehr in his book, The Only Way to Win: How Building Character Drives Higher Achievement and Greater Fulfillment in Business and Life (New York: Hyperion, 2012).
Appendix E
Goal Achievement Planning
PART I: TURNING WANTS INTO GOALS
There are many things we want in life, but to have them, we need to understand what we must do to achieve them. To turn wants into goals, wants must pass the “acid test.” That means we need to decide if we can afford the time and resources required to achieve what we want, and are willing to spend the time, invest in the resources, and make the sacrifices required to get what we want. If we are, then we have a good chance of achieving our goal. If we aren't willing or able to do what's required to get what we want, then what we want should be considered a dream, not really a goal.
There can be many good reasons why you should defer a desired goal. Most importantly, you need to pr
ioritize potential goals based on principles and your values. For example, if your top value is “Family Happiness,” you may need to postpone training for your Adventure-fueled desire to climb Mt. Everest, which would take you away from your family for extended periods of time. You also need to be realistic about your capacity to work on multiple goals at the same time. Everything you want may be meaningful and aligned with your values, but your available time and resources may limit how much you can accomplish in any given time frame. Use the worksheet “Turning Dreams into Goals” to reflect on potential goals (What I Want), determine what you would need to do to accomplish each goal (Key Activities), and decide whether you can and will do what it takes to make what you want a reality (The Acid Test.) If so, you've identified a real goal. If not, you can apply the acid test for a given want at a future time. Part I: Turning Wants Into Goals
Part I: Turning Wants Into Goals
What I Want… Key Activities “Must Do” actions needed to accomplish this goal. Does What You Want Pass the Acid Test?
Can I and will I do all it takes to turn this want into a goal?
Financially: •
•
•
•
For My Health: •
•
•
•
For My Overall Happiness: •
•