by Violet Howe
So, while I’d gone to work each day and struggled to stay focused on the administrative tasks at hand, Victor had been attempting to resign from his life as a killer for a crime syndicate. It still seemed too surreal to comprehend.
Part of me wanted to turn from him and not hear any more. After all, what good would it do? What would it matter? But another part of me—the journalist in me, perhaps—held way too much curiosity to keep him from telling me what I’d longed to know. For the past two years, I’d had so many unanswered questions. So much time spent reexamining every word, every action, every memory.
“What happened?” I asked. “Did they have you arrested? Your family? That makes no sense! Wouldn’t you be a greater threat to them if you were in jail and could provide evidence?”
“It was never their intention for me to go to jail.” He looked down at our intertwined hands. “Orders had been given, and my life had been timestamped, but Valentina, who is more a sister to me than a cousin, could not bear to see me killed, so when she discovered what was planned, she tried to thwart them. She trusted the wrong person and ended up turning me over to the feds instead.”
I’d always wondered why he was arrested, what it was that had been the turning point to get him caught. I’d pondered afterward, once the situation became clear, if perhaps his involvement with me and our rushed marriage might have compromised him in some way. Again, now, as I had then, I marveled at all that must have gone on behind the scenes while I went about my days and nights oblivious to what he was dealing with. How could I not have known something was amiss? How could there have been no outward signs?
Easily, I suppose, when I considered that I didn’t know Victor that well at all. I wouldn’t have recognized his tells like I would have with Seth. I wouldn’t have noticed the slight changes in mood if he was apprehensive or the difference in his voice if he was scared. We’d had no time to record all those things, to experience them together and catalog them for easy reference. I was so caught up in the whirlwind of romance, passion, and promises that I didn’t delve deep enough. I didn’t take the time to get to know the man I had pledged my life to.
“I had no idea,” I said, my voice barely above a whisper, the statement meant for me more than for him.
“I didn’t want you to know,” he said, cupping my cheek in his hand. “I wanted to protect you from that world, from that part of my life. It was wrong of me not to tell you the truth. It was wrong of me to think we could live in a bubble where the past didn’t exist, and the present and the future could be of my own choosing. I’m sorry for that, for what I put you through. But now, here we are, sweetness. Everything is out in the open. No more secrets. We have the opportunity to start over. To start fresh.” He moved closer, his eyes on my lips. “I know we shared a connection most people never experience. I know you felt it every bit as much as I did. Let’s not turn our backs on that.” His mouth was so close I could feel his breath when he spoke. “Let’s not walk away from the purest emotion we’ve ever felt.”
I shook my head and pulled away. “It wasn’t pure. It was based on lies. How would I ever trust anything you tell me after this?”
“Because I’m telling you that I will be honest with you. If you’re willing to give me another chance—to give us another chance—no topic will be off-limits. Moving forward, I’m an open book. No shadow life, no secrets. If there’s anything you want to know, any question you need answered, I’m willing. I’m yours. I believe we can work through this. I believe our love is strong enough to withstand this, and that we can come out even stronger on the other side.”
He moved again to kiss me, and I turned my head.
“It’s not love if you’re forcing me to come with you.”
Drawing back, his eyes wide with surprise, he frowned. “I’m not. You agreed to come. You said you would listen. That you would give me a chance.”
“I said that because I didn’t want you to kill Seth.”
His frown deepened. “You think so little of me as to assume I would do that? You think I could ever kill him knowing what he meant to you?”
“It shouldn’t matter whether he means anything to me or not. You shouldn’t kill anyone!” I stood and moved past him to pace the room. “I could never get past that, Victor. I could never accept the fact that you’ve killed people. That you’ve taken lives.”
“Never of the innocent.”
“And that makes it right?” I stopped and flung my hands outward. “It makes it okay to kill if they deserved to die in your mind?”
Standing, he moved toward me, but then paused as though he didn’t want to crowd me.
“It’s not okay, and I know that.” He ran his hands through his hair. “It was a way of life I’d been brought up in, but it’s not who I am or who I want to be. That’s done now, I assure you. I won’t ever be involved in anything like that again. I give you my word.”
“And yet, you’re surrounded by your henchmen. Men who think nothing of beating the shit out of strangers without asking any questions first or grabbing women from convenience stores and placing them in chokeholds. How is your life now any different?”
He placed his hands on his hips and raised his chin. “Until we get out of the country, we are not safe. I will do what I must to protect you, and I will not apologize for that.”
“But what if it is you I most need protection from?”
His brows came together with his frown, and the confusion in his eyes seemed tinged with pain.
“I would never hurt you,” he whispered.
“You already have.” The dull ache of pain that had resided in my chest since the morning of his arrest sharpened and clamped down on my heart, taking my breath. I’d done all I could to numb it for the past two years, but it could no longer be ignored. It festered and burned inside me, raw and exposed. “You nearly destroyed me. It was worse than if you had died, and it has taken every ounce of strength I have to put you behind me and try to move forward with my life. Now, you show up and you expect me to somehow, to just—”
My voice fell away, and he rushed forward to put his arms around me, and though my mind screamed for me to push him away, the wound in the deepest recesses of my heart was desperate to be soothed, even if only for a moment.
“I will make it up to you,” he said, his voice breaking with emotion as he pressed his forehead to mine. “There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. No lengths I wouldn’t go to for you. You are my life and my heart.”
“Let me go.” My voice trembled, barely audible as I struggled to push the words out. “If you truly love me, if you truly care for me, then let me go. Let me continue rebuilding my life without you in it. Without being watched or followed or coerced. If you love me, set me free.”
His arms tightened around me, and his eyes darted back and forth as he searched mine. “Give me a chance first. Fly away with me. Give me…two months. That’s the amount of time we had before, and it changed my life forever. Give me two months and I’ll prove I’m worthy of your love. I will prove we can be happy together.”
“You can’t fix this, Victor. Our happiness was based on lies, and I don’t feel the same knowing the truth. The man I loved does not exist. He never existed. He was some weird meshed creation of our combined imaginations.”
“No. No, no, no. I am who I was with you. I’m here. It’s me. We’ll go away, far away from anything that happened here. I know a place, a perfect place for the honeymoon we should have had. We’ll sleep in an open-air bungalow over the Indian Ocean. We’ll eat fresh-caught fish daily and have decadent desserts made with coconut and pineapples. We’ll sip on tropical drinks—well, I’ll have whiskey brought in for you—and we’ll watch the sun set and debate the merits of British humor and learn to make our own fried yams. We’ll take the time to really get to know one another. Nothing hidden. Just you and me and the wind and the waves.”
I removed myself from his grasp and stepped away from the future he described.
&nb
sp; “I don’t want to leave with you. I want to go home, and I want your assurance that I won’t be watched or followed or killed in my sleep. That I won’t have to worry about my family or my business. I want my life to be my own again, as though we’d never met.”
He straightened and placed his hands on his hips. “You love me. I know you do. If we could just get away from here—”
I shook my head and looked him in the eye as I spoke my truth. “No. I loved your idealized version of yourself, but after seeing who you really are, there’s no way I could feel the same way about you. I’m repulsed by you, and nothing will change that.”
He took a step back, almost a stumble, really, as though I’d shoved him. His eyes widened, and then they narrowed, his nostrils flaring and his gaze hardening as it shifted past me. He left the room without another word.
What had I done? Had I gone too far? What had I set in motion with my callous words? I’d spoken with honesty from my heart, but perhaps in light of who I was dealing with, I should have filtered my message and used more caution.
He’d seemed so calm and rational as we talked that I’d somehow neglected to remember I was dealing with a ruthless killer whose moral code dictated that he play by a different set of rules.
Would he be capable of just letting me walk away? Was there enough of the Victor I’d known inside him to grant me my freedom? Or had I just signed my own death warrant?
I went straight to the glass of whiskey he’d poured for me and downed it in two gulps, and then I poured another glass and sat on the edge of the chair as my knees threatened to buckle and my body began to tremble uncontrollably.
Fifteen
Soon after Victor left the room, a knock at the door startled me.
“Yes?” I called out, standing to face the unknown.
The giant opened the door and came in to hand me my purse.
“Thank you!” I grabbed it from him and immediately looked inside, eager to find my phone and contact Seth. “Do you know—”
He had already left and closed the door before I could ask if I’d be leaving soon.
Surely, that was what this meant, right? Why would Victor return my purse if he hadn’t intended to let me go?
Not seeing my cell phone, I dumped the contents onto the bed, raking my hand through my things. It was no use. The phone wasn’t there. Had it been left behind at the motel? I struggled to remember where it was when all the chaos erupted. I’d been holding it, using it for a stopwatch, when Seth returned. I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to remember what I’d done with it. Everything had happened so quickly once I saw him through the peephole, but I thought I remembered laying it on the chair when I reached to unlock the door.
Damn!
I wanted to call Seth. I wanted to know that he was okay. I wanted him to know I was okay, for now, at least.
The memory of being in his arms earlier came back to me, and I swallowed at the lump in my throat, pushing down the emotions that threatened to overtake me. Why had I been such an idiot to let him go? Why had I been so damned stubborn, so determined to leave him behind?
I never really had, of course. He’d always been there. In my mind. In my heart. Even as I moved on with my life and encountered new experiences, I’d still imagine telling him about them. Wondering what he would think or how he would react. At some point, it had become too painful, and I’d barricaded my mind against his memory, but he’d never left my heart.
It was odd to consider that within the span of a few hours, I’d been in the company of the only two men I’d ever loved. Despite the commonalities in their appearance, they couldn’t be more different in every other way imaginable, nor could our relationships and the way they had developed. As I considered my feelings for both men, I reached some difficult conclusions.
I’d been infatuated with Victor, driven more by lust than love. I’d thought at the time it was more, but after seeing him tonight, I was able to look back with more clarity. I could acknowledge I’d been swept up in the idea of love at first sight and a whirlwind romance that flew in the face of what everyone expected from me. A lonely life and a long dry spell without physical affection had made me susceptible to falling fast and hard. The truth was I hadn’t really known Victor at all, certainly not enough to determine if I genuinely loved him.
Seeing Seth again, on the other hand, reminded me what a deep connection we’d shared. Despite the years that had passed since we’d been together, everything I’d felt for him had been right there beneath the surface, and if anything, the surreal events of the night had made it more clear to me than ever how much I’d missed him in my life.
I resolved that if Victor allowed me to go and I escaped my Mafia entanglement with my life intact, I’d do everything in my power to right the wrongs I’d done to Seth. If I could only be granted the chance to see him again, to hold him again, I’d never be stupid enough to let him go.
With that decision made, my determination to leave solidified. I wouldn’t sit cowering in my lush prison cell, waiting for word from Victor as to my fate. I’d simply demand to leave. Surely, he wouldn’t kill me after going to all this trouble to be with me. If he felt for me the way he said he did, he’d have to let me go. To let me live. Wouldn’t he?
As I grabbed my things to put them back in the purse, I noticed a passport. I opened it, shocked to see my name and a photo of me above a signature so close to mine that I did a double-take.
I’d never had a passport. I’d never needed one.
Wow. Victor had been quite prepared in planning our escape. He’d obviously known before tonight that he’d be released if he’d had a forgery of this quality created.
What else had been put in place for our new lives? Where else had my signature been forged without my knowledge?
It didn’t matter, because I wasn’t leaving with Victor.
I shoved the fake passport into my purse and slung the strap over my shoulder before going to the door and flinging it open, ready to demand my release.
The giant raised an eyebrow as I descended the staircase and strode toward him with purpose.
“I’d like to leave now,” I said, forcing confidence into my voice. “Can you direct me to a phone so I can call a cab?”
He chuckled and reached up to scratch the side of his head. “I believe transportation has already been arranged. If you’d like to wait in your room, it shouldn’t be too much longer now.”
“Oh, thank you.” I went back upstairs to the bedroom, closing the door behind me and then leaning against it in relief as I allowed the tension to ebb from my body.
Victor was going to let me go. My honesty had gotten through to him, and whatever feelings he had for me and whatever decency existed in him had prevailed. Or perhaps the delays I’d caused had finally become too great a cost and he’d decided it was best to go without me. I didn’t really care what had changed his mind. I only cared that I was about to be free.
Where would his men take me? I couldn’t imagine they’d drive me all the way back home. It was more than an hour, and they had a plane to catch. Of course, just because Victor was leaving didn’t mean all his associates were traveling with him. Undoubtedly, there would be some left behind.
More than likely, they’d take me back to the motel where they’d picked me up. There was no way Seth would still be there. Once Tristan had arrived, I had no doubt Seth would have refused any medical treatment and insisted on joining Tristan in the search for me and the effort to catch Victor. I wished I had some way to let Seth know I was fine. I hated to think of how worried he must be.
Of course, no matter how relieved he’d be to find out I was free and clear, he’d also be disappointed if Victor got away. And for all I knew, Victor might already be on his way to the plane, choosing to be safely in the air and away from the chance of capture before releasing me. He’d been aware I had tried to contact law enforcement at the convenience store, so it would have been understandable on his part if he’d wanted a head
start before letting me loose with information on his whereabouts.
I was surprisingly okay with that. I’d already said everything I needed to say to Victor. We had no unfinished business between us. And as far as him being caught and serving his time, while I had no doubt he deserved it, I was selfishly fine with him leaving the country. In an odd way, it felt comforting to know he wouldn’t be on the same continent with me. I wouldn’t have to fear what might happen if he broke out of jail again, and if he found happiness on the island paradise he’d described, he’d be less likely to come back or to harbor resentments toward me.
As my fears subsided and hope began to flourish inside me, the adrenaline I’d been thriving on dwindled, leaving me exhausted and spent. Yawning, I tossed my purse on the bed and then moved to the sink to splash water on my face. I couldn’t afford to let my guard down just yet. I needed to stay alert a little while longer.
I had just pressed the soft towel to my face when Bea knocked and then entered.
“Here we are,” she said, her voice upbeat with a singsong quality. She rolled a suitcase in with her and lifted it to the bed before opening it.
“What’s this?” I asked.
Ignoring my question, she pulled out a burgundy silk dress and shook it out before grabbing a hanger from the closet for it.
“Oh, good. It’s not too wrinkled. I was worried we’d need to steam it. I suppose that bodes well for travel.”
I shook my head to try and clear it so I could think. “What are you talking about?”
“Don’t worry. You’ll be able to change into something more comfortable once you’re in the air, but I was instructed that you’d need to wear this for the initial leg of your journey.”
“No, you don’t understand.” I held my hands up in protest of her assertions. “The plans have changed, and I won’t be traveling with Victor. Someone is supposed to be taking me home.”