by Jack J. Lee
A Guide for the Heroic Nerd
Jack J. Lee
If you want to learn how to become a player, this book isn’t for you. To be a true player you have to treat women like objects; you can’t afford to care about their feelings. In other words—you have to be an asshole. There are enough assholes in the world; I don’t need to add to their numbers.
If you want to learn how to listen to women, how to become more caring and understanding—again—this book isn’t for you. I can only teach what I know and I don’t know how to listen, care, or be empathetic.
A nerd values his intellect over everything else. You can have any other trait, but if your brain is your defining characteristic, you’re a nerd. I’ll teach you how to use your best trait to pick up real girls in real places.
To use my methods, you must become a hero. A hero refuses to live a life of quiet desperation. At the end of his life, a hero regrets the things he’s done, not the things he hasn’t. He doesn’t regret NOT asking a girl out.
Most nerds avoid hard work. Smart lazy people use their intellect to avoid stressful situations. They choose the path of least resistance and then wonder why they accomplish nothing. Picking up real girls in real places is a contact sport. There will be pain. There is no easy path forward. If you aren’t brave enough to try, you’ll never have an opportunity to succeed. If you don’t have the fortitude to throw yourself back into the fray after you crash and burn, your journey will be over before it started. If you have what it takes to be a heroic nerd, you might want to read this book.
Jack J. Lee
A GUIDE FOR THE HEROIC NERD
An Intelligent Way to Pick Up Girls
Version III
Primary Editor
George C. Hopkins
Secondary Editor
Jeremy Brunet
Introduction:
If you want to learn how to become a player, this book isn’t for you. To become be a true player you have to treat women like they’re objects—you can’t afford to care about their feelings. In other words—you have to be an asshole. There are enough assholes in the world; I don’t need to add to their numbers.
If you want to learn how to listen to women, how to become more caring and understanding—again—this book isn’t for you. I can only teach what I know, and I don’t know how to listen, care, or be empathetic.
As the title says, this is a guide for heroic nerds. So, what’s a nerd? A nerd is a guy who values his intellect over everything else. You can have any other trait, but if your brain is your defining characteristic, then you’re a nerd.
I’ll teach you how to use your best trait to pick up real girls in real places. I won’t teach you how to meet girls in a virtual setting. There’s nothing wrong with using online dating sites or social media, but I’ve always done well enough face to face that I’ve never had to use virtual methods to meet women.
To use my methods, you must become a hero. A hero is anyone who refuses to live a life of quiet desperation. At the end of his life, a hero regrets the things he’s done, not the things he hasn’t. He doesn’t regret NOT asking a girl out.
Heroes are made; nerds are born. If you’re a nerd, you were genetically programmed to be a nerd from birth; you had no choice. No one is born a hero; you have to choose to be one.
Most nerds, like most people, avoid hard work. Smart lazy people use their intellect to avoid stressful situations. They choose the path of least resistance and then wonder why they accomplish nothing.
Picking up real girls in real places is a contact sport. There will be pain. There is no easy path forward. If you aren’t brave enough to try, you’ll never have an opportunity to succeed. If you don’t have the fortitude to throw yourself back into the fray after you crash and burn, your journey will be over before it ever started.
If you pick up enough girls, you will eventually find one you want to keep. I’ll teach you how to keep her.
Do you have what it takes to be a heroic nerd? If you do, you might want to read this book.
Chapter 1: To get good at anything, first you have to suck
Most players are born and not made. They’re really good looking, amazing athletes, or have a sense of humor that makes everyone jealous. They have an innate advantage that gives them the confidence to approach women. The trait that helped me become a player was a birth defect.
I was born with the delusion that I was irresistible to women. I’ve always had enough self-awareness to know I’m not good-looking, but I’ve always thought I was irresistible. Over time, through much trial and considerably more error, this belief has become less delusional.
I never went through a phase of not liking girls. One of my first distinct memories comes from when I was four-years-old. I convinced an eight-year-old girl to get naked for me. Outside of a porn fantasy, it’s the rare girl who’ll take off her clothes for you if you don’t ask. I started asking at a very young age.
No one, no matter how many natural gifts they have, is great when doing anything for the first time. Everyone starts out a beginner, and beginners make mistakes and they fail—they fail a lot. My belief that I was irresistible was impervious to rejection. When I graduated from high school, I was 5’9” and weighed 104 pounds. I had a stick-like body with a huge head; I looked like a human lollipop with ears, and I got girls that should have been out of my league.
I began competing in martial arts while in college. After two years of intense training, I gained twenty-five pounds of muscle. I had five percent body fat and could lift any friend under 180 pounds over my head. Getting a better body barely budged my success rate with women. My appearance had almost nothing to do with my success.
Whenever I got rejected, I modified my approach. Through trial and error, I became more and more successful. I became enough of a player that my friends noticed. They wanted to know how and why I was successful. At first, I had no idea why I got girls and they didn’t. Most of my friends were taller and better looking than me.
The drinking age was 18 when I went to college. When we went out drinking, I’d watch my friends as they approached women. I came up with the hypothesis that fear is unattractive. If you break out in a cold sweat and stutter when you talk to a girl, the chances of her giving you her phone number are pretty much nil. Because of my mistaken belief that I was ‘hot,’ I was never fearful. No matter how attractive the girl was, I stayed confident.
Confidence—even error-based confidence—is attractive. To varying degrees, my friends were always stressed out when they approached women. Some were better at hiding their fear than others, but almost all of them were afraid. They were the very antithesis of ‘confident’.
I explained my hypothesis to my friends. I told them they had to stop being afraid. They didn’t find my advice helpful. According to them it was much easier said than done; so I challenged them to a game to test my theory. We all put money in a pool—as much as we could afford— and then went out on the town looking for women. The guy who got rejected the most took all of the money at the end of the night.
Instead of being afraid of rejection, I convinced my friends to seek it out. They went up to the hottest women in the room—ones they knew they had no chance with—so they could be rejected. This was a game you couldn’t lose. If you got rejected, you made a lot of money. If a girl said yes, you got to go out on a date with a girl you thought was out of your league.
It didn’t take very long for my friends to stop being petrified at the thought of rejection. As they became more comfortable, they approached more women and a higher percentage of the women they asked out said, yes.
Do it often enough and even rejection can become fun. Back when I was younger, I was bit of an ass
(okay I’ll admit it, I still have jackass tendencies). My friends were nice guys. They went out of their way not to hurt people’s feelings. But every once in awhile, we’d come across a girl who was so stuck up that even the nice guys got pissed. We’d spread out in the bar and go up to her one by one about five minutes apart and use this exact same pickup line, “Are you a model?” and watch the horror grow in her eyes. Then we’d all get together where she could see us and start laughing.
Chapter 2: The next step is to know thyself
Being able to fool others can be an advantage; fooling yourself is almost always detrimental. If you are a cruel, selfish bastard, it won’t bother you to pick up, use, and discard women like they’re cheap toys.
It took way too long for me to realize that I didn’t like being cruel. Self-knowledge is a lot harder than it sounds. Bias obscures reality. It is almost impossible to NOT be biased about yourself.
I spent most of my adult life looking in all the wrong places because I was completely wrong about who I was and what I wanted. I thought I’d be into whips, chains, and orgies. I was always puzzled why I had so much fun pursuing women but then lost interest so quickly after I caught them. Instead of getting a clue and figuring out the truth—I had completely average non-perverted milk and white-bread-toast sexual desires—I assumed I wasn’t being kinky enough. I searched out even more extreme situations, and got progressively more unhappy.
There’s something you need to know about orgies. You WILL make physical contact with a naked guy. That’s fine if you’re homosexual or bi. I learned the hard (I’m using this word ironically) way that it’s not so good if you’re straight. It took a lot of mistakes and unpleasant experiences for me to understand that more often than not the forbidden isn’t forbidden because it’s exotic and cool—it’s forbidden because it’s disgusting.
I’ve always been proud of my intelligence. Looking back, I am still amazed by how stupid I was. I wish I’d learned earlier that I had so many blind spots.
There are always a few exceptions (i.e. men who keep journals and write poetry) but most men have never spent any time thinking about who they are or what they want.
If you have a goal, it helps to know who you are. It’s almost impossible to improve at anything if you don’t know your starting point. If you want to become a better skier, it helps to have a realistic idea of what your skills are. If you’re an intermediate level skier, you’re wasting your time taking beginner’s lessons. If you enroll in an expert class, you’ll probably get hurt or at minimum annoy the hell out of your classmates and instructor.
Try to be honest and ask yourself the following question. Am I funny? If your answer to this question is yes, ask yourself a follow up question. Do I laugh after I tell a joke? If the answer to this question is also yes, then I’m sorry but you’re probably not funny.
Really funny people smile or grin after they tell a joke. They listen to their audience laugh. Most of the people who laugh at their own jokes are subconsciously trying to hide from the deafening roar of silence coming from the people around them. It’s awesome when you’re trying to pick up women to have humor in your quiver. But if you’re not funny and you mistakenly think you are, you’re walking into battle unarmed. If your goal is to get used to rejection, great—if your goal is to actually get a date, not so great.
If you really think you’re funny, see if reality confirms your opinion. Try humor to pick up a girl. If you succeed, you are funny. If you don’t, you aren’t. You can cling to your delusions and never learn anything or you can accept the truth and find another weapon.
I’m going to assume that most of you reading this book haven’t spent all that much time thinking about who you are and what you want. Most of you will be beginners at introspection. By definition, beginners suck. You will be wrong about almost everything. But you have to start somewhere. You have to make mistakes to become better.
We men like to talk about how crazy women are. And in many ways we’re right. It’s unfortunate but human beings tend to be crazy, and men are just as insane as women in our own special ways. It’s extremely unusual for an ugly woman to believe she’s hot. It’s not all that unusual (I know from personal experience) for an unattractive guy to believe he’s attractive. The vast majority of men who believe they’re God’s gift to women are honestly wrong.
You may not be as delusional as some, but you will still have delusions; we all do. For example, you may truly believe you’re strong minded and independent, but if you haven’t seen your friends for two months because your girlfriend always has plans, reality is telling you that you’re weak-minded and whipped.
You may believe inner beauty is more important than outer beauty, but if after a few dates you keep losing interest in girls with great personalities, you’re more superficial than you thought.
Let’s all agree that it’s a complete waste of time to do the same thing over and over again and always expect a different result. You can’t fix a problem unless you know you have a problem. You can’t learn from a mistake unless you know you’ve made a mistake. Ask yourself who you are, answer the question as honestly as you can, and let reality and life teach you whether you’re right or wrong. Know thyself and potentially every aspect of your life will improve, not just your ability to pick up women.
Chapter 3: Harness the power of truth
All girls, even the smoking hot ones, are human beings. All human beings like sincerity. Great players are incredibly good at faking sincerity. It takes no skills at all to be truly sincere. It takes a lot of natural talent and years of experience to act sincere.
It’s a generally a waste of time and energy to lie to girls. “But”, you reply, “I’ve tried the truth and it doesn’t work!”
I answer, “Yes Grasshopper, I know. You’ve been making the mistake of telling bad truths. You need to start using good truths.”
Truth is like cholesterol. There’s LDL, the bad cholesterol that clogs up your arteries and causes heart attacks. There’s HDL, the good cholesterol that protects your arteries and helps you live a longer and healthier life. Tell the truth and be sincere, but use the good truth, not the bad one.
The most common pickup lines reference a woman’s looks: ‘You’re so beautiful!’; ‘I’m so attracted to you’; ‘Are you a model?’ We all know these lines don’t work that well. Yes, it’s true you wouldn’t be approaching the girl if you weren’t attracted to her, but it’s a truth that’s going to repel her.
The first time you see a girl, the only way to evaluate her is through her external physical characteristics. Get to know her and her beauty will increase or decrease based on whether or not you like her. If she’s really cool, she’ll get better looking, and if she’s a complete bitch, she’ll become less attractive. The way you feel about someone affects how attractive they are.
Women experience this effect much more strongly than men. If a woman likes a girl, she’ll honestly describe her friend as being good-looking, even though she’s not. This doesn’t happen to men. If your best friend is ugly, he’ll stay ugly no matter how much you like him. You’ll see gorgeous women with ugly men all the time. That woman’s with that guy because he has some inner quality (money, fame, confidence, humor) that makes him attractive.
Women instinctively understand that first impressions are fleeting. You may think a girl is super hot the first time you see her, but that’s going to change for the better or worse as you get to know her. They may not be able to articulate this, but they know that just because you think they’re attractive now isn’t going to guarantee that this will be true in a few weeks.
Women who have nothing to offer besides beauty are almost always insecure for a really good reason; when it comes to physical attraction, it’s all about, ‘What have you done for me lately?’ No matter how beautiful a woman is, if that’s all she has, our eyes will eventually wander. If you’re good with women, it will happen quickly. If you’re a loser, it may take years but it will happen. Ever
y smoking hot woman has an ex-boyfriend who got tired of her shit.
Try a thought experiment. Say you’re taller than average. Imagine that every girl you meet tells you, “Wow you’re tall.” The first couple of times this happens you might take it as a compliment. After a couple hundred times, you’ll just shrug. After it happens a thousand times, it’s going to get annoying.
That gorgeous girl you’re trying to pick up has been told thousands of times by thousands of guys that she’s beautiful. Being Mr. Just-Another-Bozo-With-The-Same-Damn-Line isn’t going to get you far.
Most women will automatically give their friends slack. All their girlfriends are ‘cute’ but they tend to be viciously honest about their own looks. If you tell a woman who’s not beautiful that she’s beautiful as a pickup line, she’ll know you’re lying and will judge you accordingly.
You never tell a woman she’s beautiful when you’re trying to get her number. Once you start dating her, if you’re smart, you’ll then tell her she’s beautiful as often as possible. If you’re actually dating someone, you know her and she knows you. If you still think she’s gorgeous, it’s because you like all of her—not just her looks; now it’s a true compliment. Women love true compliments.
Okay, now that I’ve shot down all your old pickup lines, what’s your new line?
This is where you go back to the basics. Who are you? It doesn’t make any sense to pickup a girl with a line that doesn’t fit your personality. Don’t use a humorous line if you’re not funny. On your first date, she’ll quickly figure out the truth and she’ll be disappointed. Even though you haven’t actually lied to her, you misrepresented who you are. That’s not the way you want to start a relationship.