“You’re lying. You turned them into music so you could destroy them. That’s what guardians do! We learned all about them in Monster Ed class.”
“I’m trying to help them,” said Falcon. “They’re my friends.”
“I don’t believe you!”
“Tell her what we were doing!” said Falcon to the green men. “Tell her!”
But the green men just looked at the floor. Falcon felt his black eye beginning to heat up and throb.
“I’m sorry, Falcon…,” said Mortia. “I mean—Tony.”
“What happened to you, Mortia?” said Falcon. “You used to be the queen of the zombies! Now you’re—wearing a beanie.”
“I’ve learned to repress it, Falcon,” said Mortia. “I mean, Tony. It’s the only way to survive. To learn to be a human. To pretend.”
“You don’t believe that,” said Falcon. “Do you?”
“Falcon,” said Mortia. “I’m a zombie. Why would anyone want to be a zombie?”
“Mortia,” said Falcon, “you say zombie—like it’s—a bad thing.”
“What are you going to do,” she said, “if you bring Max and Pearl back?”
“We’re going to break into the dungeon. And set everybody loose. And take over.”
“Take over?” said Mortia.
“And take over,” said Falcon. “Maybe the answer isn’t pretending to be humans. The answer is learning how to control our monster powers, how to use them for good. That’s what they ought to be teaching us! How to be ourselves, and not to be ashamed!”
Mortia looked confused. “There aren’t many of us left now,” she said, “who aren’t in the dungeon. Everyone’s down there now. About the only ones left are the ones who are succeeding at imitating humans, like me and Merideath and the minotaurs, a couple others.”
“Ankh-hoptet?” said Falcon.
“Dungeon.”
“Elaine Screamish? The banshee?”
“Dungeon.”
“What about the leprechauns?”
“Sean and Shamus are still around. But the snowman—Owen? Dungeon.”
“Augusten Krumpet? The—fairy?”
“Dungeon.”
“Your classes must be pretty empty by now.”
Mortia shrugged. “They say it’s the only way,” she said.
“Hello?” said a voice from out in the hallway. “Violet?”
“It’s Mrs. Redflint,” said Falcon.
“I know,” said Mortia.
“Mortia,” said Falcon. “Please don’t turn me in. I’ve got to rescue Max and Pearl. I’ve got to get everyone out of the dungeon.”
“I don’t want to turn you in, Tony,” said Violet Humperdink. “But I can’t risk it—they’ll put me in the dungeon too, if I don’t.”
“Mortia,” said Falcon. “Do you really want to be the same as everyone else the rest of your life? Is that really what you want?”
“Hello?” said Mrs. Redflint’s voice. The door at the far end of the room swung open, and the dragon lady waddled into the gym, smoke puffing from her nostrils. She looked over at the stage at the far side of the gym, curious. “What’s going on here? What are you gentlemen doing in here at this hour of the morning?”
Violet Humperdink turned to her as she approached. “Mrs. Redflint, ma’am,” she said.
“Violet,” said the dragon lady. “What is the meaning of this? It’s quite irregular!”
Violet looked at the green men, who glanced nervously at each other. They were holding their mallets in their hands.
“Well?” said Mrs. Redflint.
“They’re practicing a new piece,” said Violet. “Something for our graduation.”
Mrs. Redflint looked at the green men, who, in unison, smiled big, innocent, toothy smiles.
“Well,” she said. “Isn’t that nice.”
“I guess the gym is booked the rest of the day?” said Violet. “So they wanted to get in a practice early?”
“Yes,” said Mrs. Redflint. “Well. You should have informed Mr. Hake, gentlemen. All this noise before breakfast. It’s turned everything upside down.” She blew a smoke ring from her nostrils and watched as it drifted slowly across the gym. “Carry on, then,” she said. “Continue with your rounds, Violet.” Violet nodded.
Mrs. Redflint waddled out of the gym. Violet waited until she heard the outer door slam, then turned back to the band. The green men looked at each other, and then at the horn of the gigantic godzooka, which was lying on the floor at the back of the stage. After a beat, Falcon climbed out of the bell.
“Whew,” said Mortia. “I thought you were dungeon bait, Falcon.”
“Thanks, Mortia,” said Falcon. He looked at the green men. “Thanks, guys.”
Mortia reached up to her head, took off her beanie, and held it in her hands contemplatively.
“You know,” she said, “I hate this beanie.”
“You should hate it.”
The green men looked at each other nervously.
“The godzooka,” Falcon said softly. “That’s it.”
“What’s it?” said Mortia.
“Listen,” said Falcon to the green men. “Can we play the music one more time?” He placed the sheets of music back onto their stands.
The green men looked at Falcon, then at the music, then at each other, and nodded. The man in the center began to play his kettledrums.
A measure later, the two other green men started to play, and Falcon blew into the enormous mouthpiece of the godzooka. He remembered what Mr. Largo had taught him: Imagine the music in your heart. Then blow.
If the music had been loud before, now it was deafening. Mortia raised her hands and covered her ears as the combined melodies of “The Sasquatch Waltz” and “La Chupakabra Bossa Nova” shook the foundations of the Fitness Center. The sheet music blew off the music stands and curled into the air in an ascending spiral. Then the black notes began to leave the paper, and spun around in circles of ever-increasing velocity, until they dissolved into empty space. The drummers thundered out the rhythms of the two fused songs and then finished with a huge explosion of sound at the crescendo. For a moment the sound of the music echoed in the empty space.
Falcon looked around the room. There was no sign of Max or Pearl.
Then, all at once, the Chupakabra and the Sasquatch blasted out of the bell of the godzooka, as if they’d been hurled out into the world from the muzzle of a cannon.
“DUDE!” Max shouted. “WE’RE ALIVE! YOU DID IT! WE’RE ALIVE—AND STUFF!” he roared.
“You have saved us!” said Pearl exultantly. “You, Señor Falcon Quinn, have restored to living form Maxwell Parsons, the Sasquatch, as well as myself—¡LA CHUPAKABRA! THE FAMOUS GOATSUCKER OF PERU!”
The green men all beamed happily as Falcon rushed forward and hugged Max and Pearl buzzed around them in a circle.
“We couldn’t have done it without—uh, Violet,” said Falcon. “At the last second, she decided not to turn us in to Mrs. Redflint.”
“My name,” said Violet, “is Mortia! And I’m a zombie!”
Max looked around at the gymnasium. “Whoa, we’re back at the Academy. No way!”
“Yeah. I floated back here,” said Falcon.
“You did?” said Max. “How?”
“Quimby,” said Falcon.
“So!” said Pearl. “The decapitated one has shown he is our ally and our friend! We shall give him our praise!”
Max stumbled a little bit; he seemed slightly uneasy on his feet. “You okay?” said Falcon.
“Yeah, I’m just a little—” He stretched. “It’s kind of weird being alive again,” he said.
“And yet, it is not unpleasant, to be transformed into music,” said Pearl. “But now I am home once more, safely buzzing before you upon these translucent wings, ready to use the Stinger to avenge our misfortune!”
“Yeah,” said Max. “We gotta set things right, man.”
“We will,” said Falcon. “Let’s do it.”
“First thing,” said Falcon, “is breaking into the dungeon. And setting everybody free.”
“Breaking into the dungeon.” Max nodded.
“I too shall join you on this quest,” said Pearl.
Falcon looked at Mortia.
She nodded. “I’m in,” she said.
“Okay,” said Max. “So, how do we break into the dungeon? Don’t we need a key or something?”
“It is a great pity,” said Pearl, “that we did not retain the keys of the one called Quimby. I imagine that some of those keys might unlock the doors of the dungeon, and others besides!”
“Jonny Frankenstein had them,” said Max.
“Yes,” said Falcon with a mysterious smile. “He did.”
Falcon reached into the pockets of Jonny’s leather jacket, which he was still wearing, and pulled out the iron ring of Quimby’s keys.
“Dude,” said Max.
“What happened to Jonny Frankenstein, anyway?” said Mortia.
“He escaped with us, man,” said Max. “But then he betrayed us! He was one of them all along.”
“He was one of them,” said Falcon, “but he saved Megan. And he gave me his jacket, with the keys in it. I think Jonny was trying to help us, in his own way.”
“Why would he do this thing,” asked Pearl, “if he was sent here by our enemies to destroy us?”
“I think while he was here he decided they were wrong,” said Falcon. “Once he became our friend, he learned that we weren’t what they had told him. That we weren’t all bad.”
“Yeah, well, I can see that,” said Max. “I’ve got a totally infectious personality.”
“Wait,” said Mortia, “Jonny Frankenstein wasn’t really a Frankenstein? That whole time he was just a big fake?”
Falcon nodded. “He wasn’t what he seemed to be,” he said. “On the surface, anyhow.”
“Of whom can it be said,” asked Pearl, “that he has no secret self?”
“Uh,” said Max. “Well—me, maybe.”
“Besides you!” said Pearl.
“Guys,” said Mortia. “About the dungeon—what’s the plan? We use the keys to get into the dungeon and then let everybody out?”
“That’s the plan,” said Falcon.
“But no one knows where the entrance is,” said Mortia. “It’s a secret.”
“It’s not a secret,” said Falcon. “Sparkbolt told us when we sailed by. Remember?”
“Ah yes,” said Pearl. “So shall it be.”
“Oh no,” said Max, as it came back to him.
“What?” said Mortia. “Where is it?”
“The entrance to the dungeon,” said Falcon. “It’s in the Upper School. In the office of the headmaster. The Crow.”
25
AT THE SIGN OF THE POINTING FINGERS
They stood there in silence for a moment. Mortia shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. “Um,” she said.
“You don’t have to come,” said Falcon. “None of you do. But it’s something I have to do.”
“We are with you!” shouted Pearl. “Señor Max and I together shall stand at your side, in this fight for justice!” She looked over at Max. “Won’t we?”
“Oh, yeah,” said Max. “Definitely. I’m in. Shame we don’t have any of that Sicko Sauce, though. I wouldn’t mind a little extra monster kick.”
“Señor,” said Pearl. “You have all the monster necessary!”
“I don’t need Sicko Sauce,” said Mortia. “I can do the Zombie Snap.”
“The Zombie Snap? What’s that?” asked Falcon.
“You’re serious?” she said. Then she began to sing a kind of zombie hip-hop aria:
If you’re in an opposition to the very definition
Of the humanoid condition, don’t just sit there like a sap!
What you need’s an expedition that will change your disposition,
On a search and rescue mission, and that means the Zombie Snap!
When you lose your concentration and you got no explanation
And the nation of vibration’s just a tent without a flap,
Get yourself an education in the monster population!
Son, you’re no abomination if you do the Zombie Snap!
Mortia snapped her fingers and in an instant zombified. Her skin mouldered and decayed. One of her eyeballs hung out of its socket. Several of her teeth fell out. From head to toe, she putrified and decayed.
“Dude,” said Max.
“That’s some snap,” said Falcon.
“What’s that smell?” said Max. “Is that you?”
“There is an overwhelming aroma of deadness!” said Pearl. “It is most impressive.”
“Dude,” said Max.
“She who played it,” said Mortia, “has decayed it.”
Pearl buzzed across the gym toward the exit. Falcon turned back to the green men.
“Thanks, guys,” Falcon said.
The green men looked at Falcon without expression. They glanced at each other. Then they picked up their drumsticks and began to play again. It was a triumphant recessional march. Falcon and Max and Mortia nodded gratefully toward the green men, then headed after Pearl.
“Those guys are totally out there,” said Max. “But they sure can play.”
“If it wasn’t for the green men,” said Falcon. “I’d never have been able to make a sound loud enough to bring you back.”
“Whoa, Falcon,” said Max. “Your eye’s all glowy again. The black one, I mean.”
Falcon wriggled his shoulders around.
“You okay?” Max asked.
“Yeah. It feels like the skin on my back is going to shrivel up and die.”
“I love how that feels!” said Mortia.
“Comrades!” said Pearl. “It is time for us to begin our attack.”
“The attack,” said Max. “Right.”
“We have to get over the wall to the Upper School,” said Falcon.
“But the wall is eight feet high,” said Mortia. “The only way in is through the gates, and they’re locked.”
Falcon held up the ring of Quimby’s keys.
“Let us proceed!” said Pearl.
“Remember,” said Mortia. “There are students patrolling everywhere. They’re waiting for you to attack.”
“I’m not afraid!” said Max. “I’m huge!”
“Sshhh! Be stealthy,” said Pearl.
“Dude,” roared Max. “This is stealthy.”
“Are you okay?” said Falcon. “You just seem kind of—extra hairy.”
“It’s GOOD to be hairy!” shouted Max. “It’s excellent!”
“Comrades,” said Pearl. “I shall buzz to the gates of the Upper School. You shall stand here at the entrance to the gym and observe. If the way is clear, I shall buzz in a circle around the gates; if there are others, I shall buzz back. Let us begin!”
“Dude,” said Max.
Pearl hovered for a minute in front of Max’s face, then buzzed forward and kissed his cheek. Then she flew away. Max blushed.
“Oh, man,” he said. “I am seriously crushin’ on the Chupakabra.”
Falcon watched as Pearl buzzed across the quad to the iron gates to the Upper School. There were tall columns on either side of the gates; Pearl circled the stone figure of Scratchy Weezums.
“Look,” said Max, “she’s buzzing in a circle. That means the coast is—”
But even as he said this, something seemed to catch Pearl’s eye. She looked at them and waved them back. From down one of the stone pathways came another student, a girl in a plaid school uniform with perfect hair and rosy red cheeks. She was looking at the school grounds with an air of haughty superiority, as if she was searching in vain for anything that she felt was half as wonderful as she was. On her head was a beanie marked PINKY.
“Dang it,” said Mortia. “It’s Pinky. I mean Merideath. She and her friends are the worst—worse th
an the teachers.”
“Pearl!” Max whispered hoarsely.
Merideath paused, as if she’d heard something. She looked around the quad suspiciously. Pearl, who was directly behind her, buzzed around the gates, looking for a place to hide. Merideath must have heard the sound of buzzing wings, because she turned around suddenly. Pearl, at this same moment, landed on top of the left-hand column. She opened her mouth in the same expression of fear that was on Scratchy Weezums’s face, and froze her hands in a mirror image of the other statue. Merideath turned around again, her eyes narrowing, searching the quad. Then she walked onward, past the gates and back toward the entrance to Castle Grisleigh.
Pearl remained statuesque for a moment longer, then glanced toward the Fitness Center and ushered them toward her.
“Okay, let’s go,” said Falcon.
“And Max,” said Mortia, “try to be quiet.”
“This is quiet,” said Max.
They rushed across the quad to the iron gates, casting glances in every direction to make sure they were unobserved. The bells up in the Tower of Souls would begin chiming soon, and the students would wake up and head down to breakfast, and the campus would surge to life. There wasn’t much time.
“Good work, Pearl,” said Falcon, as they arrived at the gates, and he pulled the keys out. “I thought she was going to catch you for sure!”
“Señorita Venacava!” she said. “Her repulsiveness has increased since our last encounter! I did not know that this could even be!”
“Dude,” said Max. “How’s it going with the keys?”
Falcon was trying every key on his ring in the lock. All of them seemed the same—fitting into the lock without much trouble, but then refusing to turn.
From the Tower of Souls came the sound of a large bell ringing.
“Uh-oh,” said Max.
“Falcon,” said Mortia. “You’d better hurry.”
“What is the Upper School, anyway?” said Max. “How come they wall the older students off from us?”
“It’s like Castle Grisleigh, I heard. Only worse,” said Mortia.
“None of the keys work,” said Falcon.
There was the sound of voices and moving feet coming from the Academy.
Falcon Quinn and the Black Mirror Page 25