by B. B. Hamel
“I never said— I don’t want to—” She stopped herself and took a deep breath. “You’re so frustrating, you know that? I thought things were going well.”
“They were,” I said softly. “But then Robert Tippett tried to threaten you and bribe you, and now I’m starting to wonder if any of this is worth it.”
“You’re such a dick.” She took a step toward me. “I defended you to him. I told him I wasn’t going to testify against you.”
“I appreciate that.”
“Maybe I was wrong. I bet taking that bribe would change my life.”
“I bet it would.”
“And so what if you lose some lawsuit? You’d survive it.” She turned away and I could see the anger rolling down her spine. It was a visible tension, spreading through all her muscles.
I wanted to apologize, but I was too stubborn—and besides, I hadn’t done a damn thing wrong.
She reached for the doorknob, and I stood without thinking.
I didn’t know why I reacted that way. I had the sudden thought that letting her leave would be a mistake. If she disappeared from my life, then I was doomed.
“What about our deal?” I asked.
She froze, hand hovering, then turned toward me. “You think that still matters?”
“I think I can still train you, and you can still help me.”
“So I’m supposed to put up with that Tippett guy threatening me?”
“I don’t know,” I said, shaking my head. “I can try to stop that. We can go to the admins about it maybe, but I’m not sure they’ll believe it, or if they do, I doubt they’ll do anything about it.”
“What am I supposed to do, Piers?”
I moved toward her. The office suddenly felt so tiny. When I first moved into it, I thought it was a palace. I never had an office before, and this was all mine, and felt like the biggest place in the whole world.
Now though, it was tiny, and there was barely enough room for the both of us.
She stepped back once, and bumped up against the door. She stared at me, mouth hanging open—those pretty lips, her small white teeth showing.
I walked right up in front of her and put one hand above her shoulder, leaning against the door, trapping her there. I took the coffee cup from her hand and placed it down on a filing cabinet. She let me without arguing—without resistance.
“I don’t know yet,” I said softly, and reached up with my other hand to touch her cheek. “I’m sorry he did that to you. Believe me, I never wanted you involved in all this.”
“If I could go back and stop myself from going into that cafe, I would.”
“It doesn’t matter. He would’ve gotten to you one way or another, and maybe it was better you got it done with.”
“Tell me what you want from me.”
Her eyes stared into mine, pleading for something—but it had nothing to do with our problem, with the hospital, with any Tippett.
It had to do with me and her.
I leaned forward and brushed my lips against hers. She sucked in a little breath, and I heard a small growl in her throat. I felt my stomach flip as I moved closer, body against hers, my right hand moving to her hip, my left on her chin, before I kissed her, deep and slow.
She pushed herself against me and returned that kiss, sucking in a breath through her nose.
Her taste sent a trail of fireworks along my lips. Her hip bone was smooth and hard against my palm, her skin gorgeous, dimpled and downy. I tightened my grip, slid my tongue along hers—tasted cherries, and blossoms, and old paperback pages—and held that kiss as my left hand moved up her top. I teased her breasts, as a dizzying sensation hit my head, her firm, round breasts, and I could feel her nipples through the fabric. She moaned into my kiss, moving her hips, and I got a flash of her naked, sitting on my legs, legs spread, sliding down my hard—
And another flash, of getting caught.
I broke off the kiss suddenly, my hand still up her top, my other hand on her hip. I leaned my forehead against hers and breathed for a second, trying to get myself together, and she didn’t move.
“Should we stop?” she asked, whispering, and that tone nearly killed me.
That tone, that pleading tone, like she wanted the answer to be no.
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t either.”
I slid my hand away from her breast and released her hip. “But we should.”
She exhaled, like she’d been holding it for hours. “You’re probably right. It only complicates things, right?” Her smile was almost bitter.
“I don’t want you to get dragged down with me.”
“You might not have a choice in that.”
I knew she was right, and that nearly killed me. “I’ll still try.”
She shook her head, turned, opened the door, and left. Her coffee cup was left behind, still sitting on the cabinet.
I returned to my desk and stared at the papers.
15
Lori
Sometimes, at the end of the day, my feet hurt so badly that all I wanted to do was sit down and dunk my toes in ice. Especially after multiple different procedures: my knees, my lower back, everything aches after twelve hours on my feet, moving around in short bursts, then stuck in one spot staring over Piers’s shoulder.
He never seemed to get tired. We’d do endless procedures, then move from patient room to patient room, and he’d never once show his exhaustion. I knew he felt it, but he was better at hiding it than I was, or maybe he was just built in an entirely different way. He drank coffee after coffee and never once complained.
I learned to keep my discomfort to myself early on. He didn’t want to hear it, and I couldn’t blame him. “Whatever you feel right now, picture how your patients feel,” he said to me one evening as we went into yet another long surgery. “Imagine how they come into this place, hoping to get out again. Some of them can barely function, and we need to be strong for them, stronger than other people.”
“I know you’re right,” I said. “But I’m just a person, you know?”
“Then be more than just a person.”
That stuck with me. I wanted to be more, and strived toward it, but sometimes I worried I wasn’t enough.
Uncertainty played through my mind as I walked toward my apartment after a particularly long shift. I was feeling down, not from anything in particular, but more from the grind of it all. My life was simple: wake up, go to the hospital, do hospital stuff, go home, get a few hours of sleep, repeat. Day in, day out. The work was interesting and exciting, and I was getting better and better studying with Piers every day, but even still. The monotony was starting to get to me.
Maybe I wasn’t cut out for it. As I stopped near the corner of Broad and Market, a dark town car pulled over nearby, and the window rolled down. I turned to cross the street, but I heard someone nearby call my name. It took me a second to realize that voice was coming from the car.
My cousin pushed open the back door and beckoned me toward him. I hesitated, since the last thing in the world I wanted was to talk to someone right now, especially not him, but I knew there was no escape. He looked different from what I remember: older, of course, but more refined, his beard closely trimmed, his clothes well-tailored and neat. He looked at me like he’d rather jump off a cliff, but his hard eyes didn’t look away.
I got into the car and shut the door.
“Hello, Lori,” Rees said. He leaned up against the window and looked at me with an appraising eye.
“Hi, Rees,” I said. “Been a while. I didn’t know you were in town.”
“Oh, I’m always in town,” he said, frowning deeper. “Need a lift home?”
“That’d be good,” I said, and felt a pit of dread. Rees wouldn’t have bothered picking me up if this weren’t important, and I got the strong feeling that I wasn’t going to enjoy whatever he had to say.
I didn’t know much about Rees. He was an odd man, the black sheep of the family, but he w
as also incredibly rich and successful. His cloud computing startup went public at just the right time and for a few weeks, his name was all over the news. That faded away, but apparently his company still made tons of money.
Apparently, he sat on the boards of a bunch of different ventures, from hospitals to libraries to schools. I wasn’t even aware that he was a prominent part of Westview until I graduated from med school and found myself suddenly accepted to a residency I hadn’t even applied for. In the last few weeks, I’d spent some serious time Googling him, and the more I researched, the deeper it all seemed to go.
Rees was connected in this city.
“I’m glad I ran into you,” he said, and I sort of doubted it was an accidental meeting. “I’ve been thinking about your progress.”
“I think things have been going well,” I said.
“I’m sure they are. That’s not exactly what I mean.” He paused for a long moment, still watching me with that unnerving gaze. “I’ve been thinking about your position, and I’m starting to wonder if maybe we made a mistake, forcing you on Dr. Hood.”
I went very still as the town car turned left and headed south. It was the right direction for my apartment, but I got the distinct feeling we weren’t headed there. I looked out the window for a moment, gathering myself for this conversation. I expected to hear from Rees at some point—but in a completely shallow way. I didn’t think he cared enough to know what was going on at the hospital, or mind if I was involved in it at all.
“I’ve been learning a lot,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady. Getting annoyed wasn’t going to help. “Dr. Hood is the best surgeon I’ve ever seen, and he’s been going out of his way to train me. I’m his only resident, so I get a lot of attention.”
“I’m sure.” Rees continued to watch me, betraying nothing about his inner state. I couldn’t tell if he was angry, or annoyed, or frustrated, or simply bored. “There are some rumors about Dr. Hood. He’s having some legal troubles, and there are important people that believe Dr. Hood is going to lose this case, and by extension, lose his license. That would be bad for you.”
I forced myself to breathe. “What do you mean, rumors? Who are these people”
“I hear things. I know people in this city—”
“Do you know the Tippett family?”
His eyes narrowed. “Why do you ask?”
“I’m curious if that’s where you’re getting your information.” I clenched my jaw, tilted my head, and shifted myself away from him, or at least as much as I could in the back of a car. I wasn’t going to be intimidated by him, at least no more than I already was.
“I know Robert,” Rees said, speaking slowly, “but he is not my source. I don’t trust Robert on this matter.”
“That’s good, because the Tippetts are trying to destroy Dr. Hood for their own selfish reasons.”
“You might be right,” Rees said softly. “But that doesn’t change a thing. If you get dragged into the proceeding, then that will be a stain on your reputation. You won’t lose your license, but these places, these hospitals, they’re so political. You say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, unless you’re an absolute genius, they’ll throw you right out. And I don’t want that to happen.”
“Good thing I’m a genius then.”
He didn’t laugh. “Perhaps. But I’m saying, we should rethink your position.” He cleared his throat as the car turned off Broad and began to cross the bridge into West Philly. “I have connections and those connections could be very beneficial.”
“I appreciate the office,” I said, “but I’m happy where I am.” I peered out the window, down at the slow-moving river. “Where are we going?”
“I want you to understand.”
I let out a slow breath and instantly knew what he meant. We were headed to University Hospital, and I was willing to bet Rees sat on the board there, as well. I wondered if there was a single hospital in the whole region that he didn’t have his claws in.
Which meant I’d never quite be free of him.
“I’m not interested,” I said. “I don’t care if that means my political future isn’t great, or whatever you think.”
“It’s not just about politics, it’s about what jobs you can get. I can only protect you so much. If you think about it—”
“Rees,” I said, staring at him. “I’m not leaving my position.”
He nodded slowly, and his gaze tightened. I got the distinct feeling that he wasn’t used to someone pushing back against him, much less denying one of his desires. Rees was a powerful man, a rich man, and he lived in a rich man’s world, where everything was available to him if he wanted it.
But that didn’t mean I had to acquiesce to every whim.
“I know this is an uncomfortable conversation,” he said. “Believe me, I’m loath to have it. But Dr. Hood is going down, and when he does, they’ll strip away his license. I don’t want you to be stained by all that.”
“I’m willing to take that risk.”
He turned to me, eyes suddenly flashing anger. “Perhaps I’m not. What happens to you reflects back onto me. Why do you think I’ve pulled strings for you already?”
I leaned back, surprised at his tone. Rees didn’t seem like the type to lose his temper.
The look on his face made my feet go suddenly cold. I sat very still, wondering just how much Rees cared about his image.
He shook his head, looking away from me. I let the silence deepen for another moment, then spoke like I was afraid he’d shove me out the car door for saying the wrong thing.
“I don’t want to be a problem for you,” I said. “If you need to disown me or something, I understand. I really appreciate what you’ve done so far, but I can’t walk away from this now.”
He nodded slowly, staring forward at the back of his driver’s head. “I can get you a new position at a different hospital. Or I can get you assigned to a different attending. I can do things for you, Lori, if you’ll allow me. All I ask in return is that you leave Dr. Hood.”
“I know, but I’m not going to.”
He grunted and leaned forward. “David, take us to her apartment, please.”
The driver turned and began the trip back toward Center City.
Rees remained quiet. I tried to work out what this visit was about, but it kept eluding me. He seemed convinced that Dr. Hood would lose his court case, which meant he might lose his license—but that seemed so unlikely, considering this was his first lawsuit, and he was such a skilled surgeon. Still, Rees seemed to know something that I did not, and it bothered me.
The car pulled up to my apartment and stopped. Rees pointedly looked out the window, ignoring me, as I opened the door. I stepped out, but leaned back into the car.
“What do you know, Rees?” I asked. “Do you know something I don’t?”
He glanced at me. “It doesn’t matter. You seem to have made up your mind already.”
“Rees—”
“This is your choice, remember,” he said. “When everything is finished and done with, please remember that I tried to warn you.”
He looked away again, and I closed the door. The car drove off, leaving me in front of my building, a heavy exhaustion shoving down at my shoulder, rounding my spine, making me feel like I might go all jellyfish on the pavement and break down into a blob.
Rees knew something, that much was obvious. Something was happening, something in his rich-guy circles. He was talking to Robert Tippett, or maybe some judge, or lawyers, or something, but he knew something, and it wasn’t good. I turned and trudged up to my apartment, ready to slump onto the couch and sleep forever.
16
Piers
Another gray morning in Philadelphia. I was in a shit mood as I stumbled in through the lobby doors and headed up to my office, bleary and exhausted from a bad night of sleep. I kept staring at the ceiling, opening and closing my eyes, thinking about Lori, thinking about Nil Tippett, thinking about my future.
I
t all looked bleak.
Hell with it though. At least Lori was learning: ever since she made that one small mistake, and we started going over each surgery in detail before and after, she was flawless. I had to admit, I was impressed by how quickly she learned. I got the sense that all she needed was a slight nudge in the right direction and for someone to have a little faith in her.
She might be pretty damn good one day. Not as good as me, but good.
I found my office door slightly ajar. I paused in the hall, looking around, but the place was quiet. I knew I shut it the night before, I always shut and locked my office door. It was a part of my routine, as much a habit as tying my shoes. Someone had opened it, and someone with a key, since there were no signs of forced entry. Nothing was broken, nothing was shattered.
Which meant hospital administration.
I nudged the door open and looked inside.
The place was ransacked. It hadn’t been torn to pieces, but drawers were open, files and folders were missing, and my work computer was gone. They left my personal laptop, but they probably would’ve taken that too, if it were legal. Everything had been cleaned out: old surgery notes, patient files, everything and anything. I stood in the midst of the desolation, and tried not to let my anger get the better of me, but it was early, and I was tired, and already in a shit mood, and besides, I was tired of this crap.
I made one mistake. I didn’t have to hang for it.
I marched my ass back down the hall and found Gina. She looked up from a phone call and tried to wave me away, but I marched over, jammed my thumb down on the button, and hung up on whoever she’d been talking to.
“What the hell,” she said, sounding more resigned than angry.
“You’re in early,” I said. “I bet you know why I’m here.”
She put the receiver down on the cradle. “What do you want, Piers?”
“Someone stole my files.”
“They weren’t stolen.” She pursed her lips and stared at me.