by Toni Aleo
Not sure what that will be, but we’ve been doing this dance of getting to know each other too long. I know there is a chance she will say no because she is still recovering from the loss of her mother, but I feel like I could help her with that. I could kiss away each tear. It would be an honor, and I know I can be the man that her parents would want for her. Rounding the corner of the hall, I halt when I come face to face with my ma. I reach out, taking my mother by the back of the arm to steady her. She smiles as she brings me in for a tight hug.
As we part, she asks, “Declan? Where are you off too?”
“I’m going out.”
She cups my face. “Good, I’ve noticed you’ve been out a lot. The media are going nuts about it.”
I know, and it makes no sense. How do they catch me without me knowing? It drives me insane. “Sure, I’ve seen it.”
“They say you’ve been at the Céad Míle Fáilte. Someone there worth your time?”
She is meddling, but I don’t expect anything less from her. I’m surprised that Lena hasn’t been asking me questions either. Of course, I want to tell her about Amberlyn, but I want to wait until things are where I want them. I don’t want to bring her up, and Ma immediately starts planning our wedding. I know for sure that would scare Amberlyn off and plus, I don’t even know if I want that with her. Yes, I am attracted and I like her a lot, but I don’t know how we work as a couple. I need that before I start screaming from the rooftop that Amberlyn Reilly is my gal.
“Yeah, the best damn beer in town.”
She scolds me with her eyes before playfully smacking me. “Fine, don’t tell me, but be careful, okay?”
I nod. “Sure, Ma.”
“Grand. Well, have fun tonight.”
“Will do,” I say before placing a kiss to her cheek and then walking towards the door. Our butler opens the door for me and follows me out to open the door of my car. I smile my thanks before getting in and driving off. My nerves are fried, and my heart hasn’t stilled since Kane said Amberlyn would be at the Carney. I really don’t want to go, but I will deal with it as long as I get to see Amberlyn out of the pub. Not that I don’t love seeing her there because I do, but I want to see what it is like between us outside of it. Does she only like me because I’m a paying customer, or does she like me for me? I hope that she does since I’m almost positive she wanted to kiss me this afternoon. It may have been all in my head but then again, her breathing hitched and I saw her eyes start to drift shut.
It was the hottest thing I had ever seen.
Letting my foot push the pedal harder, I drive with ease down the winding roads to the Carney. When I see the rows of cars and then the lights, I know I have reached it. It hasn’t changed much in the last couple of years and like before, couples are in every place, getting a feel as drunks move around them like they aren’t there. Cups and bottles litter the ground, and people are everywhere. This is what the Carney is known for—beer, sex, and drugs—all outside. Smashing time, right? Yeah, it used to be my scene, not so much anymore.
Weaving through the crowds as the music pulsates around me, I keep an eye out for Kane. He messaged me that they were by the bonfire where the DJ is. When I come up to that spot, I see Amberlyn first. She is dancing with Fiona, a wide smile on her face as they hold hands, dancing to the techno beat. Her hair is moving, her breasts bouncing, and fuck, I’m getting hard just watching her. I blame it on the shirt; it shows way more of her delectable breasts than usual, and it doesn’t help that the shorts are shorter than normal either. She looks so carefree, so happy, that a wide smile comes over my lips.
When a hand comes down on my shoulder, I look over to find Kane. He is grinning like an eejit, handing me a beer as his eyes redirect to where the girls are dancing.
“Glad you came,” he yells over the music.
“Couldn’t miss seein’ her.”
As she bends over, shaking her ass in Fiona’s pelvic area, I know that this was the best idea ever. God bless Kane, such a great friend for inviting me. I don’t even care that we are in a cesspool of vermin. Nope, all I care about is that gorgeous girl dancing with no cares in the world.
“Reminds me,” he says and I look over but before he can say anything, someone clasp my wrist. Looking back, Amberlyn is grinning up at me.
“You’re here!”
I nod. “Yeah, came for the party.”
“That’s so cool! I’m drunk; can you tell?”
I laugh because I can. Her eyes are glassy, and she is sort of wobbling. “Just a tad.”
She laughs as she leans into me. I can smell her flowery smell, and it clouds my senses as she says, “I got my tattoo!”
“Let me see then,” I yell over the music.
She grins as she pulls her shirt up too far, not only giving me a great view of her black lace bra but also, the very fresh tattoo. Being a gentleman, I do my best to ignore that I can see her rosy bud through the lace of her bra and focus solely on the tattoo. It’s an intricate design, the names Ciara and Tomas intertwined with the lines of the sparrow. It is beautiful.
“Breathtaking,” I say.
“I love it so much,” she whispers. I can barely hear her, but I can see the tears welling up in her sweet eyes. She is strumming my heartstrings. I want nothing more than to wrap her up in my arms and never let go. Shaking her head, she grins up at me and yells, “Catch up with me! Drink! Then let’s dance!”
I’m not much of a dancer, but I’d give it a go just for the excuse to touch her. Before I can say that though, she says, “Oh wait! No, we can’t do that.”
“We can’t?” I ask as Fiona laughs loudly, wrapping her arms around Amberlyn.
“Come on, let’s go dance!” she says, pulling Amberlyn away before I can ask again why we can’t dance together. I watch them for a moment before turning to Kane.
“What was the about?”
Kane looks nervous, a little off put as he shrugs. “Listen, I didn’t know he was coming.”
“He? Who the fuck is he?”
Kane nods towards the girls again when I turn I see Amberlyn in the arms of someone else. Someone I hate. Someone I’d love nothing more than to kill. My nails bite into my palms as my heart pounds so loud that it’s the only thing I hear. I see nothing but red as Casey Burke’s hands run all over Amberlyn’s body. The body I want to touch and cherish.
“What the fuck?”
“I don’t fuckin’ know, Dec, I come into the pub for a beer and next thing I know, he’s in there, hitting on her and shit. I thought you had her locked down?”
I shake my head slowly as I run my hands through my hair, knocking my hat off. Leaning down, I pick it up before putting it back on my head. “Not yet. Fuck me.”
Kane shook his head. “She seems to fancy him, but I know she fancies ya more! You should have danced with her.”
“I didn’t have a chance to say yes. Fuck,” I say again, kicking the ground and throwing my beer to the side as I watch that piece of shit rub on the first girl I’ve had feelings for in a long while. “What do I do?”
“Tell her how ya feel! She’ll forget all about him.”
My body shakes with anger and maybe nerves as I watch them. Amberlyn looks beautiful, carefree, as she moves against him while holding Fiona’s hands. They are having a grand time while I’m sitting here, fucking pissed. Damn it. “Now? Do I tell her now?”
He shakes his head, his eyes out on where Fiona is watching him as she dances. “No, they are drunk. Wait till tomorrow.”
“Sure, yeah, okay. I’m getting out of here. Should’ve told me he was here.”
Kane nods. “I was hoping that you’d ignore him and stay.”
“Sorry, pal. Gotta go.”
“Sure, see ya tomorrow.”
I glance back at Amberlyn. “You make sure she gets home, okay?”
He nods, a smile playing on his lips. “Yeah, I’m driving.”
“Great, see ya tomorrow.”
“Night,” he says as I s
tart to walk away, but first I look back at where Amberlyn is swaying to the music, her eyes closed, as she gets lost in the music. When Casey’s lips come along her jaw, I want nothing more than to go over there and knock his teeth out, but I can’t. What happened is over. Nothing I can do to change what the outcome was. I just have to live with it and do everything in my power to make sure that Casey Burke never hurts anyone else I care for again.
Especially Amberlyn.
Sleep wasn’t an option the night before, until Kane texted me to say they got home okay, and that Amberlyn was safe and sound. I wish I wouldn’t have left, but to protect my reputation, I knew I had too. Casey brought out the worst in me, and I couldn’t risk embarrassing myself in front of Amberlyn. I know I would have, so I trusted that Kane would take care of the situation and from my understanding, he did.
“Yeah, I dropped them off. Fiona came out after getting Amberlyn in bed. We made out a bit, and then she went back in.”
I reach for the car door. “Was Casey all over her still?”
Kane looks away as he tucks his hands into his pockets. “Yeah, they look pretty homey.”
“What the fuck, man. Should I even go?”
Kane shakes his head. “Man, I don’t know, but if ya want her, go get her, or shut the hell up. I’m tired of it.”
What a wanker! “For fuck’s sake, I’m just asking what you think!”
“Why does it matter what I think? You don’t do it anyway.”
“I do, too! I go out now, I do things and I’m about to go tell Amberlyn I’d fancy a chance to take her to lunch or dinner.”
Kane rocks back on his heels as he lets out a long breath. “You’re right. It’s just that I’m worried this is going to go bad, and then you’ll go back to the way you were. I’m just nervous for ya.”
“Well thanks, now I’m really confident about this.”
Kane shrugs his shoulders and I can see the worry all over his face. Expelling a long breath, he says, “Be true to her, Dec. Tell her the truth. If it doesn’t work out then… I don’t know, man. Just promise me you won’t go back to the hermit.”
My body is shaking with nervousness, but I promise. “I won’t.”
“Good, off with you then. Go get your woman.”
I send him a wave before getting into my car and driving off. I have ten minutes before I get there. As I drive, my heart is pounding against my chest. I try to play the words that I want to say in my head, but I don’t know them. I don’t know how to sell myself to a girl because I’ve never had to. They’ve always come to me. Now the girl I want could be off the market and out of my hands. It irritates me and within seconds, the white of my knuckles is showing as I grip the steering wheel too hard. Soon doubt fills me as I pull into the pub, and I don’t want to get out of the car.
We’ve been talking for weeks now. Every day I come here and we chat while I eat. It’s been the best times of my day. If I go in there and she doesn’t feel the same for me, then everything will be ruined. Will I still come here? Would I keep my promise to Kane? I don’t know but before I can talk myself out of going inside, I jump out, locking the door as I head in. When the door shuts behind me, I look up to see Amberlyn with her head on the bar, her arms outstretched before her, hanging over the edge.
“Don’t mind me, first full-blown Irish hangover.”
I chuckle as I head towards the bar, pulling out a stool beside her and sitting down as she says, “Where did you go last night? You disappeared.”
So she noticed. That’s a good sign. I don’t want to tell the truth, so I say, “I had to go back home to give my ma some milk.”
She looks over at me, and my heart drops for her. Her eyes are glassy, her face flushed, and her hair is a mess. She looks like road kill, but she is still so beautiful to me. “Don’t you have servants to do that?”
I chuckle. “I do.”
“So why did you do it?”
I shrug. “I needed an excuse for why I went home.”
She sits up, looking deep into my eyes. “You don’t need an excuse with me, Declan. Just tell me the truth.”
“I didn’t want to watch that tool all over you.”
She only blinks, and then her brows come crashing together. “Why does it matter to you who’s all over me? Plus, he wasn’t all over me. We were dancing.”
I looked away and then say, “Because it does. I don’t like it.”
I look up to find her still watching me. The place is dead, but it’s silent too. She doesn’t have music playing like usual. I feel myself breaking out in sweat, and it’s rolling down the middle of my back. She makes me nervous.
“Sorry if this comes off rude, but you don’t have any right not to like it. I shouldn’t matter to you.”
I lean back in my seat as I scoff. “Is that so?”
She nods. “Declan, you are engaged. You’re not entitled to have a say in what I do, especially when you already have someone and we aren’t dating for that matter.”
I lean in towards her because surely I’ve heard her wrong. “Come again?”
She looks confused as she asks, “What didn’t you understand?”
“The “I have someone” part. I’m not engaged.”
Her beautiful face scrunches up as she says, “What? Yes, you are!”
I shake my head quickly. “No, I’m not. I’ve never been engaged.”
Looking away, she lets out a breath before grabbing a pint and filling it. I want to tell her I’m not thirsty, but then I realize she isn’t pouring it for me. She drains the pint before setting it down and shaking her head again. Looking up at me, she points and asks, “You’re not engaged?”
“No.”
“Well, fuck me,” she says, and I smile.
“Well, if you’re offering, I’d like to take you to dinner first. Maybe get to know you a little better before.”
Her mouth turns up at the side, but then it falls just as fast as it comes. She shakes her head slowly. “I wish I would have known you were single before because I’m sort of seeing someone right now.”
I feel like she is stabbing me with each word she says after because, but I can’t let her see that. So holding her gaze, I say, “So stop, let me take you to dinner tonight.”
“He’s taking me,” she whispers, looking sad as she says it. I hate the words. Hate them with everything inside me. I want to beg her to say no and go with me, but that would make me look desperate. “I’d feel weird dating both of you at the same time. It isn’t fair to either of you.”
I nod as my fingers bite into my thighs. “I guess I should have acted sooner. I lost my chance.”
She looks down at the bar, playing with the edge of it as she whispers, “Don’t say that.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to believe it. I know that we don’t know each other well, but I like you a lot, Declan. I would love the chance to get to know you better.”
I want to run and hide. But at the same time, I never want to leave, afraid that I’ll never see her like this again. In here, just us, life is great. Outside of these walls, life is shit, and it irritates the living hell out of me. My heart is out of control in my chest, and blood is rushing to my head. I want to say that to her. Knowing she has the same feelings has me holding on to the stool so I don’t fall off. I don’t know what to say next. When she looks up, looking at me through her long, dark lashes, I’m breathless.
“I like you, too.”
Did I just say that?
She slowly lets out a long breath. “I don’t know what will happen between Casey and me. It could be nothing, but I’ve said yes, so I need to honor that,” she says as she folds her hands nervously.
I nod my head, looking down at the bar. “I respect that.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be.”
“I feel like I’m ruining everything between us,” she says, unsure of herself, so I reach out, my hand shaking as I take hers in mine. Her hand is small, warm,
and so soft. It calms me but at the same time, it excites me at the possibility of her body feeling just like this.
When she looks up at me, I smile. “Never. I won’t say that my pride isn’t dented or that I’ll wait for you, but I hope that I get the chance to show you who I am.”
“Me too.”
I’m taking this better than I thought I would. Maybe because I know Casey can’t carry a candle compared to me. He is the slime of the universe, and the thought of her going out with him scares me.
Taking in a deep breath, I say, “Promise me something though, Amberlyn.”
“Anything.”
“Be careful,” I stress, my eyes locked on hers. “Call me whenever, don’t worry about the hour, and always text Fiona to let her know where you are.”
She looks confused but she agrees. “Okay.”
When the door opens and we both look back to find the man of the hour walking in, our hands part, slowly sliding away from each other, and even though I don’t want to, I decide that it’s time for me to go.
Did that just happen?
My head is pounding and I feel like I’m going to puke, but I’m not sure if it is the hangover or what just happened with Declan. I want to cry but at the same time, I want to cut Fiona. But then again, I should of freaking asked! Instead, I sat back and allowed myself to fall for a guy I thought I couldn’t have when in all reality, I could. I mean, fuck! That’s not fair. Life isn’t fair! I mean seriously, the last couple of months have been hard, and then this? Really?
I guess I could cancel my date with Casey, but that is so incredibly rude. And I know if I make up an excuse, he’ll figure out another way to ask me. I’ve only spent a little bit of time with him, but I feel like I’ve known him for years. He is so open, very persistent, and I do like him. He is nice, hot, and funny, but he isn’t Declan. I’ve had a thing for Declan since the moment I saw him and now he’s sitting here, telling me he has feelings for me, and I have to turn him down. How is that fair?