Alexis
Beeping machines fill the air around me as Max, Sissy, and I were all taken to the hospital. Sissy had busted Max’s head open when she hit him with a lamp. I began bleeding from her kick to my stomach and probably have lost the tiny fetus which had just begun to grow inside me. Oh, yeah, and apparently Sissy is back on heroin.
I really regret saying nothing could ruin this day because I couldn’t have been more wrong.
Sissy wails as she lies in the bed on the other side of the curtain from mine, “Just kill me!”
As horrible as this sounds, it might be for the best. Max and I have treated her so well. He’s given her everything, and in hindsight, her own credit card may have been a mistake. Heck, her own car was one, that’s for sure.
I got him to take her in, give her that car, and I even got him to give her a credit card.
I’m so ding dang naïve!
The doctor who stitched up Max’s head pulls the curtain between us back and I look at Max as he rubs his hand over the back of his head. I stand up and go to see how it came out. I find that they had to shave a small patch of his gorgeous hair. “Don’t worry, you’re still devastating.”
His hand goes to my stomach and moves over it. “And you?”
The doctor puts his hand on Max’s shoulder. “We’re about to give her a pregnancy test, we’ll have those results shortly. I don’t want you to worry, no matter what the results are. There’s no reason Lexi can’t get pregnant again if she did lose the fetus.”
I kiss Max’s cheek, and a nurse takes me by my arm. “Come with me and let’s get some urine and find that out for you.”
I wave at Max as I’m lead away. His frown is making my heart ache. The nurse gestures to a door. “I know the drill,” I say and walk into the small bathroom.
A small cup sits on the counter and when I go to fill it up I see I’m no longer bleeding which is a good sign in my opinion. I look up and say a little prayer, then wash my hands and make my way out and back to Max.
He’s sitting up, sipping on a clear, bubbly liquid. His mother still moans on the other side of where I was. The doctor walks out of her little cubicle and frowns. “I need to discuss something with Max about his mother.”
“I’ll give you privacy then,” I say.
Max shakes his head. “No, you come here and we’ll decide things together. See the ring on her finger, Doc? She’s about to be my wife and we do everything together.”
The doctor nods and I go stand by Max. “Your mother needs to be placed in a rehabilitation program. We have a few here in Houston, but to be honest, there are better ones out of state. Would you consider placing her in one?”
“I don’t want to take her back to our place, that’s for damn sure,” Max says.
I look at him and his face is pinched in a way I’ve never seen before. “Out of state means we’d most likely not be able to see her very often. Don’t you think having family around would be better for her?” I ask.
The doctor looks at me. “She’s bad off, Lexi. Frankly, I’m surprised you want anything else to do with the woman after what she did to you.”
“Me too,” Max says and gives my arm a squeeze. “How much more does she need to do before you realize she’s a lost cause?”
I’m in shock at how Max is talking about his flesh and blood. “Max, that’s your mother.”
His head shakes. “She’s not anyone I want in my life. I sure as Hell won’t have her around our children.”
To say I feel great sadness at his words is an understatement. “No one is a lost cause. That woman brought you into this world, and she has problems. It’s a family’s job to help each other in life. I hope you can come to find some type of love for her in your heart, Max.”
“Send her to one of the out of state programs. The best one you can find,” Max says as he looks at the doctor. His eyes turn back to mine. “That’s all I’m going to do for her for now. If they can fix her then we’ll see, but that’s all for now, Lexi.”
The nurse comes in and the smile on her face tells us the news is good. She gives us a thumbs up and Max laughs. “So we’re still good?”
“She’s still pregnant,” the nurse says. She hands me a piece of paper. “You’ll need to follow these steps for the next few days. Stay off your feet and things like that. No intercourse for a week.” Her eyes go to Max’s and I blush.
“Okay,” he says. “Tell her. She’s the sex kitten.”
I slap his arm and go deeper red. “Max!”
Everyone laughs, but me.
Damn man, embarrassing me like that!
Max
In the dark room, I hold my love and run my hand over her flat stomach. Our child’s heart still beats despite my mother’s actions. A deep intolerance for her fills me. Lexi is adamant we must help her as she’s family, but I disagree. The woman never helped me do a thing, so why should I help her now?
Sissy had been quiet as a guest in our home until she went off the deep end. I can’t find the love for her Lexi says that I need to be a whole person. Lexi has become so different since nearly dying. Compassion flows through her like blood. This is awful to admit, but I find it annoying.
I want Lexi to agree with me that Sissy is not someone we should want in our lives, or our children’s lives. Not only am I embarrassed by her, but she’s down-right dangerous to have around us. How much damage could she do to our children?
If we’d lost the baby, I doubt I could’ve found it in me to even send her to rehab. Let the state care for her, or whatever, just like she did me. My heart pounds as I think about losing what I’ve wanted since the day I met Lexi. That woman could’ve taken that from me along with the childhood she stole.
No, I don’t see ever letting her back into our lives, no matter what Lexi thinks. She didn’t have to live that life, I did. She’ll never understand that kind of neglect and what it does to a person.
Alexis
The room is dark and I feel Max’s arms around me. His even breathes let me know he’s sleeping soundly for the first time in a while. With the arrival of his mother, he hasn’t been the same man.
I know she hurt him, but he just has to get over the past and deal with her in the present. The poor woman has such a bad problem. It rips at my heart to see any person in such a state, but the mother of my true love, well it’s a lot to bear. The woman will be this child’s grandmother. How could I not be compassionate about her?
To be honest, I’m not entirely happy with how Max is acting. It’s not like him, and he told me in the very beginning not to let him become something he isn’t. How am I to stop him though?
I’ve no control over how he acts or thinks. The task he set for me is not one I can accomplish. It’s too much to ask of another person, in my opinion. I pray that Sissy finds the help she needs at the rehab facility he sent her to in Washington.
Perhaps if she can get better then he’ll see fit to let her be a part of his family. The fact he thinks he can pick and choose his blood relatives is something I find more than a little upsetting. What if one or more of our children have problems with drugs or alcohol abuse? Would he go so far as to disown them? Help them no more?
It’s hard to think he’d ever be that man, but he’s showing me he could. We finally got to a place where we were uber-happy and excited about our future. How come life can’t be easy for the two of us?
Other people fall in love with ease. Like Marcos and Kate. They fell in love and instantly everything fell into place for them. She is pregnant now, and they are already married. Life is just moving so much easier and faster for them than it is for us.
Maybe we aren’t meant to be together, it’s obviously too late to change that now, but will our lives always be so difficult. The good Lord knows I’ve struggled with this thought for far too long.
I run my hand over my stomach and the see-saw in my brain shuts down. We’re having a baby, so none of that matters anymore. We are going to be a family no matter ho
w hard the road is. We’ve taken off on it and there’s no turning back now or ever.
It’s a forgone conclusion Max and I will marry soon and all the doubts will be laid to rest once and for all. This man doesn’t believe in divorce and to be honest I don’t either. I love the man with all my heart and will deal with all which comes with him. For our family’s sake.
Rolling in his arms to look at him in the darkness, I run my fingertip lightly over his high cheek bone that’s highlighted by the dim light. He’s such a beautiful man and I am more than lucky to have him love me.
My hand flows to his chiseled chest and I place it over his heart, feeling his heart beat. It’s slow and steady and I know it beats for me and this child I’m carrying. He looks so peaceful as he sleeps. Not like the expression he wore after his mother’s incident. At one time, I was afraid he was going to strangle the woman.
His caramel colored lips beckon me to kiss them and I leave a gentle kiss on them. He moans a little and wraps his arm tighter around me. His breath is warm on my face and my heartbeat increases as I begin to ache for him. What this man does to me is unreal.
I know we can’t do anything physical and turn to stop my libido from overacting. I simply can’t look at him and not want him, it’s impossible. He pulls me into him and snuggles into my back, his face buried in my neck.
Ugh! He’s making me hot and crazy!
I wiggle away from him as he grasps at me. It’s too much to take and I need a drink of water or something to calm me down.
Blasted gorgeous man!
Off to the bathroom I go to wash my hot face and try to bring my heat down to a dull roar. As I run a cool washcloth over my face I notice the ache in my lower regions is not going away. As a matter of fact, I’m wet and seem to be getting wetter.
A cold shower I guess it will take to stop this nonsense. I turn on nothing but cold water and pull my nightgown over my head then drop my panties on the floor.
No!
The ache and wetness aren’t from what I thought. There’s blood everywhere!
The baby!
Part 8 Secrets of Passion
Alexis
Cool water I splash with my feet as I sit at the edge of the swimming pool. It’s been a month since I lost the baby. The doctor told us we can start trying again in five more months.
Max has moved into a depression. There’s a void in him where the happy-go-lucky guy has vanished. The doctor told him to see a therapist about it, but he thinks he’ll get over it on his own. I, on the other hand, have seen no improvements in him.
I hear the door open and close and footsteps come up behind me. “Lexi, do you want to go shopping?” Max asks me.
I look back at him and though he’s still devastatingly handsome, there’s a sadness to his emerald eyes. “Shopping? What for?”
“I don’t know, for whatever we want. I’m bored and restless and think going out and spending some money will help.” He holds his hand out for me to take.
Reaching up, I let him pull me up. “If you want to spend money I have a much better idea than spending it on ourselves. Let’s go shopping for the kids in your house parent’s home at the children’s home.”
Max pulls me along with him into the house. “I don’t want to go down there. There’s that baby there and it’ll make me even sadder about our loss.”
“Okay,” I say as I run my arm around his waist and pull him close to me. “Then let’s buy some dog products, like food and shampoos and stuff like that and take it to the animal shelter. Maybe we can pick up a dog while we’re there. It might help lift your spirits.”
“I don’t want my spirits lifted. I’d like to be allowed to mourn the loss of my first child, if you don’t mind. I know you don’t seem to be that sad about it, but I am.”
I stop and look up at him sharply. “Max, I am sad, but I also believe with everything in me, we’ll have a child in the very near future. There’s nothing wrong with me that suggests that we can’t.”
“We can’t even start trying for five more months. It won’t be anytime soon that we’ll get to see our baby, if we manage to make that happen again.” He frowns, as he’s done so much of for the last month.
“Have patience and some faith, man.” I start walking again and pull him along with me.
“Diddly dang, Max, you’re letting this spoil things between us. I use to be enough for you, now it seems if you can’t hurry and add a kid to this equation, it’s no fun anymore.”
He stops and pulls me back into his strong arms, a place I haven’t been in much lately. His breath is warm on top of my head. “Lexi, I’m sorry. I really am. If I could stop feeling so damned sad believe me, I would.”
“You need help, Max. We can go see the therapist together.”
“You just don’t seem to understand, Lex, I had to talk to counselors when I was at the home and it didn’t do any good.”
I blink a few times and look at him in disbelief. “Max, it did too help you. For the love of Benjamin Franklin, look what you’ve become!”
“So what? I made some money, no big deal,” he says and lets me out of his embrace and turns away from me. “It’s not because of anything they did for me.”
“I’m sure it is,” I say and walk in front of him. “Not everyone can do what you’ve done. Now let’s stop talking, go make a donation to the animal shelter then get some ice cream and take a walk in the park.”
He takes my hand in his and kisses the top of it. “I’m sorry, princess. I’m just so damn impatient to start our family. Maybe we should get married already, maybe that would help?”
My heart stops and the fear runs through me that I thought was long gone. If this man can get so down, do I have what it takes to live an entire lifetime with him?
“It’s not a thing we should rush into.”
“Rush?” he asks as he pulls me into his arms again. “There’s been no rush, baby. Are you second guessing your decision about marrying me? Because I can see it on your face, you’re unsure of us.”
My heart pounds in my chest as I look everywhere but at him and he takes my chin in his hand and makes me look into his eyes. “I love you, I know I do, but this deep depression is scary.”
“You’re unsure you can live like this, aren’t you?”
I nod and see the glimmer of unshed tears fill his eyes and it breaks my heart. “I know I love you and I know we can get through this,” I say.
“But, you aren’t ready to sign on the dotted line just yet. You need more proof from me that I can get over this. I’ll let you know right now, I’ll never completely get over my mother costing us our first child. The woman has stolen so much from me already. I’ll hate her until the day I die and I’ll miss the child she killed for that long as well.”
“Hate is not a thing one should cling to,” I say as I run my hand through his shoulder length, dark waves. “Max, you have to let it go. She’s a very sick woman, and it was an accident.”
“Taking drugs is no accident, Lexi.” His hand runs through my hair then he drags his knuckles across my cheek. “She didn’t fall into a pit of heroin-filled needles. She did that to herself on purpose. It was my money which bought her the drugs and my car she drove to get them. She’ll never see another cent from me and if they ever release her from rehab, she’ll have nowhere to stay in my home.”
Sadness fills me at the level of hate he has for his own flesh and blood. I am again reminded that if he can cut his own mother out, he’s more than capable of cutting out any children we have with drug or alcohol problems. “You should be aware that someday one or more of our children could have similar issues. It’s considered a genetic problem by many doctors to become addicted to drugs and alcohol, you know.”
“We’ll raise them right, love. Don’t worry about that. Our kids won’t have the same problems my mother does.” He pulls out of my arms and takes my hand. “I’m through talking. Let’s go spend some money.”
I allow him to lead me out to
the car, but my mind feels numb with all he’s told me.
Max
The darkness envelops me as I lie in our bed and stare at the ceiling. Lexi sleeps next to me as soundly as a woman with no regrets or sadness for our loss. How can she not feel bad about losing the baby?
She has this faith and frankly I don’t understand it. She says things like, ‘it was meant to be’ and ‘who are we to question what happened’. It’s annoying and I simply don’t understand. Maybe she’s secretly happy she lost it as she’s in no hurry to marry me. Maybe she’s fallen out of love with me.
She still says the words, but she looks at me differently. Disappointment fills her blues eyes at times. Never could I have imagined her looking at me with that in her eyes. Am I really overreacting to what’s happened?
I can’t help thinking about what the child would’ve been. Was it going to be a boy or girl? What color would its hair have been? How tall would he or she have gotten? Would it have Lexi’s silly way of using random words or would it have been more like me?
Questions like that pop into my head at all hours of the day and night. To have the joy of finding out we’re having a child to the low depths of losing one within a few hours is not an easy thing to get over. That’s exactly what everyone expects from me, to get over it and move on like it never happened.
How am I supposed to do that?
To make matters worse, we have to wait before trying to make another baby. We decided it was best for Lexi not to start taking birth control pills so we could get right back at it after the six month mark was met. So I’ve been using condoms, and it bothers the ever loving shit out me to use them with her.
That in itself makes no sense to me as I’ve used them for years and it didn’t seem to bother me at all. With Lexi though, it makes me mad. Not at her, but at life in general, and my mother.
Savage SEAL’s Virgin: A Submissives’ Secrets Novel Page 88