by Lauren Wood
“Do you mind if I come in?”
“Of course, not come on.”
I walked in and I could see that she was already pretty much packed. It wouldn’t be long before Ernest was ringing the bell and he would be taking her away from me. This time, he was going to take her away from good and I don't think I was ever going to see her again. It was bad enough seven years ago but now it just seemed worse. At least this time I hadn't woken up alone, but it didn't change the fact that I was going to miss her. More than that, I was going to miss what could have been. we could have been damn good together.
“Do you need help with anything?”
“No, I think I got it.”
I stood at the doorway and I can't really express how weird it was to not be touching her. It was about a couple of hours ago that we had fallen asleep in each other’s arms, exhausted from be together all day, but now I was expected to stand here and pretend like it never happened. I didn't know how to do that, and I wanted to hurry it along.
“So, do you have the paperwork? I don't want to keep you waiting.”
She told me that there was no rush, but obviously that wasn't true. If she hadn't been in a rush, then I would've been able to talk her into staying for a while longer. She was the one that claimed she had to get back to work and the man she was going to marry.
When I didn't back down about the timing thing, she went to the bag and it was then that I noticed the stack of papers. I should have gone over them, there was no telling what was inside of it. I was a lawyer. I knew better than to sign something that I hadn't read, but I trusted her. I didn't trust her this day, but I trusted her to do the right thing when it came to the divorce.
After my signature was written down and my initials where put in all of the right spots, I flipped the papers back together and handed them back to her.
“Here you go Candy. Now you have everything that you came here for.”
I didn't say anything to the fact that I questioned if that was what she needed. Her life did seem a whole lot more complicated than it looked in the beginning. I had thought that she was a woman in love, and maybe she was, but it sounded like she had responsibilities and obligations that came first.
I was walking out of the room, needing to put some space between us before I did or said something stupid.
“Wait, where are you going?”
“I am going down to the kitchen to make some dinner. Ernest will be here in a moment and I will ring you when he arrives. I will make sure that you don't miss the next plane.”
“So, you aren't even going to say goodbye?”
It was the way that she said it, or more accurately, it was the tone of her voice when she said it. I could tell that she was really bothered by the concept of me leaving without saying goodbye and I wanted to believe that it was because she really cared. I didn't know if that's true, but that is what I wanted to believe.
“I didn't think you would want me to. You seem rather determined to get me out of your life, came all this way to do so. Now, you have what you want. I don't think you have any more use for me.”
“Please don't be upset about this.”
I wasn't upset, it was more like a bitter feeling that I didn't think was ever going to go away. I can't believe that I had been such a fool. I should have known better and now it looked like it was going to be biting me in the ass instead. I just should've known earlier. It made me wonder if this is what it was like for the girls that I casted aside. Maybe this was my payback for hurting so many other women. A little tit for tat from the universe.
“Be safe Candy. I hope everything works out the way you want it to.”
I couldn’t bring myself to congratulate her on her new fiancé and upcoming wedding. I just didn’t want to think about her getting married to someone else, so I didn't say anything. It wasn't going to end well if I did.
She vaulted into my arms and wrapped them around my neck. She was holding me so tightly that I didn't think she was ever going to let you go. This was more than just a hug, but with Candy, there really was no telling what was going on. She was a confusing woman.
“I'm going to miss you too, Colt. I can't tell you how good it has been to be here with you. I needed this rejuvenation and a new outlook on everything. You have changed my life, in a way that I never would have thought possible.”
Meanwhile I had no idea what to think of that. I let go of her and kind of pushed her away a little bit, so that we would have the space that I needed. This was just some sort of torture that did not have a happy ending and I didn’t want to go through it.
“I will buzz you as soon as Ernest is here. Okay? Looks like you have a little bit more packing to do, so I will make sure that you have all the quiet that you need to do it.”
“Thanks Colt. Will I see you before I leave?”
“Probably not. It’s probably for the best.”
She agreed with me with a shake of her head, but I could tell that it wasn't the answer that she had been looking for. Or at least, it wasn’t the answer that she had been expecting from me.
“Okay.”
...
That was all that she said as I was walking away, and I didn't look back this time. She didn't try to stop me again either. I think we both knew that whatever was going on, was not going to get better. It was over between us, and the weekend that I have blackmailed her for was over. Now she was leaving, and I had to get my shit together because she wasn’t going to be coming back.
Chapter 20
Colt
I heard the front door slam shut because it always runs loud, and I usually liked that fact. I could hear people coming and going, but this time I didn't want to. I didn't want to hear the door close when Candy left, because I knew that it signified something bad.
Refusing to go to the window and watch her leave, I found a cigarette in one of the kitchen drawers and lit it. I didn't smoke much, only a couple of cigarettes every now and then, but now I felt like I needed a whole pack. I don't know how I was ever going to feel normal again and when there was no longer a sound of the wheels on the driveway, I knew that she was gone for good.
Ralph walked into the kitchen, saying something about getting some coffee. We usually didn't make coffee in this house much later then noon, but it looked like both of us needed it.
“Why don't we go ahead and put something a little stronger in here? I think that we could both use it.”
I had to agree.
“Okay, what should we put in there?”
“I don't know, anything that is going to get the job done.”
I just shook my head slowly and thought about Candy. She had said something very similar before and of course it would remind me of her when he said it again.
“How about I go get some whiskey?”
He agreed that whiskey would be fine, and I went up to the bedroom where I knew there was some. The bed was unmade, and everything was making me remember and think of Candy. I couldn’t stay there, and I told Ralph to change because we're both going to go out instead. I needed to get away from my house and all the memories that were made so quickly, vividly in the last couple of days. My weekend request was going to bite me in the ass it looked like and there was nothing that I could do about it.
“Why are we going out?”
“Because it’s a beautiful night and we don’t have any good whiskey.”
Ralph could have easily called me on that bluff. I most likely had four or five bottles scattered out and around the house. I knew that there was more to it than that, but I really wasn’t going to get into it, I really couldn’t. The last thing that I needed to do was bring up any of that.
***
The woman across the room was still looking at me and I started to pay a little attention to her. I wasn't going to say that it was a coincidence that she was a redhead and she looked a bit like Candy.
Ralph was not paying attention to the woman across the room, or to me for that matter. He was worried a
bout something else altogether. I finally went over to talk to her, but even though this was normal for me, it felt strange now.
“Hello. I see that you are here alone. Would you like some company?”
The redhead was looking at my watch and my shoes, before she looked at my face. That was really all I needed to know about Ginger, supposedly her real name, because she just became just like every other woman I've met. She wasn't worried about the man I was or even the physical man that I could be, all that women like her were ever worried about was money.
This was not something that was new to me. The concept had always been rather clear, especially coming from the family that I did. I was meant to be a lawyer, just like a long line of lawyers before me. My father didn't teach me much outside of the business, but he did talk a lot about how to see a woman's intention for what it really was. Ginger was a gold digger and it wasn’t hard to see that. She was the type of woman that didn't even want to hide it because Ginger was pretty enough that she didn’t have to.
I was the type of man that wasn’t offering anything, except one night of pleasure. It was all that I ever offered, and it was all I was going to do again. Never again would I go down the same route that I had with Candy. I just didn't have it in me to do it again.
“So why don't we get out of here Colt and you can show me your place?
Ginger had a slight smile on her face, though she wasn't being very slick. I knew what it was that she wanted, because she was so obvious about it. There was no hint of mystery or innocence and the brown eyes that looked back at me. She knew exactly what was going to happen and I had a feeling that she was going to be very good at what she was offering up with the question.
“Yeah, sure, come on. I just have to let the guy I came with know. We can get a cab or something.”
“Oh, you don't have your own car?”
She looked at me with something akin to disgust and for some reason, a big part of me wanted to just walk away. There were plenty of women here, though none of them were red headed and I was in the mood for a redhead. I had been done with the one I had and in the right lighting, Ginger would be exactly what I needed. If I could just get her to close her mouth long enough to give it to me.
“Of course, I do. However, my driver is out on an errand for me and I want to leave the car for my friend. A taxi is just easier.”
I don't think that Ginger actually believe me, even though I was telling the truth. She look back at the watch, maybe the shoes and jacket, realizing that they were worth more than her car and she decided to take a chance. I knew before we got in the taxi that ginger was going to want the same thing that every other woman I took home wanted. They wanted more. They wanted exactly what Candy kept asking me about, what was next. I wanted to give Candy that, but she hadn’t wanted it.
It didn't take long to get to the house and she was making comments of how big it was. I had several cars in the driveway and some weren’t even back yet. She was most likely thinking that she was thankful that she’d taken the chance on me. I found it hilarious of course, but Ginger wouldn’t. She was thankful that I wasn’t going to waste her time.
Ginger smiled at me several times and she laughed at all of my jokes. Ginger didn't drink too much, not letting herself get sloppy and she took the first steps. They were half-hazard at best, but it wasn’t hard to see what it was she wanted and what her goal was. She wanted to attach herself to me, and the best way for a woman like her to do that was to use her body. It was a damn fine fuck-buddy, but there was no birthmark in between her breast and a brash of red color on her chest when she started to get turned on. Ginger was close, but not close enough.
I enjoyed the moment when I could silence my brain again, much as I had enjoyed many women for her. She was generous now, but I knew that she was going to be angry in the morning. I tried not to think about it, just like I’d always had before. At first, I had tried to imagine that I was with Candy, however, the disappointment was just too bitter, and I turned the lights off completely.
I went to sleep with the woman next to me and I could already tell that being with her had been a mistake. I was left defeated and I didn't know how long it was going to be until I didn't feel this way anymore.
***
The next morning, I didn't waste any time getting rid of Ginger. Ernest was back from his late-night airport trip and he was able to take her to her place. She was not happy about how everything was arranged and, like everyone else, she seemed to really think that she was going to be the one to make me settle down. It didn't seem to matter to her that I had already settled down. That hadn’t worked out very well.
The more I tried to forget about Candy throughout the day, it just reminded me that it was unlikely that I was going to be able to. If I hadn't forgotten about her in seven years, I didn't think that I was going to now. Especially after what happened between us. There was no way that I was going to be able to rid her from my mind.
The worst part of it all, was the fact that I had created more memories with her and now it seemed like she had ruined me for anyone else. Candy was all I could think about and even when I was in the presence of a beautiful woman like Ginger, it wasn't enough. I worried that no other woman was ever going to be enough and I was going to live this way forever. A week ago, that idea wouldn't have been so bad, but now it made me wonder. I had to wonder if this was it and I must say, that I wasn't that excited about my future anymore.
Chapter 21
Candy
Even though I had to go to Las Vegas to get it, I had in the end got everything that I wanted. With that thought in mind, I should have been happy. The papers were signed, and I was on my way back home. But I wasn't happy. Now I felt like I was leaving a part of me behind, a part that I forgotten was there and I would never get back again.
Strange enough, I hadn't talked to Jax since I left. He kept calling, most likely wanted to find out when I was coming home, but I wasn't too worried about it at that moment. I wasn't thinking about him and there was a lot of guilt associated with Jax right now for me. While Colt was technically my husband, what we had done together was wrong on so many levels. I knew that I was going to have to handle it when I got back home. Nothing was ever going to be the same between me and my fiancé again.
The flight was delayed on both sides and it was almost 2 o'clock in the morning before I got home. At first, I was going to just go to the house, the one that I shared with Jax, but that wasn't really where I wanted to go. I didn't have the energy to face him right now, especially not with what I had to tell him, so I went home to my parents. I knew that I could get in and get out without them knowing I was there. All I had to do was be quiet.
The house was rather large for what my father did for living. It was my mother and her innovation to do anything possible to make money that gave them the standard of living that they had. She did fund-raisers, rubbed shoulders with the rich, all in a pursuit to get a little of their money in her pocket. I had known that she was always that way, because we had never really gotten along because of it. While I was looking love, my mother Cynthia, was always looking for the next payday. I know that's what she saw Jax as.
I snuck in the back door that was always locked, but the key was under a fake rock in the garden. I moved up to my room and laid down in my bed, my mind swirling with too many things, but at the same time, I was too tired to worry about it. I went to sleep moments after I got there, and I already knew who I was going to dream about. I had a feeling I was going to dream about Colt for the rest of my life.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
I woke up to the loud voice and saw that my mother’s face was only a few inches from mine. She looked angry and it took me a minute to realize what was the matter.
“I didn't think you would mind.”
“I don't mind that you were sleeping in your bed Candy, what I mind is why you are not back home with your fiancé? You have been gone for several days and the last place you s
hould be is here. Why aren't you back at home with your husband?”
“He isn’t my husband for one.”
She looked at me as I asked I was speaking blasphemy and I decided to shut my trap before I got into an argument that I wasn't going to be able to get out of. Cynthia, what she wanted me to call her, so she didn't feel so old, was a very hard person to deal with. She had very clear lines to her life, that I didn't expect in my own. It had made it so that we never got along.
“Don't you dare say that.”
“What? It is the truth you know.”
My mother sat on the bed next to me, pushing me over so that she could have more room and I knew what it was that she wanted to talk about. She wanted to have a pep talk to make sure that I was still going to marry Jax, her next golden goose for her retirement.
“You two not being married is only temporary. I thought that is why you went to Las Vegas for the weekend? Didn’t that man sign the paperwork like he was supposed to?”
The way she said, ‘that man’ was funny to me. It was clear that she didn’t know what she was talking about. I almost wanted to tell her that Colt was actually far better off than Jax was, but I knew that it wasn’t going to do any good. There was a huge part of me that knew that I needed her to stop worrying about my love life. It wasn’t going to help matters any.
“Yes, Colt signed the paperwork. He was actually really nice about it.”
Cynthia turned her nose up and asked a little bit about him.
“I still can’t believe you got married without telling me.”
“It just happened mom.”
“So how bad was he?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, he lives in Las Vegas, so what does he do?”
I was going down a dangerous road, but I didn’t want to hear negativities about Colt. She didn’t know him and though she thought she knew what she was talking about, she really had no clue. She must have imagined him to be some total lush or something. I didn’t like that she thought badly of him, even though it didn’t actually matter what she thought.