by Auryn Hadley
"Why me?" she asked.
"Yer a Kaisae. A real one."
"Jase? What does that mean?"
"Pack leader, roughly," he said, "if ya make it real simple. It is na just the title though. I mean, it is, and it is na." He shifted, putting space between them. "Ya know about the females. There are na many of ya, and almost none are purebred. What ya probably do na understand is that most are like that kid, Audgan. They are na dominant like you. Most iliri women are submissive, seductive things."
"What, you're saying they're just made to be your toys?" Sal asked snidely.
"Na," he waved that away. "They are made to breed, if ya make it real basic like that. But that's like sayin' we men are made ta just bring food home and die to protect ya ladies." He grinned. "We are, but I like ta think there's a bit more ta me than that. But see, a few women are the dominant type - "
"Like me," Sal guessed.
"Na, do na get ahead of me," he told her. "Some are dominant. That woman I talked ta when we rode into Prin? She's one."
Sal chuckled. "Ok, I remember her."
"Well, they tend ta be organizers. I'm still keeping this real basic, but historically, women like that are like a captain. They handle small groups – our packs – and keep them operating smoothly. We started calling them kaisaes a while back."
"Ok. So, kaisaes are pack leaders," Sal agreed, thinking she understood.
"Yeh, now, but it is na what the word means." He shook his head, trying to explain. "Used ta be, we had real Kaisaes, the kind with a capital letter."
"So what's the difference?"
"Well, a true Kaisae, she's like a general. Instinctually, we're driven ta obey her. They think it's something hormonal or chemical that does it. There's been a few in history that led rebellions and shit. A Kaisae says ta fight back and any male that hears her will do so. Most iliri, actually."
"A puppet master?" Sal asked, appalled.
"Yeh. Basically." He shrugged. "I saw one, back when I was little. She'd come ta Prin from Unav, and even as a kid, I wanted ta worship her. It was like seein’ a dream come true." He smiled thinking about it.
"Ok, so what does this have to do with me?"
Cyno looked at her quickly, then glanced away, embarrassment on his face. "Remember when I took yer papers, how I would na touch ya?"
"Yeah," Sal said. "Kinda pissed me off."
"Yeh. But it's cause I smelled ya." He inhaled, breathing in her scent, and looked up with his indigo eyes. "Ya smell like hope, ya know? It scares me, but I can na get enough of it. It pulls at me, and if ya ask, I'll do it. Does na matter what it is. Ya were an applicant, and I knew when I smelled ya."
"Why is it such a big deal, Jase? The Kaisae thing?"
He lifted his chin slightly, and said, "Because we have na seen one in a decade. They were always pretty rare, but we thought Terric had killed them off."
Her ears went limp. "What is it you all want from me?"
His eyes dropped to the book on the table, then back to her. "That's a very simple question, but the answer is na so easy."
"Try?"
"We hope ya change the world."
Her hands trembled as she brought them to her face. "I'm just a slave," she whispered.
"No," Cyno said, working hard to pronounce the word. "No. Ya were a slave, ya are a kaisae, ya will be a Kaisae. The kind with a capital letter. The kind my people write in silver. Yer somethan' special, Sal, whether ya like it or na."
"I just want to be a soldier," she said, her confusion showing. "I know how to kill! I always fuck the rest of this up."
He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to his chest. Sal crumpled against him and he wrapped his arms protectively around her. "The world does na care 'bout what we want. I wanna be free, but I am na."
"This is a big deal, isn't it?" she asked, her head buried against him.
"Yeh, ya are. But ya are na alone. We're yer family, and we'll never leave ya, ok?"
"And you won't learn to hate me because I'm..." She pulled in a deep breath, trying to keep her voice calm. "I'm gonna fuck this up."
Cyno looked down into her icy eyes. "I swear ta ya, kitten. I will never leave ya. Even if ya send me away, I will na leave ya. I can na."
Sal nodded, her hand touching the skin of his chest. "I can't do this without you, Jase. I'm lost without you."
Through her touch, he saw the truth of those words and swore to himself that he could wait for her to realize it, too.
Chapter 6
That afternoon, she finally left Cyno's rooms, her mind filled with a new understanding that had only brought more questions. She'd known that a kaisae was the word for the female leaders of the iliri, but she'd never heard of a difference between kinds. With each symbol Cyno had shown her, questions had come, both about the written language and their culture.
The first sign that she memorized was her name, the next for prey. When he had explained how basic symbols were used to make complex ones, she thought she understood, until he wrote the sign for humans. It was prey and punishment combined. She ran her hands through her hair, thinking about it as she walked across the compound to Blaec's rooms. Punishment made sense. Humans had been the masters of their kind for thousands of years now, but she'd never hunted them. They smelled sweet, though, and their histories mentioned that during the Landing, iliri had attacked, so maybe that was the reason?
One day at a time, she told herself. One word, one tradition, one instinct. Eventually, it would all make sense, and she hoped she'd feel a bit less lost.
She pushed open the door to Blaec's office – and paused. Arctic and a recruit stood stiffly before the simple wood desk and Blaec barely flicked an eye at her. She closed the door behind her gently.
"I'm sorry," Blaec told the recruit. "Your scores on the test were below our minimum standard."
"Yes, sir," the man said softly. Sal could hear the disappointment in his voice.
"Pack your things and Arctic will have transportation arranged to return you to your previous unit."
The man nodded, taking a deep breath. "Are we allowed to reapply if we improve, sir?"
"Yes," Blaec told him. "And a refusal by the Black Blades will not be shown on your public record, so it will have no bearing on your applications with other units."
"Yes, sir. I have no interest in a unit that isn't iliran, sir."
Blaec smiled up at him and nodded. "I understand. Good luck, soldier. I hope that next time we meet, I can give you better news."
The man snapped a quick salute and spun on his heel, striding toward the door. Sal moved to the side, and he paused, breathing deeply. His eyes met hers for a moment, then he looked down and made his way into the hall beyond. Sal pushed the door closed, hearing the click of the latch.
"Worst part of my day," Blaec said to her. "How was yours, love?"
She chuckled. "I know three words now, and most of the colors, plus I can sign my own name. I also feel like my head is about to burst with everything Jase told me."
"Which words did you learn?" Arctic asked.
"Prey, human, and iliri."
"Yep, that's Cyno. He tell you that your accent is horrid?"
"No," Sal said, thinking about it. "He said I spoke like a natural."
"It's the tongue," Blaec said jokingly to Arctic.
"I do not want to know!" Arctic laughed. "Keep that shit to yourselves. Ok. I need to ship this guy off."
"How many did we cut?" Sal asked.
"Two," Blaec said. "He's the last, so I'm off work."
"Twelve left. Not bad."
Arctic patted her shoulder, nodded to Blaec, then slipped out of the room, leaving the couple alone. Sal leaned her hip against the desk, looking at her commander and lover.
"Blaec?" she asked.
"Yeah?"
"Did you know Jase basically has a library in his room?"
Blaec chuckled. "Yeah, we all know that. All in Iliran, if possible. He's pretty much fluent in both languages now, but he
still has a thick accent. It's gotten better since you convinced him to start talking."
"He was using a book on our species."
He paused, looking up at her, a smile teasing the corner of his mouth. "And you had questions?"
"He says I smell good. Does that mean anything to you?" she asked.
"Probably more than it does to you."
"And females typically keep two to four mates, a sort of harem."
Blaec nodded, his smile turning smug.
"And you and he spoke, working everything out." Sal crossed her arms over her chest.
Blaec couldn't stop himself from laughing. "Sal," he said finally. "You came to us knowing nothing. You didn't even know the difference between the smell of humans and iliri."
"And?" she pressed.
"And you have two decades or more to catch up on. You didn't know the bloodlust even existed - "
"Maast," Sal said, using the correct term.
"Right, that the maast existed. When it hit you, you were drawn to him, and I understand that. I'm not iliri enough to get it. I understand that too."
"Why didn't you even try to explain it, Blaec?"
He glanced down, grinning. "If you remember, you weren't exactly in the mood to talk to me." He held up his hand before she could say anything. "Or me to you. I tried to prove to you that it was ok, but I think all of that got lost."
She nodded, realizing what he said was true. "Yeah." She remembered her anguish at thinking he wanted her to be human, and how she'd failed when she tried to pretend.
"After Yager's Crossing, it just didn't come up. Cyno made a point of talking to me about the relationship we all have, but I didn't feel like it was my place to betray his confidence."
"He's in love with me," Sal said simply.
"I know."
Her eyes widened and her ears snapped forward, his answer not being the one she had expected.
"That's the confidence I meant. Did your book today explain how the smell of you drives us crazy?"
Sal paused, thinking. "Yes, and it said that iliri males are unable to, uh, breed, unless they find the scent of their mate appealing."
Blaec nodded, watching her work it out.
"Jase said he knows it's true for anyone with half iliri ancestry or more."
Blaec continued to nod.
"But you slept with Siana," Sal said, referring to the persona she'd used to infiltrate the Black Blades during her own trial.
"And I had planned to ask her if she realized she was iliri. The smell of her reminded me of someone. You might remember," he pointed out, "I asked a few times if we'd met before."
"The smell," Sal said, finally understanding. "I wore a metallic smelling perfume that night!"
"Right. I only knew this dark skinned woman smelled like the most intense thing I had encountered."
Sal thought about it for a moment, then took a deep breath and blurted out, "Is my smell the only thing you find attractive?"
"No," he said, standing. "I'm sure you can look at a human and see that he has a nice body, good muscles, and such, but that doesn't mean he's attractive, right?"
She thought about that, and nodded.
"But if you think about what does make someone attractive, you'll realize it's a complicated thing. A pretty face isn't enough if the person is snide and cruel. A kind personality makes up for a lot, but it isn't the same as beauty."
"It's all of it," Sal said, understanding.
"And you have all of it," he told her, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her neck. "The smell, the body..." He pulled back and looked down into her face. "The sharp teeth, beautiful eyes, and gorgeous face."
His words made her smile foolishly. For so long, she'd been little more than something for humans to stare at. Her iliri features were similar to humans' but different enough that she'd spent most of her life being laughed at and taunted. That Blaec found her beautiful was a feeling she couldn't describe.
"And Cyno agrees with me," he said, bringing the topic back to what had started it.
"And you're ok with that?"
Blaec shrugged. "I've tried to tell you. We want our women to choose us each time, not just the first time. My father was my mother's second man."
"How can you be sure? I mean, if she had two lovers?"
He made a dismissive gesture and tried again. "My father, not my sire. I can guess which one was my sire, but the man who raised me was her second man."
"Ok," Sal said, unsure of how to respond to that.
"What I'm saying, Sal, is that it's ok. I know you feel something for him."
"Blaec," she said, and he kissed her, cutting her words off.
"Listen first," he said when he broke the kiss. "I know you well enough to know that. I also know that you don't understand your own instincts. You're a predator, but you've been raised and trained to ignore it." He sighed, and shook his head. "I didn't help that any. I was so worried about protecting all of us that I fucked up, ok?"
She nodded timidly at him.
"You're iliri. Pure iliri. Listen to your instincts more and everything will work out. Our entire culture can be summed up pretty easily. We do what is natural. We may need to hide it a bit around the humans, but with the Blades? Just follow your gut, love."
"But I made a mess of it last time," she whimpered.
"No, sweetness, I made a mess of it. You were right. I promised you that I'd stop trying to be human, right? Well, I want you to promise me something."
"What?"
"That you will do what feels natural first, and ask forgiveness later. Anything. If that's challenging me or sleeping with Cyno, I don't care."
The shock was obvious on her face. "You don't care if I sleep with Jase?"
"Care is the wrong word. I will never resent it. I may hate not having you at my side, but there will be no anger if you're with him." He chuckled and glanced away. "That's not necessarily true for some man I don't know, though. It's different inside the Blades."
"Why?"
"We're your family."
"So," Sal said, trying to understand, "how does this effect everything else?"
"I'm still your commanding officer. Militarily, it doesn't. Off duty? We're a family. We're not pretending to be humans anymore, Sal. We both want to protect the Blades, and that's all that matters, even if we do it differently. I'll get pissed if you challenge me, but we'll work it out. Loving our pack has nothing to do with that."
"I think I get it," Sal told him, her entire body relaxing. "I think I finally get it."
"Good. Because I need to change the subject. We report to Parliament in the morning."
"We?"
Blaec nodded. "The Black Blades. I'll let the others know in a bit. Dress uniforms. We will be presented formally."
"This is going to go bad, isn't it?" she asked him.
"Parliament?" Blaec asked.
"Yeah."
He grabbed her and tugged her into his arms. "No, it will be fine. I've done this a time or two, Sal."
She nodded, but didn't feel very confident about it. "I haven't."
"I know," he teased, kissing her neck, and nipping at her gently. "They don't tend to invite anyone with skin paler than mine. This is a big deal, love."
"Yeah, but a good deal or a bad one?"
He shook that off, refusing to worry about it. "We'll make sure it's a good one. When they see iliri operating like a well-oiled unit and not the animals they claim, what can they do?"
"Are we animals? Really, Blaec? Are we?"
"No," he told her, turning her face up to look at his. "Why?"
"All of it," she said. "Jase, you, this. All of it."
"Do you know how many human men have mistresses?"
Sal did not want to talk about her knowledge of human men.
His hand gently caressed the hair along the back of her head. "It's not accepted because they breed too easy. They marry to support their children, mostly, and make traditions about it being love. We love, an
d embrace it for what it is. We tend to keep our mates until death, too. Which one do you think is primitive?"
"Fair enough," she admitted. "We're different, but it's not worse."
"No," Blaec said, sliding his hands to her waist. "There's nothing about you that isn't better than a human. You're smarter, faster, stronger, and much more beautiful. There's nothing worse about the iliri."
Sal giggled. "You forgot shorter."
"Ok," he teased. "You are kinda short."
Chapter 7
The Black Blades marched into the Parliament building in perfect formation, Sal just behind Blaec. She'd never been in a building so grand in her life. Forcing her expression to remain stoic, she took in the ornate carvings and intricate statues from her peripheral vision. The grand doors led to a large foyer, staircases on either side leading up to a seating balcony. Ahead of them stood another set of doors in a material so strange Sal couldn't place it. The consistency was like steel, but it was more of an amber color.
They continued into the room beyond, men and women seated on either side of a wide aisle, and marched down it proudly. A herald called out the unit's name. A curved desk loomed at the end, raised on a dais, and twelve humans looked down at them from its heights. Sal was amused at the ceremony, their grandiose entrance nothing more than posturing to a room of people who had already made their decisions.
Before the dais, the Black Blades fanned out, standing shoulder to shoulder. Sal stood on Blaec's left, Cyno on her other side. She could just make out Cyno's lip twitching as he fought to keep his face straight.
"Lieutenant Blaec Doll?" the woman in the center called out, standing to address him.
"Yes, ma'am," LT responded.
"These are the Black Blades? Where's the rest of them, or are these just your officers?"
"Ma'am, this is my entire unit."
"Can't be," a man beside her said. "These reports show an operational efficiency that you couldn't achieve with only seven combatants."
"Eight, sir. I fight with them."
"Lieutenant Doll, do you find that wise," the first woman asked, "putting yourself in the middle of combat like that? Who directs them if you are wounded?"