by Auryn Hadley
"Pretty sure we can save him," Zep said. "This is pretty easy stuff. Cessa did something like it a couple years ago and she's completely sound. We'll be headed back after this and have Tilso keep an eye on him until your mission's done."
Blaz shrugged. "I'm fucked. They're about 30 minutes ahead of me, and I'm out a horse."
"Shit," Sal hissed. "They need every one of you for this."
"I know," he said. "But what can I do?"
Her mind whirled, knowing how much the loss of a single man would cripple an elite unit. The odds were already stacked against them. She looked across the field for inspiration and saw Arden grazing beside Cessa.
"Take my horse." She looked up at Blaz's face.
He stared at her blankly for a second, uncomprehending.
"Take Arden," she said again. "I can ride back with Zep. We'll need to limp Rax back anyway. You said you wanted to ride her."
"I'll run her into the ground trying to catch my unit," Blaz protested.
"Not Arden." Zep chuckled. "Keep her to a canter and she'll be fine. She's weak in her airs above the ground, but her lateral work is impressive. Be easy on her mouth or I'll beat you bloody."
"Zep takes care of them and handles a lot of the training," Sal explained.
Blaz sighed, and his shoulders relaxed. He wiped at his face, then looked at the comatose horse beside him. "If nothing else, just, take care of him, ok?"
Sal pulled her steel dagger and laid it in the grass. "By my own hand," she promised.
"He'll be fine," Zep said again.
"Ok," Blaz said. "You sure?"
"I'm sure," Sal said. "Go. Every minute is a meter farther."
He nodded and took one step toward the grazing mares, then stopped. He turned back to Sal and leaned over, pulling her against his chest in a tight hug, unconcerned about the blood covering her. "I'll never repay this, Sal. I owe you."
"Then you count different than I do," she told him. "Now go."
He did, finally, jogging to the spotted mare. He grabbed her reins from the grass and petted her long neck gently before adjusting the stirrups. Like a true horseman, he checked her tack one last time before mounting. Gently, he tested the mare's training, then squeezed her forward. Arden surged into the canter without any other request and carried Sal's friend down the road and out of sight.
"Why did he just ride off on your horse?" Shift demanded leading his own gelding up the hill.
"Because his is down?" she replied. "Please fix him up."
"What's the deal, Sal?" Zep asked now that they were alone.
"Long story short, he went out of his way to make sure I knew the 112th were with us, that they couldn't give a shit about our species since their partners," she gestured to the horse, "are beasts, too. And he threatened to gut Calon when he tried to make a pass at me."
"And?" Zep persisted.
"Zep's jealous," Shift said, running his hands across Rax.
"No," Zep said. "It's just..." he let the thought trail off.
"Cyno's jealous," Sal finished. "It's not like that. First off, he's human. Secondly, he's still mourning Rax's last owner."
Zep looked at her, confused for a moment, then nodded. "So you're not his type?" He assumed Blaz must prefer men.
"No," Sal laughed. "The former First Officer of the 112th. I guess she died about a year ago."
"Hold his head, Zep," Shift interrupted. "Horses get stupid when they think they're falling. Watch his legs too, he's going to thrash."
"Got him," Zep said, leaning his bulk against the stallion, but his attention was on her. "Seriously, Sal? That's a lame pick up line."
Rax shoved against them both, preventing her from speaking for a moment. They held him, Shift struggling to keep his grip on the horse's ear. Just as Sal was going to speak again, Rax heaved, and she decided against it, concentrating on keeping the massive animal down as he thrashed.
Finally, Shift sighed and leaned back. "Check his leg, Zep?"
Zep just leaned across Rax's chest, pulling his leg up and bending it. "Feels good. Only way to be sure is to let him stand."
"Then let him up," Shift said. "Looks good on the inside. And Zep, we're not all dicks. Sometimes saying we're not interested means we're really not interested."
"You didn't see him hug her, man," Zep grumbled. "Besides, he's human."
"And you can't smell him," Sal shot back. "He's about as interested in me as Risk is, ok?"
"You can really smell that?" Zep asked her, a worried look on his face.
"Yes," she said. "We all can. Zep, if all I had left of Blaec was a horse, what would you do? If Blaec died, and all I had was Scorch, and Scorch was laying there dying?"
"You're right," he said softly. "I'm sorry."
Shift put his hand on Sal's shoulder, and squeezed it gently. "Demon, you've come a long way, you know that?"
"What do you mean?"
"I remember when you would have questioned yourself. LT's not even pissed that you took over today."
"Oh shit," she groaned. "I did."
"Yeah, but you won," Shift said, then he clicked at the stallion and slapped his hip. "Get up!" he yelled, and Zep tugged the horse's head.
With a groan, Rax rolled onto his belly, pausing to look around. The horse sighed and then shoved first one front leg, then the other before him and lurched to his feet. He staggered. Both Sal and Shift immediately pushed against his side, helping the horse find his balance. Rax sighed again and began to graze, pulling at the trampled grass near his feet, slowly shuffling forward with each mouthful.
"Bearing weight on all four," Zep said, pleased.
"Let the drugs wear off and he should be as good as new. What's the story you gave?" Shift asked.
Zep grinned, "Dislocated carpus."
"You're so full of shit, man, you know it?"
Zep shrugged. "It's what we said when you fixed Cessa. Now where's the rest of our unit?"
"Cleaning up the mess Sal, Cyno, and Razor left back there. Not all were dead. And yeah, Sal, I got your helm."
"Thanks," she told him. "I should go help."
She patted Rax's shoulder and turned to Shift's horse, where her helm hung from the saddle. She reached up for it – and sucked in a breath when the motion pulled at her wound. Her hands clamped down over the pain and she curled around it. Sal closed her eyes and waited for the rush of desire to pass.
"Sal?" Zep asked.
"I'm going to need a heal," she said softly. "This isn't getting better."
"Fuck, Sal," Shift growled, rushing over to her. "Why didn't you say something? You let me heal the damned horse first?"
She made a dismissive gesture. "It's shallow, shouldn't be a big deal."
"Ok, then sit down or hang onto Boo, but I need skin."
With one hand, she clung to the horse for support, holding out the other. Shift grabbed it and focused, making Sal's world spin around her. She concentrated on just keeping her feet beneath her, breathing slowly, until he released her hand and the vertigo passed.
"If that's shallow, I'd hate to see what you consider deep, little demon," he whispered, patting her shoulder. "Now go find Cyno before you can't put off the 'lust anymore. I'm sure there's something left for the two of you to kill."
Sal flashed him a devious grin, then jogged down the hill, her body whole again. Shift watched her retreating back and shook his head. "You're not going to be able to protect her from herself, Zep. You know that, right?"
"Nah, man, I don't," Zep said. "She trusts too easy."
"You're just jealous," Shift taunted. Zep looked at him with confusion on his face, so he continued, "You really think she can't smell it?"
"It's not jealousy. She just had you heal some human's horse as a fucking favor," Zep snapped. "That's just asking for someone to realize that we have too much fucking luck."
Shift clasped Zep's shoulder. "Nah, man. She let you give a plausible excuse. She even told him she'd put the thing down if we couldn't fix him. She refus
ed to tell you how bad that wound was because she thought you'd stop her. She keeps everything pretty damned shallow. Why?"
"Shit," Zep said, realizing Shift was right.
Shift nodded. "Yeah. No need to start beating the shit out of humans, bro. Trust me, she's not into him."
Chapter 22
Sal lay on the cold stone floor of the ruined tower, looking at the grass struggling to thrive between the cracks, her head resting against Cyno's bare chest. Sometimes she wished she was human. Life would have been so much easier if only she had darker skin.
"Yer touchin' me, kitten," Cyno whispered.
"That's kinda what happens after we kill something, Jase," she reminded him. "I tend to rip your clothes off and have my way with you."
"Yeh, but it lets me right inta that pretty little head of yers."
"Oh."
"I do na understand ya," he said softly, brushing her hair against her head. "Ya push us ta be iliri and then wish ta be human. Why?"
"This," she said, gesturing to their naked bodies. "We're limited by our needs. I can't help out there because the maast just builds when I try to ignore it."
He nodded but said nothing. Sal felt him look away. When the silence stretched on, he finally said, "I do na want ya ta regret it. When we get back, I'll see if there's some way ta control the bloodlust, ok?"
She sat up and turned to him. One arm pillowed his head and he stared at a gap in the broken stone wall, his body appearing serene, but she knew better.
"It's not that I don't want to be with you," she told him, reaching out for his hand. "I just don't want to be ruled by my body."
He nodded. "Yeh, I can see that."
"I don't think you can." She chewed at her lip as her emotions finally began to make sense. "Jase?"
He looked at her, his deep blue eyes making her heart beat just a bit faster. Everything about him made her feel right. Sal smiled softly and caressed his face.
"I don't want an instinct to be why I'm with you. I don't want it to be just because I killed a man." She paused, trying to explain, the right words staying out of reach. "I want to choose you, Jase. Just once, I want to be with you for no real reason."
His eyes darted between hers, and she watched his brow crease. The corner of his lip twitched and he chuckled once, then shook his head. "Yer sayin' somethan, kitten, but I am na following."
"We're going about this the wrong way, is what I'm saying."
"Go on?"
"Humans, they have things pretty well figured out. They meet, they flirt, they date, they kiss, and then they," she gestured to his body.
"Fuck?" he asked, trying not to smile.
"Yeah. You and I? We got it backwards."
"I am na human, Sal. You are na either."
She nodded, "Yeah, but I don't know any other way."
"Why does it matter?" he asked. "We are na human. No one will judge ya because yer in my," he looked around, "ruins."
"Because I..." she paused, her urge to explain making her speak before she really knew what she wanted to say. He watched her, waiting, and she tried again. "There's something about you."
"Somethan?"
She shrugged, glancing away. "Shit," she breathed. "I think this was easier before I started talking."
"Usually is," he said gently, holding up his hand for her. "Ya do na need words ta tell me, Sal."
She wrapped both of her hands around his and nodded. "But I need the words to tell me."
"To tell ya wha?"
"I want more than this. I don't want to just have a partner, Jase. I trust you. I mean, I think that's what I feel. I don't really know. There's this," she touched the base of her throat, "this feeling."
"Tell me what it's like."
"When I'm scared, I want to be with you. When we fight, I look to you to cover my back. I like it when you smile. I want to be the reason you smile, you know?"
"You are," he said, holding her hand tighter.
"I want whatever this is between us. I want it to be more than just something we do after a damned good fight, but I don't know what I'm doing."
He glanced away and smiled, then sat up slowly. "Yer doing whatever it is pretty well," he said, pulling her hand to his chest.
She could feel his heart pounding in excitement.
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do," she insisted.
"And ya think I do?"
Sal nodded. "You always have the answers."
"Ah, kitten," he told her. "I do na. I know how ta kill. I can read a few books. That's all. I've never really been with a girl b'fore like this."
"What do you mean?"
He pulled away from her and stood, grabbing his pants to pull them on while he talked. "This girl liked me once, ya know? Back when I lived here. She thought it would be fun ta date on a us. Iliri, I mean, and I did na know any better. I did na know that she did na really wanna hunt dogs with me. I was like fifteen or such, just a kid."
He paused, rubbing at his face. "We snuck out t'gether, and I got a kill. It felt so good, and she was right there. We started makin' out and shit. She let me get her undressed – "
He paused, watching her, but she waited. No trace of judgment was on her face. He picked up his shirt and shoved his arms into the sleeves, looking at the buttons to keep from meeting her eyes.
"She smelled so sweet and liked it when I bit her. The first time." He paused, his hands slowing on the buttons as he remembered. "But I could na control it. She fought. I could na stop, kitten. I went feral. I – she fought me," he ended in a whisper.
Sal nodded, understanding. The poor fool had probably bit or hit him, acting just like his prey.
"When I was done..." He swallowed, glancing away. "I killed her, Sal. She was so sweet smellin'. I was still lyin' on her, ya know, still in her, and I killed her, and I liked it. She was too sweet and I could na stop." He took a long breath and dragged his hand across his face. "Cept fer a couple a whores, I have na... ya know. I can na, cept with ya." He shrugged. "That's why."
"So where do we go from here?" she asked.
"Wherever ya want, Sal. I am na good fer much, but I'm already yers. Ya know I love ya. Ya know I will do anything for ya. Yer also the only woman I can na jus' kill. Even in the 'lust I just wanna protect ya."
"I want more," she said.
He smiled and reached down to grab her shirt from the floor, his smile only growing larger as he moved to her pants. He glanced at her quickly and picked up her boots, walking back to her with shyness in his eyes. He knelt and offered her clothes back. His head tilted to the side, and his eyes locked on her lips. "What do ya want from me, kitten? What is more?"
She took her clothes, but his smile was contagious. "This is going to sound stupid, ok?"
"That's ok," he assured her. "I figure if yer still talkin' to me, I can do stupid."
"I want," Sal laughed, and shook her head. "I keep thinking about lying across your couch, reading a book, and asking you about it, or a quiet dinner together, without the rest of the Blades. I want to be alone with you, Jase, when we aren't on a mission. I just want to learn more about you."
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. "Get dressed, kitten, and I'll tell ya somethan more about me." Then he retreated to the wall, thinking. Finally, he said, "Ya know how I learned ta speak Glish?"
"No," Sal said, pulling on her pants, her ear turned to catch his every word.
"Zep. He made me sit down with him, ever' day, and just talk. He never laughed at me fer sayin' words wrong, he just told me how to say them right. Once I could speak Glish, I started learnin' ta read it. Risk helped there." Cyno chuckled ironically. "I'd be reading the history of the Viraenovan foundin' in Iliran, and Sue and Spot in Glish, tryin' ta learn it."
"So, you're kinda the Black Blades' scholar?"
"I guess. I prolly woulda been somethan like that if I had na gotten conscripted."
"You make it sound like a bad thing," Sal said, confused.
"Yeh, it is."
Cyno looked over at her. "I was na a slave, kitten. We were poor, but free. When I was a kid, I ran through the streets of Prin, playin' at huntin'. We'd kill the rich men's dogs and take them home for dinner. Our ammas would make it out like we were the mightiest men ever. Getting conscripted? It changed all that."
"How long ago?" Sal asked him.
"Four years, now. I did na get ta say anythin' to my amma. That's who I was askin' for when we rode in, ya know?"
"Ah, Jase. I'm sorry." Sal moved to him and rested her head on his shoulder. "Wasn't like that for me. Getting conscripted was like a taste of freedom."
"Yeh, I know," he said, lookin' down at the side of her face. "Ya think about it a lot. One of the things that comes through almost ever' time ya touch me."
"Is that why I feel like this with you?"
He smiled, and looked away, "Like what?"
"Comfortable."
"I do na know, and I'm na about ta question it," he said to her. "And I'll take comfortable. It's a step up from stupid."
Sal sighed and leaned back, staring at the ceiling. "When I'm around you, even if it's just sparring, it just feels right. I know you have my back. I know you'll move to match me. I trust you, but not like I trust Blaec. I know I keep saying it, but I don't think any of you understand. You're the other part of my mind, Jase. I trust that you will be there the same way I trust that my arm will move when I want it to."
"I will be, kitten," he promised softly. "I'm meant for ya. That's what I tried ta tell ya. When I smelled ya that first day, I knew it. Whether I'm taunor, ahnor, or just your partner, I'll always be there for ya. Ya smell like hope and happiness, and I will na give those up."
She moved closer, ducking under his arm to press her face against his neck. "You smell like home, Jase. I've never had one, but you smell like what I think a home should. Safe, and," she paused, pulling away enough to look up at him. "And loving."
He nodded, his blue eyes lost in hers. "I am in love with ya, Sal. More than life, I love ya." He slowly caressed the side of her face, refusing to look away. "I know why. I know it's instinctual and all of that, but I still feel it. I still want ta make ya happy any way I can."
"So, does this," she gestured at the ruined stone tower and the blood stains around them, "make you happy?"