“It was no big deal, and it seemed important to Amy.” Evan shrugged.
“Well, it was a big deal to both of us. We appreciated it.” He handed Evan his surfboard and took his own off the rack. “Stay out of trouble tonight.”
Evan was going on a double date with his friend Bobby and two girls from high school.
“I told you it wasn’t a big deal. They’re just friends. We’re going to the drive-in. Wanna catch some waves tomorrow?” Evan called over his shoulder on the way to Bella’s cottage.
“Wish I could, but I think I’m going to spend tomorrow with Amy.”
“See why I don’t want a real girlfriend?” Evan teased.
“I’ve got more than fifteen years on you. I’m pretty damn lucky to have her.” And I’m not doing anything to fuck it up this time.
Tony glanced at Amy’s car in her driveway. Either she was inside or at the cottage of one of the other girls. How many times had he looked across the street and wondered what Amy was doing? He loved the feeling of knowing she was finally his and that whatever she was doing, she was probably thinking of him as much as he was thinking of her. He headed inside to shower.
They had spent the night at Tony’s cottage, and the bedroom still smelled like Amy. He stripped off his board shorts, went into the bathroom, and turned on the shower. He’d been thinking about the slide show all day, and damn if he wasn’t even more confused than before. He had slotted his father’s memory into a place in his head that he rarely visited. The breakup had not been easy to move past, and his father’s death had come on its heels, magnifying his hurt and anger. At a time when Tony was doing all he could to remain sane and focused on keeping his career, he’d thrown himself into surfing and training and tried to be there for his mother as best he could. But Tony knew he’d barely made it through each day, much less been any help to her. He’d been determined to prove his father wrong about his career—and he’d hidden from that well of devastation by throwing himself into surfing—and he’d succeeded.
Or at least he’d thought he had.
Until now.
After seeing the pictures of his father last night, smiling, joking, being the man Tony had once admired so greatly, he wondered if the harsh memories had deluded him into forgetting the good ones. His father had been at his worst that last summer at the Cape. Tony hadn’t even known he was a drinker. How he’d missed that, he had no idea.
After his shower he put on a pair of cargo shorts and a tank top and sank onto the bed with a loud sigh. It was time he dealt with his father’s memories once and for all.
Tony grabbed his cell phone from the bedside table and called his mother. She answered on the second ring.
“Tony, how are you, honey?” Her smile was evident in her warm tone. Tony pictured her sitting in the living room of her Rhode Island waterfront home, knitting needle in hand. His mother had knitted for as long as he could remember, and since his father’s death, the knitting needles seemed to be her constant companions.
“I’m okay, Ma. How are you?”
“Oh, you know me, honey. I’m fine. Knitting tonight. I’m making a baby bonnet for Lisa Cross’s granddaughter. She’s such a cute little thing. How’re the kids this year?”
“Good, Ma, but they’re not kids. We’re all over thirty.” He laughed.
“Honey, you’ll always be kids to me. Even when you’re old and gray. How was the wedding? I was so sorry to have missed it.” His mother had missed the wedding because she’d had a bunion removed from her foot the week before, and her foot was still tender.
“It was wonderful. Jamie looked really happy, and Jessica was beautiful. How’s your foot?”
“Oh, fine. It seems to be healing well; it just takes a little time, that’s all.”
“Good. Mom, I’m glad it’s healing up. I have something I want to talk to you about, but if you would rather not, then just tell me, okay?”
“Don’t be silly, honey. What is it?”
Tony rose from the bed and paced. “It’s about Dad.”
“Okay.” Her voice turned serious.
“I was looking at pictures last night of our summers here at the Cape, and the pictures didn’t match the image I have of him in my mind. I’m a little worried that what I remember of him is skewed.” He rubbed a dull ache creeping across the back of his neck.
“Well, honey, why don’t you tell me what you feel was different?”
“I don’t know. Everything. The look in his eyes. I don’t know when most of the pictures were taken, but—”
“Where did you see these pictures?”
“Amy’s mother made a slide show a few years back.”
“Yes. I received that.”
“Of course you did. Sorry. Then you’ve watched it?”
“Yes. It was a long time ago, but of course I did. Those were wonderful memories.”
“Yeah. For the most part. But…” Tony ran his hand through his hair, feeling too confined. He escaped into the living room.
“But the last year was not so good,” she said softly.
“Yeah. Why was that?”
Silenced filled the airwaves.
“Mom? What I need to know is why he changed.”
She was silent again. Tony stopped in the center of the living room, unable to think past what that silence might mean.
“Honey, are you sure you want to talk about this? You haven’t brought up your father for a very long time.”
“Yeah, I’m sure.” When his father died, Tony’s mother was heartbroken and Tony was lost. They had done all they could to hold themselves together, and Tony hadn’t looked for any further explanation once he’d heard that his father had been drunk when he’d run off the road. From the sound of his mother’s voice, he wondered if he was doing the wrong thing by dredging up the past again.
“Tony, your father made me promise not to tell you what had happened that spring, and I’d like to honor my word in his memory.”
“Mom, he’s gone. I’m…” He closed his eyes and gathered his wits about him, giving himself a silent pep talk to say what he wanted to say and deal with this once and for all. When he opened his eyes, he felt more in control.
“I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important. I know how much your word means to you, although I can’t for the life of me imagine why you’d have to keep something about Dad’s death from me.”
She didn’t respond, so Tony continued. “I’m in love with Amy Maples, and I want to move forward with my life, but I need to understand what happened with Dad. I need to know what changed that summer, why he changed.”
“Amy Maples.” The smile returned to her voice. “Oh, Tony. I’m so happy to hear this. She’s loved you forever.”
This stunned him, although after seeing the pictures last night, it shouldn’t have. He saw the love written all over their faces, and it was no wonder other people had seen it, too. He wondered if his father had. Or if Amy’s father had.
“Yes, she has, and I’ve loved her just as long.” It felt so good to say that. His lips curled up despite the difficult conversation.
“Yes, I imagine you did.”
He laughed a little. “Did you?”
“Oh, honey. There isn’t much that gets past a mother. We notice changes in our children that no one else could ever see. The last summer we were at the Cape as a family, I thought you and Amy had finally found each other. You both seemed so happy. But it must have been wishful thinking because of what was going on with your father. Maybe I just wanted to see something good come of that summer. And then, after your father…”
He heard her inhale a loud breath. When she spoke again, her voice was weak. “Afterward, that spark I thought I’d seen in you was gone.”
Tony sank down onto the couch. “You noticed?”
“How could I not? You went from a carefree kid who was surfing and loving life to a broken man. You were coiled so tight and running yourself into the ground with surfing and training and God knows what
else. I was worried you’d never go back to the boy you were. I was never really sure if it was because of your father’s passing or something else.”
“Both, Mom.” Tony rubbed his eyes with his index finger and thumb. “Tell me about Dad.”
“I’m breaking a promise I made to him by telling you, but you’re an adult, and I suppose you do have a right to know.”
“Thank you.” He leaned back and closed his eyes. “Whatever it is, it’s got to shed some light on the way he changed.”
“Yes, it will do that.” She paused for a long moment, and when she continued, her tone was compassionate. “Honey, that spring your father was diagnosed with ALS.”
Tony sat bolt upright. “What? Why would he want to keep that from me? Why would you?”
“Calm down, please. This is not easy for me to talk about.” Her words were sharp, though she spoke softly.
“I’m sorry.” He rose to his feet and paced again. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Isn’t this something you should have told me?”
“I promised your father I wouldn’t. He was given a year to live. He knew that was going to be his last summer with you. His health was declining, and—”
“Christ.” Tony sank back down to the couch. He couldn’t imagine what his father had gone through. “When did the drinking begin?”
“I don’t know exactly, but sometime soon after he received the diagnosis.” His mother paused, and the answers became clearer.
“He wasn’t drinking at a work party that night, was he?”
“No.” A whisper.
“Mom. He…he killed himself when he crashed into that tree? It wasn’t an accident?”
“I don’t know.” Her voice was stronger but shaky. “We’ll never know. But the father you were with that last summer is not the man your father always was. Surely you know that.”
“He was always tough on me.”
“Yes. Because he didn’t want you to make a mistake. Parents worry, honey. When your child tells you he wants to be a pro surfer, as a parent you want to protect them from failing. To parents who aren’t surfers, you might as well have said you wanted to go to the moon or be a rock star. It was all so foreign to us. Your father and I were businesspeople. Straight and narrow, follow the road put forth by your elders. College, graduate school, family. Solid path. You threw us for a loop. Not that we didn’t want to support your dreams, but…”
“It’s okay, Ma. I get it. I know how it must have sounded, but I was driven. I lived and breathed surfing. Still do. I made it, and damn it, Dad never got a chance to see that. He never got a chance to move past all that shit he gave me and be proud of what I’d done.”
“Oh, honey.” Her voice trembled, as if she were crying. “Even back then your father was proud of all you’d accomplished and the fact that you were on your way to becoming the best. But he saw that summer as his last chance to make a difference and guide you in the way a father should.” She paused for a beat, and when she continued, her tone was softer. “He just didn’t know how to get so much out in so little time. And the alcohol didn’t help.”
Tony’s eyes teared up. “ALS.”
“It’s not genetic, so you don’t have to worry about that.”
“It’s not that, although it is a relief. I just wish I had known. Maybe I could have talked to him about…everything.”
“He loved you, Tony. He loved you so much. All those times his anger got the best of him, he wasn’t aiming that venom at you. He was angry about the disease, about leaving us before he was ready. You just got caught in the line of fire.”
TONY TOSSED THE phone onto the couch and buried his face in his hands. Amy stood on the wrong side of the screen door with her heart in her throat. ALS. She’d heard him say it, and now he was falling apart. Who was he talking to? Who had ALS?
“Tony?”
Tony spun around, eyes red and watery. She read his silent plea and forced her legs to carry her inside. He didn’t stand from where he sat on the couch. He simply reached a hand out, and as she took it, the air shifted, became heavier. He drew her down onto his lap, and her arms instinctively circled his neck. She held him as his breathing hitched and his grip on her tightened.
“That was my mom,” he said against her shoulder. “My father…was sick.”
His sadness pressed in on her through the weight of his large hands splayed on her back and his warm, stubbled cheek against her. Amy closed her eyes and hoped she could offer a modicum of the strength that he’d always offered to her.
“I’m sorry, Tony.”
She felt him nod.
“He had ALS, Amy. ALS. I had no idea.” His voice trailed off.
Eventually his grip eased and he gazed sadly into her eyes. “I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
She kissed him to soften the hurt threaded in his voice. He deepened the kiss, turning it hot and urgent, greedy for comfort she was more than willing to give. Amy was the first to draw back, wanting to show him the love she felt so deeply and to fill her own need to bring him respite from whatever was tearing him up inside.
There was nothing she could say to take away the hurt she saw in his eyes. He pulled her closer, and she knew he needed to be loved the way she’d loved him all those years ago. She needed to take away the ache of sorrow and fill him with comfort in a way only their love could. She kissed his jaw, his neck, the tender spot at the base of his neck that made him hard. She pushed at his tank top, running her hands over his muscles. She stroked his nipple with her tongue, and his hands fisted in her hair, holding her mouth against him. Amy followed his lead, sucking, loving, grazing his sensitive skin with her teeth. She moved lower, tasting the saltiness of his rippled abs as she moved from his lap to her knees between his legs. He held her gaze as she unzipped his shorts and took his hard length in her hand, then lowered her mouth to him, loving him until his head fell back and she knew thoughts of them had erased the sadness in his beautiful mind. When he came, it was her name hissing from his lips, her gaze he held as he dragged her up and kissed her like being with her was the only place on earth he ever wanted to be.
Chapter Fifteen
OVER THE NEXT few days, Amy and Tony talked about his father’s illness and the magnitude of what his father must have felt. Tony was angry at first about his parents keeping it from him. As he came to grips with his new reality, Amy gave him the time and space to deal with it in the way he dealt with most things. He threw himself into surfing and working out. He was up before dawn for morning workouts, then beat his body up for most of the day, and when he’d return, he and Amy would talk until the wee hours of the morning and then make love until the pain and confusion was once again held at bay.
Sunday morning Tony took Evan surfing while Amy, Bella, and Jenna went to help Leanna at the flea market. Luscious Leanna’s Sweet Treats had taken off so much that Leanna couldn’t keep up with the customers at her booth. She’d even begun leaving Pepper at home with Kurt because she needed to focus solely on sales. Sunday was the busiest day at the flea market, and today was no different. It was a gorgeous summer afternoon with temps in the mideighties and a nice cool breeze. The girls wore their typical attire of their bathing suits beneath sundresses, with the exception of Leanna, who had on her jam-streaked cutoffs and a tank top.
While Leanna and Jenna helped customers, Bella and Amy applied labels to jars sitting beside Leanna’s colorful, hand-painted Volkswagen bus. She always parked behind her booth, as most of the vendors did.
“Have you had any repercussions from the stunt you pulled with Theresa?” Amy asked Bella.
“Pfft. No. She can’t outdo me. She knows that now.”
“But that was breaking and entering. You’re lucky she didn’t have you arrested.”
“No, it wasn’t. I offered to water her plants while she was gone. Besides, it’s all in fun. She knows that. Let’s talk about something that matters. How is Tony holding up with the news about his dad?” Bella ask
ed.
Tony hadn’t hesitated when Amy had asked him if she should share the news of his father’s illness with the girls. She wasn’t sure if he’d been so quick to allow it because they would be there to support them or because he was just not into keeping secrets any longer. His decision seemed to be driven by both. She’d told the girls about his father’s illness, and as she’d expected, they’d been empathetic and supportive.
“You know Tony. He’s keeping himself busy until he’s really ready to deal with it. I think he needs closure.” Amy set a jar on the table and picked up another. “Is it weird that I feel guilty about that summer? I mean, maybe if I hadn’t been so attracted to Tony back then, he would have had more time for his dad or been more focused on him. Maybe he could have talked to him instead of just being upset over how he was being treated.”
“It’s not weird, but only because you have the biggest, most unselfish heart on the planet.” Bella peeled the backing off a label and pressed it on the jar. “You hate to see anyone sad, and you want to fix it for him. But he’s a guy. You can’t fix anything for a guy. No one can. They’re like…” Bella looked out at the sea of people walking between the booths. “I don’t know what they’re like, but while they want us there to listen and love them, they want to be the fixers.”
“I just want to do the right thing and help him through this.”
Bella set down the jar and reached for Amy’s hands. “Ames, you are doing the right thing. You and Tony are together. The rest will work itself out.”
“I hope so. I hate that he can’t go back and work things out with his dad.” She knew it was tearing Tony up that he couldn’t fix this with a phone call to his father, and she worried about what would happen when keeping himself busy wasn’t enough to dull the pain.
When there was a lull in the flow of customers, Jenna joined them. “Take him to his father’s grave site. He can say a real goodbye, not the angry, confused twenty-year-old’s goodbye of years ago.”
Seaside Secrets Page 17