“Yeah, I am pretty incredible.” Jenna threw her head back and laughed so loud two women looked up from a nearby table. She slapped her hand over her mouth. “Sorry,” she whispered.
They moved to another display of books.
“Can I ask you something else?” Jenna asked.
“Sure, not that I was any help on your first question.”
“Wasn’t it hard for you all those years, knowing Tony was seeing other women? I mean, we’ve all seen the pictures of him in the surf magazines. There were always women around him.”
Amy closed her eyes for a beat. That was one of her tender spots. She hated thinking about any other woman in Tony’s arms, but she’d turned him away. She couldn’t blame him for taking comfort in the arms of another…or many others. She took a minute to rein in her jealousy before answering.
“Every time I saw him in a magazine with a girl, I used the picture as a dart board.”
Jenna laughed. “And how’d you do?”
“Let’s just say that I started out as an amateur, and I’m now an expert.”
“See? Spin it positive. Now you have more skills.”
Amy rolled her eyes.
“You know Pete was with plenty of women before we got together. My take on it is that we should hold our heads up high. They may have played the field, but we’re the ones they’ll come home to for the rest of their lives.”
“I agree. Besides, they’ve dated enough women to know what they really want.” Even though Amy hadn’t needed to date anyone else to know that Tony was the only man she’d ever want. She was kind of glad to know Tony’d had his choice of women before her and that he’d chosen her out of all of them.
“Ames, how are you really holding up?” Jenna’s voice softened. “I’m here to talk if you want to talk about what happened…you know. That summer.”
“I’m good, actually. I never realized how hard it was to carry around that secret for so long. I’m glad I told you guys and even happier that Tony and I have talked about it.”
“But?”
Amy raised her brows.
“Come on. I see something behind those green eyes. What is it?”
“You do not. I’m fine.” Liar, liar.
Jenna stepped closer and stared up at Amy.
“You’re intimidating for a shrimp,” Amy teased.
“I may be short in stature, but I’m tall in determination. Fess up. What’s going on?”
“I just…” Amy pulled Jenna over to the corner of the library. “Tony wants me to go surfing.”
Jenna arched a brow. “And?”
“The last time I went surfing was when…was that last afternoon that summer. Remember? I told you I wiped out and lost the baby?”
“Oh, right. I’m sorry, Ames. I don’t know what I was thinking.” Jenna’s eyes grew serious. “But you’re not pregnant now, so…” She gasped. “Wait? Are you?”
“God, no. But the whole thing is kind of scary.”
“Tony won’t let you get hurt.”
“No, not that kind of scary. Just…I don’t know how to explain it. What if it all comes back to me and I totally freak out?” Amy crossed her arms to give her wobbly legs stability. She lowered her voice again. “What if I have a panic attack or something?”
“So what if you do?” Jenna took her hand. “Honey, you’ll have Tony right there with you. He’s proved he loves you a million times over, hasn’t he? He waited as long for you as you did for him, even after you tossed him aside like yesterday’s news.”
“Hey.” She swatted Jenna’s arm.
“I’m just teasing, but really. If you panic, you panic. So what? So he holds you and tells you everything’s going to be okay, and you know what?”
“Yeah. I know what. Everything will be okay. In my heart I know it will be okay. I’m just overthinking again, I’m sure.” Amy sighed. “We’re going to the beach at high tide today, and I know he’s going to ask me to surf. Thank you, Jenna. Thanks for reminding me about what I really need to focus on. Tony will be right there. Even if I freak out, I won’t be freaking out alone.” Now if I could only figure out my job situation. Baby steps.
On their way back to their car, they spotted Theresa coming out of the market.
“Oh God. I bet she hates us,” Amy said under her breath, feigning a smile as Theresa headed in their direction.
“She might hate Bella, but probably not us.”
Theresa met them in front of Town Hall. “I thought you girls would be at the beach today. It’s gorgeous out, isn’t it?” She squinted up at the sky.
“We’re going later this afternoon when the tide’s in. Why aren’t you enjoying the sun?” Amy couldn’t remember ever seeing Theresa wearing a bathing suit besides the thong she’d worn to one-up Bella’s prank last summer, and that was an image she’d like to forget. Theresa typically wore something similar to what she had on now, a pair of pleated shorts and a polo shirt.
“I just had to pick up some groceries.” Theresa jiggled her grocery bag. “I thought I’d do a little weeding around the fire pit today.”
“Thank you for doing that,” Jenna said. “It always looks so nice.”
“Are you up for a couple weeks or just a few days?” Amy asked.
“I’ll be here for a few weeks this time.” Theresa turned her attention toward the street. “Assuming I’m not arrested anytime soon.”
Jenna and Amy exchanged a holy shit glance.
“Theresa, I’m sorry about Bella.” Amy stepped into Theresa’s field of vision as Jenna grabbed Amy’s arm.
After a minute of uncomfortable silence, Theresa finally turned toward Amy with a stoic look on her face. “No need to be sorry. I love Bella’s mischievous soul, but she’ll get hers.” She stepped off the curb and headed for the parking lot across the street, turning once to wave with a wry smile.
“Crap,” Amy said. “I think Bella’s in trouble.”
TONY STOOD AT the edge of the water with one arm around Amy and her surfboard in the other. She looked incredibly sexy in her blue bikini, but he felt tension rolling off of her. When they were packing for the beach, she’d told him she was ready to try to surf again. As much as he wanted to share every aspect of his life with Amy, he’d never push her toward anything that he didn’t feel she could handle. He knew she was nervous about surfing again, and he also knew it had nothing to do with skill and everything to do with the memories tied to her last wipeout.
“Ames, you don’t have to do this.” He pulled her against his side. “We can go our whole lives without surfing together.”
Her eyes pooled with emotion, causing his own to break like a tidal wave, bowling him over but not pulling him under. He felt more stable than he had since he’d lost her fourteen years ago, and he knew what he’d spent the morning planning was exactly what he wanted, regardless of how today’s foray into surfing ended up.
“I know we can,” Amy said. “But it’s time to put our past behind us. I loved surfing with you that summer. It was invigorating, and I felt like I was sharing in the most special part of your life. I want that again.”
He kissed her softly. “Babe, you’re the most special and the most important part of my life.”
She shifted her eyes to the water, and he felt her body stiffen. He tried to ease her tension with a distraction.
“Happy ten-day anniversary of our first kiss in fourteen years.”
Her brows drew together as her eyes shifted in his direction again. “It’s our ten-day anniversary of our kiss?”
He nodded. “And I’m taking you to dinner tonight to celebrate. Just the two of us.”
“Tony, the fact that you even know how many days ago we had our first kiss feels like a celebration.” She wrapped her arms around his waist and pressed her cheek to his chest. “I love you so much.”
His heart swelled, knowing she was ready to move forward and they were both done hiding from the past.
With a loud exhalation, Amy stepped away and r
eached for the surfboard.
“Shall we get this over with?”
“Don’t sound so enthusiastic,” he teased.
Amy carried the long surfboard, and the sight threw Tony back in time. He pictured her at eighteen, smiling as she ran into the waves, wincing at the frigid water just as she was now.
“I told you to wear a wet suit.” He shook his head. She’d refused to wear one that summer, too.
“I told you how I feel about that.” She laid flat on the board and began to paddle out with Tony swimming by her side, one strong hand stabilizing the surfboard. “I look more like a seal if I’m wearing black.”
“Babe, you’re so hot that a shark would be too busy drooling to bite you.” He pushed her out past the waves with a grin that he had no chance of stifling. His Amy was braving the waves again.
For him.
For us.
He loved her so damn much.
They were beyond the breaking point, waiting for the right wave to roll in. Tony was nervous for her, and he wondered if her mind was wrapped around that fateful day or if she was thinking only of this very second. He was going to ask, but he wanted her focused on now, and with the slight chance that she was, he didn’t want to distract her. She’d need every bit of her focus to be able to stand up on the board again.
She flashed a nervous smile, and a conflicting mischievous spark filled her eyes.
Yeah, she was nervous, and excited, and he loved knowing her thrill of surfing hadn’t been lost. Tony watched the waves building in strength. He touched Amy’s calf and felt her trembling, probably from the cold and the fear of being away from the board for so many years.
“You okay, kitten? This one looks good.”
Her green eyes took on the fierce determination that had surprised him years earlier.
“Oh, yeah. I’ve got this.”
God, he hoped so. “Okay. I’ll be right there with you, babe. Concentrate. You’ve got this.”
She nodded, and he swam away, giving her room and watching her like a hawk as the wave swelled, lifting her board. Amy grabbed the edge of the board.
“Come on, baby, pop up,” he urged through gritted teeth.
In one explosive motion she pushed her body up and tucked her feet beneath her. Tony held his breath. One foot slid forward as the wave rose, tipped her board, and knocked Amy into the sea. Tony swam as fast as he could, reaching her in seconds. She coughed and sputtered as he held her around her waist, keeping her head above the surface.
“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” He was so damn proud of her for trying. He kicked his feet to keep them afloat and snagged her board with one hand while holding her against him. “You’re the bravest woman I know. That was awesome.”
She laughed and pushed from his chest. “That sucked, and I’m going to do better. And yeah, I’m brave. But then again, I have a boyfriend to keep up with.”
He pressed his lips to hers, trapping their laughter. “No panicky feelings?”
“None, and I’m as shocked as you are.” She was breathing hard, kicking to help them stay up. “No panic other than being afraid I won’t get up on the board today.”
“You’re fucking amazing.”
They paddled out again, and Amy tried to catch the next few waves, each time tumbling into the water with Tony there seconds later to help her.
“I’m going to get this next one,” she assured him through trembling blue lips.
“Babe, I could do this all day long, but you might want to take a break and warm up.” He was paddling alongside her board, and when she narrowed her eyes and glared at him, he held his hands up in surrender.
The next wave swelled much larger than the last. “Amy?” he warned.
She shooed him away, jaw clenched, eyes trained on the water. Her board lifted with the swell, and her fingers wrapped tightly around the edges of the board. She pushed her body up and her feet tucked under, left foot leading as she popped up with a little scream of joy.
“Yeah!” Tony hollered.
Amy maintained her balance, her arms loose and extended, leaning slightly forward, lowering her center of gravity just as he’d taught her. Tony punched the air in excitement. His Amy was back. Really back.
And this time he was never letting her go.
Chapter Twenty
THE NIGHT COULDN’T have been more perfect if Amy had dreamed it up. She and Tony were sitting on a blanket at the top of the dunes at Race Point, named for the fierce rip tides that came around the point of the Cape. Tony had picked up dinner from Mac’s Seafood. They’d shared oysters and mussels, a plate of seafood lasagna, and were working their way through a bottle of wine. Amy was thinking about how long she’d loved Tony and what he’d come to mean to her. He was her quiet strength, the one person who really knew and understood her. Her girlfriends knew and understood her in other ways, but only Tony knew just how to touch her when she was nervous or scared or when she needed to be held. Only Tony had felt the sheer power of their love that summer and the brutal intensity of their loss.
She realized that it was more than just love that kept her from connecting with other men all this time. Their loss bound them together in a way that she now realized left a hole that only Tony could fill. Their past would always be there—a part of them. She hadn’t become pregnant because she was a reckless teenager out having a one-night stand, and she didn’t need to pick it apart any more than they already had. It happened. They survived it, and maybe they were better people because of it. Maybe it had to happen in order for them to come together at the right time in their lives. In any case, now it was time to move on.
As if reading her mind, Tony covered her fingers with his. He smiled, then gazed out at the water, his features more relaxed than she’d seen all summer. In fact, he looked more relaxed than he had in many summers. His white linen pants were rolled up above his ankles. His loose short-sleeve, button-down shirt revealed a tanned swatch of his chest, and his eyes—oh, how she loved the way they told of all his emotions—were no longer shadowed with grief.
“Thank you for today.” She set her wineglass down and curled her fingers around his.
“You were amazing out there. I’d almost forgotten how determined you could be.”
She raised her brows and tucked her hair behind her ear, trying to give him a don’t-underestimate-me look but also feeling proud of herself. So very proud.
“Almost as determined as I can be.” His tone was gravelly as he leaned across the blanket and kissed her.
“I did learn from the best,” she teased.
They finished their wine, and Tony gathered their things in his backpack, then rose to his feet and reached for her hand.
“I have a surprise for you. I’m not sure if you’re going to like it or not, but it’s something I wanted to do, and it’s something I wanted to share with you.”
“Tony Black, you have a worried look in your eyes. Is it dirty?” She narrowed her eyes, feigning seriousness, while anticipation rushed through her veins.
He leaned so close she could smell the wine on his breath. “No, kitten. It’s not dirty. But if you’d like, I can conjure up some dirty surprises for you, too.” He pressed his lips to hers again.
“I’m…open on that front. With you, I mean,” she whispered, feeling embarrassed and brave at the same time.
He kissed her again. “Well, then,” he said in a husky voice, “I’ll have to keep that in mind.” He folded her in his arms. “But for now I would like to go up to the top of the lighthouse and release a paper lantern in honor of my father.”
Her body melted against him. “Tony, I would be honored to share that moment with you.”
He touched his forehead to hers and closed his eyes. He smelled like man and summer and love all wrapped up in one sensual scent.
“Kitten, I also want to release a lantern for the child we lost.”
Amy’s breath caught in her throat. Tears dampened her eyes as she reached deep inside herself and
forced her voice to work.
“Tony,” she whispered.
“Too much?”
“No.” Tears slipped down her cheeks. “Perfect,” was all she could manage. She buried her face in his chest and soaked up his comfort and strength like a sponge.
They put their stuff in the car and Tony grabbed a bag from the backseat.
“How did you arrange this? It’s only open twice a year,” she asked as a young, clean-cut man opened the lighthouse for them.
As they ascended the red circular staircase toward the top of the lighthouse, the weight of Tony’s protective hand on her back helped keep Amy grounded in the moment. She kept one hand on the brick wall and the other on the railing. Her heart raced as they stepped through the door and into the cool air on the balcony at the top of the lighthouse.
“Let’s just say that I owe Caden big-time. He has a friend with the US Coast Guard, and they arranged for Kyle to let us in.”
Tony set down the bag with the sky lanterns in it and took her in his arms again. She fisted her hands in his shirt for stability, feeling emotionally overwhelmed by what they were about to do. He brushed her hair from her shoulders and kissed her sweetly.
“You okay?”
She nodded and opened her mouth to answer, but no words came.
“It’s okay. Let’s take a moment and just be together.” He held her close and she closed her eyes, reveling in his understanding and love.
She felt him lift his head and clung to him like she was never going to let go. She toyed with the idea of trying to get away with that and imagined herself clinging to him while he surfed. She smiled at the ridiculous thought and forced herself to ease her grip and look out over the water.
“Wow. This is just beautiful.” She looked up at Tony and felt so in love that she had to hang on to him again. She realized that the love they had now was even more intense than their first love, in a more mature way. It was the type of love that she knew she could count on in good times and bad. The type of love she’d never, ever hide again, for anyone or for any reason. This was true, grown-up love.
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