by Jean M. Auel
“You know it was dangerous to try for the hyena from so far away; you might have hit Brac instead.” Brun was probing. He had been ready to try his bola, though the chance of killing the boy with one of the large stones was more than a possibility. But instant death from a cracked skull was preferable to the one the child faced, and at least they would have had the boy’s body to bury, so he could be sent on his way to the spirit world with proper rituals. They would have been lucky to find scattered bones if the hyena had had his way.
“I knew I could hit it,” Ayla answered simply.
“How could you be sure? The hyena was out of range.”
“He wasn’t out of my range. I’ve hit animals before from that distance. I don’t miss often.”
“I thought I saw the marks of two stones,” Brun motioned.
“I threw two stones,” Ayla confirmed. “I taught myself after the lynx attacked me.”
“You were attacked by a lynx?” Brun pressed.
“Yes,” Ayla nodded, and told of her close call with the large cat.
“What is your range?” Brim asked. “No, don’t tell me, show me. Do you have your sling?”
Ayla nodded and got up. They all moved to the far end of the clearing where a small brook trickled over a rocky bed. She selected a few pebbles of the right size and shape. Round ones were best for accuracy and distance, but jagged, sharp-edged broken pieces would work.
“The small white rock beside the large boulder at the other end,” she motioned.
Brun nodded. It was easily half again as far as any of them could hurl a stone. She sighted carefully, inserted a stone in her sling, and had a second one in the sling and on its way the next instant. Zoug jogged over to confirm her accuracy.
“There are two fresh chips knocked out of the white stone. She hit the mark both times,” he announced on his return, with a trace of wonder and the barest hint of pride.
She was female, she should never have touched the sling-Clan tradition was absolutely clear on that-but she was good. She gave him credit for teaching her, whether he knew it or not. That double-stone technique, he thought, that’s a trick I’d like to learn. Zoug’s pride was the pride of a true teacher for a pupil who excelled; a student who paid attention, learned well, and then did the master one better. And she had proved him right.
Brun’s eye caught a movement in the clearing.
“Ayla!” he cried. “That rabbit. Get him!”
She glanced in the direction he was pointing, saw the small animal bounding across the field, and dropped him. There was no need to check her accuracy. Brun looked at the girl appreciatively. She’s quick, he thought. The idea of a woman hunting offended the leader’s sense of propriety, but with Brun, the clan always came first, their safety, their security, their prosperity were foremost. In a corner of his mind, he knew what an asset she could be to the clan. No, it’s impossible, he said to himself. It’s against the traditions, it’s not the Clan way.
Creb didn’t have the same appreciation for her skill. If he had any doubts left, her exhibition convinced him. Ayla had been hunting.
“Why did you ever pick up a sling in the first place?” Mog-ur gestured with a bleak, dark look.
“I don’t know,” she shook her head and looked down. More than anything, she hated the thought of the magician’s displeasure.
“You did more than touch it. You hunted with it, killed with it, when you knew it was wrong.”
“My totem gave me a sign, Creb. At least I thought it was a sign.” She was undoing the knots in her amulet. “After I decided to hunt, I found this.” She handed the fossil cast to Mog-ur.
A sign? Her totem gave her a sign? There was consternation among the men.
Ayla’s revelation put a new twist on the situation, but why did she decide to hunt?
The magician examined it closely. It was a very unusual stone, shaped like a sea animal, but definitely a stone. It could have been a sign, but that didn’t prove anything.
Signs were between a person and his totem; no one could understand another person’s signs. Mog-ur gave it back to the girl.
“Creb,” she said pleadingly. “I thought my totem was testing me. I thought the way Broud treated me was the test. I thought if I could learn to accept it, my totem would let me hunt.” Quizzical glances were cast in the young man’s direction to see his reaction.
Did she really think Broud was used by her totem to test her? Broud looked uncomfortable. “I thought when the lynx attacked me, it was a test, too. I almost stopped hunting after that, I was too afraid. Then I got the idea to try two stones, so I would have something to try again if I missed the first time. I even thought my totem gave me the idea.”
“I see,” the holy man said. “I’d like some time to meditate on this, Brun.” “Maybe we should all think about it. We’ll meet again tomorrow morning,” he announced, “without the girl.”
“What is there to think about?” Broud objected. “We all know the punishment she deserves.”
“Her punishment could be dangerous to the whole clan, Broud. I need to be absolutely sure there isn’t something we’ve overlooked before I condemn her. We will meet again tomorrow.”
As the men returned to the cave, they talked among themselves.
“I never knew of a woman who wanted to hunt,” Droog said. “Could it have something to do with her totem? It’s a male totem.”
“I didn’t want to question Mog-ur’s judgment at the time,” Zoug said, “but I always did wonder about her Cave Lion, even with the marks on her leg. I don’t doubt it anymore. He was right, he always is.”
“Could she be part male?” Crag commented. “There’s been some talk.”
“That would account for her unwomanly ways,” Dorv added.
“She’s female all right, there’s no doubt of that,” Broud said. “She must be killed, everyone knows it.”
“You’re probably right, Broud,” Crug said.
“Even if she is part male, I don’t like the idea of a woman hunting,” Dorv commented dourly. “I don’t even like her being part of the clan. She’s too different.” “You know I’ve always felt that way, Dorv,” Broud agreed. “I don’t know why Brun wants to talk about it again. If I were leader, I’d just do it and be done with it.” “It’s not a decision to make lightly, Broud,” Grod said.
“What’s your hurry? One more day won’t matter.”
Broud hurried ahead without bothering to respond. That old man is always lecturing, he thought, always sticking up for Brun. Why can’t Brun make a decision? I’ve made up my mind. What good is all this talk? Maybe he’s getting old, too old to lead anymore.
Ayla stumbled back after the men. She went straight to the cave to Creb’s hearth and sat on her sleeping fur, staring into space. Iza tried to coax her to eat, but she just shook her head. Uba wasn’t sure what was going on, but something was troubling the tall, wonderful girl, the special friend she loved and idolized. She went to Ayla and crawled into her lap. Ayla held the small girl, silently rocking her. Somehow Uba knew she was a comfort. She didn’t squirm to get down, she just allowed herself to be held and rocked and finally fell asleep. Iza took the child from Ayla’s arms and put her to bed, then retired to her own, but she didn’t sleep. Her heart was too full of grief for the strange girl she called daughter who sat staring at the glowing coals of the cooling fire.
The morning dawned clear and cold. Ice was forming on the edges of the stream, and a thin film of solidified water covered the still, spring-fed pond near the mouth of the cave in the mornings, usually melted by the time the sun was high. Before very much longer, the clan would be confined to the cave for the winter.
Iza didn’t know if Ayla had slept; she was still sitting on her fur when the woman awoke. The girl was silent, lost in a world of her own, hardly conscious of her own thoughts. She just waited. Creb did not return to his hearth for the second night. Iza saw him shuffle into the dark crevice that was the entrance to his inner sanctum. H
e didn’t come out again until morning. After the men left, Iza brought the girl some tea, but Ayla didn’t respond to the medicine woman’s gentle questions. When she returned, the tea was still beside the girl, cold and untouched. It’s as though she’s already dead, Iza thought.
Her breath caught in her throat as the icy claw of sorrow gripped her heart. It was almost more than Iza could bear.
Brun led the men to a place in the lee of a large boulder, sheltered from the brisk wind, and had a fire built before he opened the meeting. The discomfort of sitting in the cold might encourage the men to be hasty, and he wanted to know the full range of their feelings and opinions. When he began, it was in the completely silent symbols used to address spirits, and it told the men this was not a casual gathering, but a formal meeting.
“The girl, Ayla, a member of our clan, used a sling to kill the hyena that attacked Brac. For three years, she has used the weapon. Ayla is female; by Clan tradition, a female who uses a weapon must die. Does anyone have anything they want to say?” “Droog would speak, Brun.”
“Droog may speak.”
“When the medicine woman found the girl, we were looking for a new cave. The spirits were angry with us and sent an earthquake to destroy our home. Maybe they weren’t so angry, maybe they just wanted a better place, and maybe they wanted us to find the girl. She is strange, unusual, like a sign from a totem. We have been lucky since we found her. I think she brings luck and I think it comes from her totem.
“It’s only part of her strangeness that she was chosen by the Great Cave Lion. We thought she was peculiar because she liked to go into the water of the sea, but if she had not been so peculiar, Ona would be walking the spirit world now. Ona is only a girl, and not even born to my hearth, but I have grown to love her. I would have missed her; I’m grateful she didn’t drown.
“She is strange to us, but we know little of the Others. She is Clan now, but she was not born Clan. I don’t know why she ever wanted to hunt, it’s wrong for Clan women to hunt, but maybe their women do. It doesn’t matter, it was still wrong, but if she hadn’t taught herself to use a sling, Brac would be dead, too. It’s not pleasant to think of the way he would have died. For a hunter to be killed by a meat eater is one thing, but Brac is a baby.
“His death would have been a loss to the whole clan, Brun, not just to Broud and you. If he had died, we wouldn’t be sitting here trying to decide what to do about the girl who saved his life, we’d be grieving for the boy who will one day be leader. I think the girl should be punished, but how can she be condemned to die? I am finished.” “Zoug would speak, Brun.”
“Zoug may speak.”
“What Droog says is true; how can you condemn the girl when she saved Brac’s life? She is different, she wasn’t born Clan, and maybe she doesn’t think like a woman should, but except for the matter of the sling, she behaves like a good Clan woman. She had been a model woman, obedient, respectful…”
“That’s not true! She is rebellious, insolent,” Broud interrupted.
“I am speaking now, Broud,” Zoug returned angrily. Brun shot him a disapproving glance and Broud curbed his outburst.
“It’s true,” Zoug continued, “when the girl was younger, she was insolent to you, Broud. But you brought it on yourself, you’re the one who let it bother you. If you act like a child, is it so strange that the girl does not treat you like a man? She has never been anything but dutiful and obedient to me. Nor has she ever been insolent to any other man.”
Broud glowered at the old hunter but held himself in check.
“Even if it were not true,” Zoug continued, “I have never seen anyone as good with the sling as she is. She says she learned from me. I never knew it, but I will say openly I wish I had so apt a pupil to teach, and I must admit, I could learn from her now.
She wanted to hunt for the clan, and when she couldn’t, she tried to find another way to help the clan. She may have been born to the Others, but in her heart she is Clan. She has always put the interests of the clan before herself. She didn’t think of the danger when she went after Ona. She may be able to move on the water, but I saw how tired she was when she brought Ona back. The sea could have taken her, too. She knew it was wrong for her to hunt, kept her secret hidden for three years, but she didn’t hesitate when Brac’s life was in danger.
“She is skilled with that weapon, more skilled than anyone I’ve ever seen. It would be a shame to let that skill go to waste. I say let her be a benefit to the clan, let her hunt…”
“No! No! No!” Broud jumped up in anger. “She is female. Females cannot be allowed to hunt…
“Broud,” the proud old hunter said. “I am not through. You may ask to speak when I am done.”
“Let Zoug finish, Broud!” the leader cautioned. “If you do not know how to conduct yourself at a formal meeting, you may leave!” Broud sat down again, struggling to control himself.
“The sling is not an important weapon. I only began to develop my skill after I got too old to hunt with a spear. It’s the other weapons that are the real men’s weapons. I say let her hunt, but only with the sling. Let the sling be the weapon of old men and women, or at least this one. I am finished now.”
“Zoug, you know as well as I that it is more difficult to use a sling than a spear, and many times you have provided meat when the hunt was a failure. Don't belittle yourself for the girl's sake. With a spear, you only need a strong arm,» Brun said.
«And strong legs and heart, and good lungs, and a great deal of courage,» Zoug replied.
«I wonder how much courage it took to face another lynx after being attacked by one, alone, with only a sling?» Droog commented. «I wouldn't object to Zoug's suggestion, if she hunts only with a sling. The spirits don't seem to object; she is still bringing us luck. What about our mammoth hunt?»
«I'm not sure that's a decision we can make,» Brun said. «I don't see any way we can even allow her to live, much less hunt. You know the traditions, Zoug. It's never been done before; would the spirits really approve? What made you think of it, anyway? Clan women don't hunt.»
«Yes, Clan women don't hunt, but this one has. I probably wouldn't have thought of it if I didn't know she could, if I hadn't already seen her. All I'm saying is let her continue to do what she has already done.»
«What do you say, Mog-ur?» Brun asked.
«What do you expect him to say, she lives at his hearth!» Broud interjected bitterly.
«Broud!» Brun stormed. «Are you accusing Mog-ur of putting his own feelings, his own interests, before those of the clan? Is he not Mog-ur? The Mog-ur? You think he will not say what is right, what is true?»
«No, Brun. Broud has made a good point. My feelings for Ayla are well known; it's not easy to forget I love her. I think you should all remember that, even though I've tried to put emotions aside. I can't be sure that I have. I have been fasting and meditating since you returned, Brun. Last night I found my way to memories I never knew, perhaps because I never looked.
«Long ago, long before we were Clan, women helped men to hunt.» There was a gasp of disbelief. «It's true. We will have a ceremony, and I will take you there. When we were first learning to make tools and weapons, and we were born with a knowing that was like memories, but different, women and men both killed animals for food. Men did not always provide for women then. Like a mother bear, a woman hunted for herself and her children.
«It was later that men began to hunt for a woman and her young, and even later before women with children stayed behind. When men began to care about the young, when they began to provide, it was the beginnings of the Clan and helped it to grow. If a mother of a young child died while she was trying to get food, the baby died, too. But it wasn't until people stopped fighting each other and learned to cooperate, to hunt together, that the Clan really began. Even then, some women hunted, when they were the ones who talked to the spirits.
«Brun, you said it's never been done before. You are wrong; Clan women
have hunted before. The spirits approved then, but they were different spirits, ancient spirits, not the spirits of totems. They were powerful spirits, but they have long since gone to rest. I'm not sure if they can rightfully be called Clan spirits. It wasn't that they were honored or venerated, more that they were feared; but they weren't evil, just powerful.» The men were stunned. He spoke of times so ancient and so little recalled, they were almost forgotten, almost new. Yet just his mentioning of them evoked a recollection of the fear, and more than one man shuddered.
«I doubt that women born to the Clan now would ever want to hunt,» Mog-ur continued. «I'm not sure they could. It's been too long, women have changed since then, so have men. But Ayla is different, the Others are different, more different than we think.
I don't think letting her hunt would make any difference as far as the other women are concerned. Her hunting, her wanting to hunt, surprises them as much as us. I have nothing more to say.»
«Does anyone have anything more to say?» Brun asked. He wasn't sure, though, that he was ready for more. Too many new ideas had already been proposed for comfort.
«Goov would speak, Brun.»
«Goov may speak.»
«I am only an acolyte, I don't know as much as Mog-ur, but I think he overlooked something. Maybe it's because he has tried so hard to put aside his feeling for Ayla. He has concentrated on remembering, not on the girl herself, perhaps out of fear it would be his love speaking and not his mind. He hasn't thought about her totem.
«Has anyone considered why a powerful male totem would choose a girl?» He answered his own rhetorical question. «Except for Ursus, the Cave Lion is the most powerful totem. The cave lion is more powerful than the mammoth; he hunts mammoth, only the young and old, but he does hunt mammoth sometimes. The cave lion does not hunt mammoth.»
«You're not making sense, Goov. You say the cave lion hunts mammoth, then you say he doesn't,» Brun gestured.
«He doesn't, she does. We overlook that when we speak of protective totems; even the male cave lion is the protector. But who is the hunter? The largest meat eater of all, the strongest hunter is the lioness! The female! Is it not true she brings her kill to her mate? He can kill, but his job is to protect while she hunts.