“Your brain’s messed up, that’s some kind of excuse. I guess it all makes more sense now. I didn’t cheat on you on purpose or something. I just… I didn’t assume you treated our little thing that way. We never talked about sleeping with just each other.” Loki was seriously hot, fun to be around, and provided Red Jack with possibilities he could never get again. He could give up pussy for that, it was just for a few weeks anyway.
Loki smiled. “I hid away the gun. Told the police you were attacked by people in balaclavas. All right?”
Red Jack smiled slowly at him. “Good boy. It was a stolen gun, no connection to us.”
“And I won’t tell anyone.”
Red Jack looked into Loki’s eyes, and he couldn’t help the odd warmth spreading through his chest despite the biting pain in his side. “No one ever wanted me as a boyfriend.” Fuckbuddy? Sure, quite a few people, but boyfriend? That was new. He’d never imagined anyone would actually put up with him. Red Jack reached out to Loki and ran his fingers over those pretty lips. He knew he should wish a painful death on Loki for shooting him, but the danger only turned him on. Now that he survived, he saw their fight in the light of passion.
Loki kissed his fingertips. “Maybe Keith did.”
Red Jack pulled his fingers away in panic and the furious beeping next to the bed gave away his nerves. He was surprised that no nurse barged in since he’d woken up. Had Loki switched off the alarm in the machine, or something?
“Fuck. I told you about him, didn’t I? I was supposed to be dying.” Being touched by Loki felt so good it was scary. What if he liked it so much that he’d look for another guy after Loki died? Though just the thought of Loki’s dark eyes going dull, all light leaving them, caused an unpleasant ache somewhere inside.
Maybe he needed to promise himself to get an actual girlfriend? Problem was that as much as he loved pussy, tits, the sway of female hips, the way girls moaned, lost control, how their makeup smeared his skin, the flowery scent of their hair… he never connected with women on the same level he did with guys. He was at ease with men. He didn’t have to be cocky or pretend anything. They wanted him the way he was.
Loki loved him the way he was. Didn’t mock his sob story about falling in love with a guy who never loved him back. Despite all the bullshit that had gone down between them, Loki was at his bedside at the hospital.
Loki nodded. His voice sounded so soft with the background of the furious beeping. “Don’t worry. I won’t ever tell anyone. It’s okay.”
“His father would kill me if he knew that I thought of his son that way.” Red Jack sighed and let his head fall back to the pillow. There was a new lightness in his heart now that he’d told someone about Keith, about his inner battle. And if Loki was to die, there was no real risk for the secret coming out. Though it would be sad to see the guy go. Even if he was mental. Maybe it was the tumor that got him that way. Then again, maybe it was for the better? They could now truly indulge in each other without worrying about breaking up.
“Does that matter?” Loki put his head on the side of Red Jack’s chest.
“Considering his dad is our sergeant-at-arms, then yeah, it matters. Don’t wanna die a long and painful death.” Red Jack laughed but bit the inside of his cheek as the pain in his stomach intensified.
“He won’t know.” Loki brushed the back of his hand across Red Jack’s cheek. “You still remember him well...”
“He was with me when my family didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore.”
Loki sighed. “And he? Did he suck your cock?”
“God, no! I wish.” Red Jack covered his face with his hand. He never thought he’d be talking about this to someone. “We just jerked each other off a few times… But we had this spark, you know?”
“Yeah,” Loki said softly, and his gaze was enough to give Red Jack a chill. There was so much dedication in those black eyes.
“You are gonna give me so many blow jobs for this.” Red Jack pointed to his side.
“They’ll be so good you’ll never forget about me.”
Red Jack sighed, not really wanting to discuss this anymore. “So what’s next on that bucket list of yours?”
Loki’s eyes lit up, and he lowered his brows with a predatory smile. “Fuck Red Jack’s juicy freckled ass.”
Red Jack moaned when tension gripped his insides so hard it hurt. Loki might not be as big as him, but he sure could be a scary fucker with those scars on his face and eyes that bore into your soul. Especially when Red Jack’s ass was under discussion. “Nope, that’s number ten, asshole, so you better not die ’til we get to it,” he said, even though he hadn’t really decided on letting Loki fuck him. The whole idea of a dick up his ass unnerved him. Not just because of the physical aspect, but the fact that he didn’t want to give anyone so much power over him. Red Jack had seen some nasty shit in juvie, and boys didn’t hold hands and kiss. They grabbed the one they wanted, held him down, and used him. That was only the start of it. You had no respect once you got fucked once, and you’d never get it back.
Then again, his attitude toward Loki had changed. Red Jack didn’t just treat him like a cheap fuck. There was a tenderness to the way they touched. Red Jack had even kissed Loki’s chest, his nipples, and day by day considered going lower with his lips. He didn’t even know what to call what they did anymore, but it certainly wasn’t just about sex.
Chapter 15
Jack’s closeness had Loki on the edge. He wanted to take his hand off the steering wheel and put it on Jack’s thigh. The denim would be warm from the body it was covering and from soaking up the sun as they drove back from the hospital after two days of Jack’s treatment. Loki was tired from sleeping in the car, but he’d never leave Jack alone in the hospital, especially since he was the one who shot him. What had he been thinking? Now that the anger had evaporated, he couldn’t get his head around the fact that he had pulled the trigger. He did want Jack to hurt, but there were safer ways to make that happen.
He hadn’t been in immediate danger. He could’ve walked away while holding Jack at gunpoint, just in case. But he still shot him, only to watch Jack go ghostly pale and start bleeding all over the place. Loki could’ve lost him, and it scared him more than he wanted to admit. If being with Jack was what the universe meant for him, then he didn’t want to live out the rest of his miserable, lonely days without him. But now Jack was here with Loki, so generous to have forgiven him for all this mess.
Jack was on pain relief meds and limped a bit, but when Loki would ask, he kept saying he was fine. Fortunately, the doctors confirmed that Jack had been extremely lucky not to have any organs pierced.
But as Loki thought back yet again to Jack bleeding out, naked on the porch, telling Loki the story of his crush, Jack’s fingers trailed along Loki’s thigh. It started a muscle-melting sensation that soon spread all over Loki’s body. He had to hold on to the steering wheel to keep the car steady, but a low, strange rasp still left his mouth. He stole a glance at Jack, suddenly realizing how rare it was that Jack would touch him in normal situations. Even during sex, Jack would rarely touch his body all that much, content with just fucking Loki’s ass and jerking him off. Loki was pretty sure it had a lot to do with Jack claiming he wasn’t into guys.
Since the confessions Jack had made while thinking he was going to die, there was a strange unspoken closeness between them that didn’t just come from the weakness of Jack’s body. It was as if Loki had not only made a hole in Jack’s flesh, but had also cracked something deeper in him and managed to slide his fingers into the open wound. Sure, his hands were left bloodied, and sharing his own truth about the cancer made the prospect of dying more real. But as strange as it was, after those two conversations, it felt as though they had really stopped being strangers to each other. Loki didn’t know what it was that they had, but there was something new there. Something based on more than just instinct and wanting to get off.
Jack pulled his fingers away, as i
f Loki’s thigh burned him. They drove closer to the house and it emerged from behind the trees. “Fucking hell! This is not the shit I need right now.”
Loki focused on the house and slowed down when he noticed two massive motorbikes parked in the front yard. His stomach clenched so tightly that he felt like sticking his head out the window and throwing up the cake he’d had at the hospital. “Your friends...?”
“Yeah, they probably think I went on a bender. Fuck, fuck.” As soon as they parked, Jack got out of the car, groaning quietly as he walked. “Hey, fuckers!” he yelled toward the open door. “Snooping much?”
Loki locked the car and followed him on weak legs. It was always such an emotional rollercoaster with Jack. What would he tell the guys? Was he secretly holding a grudge? One could never tell. What if Jack was pretending to be nice only to drown him in the ocean after all?
The front door opened before Jack reached the steps, and Sam emerged. With his arms folded across his chest, he looked even broader in the shoulders than he actually was. He could easily break Loki’s neck if he knew what had happened to his best friend.
“The fuck? Where have you been?”
Jack groaned and pulled up his T-shirt, presenting the white dressing on his wound. “Chill, I’ve been at the hospital. Had an emergency.”
Monster was the second man to come out of Jack’s house. His usually blank face was now twisted into a frown. “Carry your phone with you then.”
Jack waved his hand. “Kinda hard to do that when you have a sudden fucking appendix emergency.”
Monster’s ice cold gaze slid between Jack and Loki. “That’s not where the appendix is.”
Sam spread his arms and pointed to the floor. “There’s blood all over the fucking porch.”
Loki stood behind Jack, trying not to catch anyone’s attention, but the moment Monster’s eyes settled on him, it was like being dissected with a scalpel.
“You’re awfully quiet,” said Monster, and Loki stopped breathing. He half expected either one of the men to turn on him. Would he manage to run back to the car? Could he drive off in time? Monster was about as tall as Jack, and Sam’s thick septum piercing made him look like a bull ready to charge.
Jack stood closer to Loki. “What the fuck does he have to do with this? And so it wasn’t the appendix. Whatever. Not gonna share my medical history.”
Loki bit his lip, somewhat calmer now that Jack stood between him and Monster.
Sam’s chest rose and fell. He shook his head and stepped aside, gesturing at the door. “Let’s talk inside,” he said, already typing on his phone.
“What? Was Daddy Borg worried?” Jack snorted and walked toward the house, but looked back to make sure Loki followed.
Loki smiled at him and rushed inside without looking at Monster, whose gaze he still couldn’t shake off. The moment he stepped inside, the eerie otherness of the living room hit him like an anvil falling from the sky. Things were out of place. A stack of magazines was scattered over the floor where Jack had fallen, bringing them with him as he tried to hold on to the table. And then blood. Red crust smeared all the way to Loki’s feet. It felt wrong to stand on it, so he moved aside and leaned against the wall.
“What happened?” asked Sam, ignoring Jack’s mocking.
Jack dropped the silly smile as Monster closed the front door and leaned against it, blocking the way out. “I got shot.”
Sam frowned. “What? Why the fuck didn’t you call?”
“I didn’t have my phone on me,” Jack muttered, and even to Loki’s ears it was a lame ass excuse.
“I’m pretty sure the hospital has fucking landlines,” said Sam. The atmosphere in the room thickened so much Loki was afraid to move by even an inch.
“And he could have called us, too,” added Monster, gesturing Loki’s way without otherwise acknowledging his presence.
Jack groaned and leaned against a table, looking at his collection of model bikes scattered everywhere, along with the shattered glass. It had Loki’s conscience screaming. “It’s got nothing to do with the club.”
Sam snarled and walked up to Jack, all but hitting him with his chest. “You’re a brother. No one shoots a Nail and gets away with it!”
“Fucker’s gotta die, or else nobody’s gonna take us seriously. I’m gonna take care of it myself if you’re having problems,” muttered Monster from his spot at the door. His voice was like a noose tightening around Loki’s throat.
Jack licked his lips, avoiding eye contact with Loki. Maybe Loki should have left town after all? “No, it’s not that. I can handle shit. I don’t know who the fucker was!”
Loki squeezed his fists. He knew this wouldn’t stand. The club would be looking for the culprit, and it would bring more danger to both him and Jack. Monster was an interrogator. Why wouldn’t he sneak behind Jack’s back and try to get intel out of Loki?
“I know who it was,” he said into the sudden silence.
Jack squinted at him. “Do you? You haven’t fucking told me for two days.”
Loki exhaled and dragged his hands down his face. There was a name that he wanted erased forever. “I didn’t want to worry you while we were in the hospital. It’s not like he could just march in there and do anything...” Loki stopped talking the moment a cool hand squeezed around his shoulder.
“Who?” asked Monster.
Loki bit his lip and closed his eyes not to look into Jack’s eyes. “Ted Mozer. He lives on the other side of town.”
“Who the fuck is that, huh?” Jack hissed and the sound of his boots stomping Loki’s way made all of his hairs bristle. “This better be good, Loki.”
“And that’s why I didn’t want to tell you!” Loki stepped away, shedding Monster’s hand off his shoulder. His teeth were clattering so he forced his jaw open to relieve the tension and spoke, “You don’t want me talking about my lifestyle.” He caught Sam glaring at Jack and pushed on. “He’s so hung up on me, and he must have thought Jack and I are... you know...”
“That you’re fucking,” said Monster.
“We’re clearly not,” Jack yelled, barely catching a breath and grabbing his side. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He dropped to his knees, getting paler by the second. “He’s your ex? That Ted guy? Which one?”
Sam pulled Jack up and led him to the sofa, but Monster seemed more concerned with the crime than its victim.
“Who’s that guy?”
Loki bit his lip, and it almost felt as if his ribs were tightening around his organs when he remembered the last he saw of Ted. “He’s still dealing, I think. He used to make the stuff, too.”
Jack stilled on the couch with a sneer. “That guy.”
Sam kicked Jack’s boot. “What guy?”
“Asswipe used to smack Loki around. He’s gonna get what’s coming to him. No one’s gonna be messing with my cousin.”
Loki exhaled, and as tension suddenly dropped off his shoulders with Jack’s acceptance, he slid down the wall and sat on the floor, watching the three men whose eyes were now on him.
Sam shook his head. “Fucker. I’ll have Borg authorize this,” he said before walking off to the room next door.
“You’ve been working out?” Jack asked Monster, as if this was an appropriate topic for the moment.
Monster blinked, but moments later, a small smile curved his mouth. “You can tell, right?” he asked, showing off his bicep. It wasn’t nearly as big as Jack’s, but the way Monster’s body was wiry, all muscle without any padding still had Loki staring.
“Yeah, just don’t take any steroids. That shit fucks up your sex drive.”
“You talking from experience?” Monster eyed Jack calmly.
Loki cleared his throat and moved toward the kitchen, trying not to look at the blood underneath his shoes. “You want anything to drink?”
“Fetch me a beer,” Jack said, and then continued chatting to Monster. It was actually nice not to have those bright eyes follow Loki like blades aimed at his jugular. “I only
took them for a while years ago, and I’d get like one boner a day. Fuck that shit.”
Monster sat down in a chair. “Sounds good. Once I get aroused, fucking is the only thing I can think about. It would be easier not to have that problem.”
Jack groaned. “Problem? Seriously? My only problem is not enough pussy to stick my dick in.”
Loki glanced behind his back, only to look at the fridge again. He knew Jack was saying this for the sake of the conversation. Or rather, he wanted to believe that was the case, but that didn’t make him any less uneasy about Jack using the words dick and pussy in one sentence. He took out the beer, opened it, and slowly walked to the sofa, where Jack and Monster were still discussing sex drive. Monster was a weirdo. Loki knew that much already, but the way this guy was discussing fucking in means of practicality was still hard to believe. Loki, or most men he knew for that matter, were the polar opposite, ready to take risks in order to get their rocks off.
Sam walked out of the other room fifteen minutes later. “Got the green light. Mozer’s just some deadbeat scum.”
Jack downed his beer and struggled to get up, but refused any help. “Let’s go. This place better be spotless by the time we get back,” he said to Loki.
This had Loki stalling for a moment. “What? No... You can’t just go there without me!”
Sam frowned. “Listen to your cousin, baby boy.”
Jack was already making his way out. “Why would you go?”
Loki moved restlessly, trying to ignore the cool gaze that once again settled on him. “He hurt you, and I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t stop him... I was powerless,” he muttered, locking his eyes with Jack’s. His heart beat loudly in his chest, and it almost seemed like the bikers could hear it too.
Jack pursed his lips. “You could have stopped him. You were too scared to, so I don’t want you there pissing your pants.”
“I could not! He was too strong.” Loki looked away, feeling naked and vulnerable when all of a sudden there were cramps in his limbs, as if they were tired from the never-ending struggle with people much larger than him. He folded his arms and took a deep breath. “But you’ll be with me, it won’t be the same.”
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