by Varsha Dixit
Since her divorce and the crippling betrayal by her best friend and husband, Danika had steered clear of all attachments other than those of her immediate family. I will never again give anyone the power to hurt me. That policy had worked very well for her for the last two years. But somehow Noah with his quips and smirks had made a tear in her fortress. He had enraged her, bullied and blackmailed her to work for him and at the same time, let her off without any real punishment and then quickly hired her paying her generously for her services. She recalled her brother's indirect praise of Noah. 'He seems fair sort at work' Hans had said. Noah’s actions reflected his kindness.
Danika exhaled slowly as her hands knotted in her lap. Her usually clear dark eyes were clouded. “Its those notes! Those damn notes!” She exclaimed loud enough to startle her nieces. “Sorry babies!” Danika joined them on the carpet. The notes are the culprit, they are making me feel like he and I share something, a connection, a closeness. No more sticky notes. Death to them!
Decision made, Danika felt better enough to launch into an extempore puppet show with the dolls. Her toddler audience was soon chuckling and shrieking, completely enraptured.
**__**
Everyone in the family room turned to the sound of young unbridled joy coming from the nursery.
“I should tell them to keep it low. Danika spoils them too much.” Simi moved in her chair.
“Oh let them be, Simi. The twins have so much fun with Dani.” Anya turned to Noah. “She is amazing with kids. A natural nurturer.”
“Hmmm!” Noah nodded sipping the scotch. In the last ten minutes his eyes kept wandering to the corridor that led to the nursery. He kept hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar fair face with expressive eyes and naturally rose-colored lips. I should have gotten her flowers too. I shouldn't have overlooked Danika! Noah finished his drink in one gulp. Why am I so conflicted about her?
**____**
Standing up, Danika performed the twin’s favorite song with loud gestures and facial expressions. The children watched her unblinking. A sudden prickling sensation invaded her mind. Someone was watching. Danika faltered.
She turned her head and her gaze clashed with Noah’s. He stood outside on the pavement, still as a statue, looking at her through the nursery window that faced the street. His expression was unreadable.
Danika felt her breath catch in her throat. She couldn't look away. For what seemed very long seconds, Noah and Danika stared at each other. Danika felt her body quiver and her throat became dry. It was almost as if unseen hands were holding her face immovable, forcing her to look at him. Her lips felt stuck to each other.
Anya appeared at Noah's side. Hooking an arm through his elbow, she distracted him.
The spell broken, Danika quickly sat down not visible from outside anymore. She licked her lips and noticed that her hands were not the steadiest and body very flushed. Death to those notes!
Chapter 32
Monday late afternoon
Danika quietly opened the front door and entered Noah's house. It was quiet but toasty. The internal heating was on. She entered the kitchen and the first thing she saw was a large colorful bouquet of flowers sitting smack dab in the center of the marble counter.
Danika walked closer to the vibrant array of red, yellow, white and orange flowers. A sticky note stuck on it had a simple 'For you Danika!' scrawled on it.
She stroked the petals and then picked them up, holding them close to her chest. She blinked her eyes and hid her face in the flowers feeling emotional. She reveled in the sensation of cold smooth petals pressing into her skin. Danika stood like that for several seconds.
Danika had gotten flowers twice in her life. Once when she had graduated at the top of her class and Hans had sent her a gigantic bouquet. The other time was when she had gotten married, the court registrar had handed her some flowers, limp, yellow and wilting. Only if I had believed in signs then!
A tiny smile crept up her face. I should thank Dr. Collins! Out of habit, Danika reached for the notes kept near the fridge but then her hand wavered.
**____**
Close to 8:00 pm, Noah unlocked his front door. He smelled the food before he came inside. Noah headed to the kitchen. Hope she liked the flo- Before Noah could finish the thought he saw the bouquet he had bought for Danika. It was beautifully arranged in a light green funnel shaped glass vase and placed next to the covered dishes.
Frowning, Noah dropped his keys and plugged in his cell to the charger all the while studying the flowers. Did she not understand that the bouquet was for her? He spied a note at the base of the vase. Noah was quick to pick it up but felt a sense of keen disappointment as Danika had only written down the things she had prepared.
Irritated, Noah glared at the flowers. He felt resentful. It wouldn’t have hurt her to acknowledge the damn flowers! Noah recalled how he had woken up early so he had extra time to get fresh flowers from the nearby flower store and leave them for Danika.
The show he had gone for with Anya and her family, over the weekend, had been funny but he had been unable to focus for Danika had eclipsed his every thought. He vividly remembered how she had looked at him through the window. Vulnerable and raw. He saw his conflicted feelings mirrored on her face.
Abruptly, Noah slapped the side of his leg. “I’m bloody overthinking this whole thing. I gave her flowers. She left them here. End of the story.” He exited the kitchen.
Noah was back in seconds for his cell. He made a call to Nurse Claudia asking to be introduced to her hot friend.
Chapter 33
A week later
Cardiology Department
Jeff Hospital
“Hey Joe!” Danika greeted the administrative officer who was restocking a cart with office supplies.
“Hi Danika! How are you?' Joe smiled, showing a gap between his front teeth.
“Good thanks. Here's a box of the digestive biscuits from the Indian store.” She handed him a circular red tin box.
“Wow you remembered. That’s really nice of you. Thank you.” Joe took the box happily.
“No problemo.” Danika shrugged. “I remember last time I was here you had mentioned that you liked them and they were on sale yesterday.”
“Oh aren’t you nice. Thank you.” Joe patted her arm.
“No biggies! I’ll catch you later.” Danika continued to the nurse's station with several bags in her hand. “Hi Nurse Claudia, Nurse Beth! Got your supplies from the Indian store.” She placed the bags on the counter.
“Hi Danika!” Nurse Claudia got up from behind the station and hugged her. “Good to see you girl. It has been a while.”
Danika returned the hug. “I know. When I came last it was your day off.” The staff knew Danika well for she visited the hospital a few times every month either to drop something off or to meet Hans for lunch. The hospital cafeteria served finger-licking delicious food.
“Please don't come on my day off. I like chatting with you.” Nurse Claudia walked to the bags. “Which ones are mine?”
“The two on the left.” Danika turned to Nurse Beth's. “How is Tony?” Anthony aka Tony was Nurse Beth's thirteen year old son who had recently fractured his foot playing soccer last month.
“Like any thirteen-year-old with restricted movement. A colossal pain in the butt.” Nurse Beth rolled her eyes. “Thank you for getting my stuff. I'm almost out of the hard ginger candy.” Nurse Beth had a sweet tooth, particularly for Asian sweets. “How much do we each owe you?”
Danika told them the amount and waited as they wrote her checks. "Thank you so much.” She carefully put the checks in her purse and zipped it shut. “Gotta go, I have to drop off some goodies from Han’s wife at Pediatrics Oncology.” Danika tugged the red and white bag on her shoulder.
“Danika, do you have minute, can we talk?” Claudia asked.
“Sure. What's up?” Danika followed the Nurse to the Doctor's lounge, which was relatively empty except for a few unknown faces.
/> Claudia led Danika to a bunch of chairs grouped near the back of the room. Claudia's face was somber. Her false eyelashes lowered briefly and then she looked at Danika trying to portray some strength in her expression.
Danika felt her heart leap in her mouth. Something is terribly wrong!
“I wanted to tell you myself before you heard from someone else, Sienna died two days ago. She went peacefully in her sleep.” Nurse Claudia placed a comforting arm on Danika's shoulder.
**____**
Noah walked out of his office and past Ahmad's desk. “I’m going to the lounge to get some snack, do you want anything?”
Ahmad was grinning as he texted someone on his phone. “Sorry Boss, my Girlfriend. She needed to know something!” He reached into his pocket. “Peanuts please.”
Noah stopped him. “It’s on me.”
Walking to the lounge, Noah noticed a member of the hospital staff wheeling a bunch of wilted flowers towards the garbage chute. I did something similar today morning. Noah thought of the wilted flowers he had thrown, the he had bought for Danika. Just that thought zoomed an image of Danika straight in his head. It seemed like her face had taken permanent residency in his head.
For the last whole week there had been food waiting in the kitchen for Noah but no notes nor any Danika sightings. She always came, cooked and left before Noah got home, even though Noah had come home at different times this whole week. His house was close to the hospital. It’s like she has my schedule or something! He rapped his knuckles on the wall he was passing.
“Everything okay Doc?” A nurse in the corridor asked him. “You were frowning.”
“Nothing just thinking of some paperwork.” Noah kept moving. Its not like I care to see her or the notes. Just wondering how come I haven’t bumped into someone who comes to my house everyday and is usually there for sometime? Noah rounded the corner to the lounge and stopped. A pleasant sensation washed over him. He saw Danika in the doctor’s lounge. Noah moved closer to the glass window to see her clearly. Why is she looking upset?
Danika was sitting quietly on chair. Her legs were tucked under her and she leaned forward. Danika’s face was pale, her gaze glassy and fixed on the floor. Nurse Claudia stood behind her, patting Danika's shoulder comfortingly.
Noah was quick to enter the lounge. His stomach hollow, he went straight to the two. “What happened?”
Danika reacted to Noah's voice and raised her head slowly. For a few seconds she stared at him with no recognition.
“What happened?” Noah's voice was urgent. “Tell me?” He half pleaded and half ordered.
Danika blinked, lowered her face and lumbered slowly to her feet. “I have to go.” She mumbled and grabbed her purse and another bag from the floor and brushed past Noah. She went inside one place he couldn’t go behind her. The women's bathroom.
Noah swung his gaze to Nurse Claudia.
“Will someone tell me-"
“That is Dr. Hans's sister-“
Noah cut her off. “I know who she is. What happened? Danika looks bloody upset.”
“Last year, there was an eight year old girl Sienna who came in with leukemia and severe bone damage. She wanted to be a graphic designer so Dr. Hans had introduced Sienna to Danika. Danika spend time a lot of time with Sienna whenever she could and they grew close. Sadly, Sienna passed away. And Danika just found out.” Claudia sighed.
“Oh!” Noah ran a hand through his hair. Death of children always hit home hardest. Even the doctors and medical staff who, ironically, dealt with death for a living could not stay unaffected in such instances. Noah could understand what Danika must be going through particularly because he had feeling that Danika was the sensitive kind even though she tried to hide that trait.
Noah's pager beeped. He checked it. “I have to go back to my office. Claudia, please do me a favor and have Danika stop by my office.” Noah grabbed a few things from the vending machine even as he kept glancing at the women’s bathroom. “Just tell Danika its work related. She will understand. Please don't forget!”
Claudia watched Noah hurry out of the lounge her look pensive. “Should I tell Shania to not get her hopes up tonight with Dr. Noah?” Shrugging, Claudia went behind Danika inside the women’s restroom.
Chapter 34
Danika walked quietly up to Ahmad's desk. Her throat felt tight and a hoarse ‘Hi’ was all she could muster.
Ahmad got up and walked around the desk and hugged her sideways. “Hi Danika, I haven’t seen you in the longest.”
Danika lowered her face attempting to hide her red-rimmed eyes and slightly red and puffy nose. “Just super busy. Work and all! Sorry! Dr. Collins wanted to see me?”
Ahmad straightened away. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine! Just allergies.” Danika’s smile was tentative. “Dr. Collins is probably waiting for me.”
“Yes, he is. Go right in there!” He pointed at the door behind him.
“Thanks!” Danika walked to the door adjusted her hair in a manner to cover the sides of her face, took a deep breath and softly rapped on the wooden door.
At the knock, Noah immediately put down his pen. He wasn’t able to work anyway, his attention all taken by Danika’s distress.
Why did I ask her to come to my office? On hindsight, Noah realized that he had acted on impulse. At that point of time in the lounge Noah had felt compelled to be around Danika but now fifteen minutes later he wasn’t sure what to say.
The knock came again.
“Come in!” Noah stood up as Danika came inside.
Her head was lowered and she avoided eye contact waiting at the door seeming reluctant to come inside. “You wanted to see me?” Her voice was thick.
“Come inside!” Noah beckoned.
Danika came inside dragging her feet.
Noah curbed his exasperation understanding that he wasn’t the only one unsure in the room. “Close the door and have a seat.”
Danika glanced at Noah, but did as asked, her demeanor quiet. She folded her legs neatly and rested her clasped hands in her lap. A picture of perfect poise but Noah knew better. He had seen her a few minutes ago.
Noah opened his wallet and took out a $100 bill. Sitting down he extended his hand out over his desk toward Danika. “Your pay for the first week.”
Again all he got was a quick glance and soft, ‘thank you’ as Danika took the bill and put it in her purse. Noah felt his insides contract at the slight thickness of her lids, her reddened nose and swollen mouth. She has been crying! Danika shifted in her chair. Noah had to quash the powerful urge to walk around to her and take her hands in his.
Noah did not beat around the bush. “I'm very sorry to hear about Sienna. From what Nurse Claudia described she sounded very special. You were close to her?”
Danika raised her eyes. Her usually shining irises were steeped in misery. “Yes I was and thank you!” She lowered her eyes and adjusted her purse. “I have to go to the Oncology Department. Simi B works with NGO for Pediatric Cancer patients,” Danika paused and inhaled deeply, “she was supposed to drop off some goody bags for the admitted children but Simi B couldn’t make it so she asked me to do that. I should be going.” Danika uncrossed her legs and started to rise.
Noah could not sit any longer in his chair. He hurried next to Danika and pressed gently on her shoulder. “Keep sitting here for-”
“No, I have to go.” Danika protested looking up. Noah saw the tears swimming in her eyes. He sat down on his haunches bringing his face closer. He kept a comforting hand on her shoulder. “For the kids there. They can’t see you like this Danika. They have it hard enough already.”
“Oh!” Danika blinked her eyes and sniffed. She clamped her lips and then nodded.
Instinctively, Noah reached out and tucked a loose curl behind her ear. The hair was soft to touch like her skin. Noah somehow wanted take all of Danika’s pain and hurl it far, far away. Her pain was hurting him.
Danika raised her eyes surpris
ed at the gentleness of his fingers. She only saw empathy in Noah’s face.
The kindness in Noah’s face snapped whatever little control Danika had on her emotions. Her lips moved. “My dad died months after my birth and my mother wasn’t very educated so she lived, we lived, at our relation’s mercy for years. We were poor. Then when I was five my mother remarried Hans's dad.”
Noah did not interrupt. He was quite stunned how personal Danika’s pain felt and how eager he wanted to hear her.
Danika gazed at Noah, her wide eyes sincere yet glazed like she were turning pages of her memory. “My mother and stepdad died when I was eight. My stepdad was an amazing father but a hardcore gambler he didn’t leave much behind. Bro and I kids ourselves were alone and destitute. I was inconsolable for days but then I clocked it to 'shit happens'. Good education in India is expensive we just had enough for Hans to go to best schools and college. I was okay with that too and clocked it as you know shit happens.” Danika smiled through her tears, her hand unknowingly found Noah’s.
Leaning forward, Noah switched from resting on his ankles to knees and he tightened his hand around Danika’s delicate fingers trying to impart her strength. “I lived with innumerable relatives with varied temperaments, attended multiple schools, had very few friends for I never stayed long enough anywhere to grow roots.” Danika crinkled her nose and pulled in a deep breath. “After a time I got used to it and started considering it all as an adventure.” Mindlessly, Noah moved his foot and his calf rested against Danika's leg. Neither of them appeared to mind.
“Through everything, Bro and I always stayed connected. He had his own battles and so did I but it was okay, because. . . no one has it easy right?”
Noah nodded touched by all that Danika must have gone through and from such a young age. He remembered his own childhood surrounded by his loving parents, siblings and wealth. People and things he had taken for granted. At this moment he felt guilty for all that.