by Deb Kastner
Nate eyed Jessica’s hand, which was still on Vince’s forearm. Maybe the best thing to do was just change the subject.
“Did you get married and forget to send me the invitation?”
Jessica colored brightly and withdrew her hand from Vince’s arm as if she’d touched a burning stove top. Nate couldn’t help but chuckle at the mortified expression on her face.
Vince just rolled his eyes and snorted.
“Hardly. When would I have had time to get married? I can’t even make time to date. You left me to take care of everything around here, remember? I didn’t have the luxury of doing whatever I wanted with my life the way you did, bro. I still don’t.” Bitterness rolled off of every syllable.
Nate clenched his fist. So Vince viewed him as a problem already, did he? Why was Nate surprised? He surreptitiously glanced at his watch. He had only been here for five minutes.
Vince hadn’t changed one bit since Nate had left all those years ago.
Nothing had changed.
Chapter Two
Nate wanted to punch the sneer right off his brother’s face, but he restrained himself, with effort. Maybe later, when Jessica wasn’t there to watch.
Vince smiled at Jessica and shrugged an unspoken apology to her, and then slipped the suddenly fussy baby into her arms.
Nate would normally have felt a bit uncomfortable with a stranger holding the baby, but he observed the natural way the woman cuddled Gracie to her shoulder and wished he had some of whatever instinct it was that made some people so easy around babies.
The woman closed her eyes and tucked her chin close to Gracie’s curly head. Jessica smiled, and then frowned, and then smiled again.
What was up with that?
“Jessica runs the day care center down the road,” Vince explained with a wave of his hand, as if he were brushing off the question Nate hadn’t even thought to ask. “You’ll no doubt need some assistance with Gracie here, and no one knows children better than Jessica Sabin.”
Nate opened his mouth to argue and then closed it again. His gaze slid back to the pretty blond-haired woman at Vince’s side, who was now cuddling baby Gracie in the curve of her arm and murmuring in pleasant undertones. Nate was hesitant to admit Vince might be right, but the way the pretty woman immediately calmed the fussy baby did much to persuade him.
There was no denying it. He did need help with Gracie. That was a fact.
“Thanks,” he said at last, casting Jess half a grin. “I appreciate the offer.”
Vince nodded, looking pleased with himself. “Do you want me to go get Pop? I’m sure he’ll want to know you’re home. And I know he’ll want to meet the baby.”
Nate shook his head fiercely. He knew he had to face his father sooner or later, but he was definitely leaning toward later. He was under enough stress without confronting Pop.
“No. I don’t want him to know I’m here, Vince. At least, not yet.”
When Nate saw his father again, he wanted it to be on his own terms. In his own good time.
He leveled his gaze on his brother. “Promise me you won’t say anything to him.”
Vince arched his eyebrow and shrugged. “Whatever floats your boat. I won’t say anything. But you need to go see him. When you’re ready.”
Nate scowled at his brother. All his life, Vince had ordered him around. Why had he expected things to be different now?
He sighed inwardly. He hadn’t really expected change, and that saddened him more than anything.
“Where are you staying, again?” Vince asked in what Nate thought was an overt attempt to steer the subject to more neutral ground.
Nate shrugged and grimaced.
“I didn’t say,” he murmured. “Here at the lodge, I hope. Unless, of course, that’s an inconvenience to you.”
Nate thought the look on Vince’s face was clear affirmation that Nate was, in fact, a considerable inconvenience to his elder brother, but Vince’s soft words belied his expression. “As you pointed out, this is your home. You are always welcome here. Your old cabin is still waiting for you.”
Vince hadn’t rented out Nate’s old cabin?
That came as an overwhelming surprise to him. Desperate to affirm his independence, Nate had moved into his own cabin and away from the family quarters in the lodge on his sixteenth birthday. He’d selfishly not cared how his family felt about it. Yet Vince had kept the cabin intact and waiting for him, at his own loss, for Nate knew Vince could have been cashing in by renting the cabin out to guests.
Yet he hadn’t. Why?
He shook his head. Not wanting to think too much on what that might mean, he turned his attention to the smiling woman by Vince’s side.
“Jess,” Nate offered, nodding his head toward the woman and reaching his hands out for Gracie. He suddenly and inexplicably wanted the infant back in his arms, even if it felt awkward, and probably looked worse. “I can take the baby now.”
“It’s Jessica,” she corrected, only briefly glancing at Nate before her gaze returned to the baby, whom she didn’t immediately relinquish. “What can I do to help?”
“Not a thing, ma’am,” Nate snapped impatiently, then winced at his own harsh tone. With Vince glowering at him, he felt as if he was on trial, and all because, as Vince had said, Nate wasn’t exactly daddy material.
But he would learn to be. And quickly. He was nothing if not determined.
“Sorry,” he apologized gruffly, but that didn’t stop him from scooping Gracie back into his arms. He kissed the baby’s soft cheek, wishing she would smile at him as she did at Jess.
It didn’t seem fair to Nate that Gracie started squirming and protesting the moment she was back in his arms, squawking and reaching out for a woman she had only just met, rather than wanting to be in her own guardian’s arms.
Not that Nate could blame her.
Jess shrugged. “No problem.”
“Thank you, anyway,” he continued, trying to take the edge off his earlier tone, “but I’m sure Gracie and I will get along just fine on our own, at least for right now. We’ll see how it goes.”
Vince barked out a laugh and shook his head in disbelief.
“Oh, right, little brother. You have been taking care of babies all your life.”
“Well, no, but…”
“You do know she needs a diaper change?” Jess asked, arching one golden eyebrow and grinning wryly. Nate might have taken offense, but her large brown eyes radiated kindness.
“I—er, well of course I know,” Nate said, patting Gracie on her plump behind.
In truth, he hadn’t noticed until Jess brought it to his attention. What Nate knew about babies could fit onto the head of a pin.
That was one problem he was going to have to fix, and fast.
“Would you like me to change her for you?” Jess asked with a polite smile. Her gaze was steeped in amusement, but Nate couldn’t argue. A rough-cut marine holding a tiny baby girl had to look fairly humorous to anyone’s eyes, especially to this day care director, who no doubt took care of babies every day.
He shook his head before he could think better of it. “I’ve got it. Thanks.”
“You’re sure?” Jess queried.
Nate shook his head again. “I’ll just go over—” He hesitated, looking around the lodge’s day room. No thought presented itself that would reasonably complete his sentence, so he let it dangle as awkwardly as the baby squirming in his arms.
“The sofa, perhaps?” she suggested. This time Nate was certain he heard a little teasing in her tone, not that he could blame her.
“Right. The couch.” He moved toward the sofa as he spoke, not wanting to make eye contact with either Jess or Vince.
“Do you have a changing pad?” Jess asked from directly behind his left shoulder.
Nate couldn’t remember what he had in the diaper bag, but by the weight of it, he was positive he’d packed everything, including the kitchen sink. He’d certainly cleaned out the infant shelves of
the baby store where he’d stopped to pick up necessary baby items on his trip to Colorado.
Settling himself on the couch, Nate propped Gracie on his knee and reached for the diaper bag.
Changing pad. Changing pad.
What did a changing pad look like?
Chuckling, Jess seated herself next to Nate. “Here you go,” she said, pointing to a folded piece of vinyl.
When Nate didn’t move fast enough, Jess snatched up the changing pad and unfolded it on the surface of the couch, then gently removed Gracie from Nate’s arm and arranged her on the surface.
“Diaper?” she queried, lifting an open palm.
Nate knew what that was, anyway. He handed her a fresh diaper and the box of wipes he’d purchased.
He belatedly realized he was allowing the woman to take over, but he brushed it off, knowing it would be useful to watch an expert change Gracie’s diaper for once, and certainly the baby would appreciate it. His own attempts to change the infant during the drive to Colorado were questionable at best, to which Gracie’s current saggy baggies attested.
And he hadn’t even known about the changing pad. He’d just changed her on a blanket.
Jess had Gracie’s diaper off in moments, despite how the baby girl wiggled and kicked. Her soft, sweet voice affected Nate more than he cared to admit, so it wasn’t any surprise to him that Gracie responded with happy smiles and coos.
He just wished the baby girl would respond to him that way.
“Oh, you poor little thing,” Jessica told the wriggling infant, before glancing back at Nate. He might be considered handsome in a rough-cut sort of way, with his military-short light brown hair and gold-flecked eyes, but he obviously knew nothing about taking care of a baby.
“What?” Nate queried. Jessica thought he sounded slightly defensive, and that, for some reason, embarrassed her. She felt her face warm under his intense gaze, hating that she was so easily ruffled.
“Gracie has a diaper rash.” She tried not to make it sound like an accusation, but thought it probably sounded like one, regardless. Her face went from warm to burning hot, and she was concerned that her countenance would reflect how she was feeling inside. She had to be as red as a cherry.
Pursing her lips, she deliberately softened her next words. “Do you have any ointment?”
“Ointment,” Nate repeated, digging haplessly through the diaper bag. “What exactly am I looking for?”
“A tube, like toothpaste,” Jessica said with a laugh. Now that she wasn’t the only one flustered, she could relax about it.
Nate continued his search, but to no avail. After a moment he gave up rummaging and shrugged at her.
“I don’t think I have any,” he admitted at wryly. He flashed Jessica a rueful grin. “I’m afraid I’m not as armed and organized as I need to be. I didn’t know what Gracie would need, so I thought I bought a little bit of everything I could find. Obviously I missed something.”
“Babies require a lot of gear,” Jessica informed him, efficiently wrapping Gracie in a clean diaper with the ease of experience. “I’d be happy to go into Boulder with you tomorrow to help you stock up on basic supplies.”
Nate flashed her a lopsided smile. He was a handsome man, she thought again. If she were looking for that sort of thing.
Which she definitely wasn’t.
She wasn’t looking for any kind of man at all—now or ever. Military men included, even if they looked ridiculously heartwarming and adorable as they toted around cute little baby girls.
Especially if they toted around cute little baby girls. Even the thought choked her up emotionally, and she was immediately on the defensive.
“In the meantime,” she suggested, refusing to dwell on the past and reluctantly turning her mind back to the problem at hand, “we need to do something for Gracie’s rash. I think I have some petroleum jelly back at my cabin. That will do in a pinch.”
“Petroleum jelly? I would never have thought of that,” he admitted with a low whistle and a shake of his head. “I’m definitely a newbie.”
He laughed, obviously comfortable enough with himself to smile at his own weaknesses. Jessica admired that, and wished her own personality was more like that. “And there are no doubt many things I haven’t thought of, where a baby is concerned. Like what I’m going to do with her while I am out looking for a job, for starters.”
“We have an opening at the day care,” Jessica replied, jumping in more quickly than she should have. She had her reasons for being hesitant, yet her mouth opened before her brain had a chance to get in edge-wise. But as it was too late to take back the words, she continued.
“I’d be happy to care for Gracie on weekdays if you want to drop her by.”
Nate smiled again, at once both a charming and disarming gesture. “I’ll do that.”
No, no, no, no, no! the voice inside of her railed.
Not now.
Not this baby, who reminded her all too much of a similar tiny, smiling infant; one little baby she would never forget.
She had come to Morningway Lodge in part to escape from her memories, not indulge them with someone else’s baby. And though she’d cared for several infants since taking the position here, none had affected her the way Gracie had, from the first moment Jessica had seen her.
The memories were still far too painfully fresh and easily goaded to the forefront of her mind. Her own sweet baby, Elizabeth, had had big brown eyes and curly black hair, as well. Maybe that was it.
Maybe it was that the children in her day care, who belonged to the families who resided at Morningway Lodge while their loved ones recuperated at the nearby physical rehabilitation hospital, never stayed around for more than a few months.
It was safe, relatively, not to get emotionally involved. But Nate—and Gracie—were Morningways. They could be around forever.
By offering to help Nate Morningway, she realized with a sharp stab of pain to her heart, she had potentially just become her own worst enemy.
Chapter Three
Nate never appeared.
Jessica stared out the large bay window overlooking the front side of the day care and sighed. Absently she noted the long shadows of the pine trees that signaled that the sun would soon be setting.
Friday afternoon, and not a word from Nate, other than the time he’d called—at the last minute—and canceled their trip to the baby store in Boulder. In the week since, he’d not once brought Gracie by the day care. In point of fact, Jessica hadn’t seen Nate—or Gracie—at all. Not even in passing.
She didn’t know why it bothered her, but it did nonetheless.
Actually, she knew exactly why it bothered her.
Gracie.
That little baby girl had captured Jessica’s heart the moment Nate had walked into the lodge with her in his arms. What a sweetheart.
Melancholy drifted over her like a black storm cloud and burst into rain, flooding through her heart and leaving her limbs weak.
Jessica couldn’t deny the fact that Gracie reminded her of Elizabeth. There wasn’t a single day that went by that Jessica didn’t think of Elizabeth and weep, not in two years. Every single day and night since eight-month-old Elizabeth’s unexpected death from SIDS, Jessica’s arms and heart had painfully ached for the child.
That was why, she supposed, that as much as it had hurt, holding Gracie had been such a blessing. Babies were God’s special gift, even those that only stayed on this earth a short while.
And there was just something about Gracie, something special that set her apart. Something that felt different than her experiences with the other babies she’d cared for since she’d taken the position as director of the day care at Morningway Lodge nearly a year earlier.
Why hadn’t Nate brought Gracie by?
For better—or more likely for worse—Jessica had looked forward to interacting with the sweet baby girl every day at the day care.
Well, she realized as she finished putting toys back in the b
in and surveying the empty toddler room at the day care, there was one way to find out. She would swing by Nate’s cabin on her way home from work and find out what was keeping the man. And if she got to spend a little time with Gracie, that was a plus.
After locking up, she headed straight to Nate’s cabin, walking quickly and with purpose. She didn’t want to give herself time to talk herself out of it, and maybe never see the baby again.
Gah! she thought as she finally stood on the doorstep of Nate’s cabin. This was awkward, especially for a self-proclaimed introvert like Jessica.
She could definitely be accused of being a worrywort. But a busybody? Not so much.
Given the pros and cons of her current actions, the list was hardly equal. There were more than enough reasons for her to turn herself around right now and walk away. No harm done, right?
With a quiet murmur and a shake of her head, Jessica raised her hand and knocked on the screen door. Gracie might need her, she reminded herself. The baby probably needed her, with only an inexperienced and obviously proud-to-a-fault marine taking care of her.
The door behind the screen was open. When no one immediately answered her knock, Jessica cupped her hand to her forehead to block the glare of the evening sunshine and peered inside.
“Hello? Mr. Morningway?” she called softly, her heart loudly humming in her ears. “It’s Jessica Sabin from the day care.”
“Door is open, Jess,” called Nate’s coarse, disembodied voice. “In the kitchen. And please. It’s Nate. Mr. Morningway is my pop—or my brother.”
Jessica let herself in, fighting herself every step of the way. This was so far out of her comfort zone it wasn’t even funny, but she wouldn’t let that stop her. It wasn’t the first time, and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last, though it didn’t help that Nate was such an incredibly handsome man.
Okay, that was enough of that kind of thinking. She was going to talk herself out of this yet.