by Deb Kastner
He scrambled to the side, where the end of the beam lay at an upward angle, jutting off Jess’s back. He had to get that rafter off her now. Then he could figure out how to move her without harming her more than she already probably was.
It looked bad.
He felt worse.
He didn’t know what was sensible anymore. He only knew he had to do something, and pray it was the right thing. Pulling his jacket sleeves over his hands for protection, he wrapped his arms around the rafter and pulled with all his might. Nothing.
The beam didn’t so much as budge.
Nate couldn’t see if there was anything covering the other end of the rafter, but he thought it might be lodged tight in some other debris. A lot had fallen from the ceiling when the beam gave way.
He wished he could see better.
He wished he could breath at all.
He had to move that beam.
Praying with all his might, he embraced the adrenaline coursing through him and felt his fear. He knew from experience his terror would either render him useless or give him extra strength.
The first firefighter reached Jess and was assessing her condition. The other man had gone back toward the window. Nate didn’t know why he was backtracking, nor did he care.
He closed his eyes, gritted his teeth and pulled, straining every muscle in his back and shoulders and legs. Sweat streamed into his eyes, stinging them with the ash covering his forehead. He coughed and gagged from the smoke and the exertion.
But the rafter moved.
Nate didn’t hesitate for an instant. Bracing himself, he leaned into it, forcing the wood away from Jess’s upper body and hoping the momentum created by his weight and his effort would be enough to make the rafter clear her legs and feet.
The beam came crashing down to the floor again, splintering bits of wood and plaster underneath it, and Nate winced. If he hadn’t moved it far enough, he had just added to Jess’s injuries.
The same firefighter that had grabbed his ankle earlier suddenly appeared at his elbow, thumping him on the shoulder and urging him back toward the window. Ignoring him, Nate dropped to his hands and knees and scuttled forward, desperate to see if he had, in fact, pushed the rafter far enough to clear Jess’s body, or if he’d merely pinned her anew.
It was difficult to see anything through the thick, black smoke, but his hand made contact with Jess’s foot. The smoldering beam lay several inches past the end of her body.
She was free.
But not yet safe.
The firefighter he had repeatedly brushed off was at his elbow again, this time grasping Nate firmly by the shoulders and propelling him toward the window, brooking no argument.
This time Nate didn’t fight back, but allowed himself to be pushed wherever the fireman willed. His lungs were screaming for oxygen. He wasn’t going to be any help to anyone if he passed out, especially if he was still within the building.
It was time to let the firefighters do their jobs, he thought, his whole body suddenly so weak he could barely move. As he crawled through the broken window, he could see they had already placed a collar around Jess’s neck and were rolling her onto a board.
Nate fell to his knees when he hit the ground on the outside of the building. Smoke and flames billowed through the window he’d just dropped from, but close to the ground, he was able to take great, sweeping breaths of outside air, which sent him into a fit of coughing that wracked his aching body.
He had to move.
For Jess. For Gracie.
But he found he couldn’t. His arms and legs felt impossibly heavy, and his mind was clogged and dizzy, almost as if he had been drugged. A persistent, angry headache was slamming at his temples.
He had nothing left to give, he thought miserably. No more strength left to fight with.
And he knew why. He had done everything he could, but his girls might not make it. Grief washed over him in unceasing waves. How would he go on if he lost Jess or Gracie?
Faith.
This was where the rubber met the road. He’d been wrestling with his faith in God. Now was the time to use it.
He reached deep down inside himself, searching for strength, but found none.
And then his soul stretched upward, seeking God’s presence as never before.
To his very great surprise, he found it. Or rather, God found him. Strength, peace and love as Nate had never before experienced replaced his fear and set aside his panic. Though his headache persisted, his mind cleared. And though he continued to hack and cough, his soul breathed the fresh air of God’s presence.
He groaned and tried to roll to his feet, but he was so shaky he couldn’t make it off his hands and knees. He knew he was in the way. Firefighters were pouring out the window, leveraging the board which carried an unconscious Jess. Efficiently and quickly, they passed her through to safety, and the last firefighter crawled through the window after her.
The two paramedics on the scene were already there, rushing to Jess’s side as they jogged her farther away from the building. Someone placed an oxygen mask over her face. Nate couldn’t see anything else, couldn’t tell if she was all right, if anything was broken. Even if he could have seen her, he had no way of knowing if she was going to survive.
Suddenly someone dropped a thick wool blanket over Nate’s shoulders. Strong arms looped under his shoulders and drew him to his feet.
Hazily, Nate glanced upward.
Vince.
“Come on now, little brother,” Vince said. “You’re in the way, as usual.”
Vince’s teasing tone overlaid his more serious expression. Nate didn’t know why Vince was here, but he’d never been as glad to see his brother as he was at that moment.
With Vince’s assistance, Nate managed to swerve drunkenly toward the waiting ambulance, where they were already bundling Jess inside.
Behind him there was a big whoosh as the once-solid structure of the day care collapsed from the heat. Firefighters were dousing it with water, but it was far too late to save the building.
But not, Nate prayed, the human beings.
“Gracie,” he choked out raggedly, his voice hoarse from the ash he had inhaled. The children huddling by the tree line were being herded into the day care van by the teachers, presumably on their way to be checked out at the hospital in Boulder.
But Nate could see no sign of Gracie.
“Where’s my baby?” he rasped, grasping desperately for the collar of Vince’s jacket.
“She’s already on her way to the hospital,” Vince informed him tightly, pulling on his sleeve and urging him to sit down by the ambulance. Nate’s knees were shaky and he thought he might fall down if he didn’t sit down, so he slumped to the ground.
“How is she? Is she…?” He couldn’t seem to get the words out.
Vince crouched in front of Nate and clasped him on the shoulders. “Gracie is already on her way to the hospital in Boulder,” he repeated. “The first ambulance took off with her several minutes ago.”
A female paramedic approached and Vince stepped away as she placed a pulse-ox monitor on Nate’s finger and checked his lungs with her stethoscope. Nate wanted to brush her away, but he was too fatigued to move.
“Is she…?” Nate repeated, unable to complete his thought.
“She’s going to be fine,” Vince said with a clipped nod. Nate wasn’t so sure, from the way his brother set his jaw after he spoke.
“She was unconscious when I passed her through the window.”
“I know,” Vince said. “But she quickly regained consciousness after the paramedics worked on her and gave her some oxygen.”
“Thank God,” Nate murmured.
“Amen,” Vince answered, sounding as choked up as Nate felt. He chuckled, a dry, forced sound. “It looked to me like Gracie was giving the paramedics a hard time when they bundled her into the ambulance. I think she wanted her daddy.”
Nate tried to smile but couldn’t.
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��I’ve got to get there,” he mumbled, as much to himself as to Nate.
“You will, brother. If I have any say in the matter, you’ll be taking this ambulance with Jess.”
Nate grimaced. He didn’t need medical attention. Jess did. She had been so brave, not thinking of herself at all as she had burst into the blazing building. Were it not for her, there would be many grieving parents right now. Nate most of all.
“And the other kids?” he asked.
“All safe,” Vince assured him. “The teachers have contacted all the parents, and they will be using the day care van to take them down to the emergency room to be checked out for smoke inhalation. But the important part is that everyone made it out alive, thanks in great part to you and Jess.”
“Jess,” Nate repeated, his throat stinging as he spoke, as much from raw emotion as from the smoke he had inhaled.
The female paramedic broke in to tell Nate he could ride along with Jess in the ambulance, but that they needed to go now.
“You’re a hero, little brother,” Vince said, supporting Nate as he rose. “Foolish, but a hero nonetheless. You saved Jess’s life back there.”
Nate shook his head, then ducked into the ambulance to take a seat by Jess’s still form. He reached out and gently traced her forehead with his finger. He couldn’t stand to see her this way, so utterly still and silent and devoid of life. But she was alive, Nate reminded himself. Her chest was rising and falling with precious oxygen, and the paramedics were busy making her stable.
“I’ll follow the ambulance down and meet you at the hospital,” Vince told him as the paramedics made to close the doors to the rescue vehicle.
“But the day care—”
“Is a goner. There’s nothing I can do here. The fire department has it under control. People before buildings, you know?”
Nate’s eyes were stinging again, and he didn’t think it was because of the smoke and ash. He swallowed the lump in his throat with difficulty.
“Thank you,” he whispered raggedly.
Vince gave a clipped nod and his jaw tightened. “Just be well, Nate. You have a couple of very important ladies depending on you.”
Not that Nate needed to be reminded of that very sobering thought, but he thrust out his hand toward Vince anyway. Vince clasped his hand forcefully, and Nate saw that his were not the only eyes watering.
For possibly the first time in his life, he knew what it felt like to have the support of family, Nate thought as the doors closed and the vehicle jerked into motion. He knew Jess would see it as a blessing rising from the ashes of tragedy and she wouldn’t have hesitated a moment to tell him so.
And despite the fact that this ordeal was far from over, Nate found to his surprise that he could see the blessing through the tragedy, as well.
Nate wanted to smile, but simultaneously experienced the desire to weep. It wasn’t over yet.
Vince thumped Nate on the back. Hard. “Don’t scare me like that again, little brother.”
“What?” Nate had been gazing down at Gracie, sleeping in a tented bassinet in the hospital neonatal intensive care unit, and his mind had been a million miles away, remembering the moment he had scribbled his signature on the papers that officially proclaimed him the baby girl’s legal guardian.
Gracie had turned his life upside down, changed his whole reason for living. Raising a baby was the hardest thing he’d ever done, but it was also the most satisfying. He’d never imagined that the little lady could steal his heart away as she had.
And he’d never imagined he would also find the woman of his dreams. He’d figured his life was pretty much in a holding pattern once he’d become Gracie’s guardian. Instead, he’d found Jess.
“What a little darlin’,” Vince murmured, keeping one hand on Nate’s back as they both leaned over the tented bassinet. “How’s she doing?”
Nate breathed out on a sigh. “She’s going to be fine. The doctors want to keep her overnight for observation, but they said that if all goes well, I can take her home in the morning.”
Vince squeezed Nate’s shoulder. “I’m glad. God is good.”
“Yes,” Nate whispered raggedly.
“And Jessica? Have you heard anything about her condition?”
Nate shook his head. “Not yet. They whisked her away the moment we reached the hospital. I won’t be able to see her until they admit her into a room.”
“Intensive care?” Vince queried quietly and sympathetically.
He shrugged. “I don’t know yet.”
“Well, she’s not alone. And neither are you. I’ll wait with you.”
“You don’t have to do that. I know you must be anxious to get back to the lodge.”
Vince scowled, reminiscent of old times. “You know better than to tell me what to do. I said I’m going to wait with you, and that’s exactly what I intend to do. End of subject.”
True to his word, Vince stayed by Nate’s side as they waited for word on Jess in the emergency waiting room. Nate asked to see her, but as the doctors were working on her, he was not allowed to go in.
All he could think of was how she was alone, how he didn’t want her to regain consciousness without him being by her side. If—when she opened her eyes, he wanted her to see him there. She had been through enough pain and abandonment in her life. Nate wanted to make sure that didn’t happen again.
Ever.
He wished for the hundredth time that day that he had spoken to her earlier, told her the deepest feelings of his heart before it might be too late to tell her at all. There was so much he wanted to say, so much he needed her to know about him. About her. About them.
But of course he couldn’t have said anything to her even if he’d gotten up the nerve, for a very simple reason.
Because he wasn’t right with God. And until that happened, it wouldn’t be right to ask Jess for more than friendship. She deserved to have a man by her side who shared her precious faith, and Nate wasn’t yet that man, though he wanted to be.
For Jess. For Gracie.
But most of all, for himself. He recognized the truth, and prayed that it would, as the Scriptures said, set him free.
A feeling Nate couldn’t begin to explain washed over him as he realized God was no longer on some high, unattainable mountaintop. The truth had set him free.
And it had happened when he had least expected it, in that moment where everything had changed. He had faced his worst nightmare—losing the two people who meant the most in the world to him.
And God had been there.
Nate didn’t know what had changed, or why. Only that somehow, the faith he couldn’t seem to wrap his mind around had wrapped itself around his heart. It was a mystery he wasn’t sure he would ever understand, but he would thank God for it every day of his life.
He couldn’t wait to tell Jess the good news. She would be overjoyed at Nate’s newfound faith.
If he ever got to tell her.
He was as frightened as he had ever been in his life. He’d already known he’d fallen hard for Jess, but it wasn’t until he’d heard the ominous cracking of the beam over her head at the day care that he had realized the true depth and breadth of his love for her.
Somehow he had to convince her his love was real, a forever love that would carry them through the rest of their lives.
He had to tell her.
It had been two hours, and Nate hadn’t heard a word. Vince still sat beside him, his head bowed and his hands clasped. Nate thought he might be praying. There was a lot about his brother that Nate didn’t know.
Suddenly Nate couldn’t sit still a moment longer. He stood and stretched his sore muscles, then tensed as one of the emergency room doctors strode through the double doors that led back to the emergency triage.
The doctor’s scrubs looked as wrinkled as his brow. As he glanced expectantly around the waiting room, Nate strode forward.
“I’m looking for information on Jessica Sabin,” he said without preamble.
“Do you know anything?”
The doctor stared at Nate a moment without answering, and then nodded, his expression serious. “Are you family, sir?”
“I came in on the ambulance with her,” Nate said. “She has no family.”
Except for me and Gracie, he thought, his chest clenching. “Is she okay?”
The doctor hesitated as if trying to decide whether or not to disclose any information to Nate. Nate drew himself to his full height and took a step forward, grasping the doctor on his upper arm.
“Please. If you know anything…I’ve been waiting for hours.”
Finally, the green-scrubbed doctor nodded. “She is in stable condition. Miraculously, no bones were broken, but she inhaled a lot of smoke. That is our greatest concern at the moment.”
“Can I talk to her?”
“I’m sorry, but no. She hasn’t yet regained consciousness.”
“What?” Nate’s grip tightened reflexively on the doctor’s arm. Murmuring an apology, Nate took a step back and released his hold on the doctor. “That’s bad, isn’t it?”
The doctor’s lips drew together in a firm line. “It could be.”
Nate felt as if he’d been struck as his breath heaved out of his lungs. The roaring in his head intensified and all the colors of the room faded to black and white, like a television with a malfunctioning picture tube.
His knees might have given way, but suddenly Vince was there beside him, propping him up with a strong, steady arm under his.
“Take it easy, there, bro,” Vince whispered, loud enough for Nate’s ears alone. “Be strong.”
Vince turned his attention to the doctor. “So what’s the next step? Is there anything you can do to help Jessica regain consciousness?”
The doctor shook his head. “We wait.”
Nate pulled back his shoulders and fought against the deafening noise in his head. “Can I see her, please? I just want to be by her side.”
“We’re moving her upstairs now. Room 455. You can visit her there. What is your name, sir? I’ll let the nurses know you’ll be coming.”
“Nathan Morningway,” he answered, a new wave of strength suddenly encompassing him.