But Winnicker said the only thing they are banning is the sale of soft drinks, not the actual consumption. "People absolutely remain free to choose to drink unhealthy sugary sodas anywhere they want," he told the newspaper. "Selling them is another matter."
Now if that doesn't curdle your wheatgrass smoothie, wait until you hear about the proposed ban on house pets.
The city's Commission of Animal Control and Welfare is considering an ordinance that would make it a crime to sell pets—including dogs, cats, gerbils, hamsters, mice, rats—everything except fish.
If the ordinance is passed, San Francisco could become the first city in the nation to ban the sale of all pets.
"People buy small animals all the time as an impulse buy, don't know what they're getting into, and the animals end up at the shelter and often are euthanized," Chairwoman Sally Stephens told the Chronicle. "That's what we'd like to stop."4
But others, including the Pet Industry Joint Advisory Board, suspect there's another motive.
"This is an anti-pet proposal from people who oppose the keeping of pets," said Michael Maddox, the general counsel for the group. "If their goal is to ban the ownership of pets entirely, then this is a good first step."
Pet store owners are fighting mad.
"It's terrible," pet store manager John Chan told the newspaper. "A pet store that can't sell pets? It's ridiculous."
It's almost as ridiculous as banning Mr. Pibb from city hall.
19
The War on the Boy Scouts
I was a Cub Scout. I promised to do my best, do my duty to God and my country, help other people, and obey the law of the pack. I remember how proud I felt on den meeting day when I wore my uniform to school, walking the hallways of Hope P. Sullivan Elementary School in my royal blue shirt and bright yellow neckerchief.
I learned how to tie knots, build campfires, and pick up trash along the back roads of north Mississippi. But my career as a Scout came to a rather abrupt end during a Fourth of July parade. Our den was invited to ride along on a float and toss out candy along the parade route.
I was having the time of my life until the tractor hauling our float jolted to a stop. The peppermints flew off in one direction, and I flew off in the other. My bottom and my ego were thoroughly bruised, and I decided my career as a Scout was over.
Nevertheless, I've always had deep respect for the Boy Scouts of America. These young men represent the best of America. They aspire to serve God and their country, putting others ahead of themselves.
I speak of Eagle Scouts like Jacob Chavez, of Austin, Texas. He was hanging out with a friend at an apartment complex when a two-year-old child was pulled out of a swimming pool. Jacob immediately went to work, administering CPR until paramedics arrived. As a result of his quick action, the boy survived.
On Super Bowl Sunday, Cub Scout Germainye Hudson saved his grandmother's life. He was at a party when Bernadette Hudson began choking. The fifth-grader from Crestview, Florida, performed the Heimlich maneuver.
"Every time I look at Germainye, I know he's the reason I'm here," Mrs. Hudson told the local newspaper. "I'm very proud of him."1
And then there's the story of Edward Myers, a Boy Scout from Greensboro, North Carolina. He was planting trees in a park when he discovered a purse. Inside the purse was $2,000 in cash.
"I was shocked," he told local television station WGHP-TV. "I mean, seeing this much money, it was unbelievable."2
What was even more unbelievable is what happened next. The eleven-year-old Boy Scout called the police and handed over the purse. When the rightful owner claimed her money, she gave Edward a hundred dollars.
"You know, I wouldn't care if she gave me a reward," he said. "I felt good (about) what I did."
And there are dozens, if not hundreds, of similar stories about Boy Scouts going the extra mile, doing the right thing, performing random acts of kindness. But sadly this uniquely American institution is under attack. The values they cling to—allegiance to God, allegiance to country, and a promise to help others—are being assaulted by liberals, Democrats, and even public service unions. Some, in effect, have declared war on the Scouts.
California Democrats Bash Scouts
Democrats in California's Assembly killed a proposal to honor the Boy Scouts of America as they commemorated their one hundredth anniversary. The proposed resolution died in the Assembly Judiciary Committee on a party-line vote.
According to the Los Angeles Times, Committee Chairman Mike Feuer led the opposition, "citing the Scout's history of not allowing gays to serve in their leadership."3
Republican Assemblyman Curt Hagman, a former Eagle Scout, called the Democrats' action "kind of crazy." "With all the resolutions we do here, they're not all perfect," Hagman told the Times. "If you don't support it, just [don't vote for] it, but to oppose the Boy Scouts on their birthday seems silly."
He's not the only one. California's Republican Party chairman, Ron Nehring, issued a statement condemning the Democrats. "I guess if you're trustworthy, loyal, helpful, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean, and reverent, there appears to be little room for you in the California Democratic Party," he said in a written statement.
I believe he just may have a point.
A Subversive Group?
The enemy was dangerous, subversive, and the Pentagon warned military bases around the world to be extremely careful. Was this despicable force al Qaeda? Nope. Were they domestic terrorists? Not even close. The subversive foe was the Boy Scouts of America.
In 2004 the Pentagon directed military bases not to directly sponsor Boy Scout troops because the organization banned openly gay scout leaders. But that wasn't the real issue. It seems as though the Scouts are required to swear an oath of duty to God, and this is what had the Pentagon brass shaking in their boots.
The Pentagon's directive was part of a settlement reached between the military and civil liberties advocates, specifically the ACLU.
"If our Constitution's promise of religious liberty is to be a reality, the government should not be administering religious oaths or discriminating based on religious beliefs,"4 said ACLU attorney Adam Schwartz in an interview with the Associated Press.
Service members are still allowed to lead Scout troops but only in an unofficial capacity. And their participation must be strictly on their own time.
The ACLU, however, isn't finished with their attacks on the Scouts. They want the military to defund all Scouting events. The military reportedly spends several million dollars annually to host the Boy Scout Jamboree. The Defense Department also provides financial support for Boy Scout units on military bases overseas.
The battle lines have been drawn—accept homosexuals and reject God.5 We know which side the ACLU is on. I'm beginning to wonder which side the Pentagon is on.
A Not-So-Gay Parade
Homosexuals are on the warpath in Vermont. They want state lawmakers to defund the annual Veteran's Day Parade because it's hosted by the Boy Scouts. The gay-rights crowd said the Scouts should not receive a dime of state money because the group is "discriminatory."
"I personally do not believe we should use taxpayer dollars to support organizations that aren't inclusive of all of Vermont's citizens,"6 Senate President Peter Shumlin told the newspaper. "To have state taxpayer money support an organization with anti-gay policies is deeply disturbing, particularly at a time when we're seeing so many funding cuts to our most vulnerable residents,"7 said Kara DeLeonardis in an interview with the Times Argus newspaper.
We're not talking about a lot of money, folks—about $7,500—but the homosexuals remain adamantly opposed, even if it means cancelling the state's annual Veteran's Day Parade.
"If it wasn't for the money in the governor's budget, we wouldn't be able to host the parade," said Rick Stockton, head of the gov
erning body of the Vermont Boy Scouts, adding that children are allowed to join the Scouts regardless of sexual orientation.
However, the Boy Scouts strictly forbid openly gay or lesbian adults from volunteering as troop leaders, supported by a 2000 U.S. Supreme Court ruling. And that's the bur under the opposition's saddle. As you might imagine, the American Civil Liberties Union also weighed in, throwing their support behind the anti-Scouts crowd.
All of which throws rainwater on the Veteran's Day parade in Vermont.
Union Leader Calls for Investigation of Scouts
Kevin Anderson just wanted to earn his Eagle Scout badge. Instead, he's come under fire from Allentown, Pennsylvania's biggest union boss who wants to investigate the underage do-gooder after he unknowingly ruffled union feathers.
Anderson has logged in more than two hundred hours to clear a one-thousand-foot walking path along the Lehigh River. "I decided to do my part in completing this part of the trail," he told The Morning Call newspaper. "In that way, others could enjoy walking along the river."8
But his good deed has drawn fire from the Service Employees International Union. President Nick Balzano threatened to investigate the seventeen-year-old high school junior.
"We'll be looking into the Cub Scout or Boy Scout who did the trails," he reportedly said to the city council.
Last July the city decided to lay off thirty-nine union members who work in the Public Works and Parks and Recreation departments. The young Boy Scout was doing work typically handled by union employees.
City Hall has decided to step into the fray as the teenager faces the wrath of a scorned union. "We would hope that the well-intentioned efforts of an Eagle Scout candidate would not be challenged by the union," Mayor Ed Pawlowski wrote in an e-mail to the local newspaper. "This young man is performing a great service to the community."
The union boss said he's not targeting the Boy Scouts and stressed that it's not personal. Nevertheless, he's playing hardball.
"No one except union members may pick up a hoe or shovel, plant a flower, or clear a walking path," Balzano said.
In other words, the only legal hoe is a union hoe.
20
Why Can't a Man Be More like a Man?
My fellow Americans, we have a serious problem. Men have started to grow lady parts.
It started in the 1990s, but now we have an entire generation of American men who've lost their manhood. The clinical term is "metrosexual." But Uncle Jerry, from Mississippi, calls them girly-men.
The word metrosexual originated in a 1994 article that appeared in The Independent.1 The metrosexual man was defined as "the single young man with a high disposable income, living or working in the city (because that's where all the best shops are) . . . perhaps the most promising consumer market of the decade. In the eighties he was only to be found inside fashion magazines such as GQ, in television advertisements for Levis jeans or in gay bars. In the nineties, he's everywhere and he's going shopping."
In the hit Broadway musical My Fair Lady, Professor Henry Higgins laments in a song, "Why can't a woman be more like a man?"2 Well, it seems Professor Higgins got his wish.
Today's men are more likely to get facial peels and carry man bags. They hire fashion consultants and life coaches. And many guys have started getting in touch with their feelings.
Men's magazines are filled with articles like "Should a Man Show Nipple?" and "What Men Know About Wearing Eyeliner."3 One men's journal actually encouraged guys to shave their entire bodies. They provided a nine-point checklist for the hairless body, suggesting that one advantage to having denuded legs is that it cuts down on friction. (I say it also makes you look like a terminally ill cat.)
According to Askmen.com, 20 percent of men surveyed have no problem wearing makeup.4 Can you imagine John Wayne using moisturizer and a concealer stick to hide razor nicks? Would today's version of The Godfather accessorize with Dolche Gabana while settling "family" business with group hugs?
The country music industry has been especially hit hard by this trend. In the old days country music crooners used to be Southern rednecks who drank beer, got into bar fights, and wrote love songs from the comfort of their double-wide trailer. Nowadays they sip Shirley Temples, style their hair, and write ballads from their cabanas on South Beach. And their red necks are courtesy of a spray-on tan.
It's so bad we've even had to outsource our superheroes. Hollywood is releasing new films featuring Batman, Spider-Man, and Superman. All three characters are being portrayed by British actors.
I suppose it could have been worse. Can you imagine a French Superman? "Look! Up in the sky! It's a bird, it's a plane. No, it's Le Surhomme! Sacre bleu."
I believe the slippery slope to metrosexualism began when guys stopped getting their hair cut and started getting their hair styled. They stopped going to barber shops and started going to salons.
Back in the old days the barber used to ask you about batting averages and fishing. These days stylists will ask you what kind of "product" you put in your hair.
It's not uncommon to see fellows walking around New York City wearing "guy-liner" with a man bag draped over their shoulder so they can haul around malnourished effete dogs dressed in designer sweaters.
And then, there's the skinny jeans crowd. "I've started to see a lot of men wearing women's skinny jeans, which is barely acceptable if you're twenty-two and crackhead thin," said Dan Peres, editor of Details magazine. "I suggest New York men keep their feminine fashion instincts where they belong—in the closet."5
Some of the girls in the office suggested I update my look by getting some skinny jeans. It took a shoehorn and a bottle of cooking oil to get me into a pair of those things. Let's just agree that you should only wear skinny jeans if you are in fact skinny.
There is a spiritual component to this issue, according to Randy Stinson. He's the president of the Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. He believes society has created a generation of young men who are the "most self-absorbed generation in American history."
"We are raising our young boys to be way too soft, way too careful, as if the ultimate prize in our parenting of boys is to get them to 18 years old and say they never got hurt, nothing bad ever happened," he said at a conference held at Southern Baptist Theological Seminary. "They never experienced disappointment. They have just had a wonderfully smooth life. What you've done, you have handicapped that boy for the rest of his life. He will be a weak, soft, ineffective man."
The Associated Baptist Press reported on the conference and highlighted Stinson's assertion that male skin-care products and hair products would have been unthinkable a generation ago.6
In part, Stinson blamed the "feminization" of the Gospels for the plight that has befallen men, specifically Christian men. "When we talk about the Christian life in terms of sensual, romantic language, why are we surprised when men don't get that and men are repulsed by that? They don't understand that.
"Part of the problem in our church today is that men have this view of Jesus that comes from our Sunday school literature," he said. "His hair is perfectly flowing. His beard is very nice. His skin is smooth." But Stinson said that's not an accurate portrait of Jesus. "He was the son of a carpenter without any power tools, and he walked everywhere in the blistering sun," refuting the idea Jesus looked "womanly and feminine."
He said it's time for Christian men to reclaim their position of spiritual leadership. And the unscientific poll I conducted among a group of female friends seems to suggest he's right on the money.
According to my poll, ladies want a man who loves God and loves his family. They also want a man who, in no particular order:
1. Has a job.
2. Drives a pickup truck.
3. Uses the bathroom standing up.
4. Eats meat.
5. And is willing to
carry them out of a burning building.
And nine out of ten ladies said they want a man who would not be caught dead watching Oprah.
Meanwhile, there are signs that manly men are beginning to make a comeback. Women would prefer to watch Tom Selleck than Tom Cruise. And there have been published reports that actor Matthew McConaughey has decided to forgo soap, choosing instead to stew in his own natural aroma. From what I've heard, it's pungent.
And closer to home, Luke, the-sixteen-year-old, has joined a group on Facebook called, "I'm a man, you're a woman—go make me a sandwich."
In an unrelated matter, he seems to be having difficulties finding a date for the prom.
21
Why Is Daddy Wearing a Dress?
Welcome to the United States of America—where the men are women, the women are men, and the rest of us are just plain confused.
As we take these early steps into the twenty-first century, there are growing signs we may be moving into an age of a genderless society. In the coming years you can expect the words "gender neutral," "gender variant," and "gender queer" to be added to our culture war lexicon. They've even got a pronoun lined up for us to use—"ze"—as in "Ze is neither he nor she."
It's part of a growing movement some are likening to the early days of the gay-rights movement—men and women who consider themselves neither male nor female. The movement has already taken hold on many college and university campuses across the country. Harvard University, Rutgers University, and the University of Michigan are just some of the schools now with gender-neutral housing and unisex bathrooms.
Newsweek addressed the issue in a story titled "Are We Facing a Genderless Future?"1 Dr. Jack Drescher, a member of the American Psychiatric Association, attempted to answer the question. "There is no way that six billion people can be categorized into two groups," he said. "We don't want to force people to fit into a doctor's categories."
Dispatches from Bitter America: A Gun Toting, Chicken Eating Son of a Baptist's Culture War Stories Page 10