by Sarah Morgan
‘Molto grazie. You are truly a life saver, Mrs Miller.’ Dino emerged from behind her and took the mug in his gloved hand, the steam from the soup forming clouds in the freezing air. ‘I’m grateful.’
‘I’m the one who is grateful. You brought my girl safely home.’
‘I brought myself home, Mum. Do I get soup, too?’ Irritated, Meg dragged the hat off her head and immediately saw Dino’s expression change as he followed the crazy tumble of her hair with narrowed eyes.
She tensed, thinking that he was probably comparing her messy, tangled hair to the smooth, blow-dried version he’d stared at across the lunch table a few hours earlier. For a moment she wished she’d left her hat on and that thought annoyed her because she’d long ago come to terms with who she was. When other girls in her school had been learning about lipstick and moisturiser, she’d been learning to map read and use a compass. While they’d spent their weekends shopping for clothes, she’d been up on the mountains. Her only interest in clothes was whether they were wind resistant and weatherproof. She knew about wicking layers and the importance of not wearing cotton. She didn’t know whether grey was the new black or whether jeans should be straight cut or boot cut. And, more to the point, she didn’t care.
Meg turned away, irritated with him for looking and even more irritated with herself for caring that he’d looked.
What could have been a decidedly awkward moment was broken by her mother’s disapproving tone.
‘Megan, I found mouldy cheese in your fridge.’
Meg gritted her teeth and vowed never to let her mother babysit again. ‘Is Jamie still awake?’
‘Mummy?’ Right on cue a small figure dressed in a Batman costume barrelled into her, crushing her round the waist. ‘We decorated the house. We’ve put mistletoe everywhere.’
‘I’d noticed.’ Why was everyone suddenly so obsessed with mistletoe?
‘Grandma says the berries are magic. If you stand under them, exciting things can happen.’
‘Is that right?’ Meg dropped to her knees and hugged her son. Immediately she felt her mood soften and the tension in her limbs evaporate. He smelled of shampoo and bedtime and his smile was the best thing she’d seen all day.
As long as she had him, everything was all right with her world.
‘Hey there, Batman.’ Dino was smiling. ‘Have you saved Gotham City lately?’
‘Loads of times.’ Jamie wrapped his arms round Meg’s neck, shivering in the thin costume he insisted on wearing to bed but grinning up at Dino anyway. For some reason that Meg didn’t even want to think about, in the months that she’d been working alongside Dino, her son had developed a serious case of hero-worship for him. ‘Why? Do you need any help?’
‘When I do, you’ll be the first person I ask. I need to get back to the hospital.’ Dino retrieved his car keys from his pocket.
‘Did you drive the Lamborghini? Wow, that’s so cool. It looks like the Batmobile. Can I sit in it?’
Meg tensed. ‘No, Jamie, you—’
‘Just for a minute—pleeease?’
Anticipating Dino’s inevitable rejection and Jamie’s subsequent disappointment, Meg shook her head. ‘Dino has to go, Jamie. He’s a very important doctor and he’s needed at the hospital. And, anyway, I know you love cars but the temperature is minus five and you’re in your Batman costume. You need to get back inside.’
‘Batman doesn’t feel the cold.’
‘You heard Dr Zinetti, he has to get back to the hospital now. Another time, perhaps.’ Having made his excuses for him, she expected Dino to leave, but instead he handed his empty mug back to her mother.
‘Does Batman have a cloak or some sort of coat? Anything you could wear over your outfit?’
Jamie frowned. ‘I’m not cold. Batman is tough and strong.’
‘I know,’ Dino didn’t miss a beat. ‘But the neighbours might be watching and you don’t want them to know who you really are. A superhero likes to keep his identity a secret.’
Jamie turned his head and looked at the neighbouring cottages. ‘You think they might be watching?’
‘I think you can’t be too careful when you’re saving the world.’ Dino’s expression was serious. ‘If you have something warm that will cover up who you are, we could sit in the Batmobile for a few minutes and discuss tactics.’
‘Really?’ Jamie’s face lit up like the lights on a Christmas tree. ‘Wait there.’ He sped into the house and returned moments later in his warm ski jacket, trainers on his bare feet. In his hand was a plastic Batman figure. Seeing the excitement in his face, Meg frowned.
‘Jamie, you can’t—’
Ignoring her, he hurled himself at Dino, who caught him with a laugh, swung him round and then lifted him onto his shoulders and carried him to the car.
Gripped by a fear that she couldn’t control, Meg watched as cracks appeared in her tightly controlled life. Jamie’s delighted giggles cut through the night air and she plunged her hands into the pockets of her coat, resisting the temptation to snatch him back. Keep him from harm.
‘Dino is good with him.’ Her mother handed her a mug of soup. ‘I can’t believe he’s actually managed to get Jamie to wear a coat. It’s more than I’ve been able to do all day. This is worse than the Tarzan phase when he ran around in nothing but his underpants for two whole months.’
Meg found it difficult to move her lips. As much as it pained her to admit it, she agreed—Dino was brilliant with Jamie, and that was a whole big problem in itself. ‘Yes.’
‘It’s a pleasant change for Jamie to have a man about the place. They look good together, don’t they? Doesn’t it warm your heart to see it?’
‘No, actually.’ Meg had never felt colder in her life. ‘It just reminds me how little Jamie knows about the real world.’ How easy it was to be hurt. The more you gave, the more you could lose.
‘Chill, Megan.’
Meg turned her head to look at her mother. ‘Since when did you start speaking like a teenager?’
‘Since I started working at the youth group,’ her mother said cheerfully. ‘I love it. They’re so vibrant and full of hope. Gives me something to do when I’m not helping you with Jamie. Oh, look at Jamie jumping in the seat! He’s enjoying himself, Meg. He likes Dino. And Dino likes him.’
‘Yes, because it suits him right now. And will until the next female distraction walks across his path and he has someone better to play with than my son. What then?’ Meg’s tone was savage. Her worries suddenly overflowed, like a river bursting its banks. ‘Presumably I’m the one who is going to have to explain to Jamie why Dino doesn’t have time for him any more. I’m going to have to break it to him that men often have a short attention span.’ She shivered as Dino fired up the engine, indulging her son’s passion for supercars. The Lamborghini gave a deep, throaty growl and Jamie bounced around in the passenger seat in paroxysms of delight.
Aware that her mother was staring at her in astonishment, Meg licked her lips. ‘Sorry,’ she croaked, ‘I’m tired. Maybe that was a bit of an overreaction.’
‘Just a bit? Megan, you’re a basket case when it comes to men.’
‘I know.’
‘Just because Hayden couldn’t keep his trousers zipped, it doesn’t mean all men are the same. You need to move on, Megan.’
‘I’ve moved on. I’m living a good life with my child.’ Huddling down inside her coat, Meg watched as Dino switched off the engine and let Jamie play with the wheel for a few minutes, pretending to be a racing driver. ‘Why does Jamie have to be interested in cars? It’s the one thing I know absolutely nothing about.’
‘He’s a little boy.’ Her mother’s face softened. ‘A gorgeous, fantastic boy and you have to help him grow into a gorgeous, fantastic man. That’s your job. Part of that is letting him mix with men.’
‘He does mix with men.’
‘I’m not talking about the mountain rescue team. They treat you as one of the lads. I’m talking about man-woman stuff. He
needs to see men as part of your life. When did you last go on a date?’
‘You know I don’t go on dates.’ She blew on her hands to warm them. ‘And there’s no way I’m introducing a string of men to Jamie. What happens when they dump me? Jamie gets hurt. No way.’
‘Maybe they wouldn’t dump you. Have you thought about that?’
Meg stared straight ahead, her breath forming clouds in the freezing air. Her brain fielded the memories that came rushing forward to swamp her. ‘My job is to protect my child. That’s what mothers are supposed to do.’
‘Are you protecting him? Or are you protecting yourself?’ Her mother’s voice was casual. ‘Talking about protecting yourself, it’s lucky Dino was able to find you and help you out on the mountain today.’
‘I didn’t need his help. I could have managed on my own.’
‘Megan, when are you going to realise that you don’t win awards in this life for managing on your own?’ Her mother looked tired suddenly. ‘You’re a fantastic mum, but Jamie needs a man in his life and, frankly, so do you. It’s time you stopped shutting everyone out. If you can’t bring yourself to trust another man quite yet, at least make a New Year’s resolution to have sex.’
‘Sex?’ Scandalised, Meg shrieked the word just as Dino scooped Jamie out of the car.
It echoed through the silence, the sound somehow magnified by the cold emptiness of the night.
Across the snow Dino’s eyes met hers.
And she knew she was in trouble.
CHAPTER TWO
‘MUMMY, what’s sex?’
Oh, brilliant. Cursing her mother for landing her in such deep water, Meg tucked the duvet around Jamie. ‘Well, sex can mean different things.’ This was one conversation she did not want to have right now—not while memories of Dino’s irresistible dark eyes were still fixed in her brain. ‘It can mean the same thing as gender—whether someone is male or female.’
‘So Rambo is male sex.’
‘That’s right.’
‘And you’re female sex.’
‘Right again.’
Jamie reached for his drink of water. ‘So what else does it mean?’
Meg wondered whether to simply change the subject and then decided that wouldn’t be right. This was part of being a single parent, wasn’t it? You dealt with these things on your own. ‘When a male and a female come together to make a baby, that’s called sex, too.’ She decided that was enough detail for a seven-year-old, at least for the time being.
‘Grandma thinks you should make a baby.’
Meg gulped. ‘No, Jamie, that’s not what Grandma thinks.’
‘Yes, she does. She’s told me loads of times she thinks you should get married and have more babies. She’s always talking about it.’
Meg contemplated calling her mother upstairs to sort out the mess she’d created. ‘Jamie, I’m not getting married.’ She took the cup from him and tucked the duvet around him. ‘Honestly, if I ever decide to get married, you’ll be the first to know.’
‘The man you’re marrying would be the first to know. I’d be second.’
‘Sometimes, my little superhero, you’re too clever for your own good.’ Meg kissed him on the cheek and then reached across and snapped the light on by his bed. ‘Which story do you want?’
‘Batman. So if you’re not getting married, why did you yell the word “sex”? And why was Dino laughing so hard?’ Jamie snuggled under the duvet, his hair still rumpled from play-fighting with the Italian doctor. His Batman toy was still in his hand. ‘I don’t get what’s funny.’
‘Nothing’s funny. I was talking to Grandma. She was being…well, she was being Grandma.’
‘She also told me it isn’t normal or natural for a young woman of your age to be on her own,’ Jamie parroted. ‘I pointed out I live here too, but apparently I don’t count.’
‘You count, Jamie.’ Meg picked up the book they’d been reading the night before. ‘Believe me, you count.’
‘I wouldn’t mind if you got married. Especially if you married Dino. That would be super-cool.’
Meg thought about the heat they’d generated in the small tent on the mountainside. ‘Cool’ wasn’t the word she would have chosen. ‘Jamie, I’m not marrying Dino. We’re not even…well…’
‘You’re not dating?’
‘What do you know about dating?’
‘It’s when a boy and a girl hold hands. Sometimes they kiss and stuff. I know you don’t do it.’
‘Right. Well, that’s because I haven’t met anyone I want to…’ she cleared her throat ‘…hold hands with.’
‘Maybe you will now we’ve hung all the mistletoe everywhere. Grandma says you just won’t let a man close enough to hold your hand.’
‘Grandma talks too much.’
‘But it could happen?’
Not in a million years. ‘Maybe—of course, you never know what will happen in this world.’
‘Could it happen by Thursday?’
‘Thursday?’ Meg blinked. ‘Why Thursday?’
‘Thursday is Dad’s Day at school.’ He sounded gloomy. ‘You’re supposed to bring in your dad or some other important man in your life and they’re all meant to talk about their jobs for five minutes.’
Meg felt as though ice water had been poured down her back. ‘There are lots of kids in your school whose parents have split up.’
‘Not in my class. Only Kevin and he still sees his dad every weekend. I’m the only one whose dad doesn’t actually visit. Freddie King says I must be a total loser if even my own dad doesn’t want to be with me.’ Jamie sat up and scrubbed his hand over his face. ‘I know you told me to be ass-ass—’
‘Assertive.’
‘That’s what I meant—assertive, but it’s hard to be assertive when he’s telling the truth.’ His little mouth wobbled.
‘It isn’t the truth, Jamie.’ Meg felt boiling-hot anger replace the freezing cold. ‘Dad didn’t leave because of you,’ she muttered thickly, pulling him into her arms and hugging him tightly. The plastic Batman dug into her back. ‘He left because of me. I’ve told you that a thousand times. He left before you were even born, so how could it have been about you? Technically, you weren’t even here.’
‘The thought of me was enough to scare him away.’
‘It wasn’t you who scared him away, it was me. I wasn’t who he wanted me to be.’ Meg eased him away from her. ‘Your dad wanted a really girly girl, and I’m, well, I’m not like that. I’ve never been that great with hair and dresses and make-up and all that stuff.’
But other women were.
Do you really need to ask why I had an affair with Georgina? Because she’s glamorous, Meg, that’s why.
Meg sat still, shocked by how much it could still hurt, even after more than seven years.
Jamie snuggled under the covers, clearly reassured by her words. ‘But you can do all the important things. You’re like Mrs Incredible. I mean, not with the stretchy arms, but you can climb, and slide down ropes and stuff. That’s cool.’
Mrs Incredible. Meg swallowed down the lump in her throat. ‘Well, you think it’s cool, but some people think it’s more important to know about the right shade of nail varnish than be able to rescue someone off a mountain in a blizzard.’ She stroked his head quickly and then stood up, too agitated to sit still a moment longer. She prowled around the tiny bedroom, picking up socks and more Batman toys, trying not to remember how hard she’d found it to fit in at school. She didn’t want her child to go through the same thing. She didn’t want him to feel that same sense of isolation. ‘It’s going to be OK, Jamie. Tomorrow I’m going to talk to your teacher and ask her what on earth she was thinking, having Dad’s Day at school. It just makes kids a target for bullying. We’ll sort it out, I promise. We’ll come up with a plan.’
Jamie was silent for a moment. ‘I sort of had a plan. I thought of something.’
‘Good. That’s what I like. A plan. It’s great that you sort things out
by yourself. Tell me.’
‘I want to invite Dino.’
Meg froze. ‘To Dad’s Day?’
‘Why not? He lets me ride in his car, he’s always nice to me when we have to go the mountain rescue centre and that time at the hospital he let me wait in his office and got me a whole bunch of toys to play with. And he knows about cars and stuff. I like him. He’s nice.’
Nice? Meg thought about Dino Zinetti. Hair as dark as night, a mouth that was masculine and sexy and eyes that knew just how to look at a woman.
‘Nice isn’t the word I’d use.’
Jamie looked shocked. ‘You don’t think Dino is nice?’
‘I’m not saying he isn’t nice, honey.’
‘Nice’ seemed like such an inappropriate word to describe a man as hotly sexual as Dino, but somehow Meg managed to get her tongue round it. ‘He is—er—nice, but, well…he’s just not the right person to take to Dad’s Day.’
‘It doesn’t have to be your dad. Just a man who is important in your life.’
And she didn’t let Jamie have a man who was important in his life, did she? This was all her fault. Torn apart by guilt, Meg stood still. ‘Jamie, listen, I—’
‘You work with him every day. Will you ask him, Mum? He just has to come for an hour and chat about what he does.’
Ask Dino to come to the school? Meg felt the Batman toy bite into her palm as she squeezed it tight. ‘He wouldn’t do that.’
‘He might. You didn’t think he’d let me sit in his car, and he did. You don’t know if you don’t ask.’
‘I can’t ask, Jamie.’
Jamie’s face fell. ‘OK. I’ll just go on my own. It’ll be fine.’
Meg felt like the worst mother in the world. ‘All right, I’ll ask him.’ The words were torn from her, dragged from inside her by the raw power of maternal guilt. ‘But he might be busy.’
‘I know. He’s a consultant in Emergency Medicine and he’s a member of the mountain rescue team and he won a gold medal in the men’s downhill at the winter Olympics when he was nineteen.’
‘I beg your pardon?’
‘He won a gold medal. Didn’t you know?’