“I think we should give this a go, Ryder, don’t you?” a woman’s voice purrs. The hairs on the nape of my neck stand on end. I listen intently, and I hear Ryder sigh. I can just imagine him rubbing the back of his neck with those long slender fingers of his. Musician’s hands. My heart breaks as I realize he's actually considering this. He possibly wants to be with this woman. What was I to him?
*****
Chapter 14
Ryder
“I think we should give this a go, Ryder, don’t you?” Nikki says huskily.
“I guess we could give us a try, or we will always be wondering what if,” I find myself thinking out loud.
But… Lexi. Lexi brings complications. Lexi herself is complicated. She's a threat to everything I have worked towards because of her past with Sax. Lexi can bring down the band, put a stop to my dreams. Lexi is our band's Yoko Ono. I feel so much for Lexi, but am I willing to sacrifice my hope, my dreams, and my career for her? For someone who isn’t even willing to fight back for me?
Before I can say anything else Nikki makes the decision for me and puts her lips on mine. The woman has always been forward, but with me she was never the one to take the lead, it’s always been me, so this is a new experience for us. I think she really wants to see where this can lead. I hear a gasp and my head snaps towards the staircase where I see the back of a retreating Lexi. I’d recognize that honey blonde hair anywhere. Fuck. I don’t want to hurt her. Ever. I love Lexi. I flinch as I realize the truth of what she just saw. This is a cluster fuck.
“Who was that?” Nikki asks, her emerald eyes narrowing.
“A friend,” I say softly.
At least she was.
Because now Alexis Joy Raine probably hates me.
*****
Lexi
I have no idea what to do about Tee. If I tell her that I’m running, she'll want to run with me. But she already has a good thing going here in Perth. I decide honesty is always the best policy, so I call her up.
“Hey, butt face,” she says in welcome. The woman is charming.
“Tee, I’m leaving Perth. I need to get away for a while,” I tell her, getting straight to the point.
“When do we leave?” she asks instantly.
I’m silent.
“Lexi?” she asks.
“You don’t need to come, Tee. We just moved in, you can find another roomie and…”
“What happened with Ryder?” she asks knowingly.
“He moved on,” I say slowly and softly, drawing out each word.
“Come again?” Tee hisses. I don’t reply because I know that she heard me.
“Where are you going to go?” she asks after a few seconds.
“I’m not sure yet, but I'll be back,” I assure her.
“I’ll give you three months,” she announces. “If you’re not back, I’ll come to wherever you are.”
“Deal,” I say. I always keep my word, and so does Tee. We're both loyal to a fault.
“Will you be there when I get home?” she asks me.
“I’ll wait for you, I’m not gonna just leave without saying bye to my family,” I tell her.
“Fuck, Lexi. I’ll be there in an hour,” she says.
“See you then."
We both hang up and then I pick up my suitcase to start packing.
*****
Ryder
I made a mistake and I’m going to fix it. First, I’m going to visit Lexi and fix things, and then I’m going to visit Nikki and tell her that we can only be friends, because I’m in love with someone else.
I run up the stairs to Lexi’s apartment and bang on the door. A rumpled looking Tee opens the door, her eyes slightly red.
“Have you been crying or smoking something?” I ask her. It’s a legitimate question. Tee narrows her eyes and slaps me hard across the cheek. Fuck!
“What was that for?” I ask gruffly. She says nothing, just walks into the house, leaving the door open. I step in, a bad feeling churning in my gut. I head straight for Lexi’s room, my eyebrows furrowed in worry.
“Where is she, Tee?” I demand when I see some of Lexi’s belongings gone.
“I don’t know,” Tee responds, her voice cracking.
“What the fuck do you mean, you don’t know?” I demand.
“She’s gone. She wasn’t even sure where she was heading off to,” she tells me as she pours two coffees.
“What? But…” I trail off, collapsing on the couch. I was coming to make things right, to tell her I love her, to beg for her to forgive me.
“She'll be back eventually,” Tee says dryly.
“You’re gonna be alone here?” I ask Tee, concerned.
“Yeah, thanks for chasing away my only friend, Ryder,” she says dryly.
“Thanks, Tee, cos I don’t already feel like shit,” I say, rubbing my hand over my head.
“Wanna tell me what happened?” she asks, handing me a cup of coffee.
“Yeah, okay, but don’t slap me again,” I say, eyeing her. She cracks a small smile. And then I open up and tell her exactly how I chased away the woman I love.
*****
Chapter 15
Ryder
I haven’t seen or heard from Lexi, but not for lack of trying. Tee won’t tell me where she is or how she’s doing; nothing. I mean, come on, throw me a bone here. She claims she doesn’t know much, but I know how close those two are.
I’ve been on tour for a few weeks, and I haven’t even touched a woman. Shocking, I know. Men like me should be all up in the groupie scene, but I can’t stop thinking about Lexi. She's taken off, and I don’t even know where to start looking for her. I feel like I've lost my muse.
Tonight I’m going out with the rest of the band. because they think I need to have a little fun instead of moping around thinking about Lexi. I get dressed in my usual jeans and a black t-shirt. I spray on some Issey Miyake, my staple cologne, and I’m good to go.
I hesitate as I pass Saxon’s door, and I cringe when I hear him singing The Script’s ‘Breakeven’ with his guitar, obviously to Lexi. That's some depressing shit right there. I knock a few times before he finally answers. “Hey, man, you coming out with us tonight?” I ask him.
“No, just gonna hang out here,” he says, shutting the door in my face. He’s been doing nothing but feeling sorry for himself, he’s really beating himself up about Lexi. I wonder what happened between the two of them. No one's ever told me the whole story. I was hoping Lexi would offer it up to me, but she never did.
I make my way down the hotel lobby and straight to the bar. I see Jet and Kidd, so I make my way towards them. I notice a few scantily clad women surrounding them.
“Hey, guys,” I nod in greeting, taking a seat on the bar stool.
“Whoa, you’re out. Girls, this is Ryder, he’s been pining over a girl the last six weeks. One of you should show him a good time,” my cousin Jet says with a grin. I know he doesn’t like seeing me upset, and he’s been trying his best to cheer me up.
I start to protest when a stunning blonde comes over to me and glues herself to my side. She's beautiful, but not what I want. She doesn’t smell right, and she definitely doesn't look right.
She’s not my Lexi.
I decline her offer to go somewhere private and decide this wasn’t a good idea. I tell Jet and Kidd I’m leaving.
I make it back to my room and plop down on the bed with a sigh. When our tour is over I’m going to head straight home, and then hopefully I can get some answers out of Tee, so I can find Lexi and bring her home, where she belongs.
I love her.
Saxon be damned, she’s mine.
And when I find her, I won’t let her go again.
*****
Chapter 16
Lexi
I wake up after a full night of sleep, but I'm still exhausted. I’ve literally been working ten hour shifts every day, just to keep myself busy. The money isn’t bad either. I know I’m using work as means of distracti
on, but any way I can cope, I’m going to take it.
I force myself to get up, and fill up the bath tub. I think a good soak would do me justice. I check my phone, like clockwork, just in case. Just in case Ryder somehow wants to talk to me, contact me. I’m torn, I’m both mad at him and I miss him like crazy. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore. I’m a coward.
I ran, again. When things get tough, I run.
I add some bubbles to my bath, and then slowly undress, only using gentle movements with my aching body. I haven’t even made any new friends in this town. I’m keeping to myself. It’s almost as if I’m punishing myself. But for what? For trusting again? For screwing things up with Ryder? I don’t even know anymore. All I know is that I don't want to go on like this.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror and sigh heavily. My amber eyes look tired, my honey colored hair not even brushed. I need to get my shit together. I have to get back to Perth, just as I promised Tee. Over the three months I travelled around, working random bar jobs to make extra cash.
After I'm done with my bath, I put some moisturizer on my face, and then apply some light makeup. My bags are all packed and ready to go. I'm not worried about seeing Ryder because I know for a fact he's touring right now. I've even seen him on TV, and he seems to be doing well. I'm proud of him. He's living his dream.
I finish my makeup, brush my hair, and sit down on my bed. When I saw Ryder on TV, he dedicated a song to me. ‘This song is for the queen of hearts,’ was what he said. The song was ‘Here Without You’ by Three Doors Down. When he sang the chorus, I burst into tears.
What exactly did it mean? Nothing really changed. Sax is still an issue, as is the fact that Ryder was kissing another woman so soon after I broke up with him. I have no idea if Ryder tried to contact me or not because I got a new number. Tee has that number, though, so he could have gotten it from her if he really wanted to.
I stand up, and do a quick check of the hotel room, making sure I haven’t forgotten anything. Then I pick up my bags, and head out.
Time to face the music.
*****
Ryder
I gulp down my bottle of water. We've just finished another opening act, and I’m still high on adrenaline. I can’t wait until Morning Alliance gets our own tour instead of just opening. Still, every show for Cold Nation, we get to do about four songs as an opening act, and I’m not complaining. We usually do two of our own songs, and two cover songs. We've gotten so much publicity its crazy. We've been asked to do interviews, to pose for a whole heap of photo shoots. We even have our own groupies. The whole thing is insane.
Things have been better with Sax and me, but still a bit tense. When I dedicated a song to Lexi, even though it was only by her nickname, he started pulling back again. Sax is our drummer, and if it wasn’t for that I think he would have dedicated a song to her too. He has an amazing voice, and I’m sure he's dying to sing ‘Breakeven’ to her. He thinks I let Lexi go for the band, but he doesn’t know the events that actually went down. He knew I was seeing Nikki for a little while, but that's finished now. I haven’t seen him hook up with any other women. While Kidd and Jet are out hooking up, Sax and I sit in the hotel room, pining over the same woman. It’s fucking sad, really.
Lexi changed her phone number, and I haven’t even spoken to her since she saw me with Nikki. Nikki and I ended things; we both knew we were better off as friends. We didn’t even have sex, it didn’t feel right. She wasn’t who I wanted, and I wasn’t who she wanted. If Lexi finds out I even attempted a relationship with Nikki, that’s another strike against me. I've fucked up so bad, it’s not even funny.
I can only hope that I get a chance to make things right.
*****
Chapter 17
Three months later
Lexi
I’m back in Perth, at the apartment with Tee, and things are going well. Ryder is still on tour, and my life has gone back to normal. I’m back to working at the bar at Steele, after Chase asked Payton to take me back. I’m working here full time now, as my office job has already been replaced.
I even started seeing someone. His name is Derek and he's a friend of Kade and James. He asked me out about ten times before I actually agreed to go on a date with him. The man is relentless, that’s for sure. He's also quite delicious, with brown hair and eyes, and a charming personality. We aren’t serious or anything, in fact, we've only been dating for a week.
“Well, if it isn’t my favourite bartender?” Derek flirts. I grin.
“I’m pretty sure you like anyone who gives you alcohol, Derek,” I tease. Derek chuckles and shakes his head at me. I’m pretty sure Derek and I are destined for friendship only, which I clearly stated to him, but he seems dedicated to proving me wrong.
“So, you ready?” he asks.
“No,” I say. Tee and Layla talked me into performing a song at the club. It has taken them about a month to wear me down, and I’m at the point where I'll do anything to get them off my back.
My point of relenting was when they got Kade on my case. The man's been playing pranks on me and annoying the hell out of me for the last month. He sends me video messages constantly, giving me a play by play of his day. He has also started trying to hook me up with James, and he keeps sending me pictures of James in various states of undress, and I’m pretty sure James has no idea. The latest one was of James in nothing but a towel, and the view was good, but James and I are just friends. When James goes away on business, Kade finds other ways to harass me.
Last night he sent me a picture of himself shirtless (wow) and the caption said ‘Kade and Nikki.’ There was no Nikki in the picture, so I texted back and told him so, thinking he sent me the wrong picture, but Kade texted back saying ‘she’s on her knees so you can’t see her.’ I choked on my coffee when I read that. Kade has no shame; he also sent me a message casually asking if I wanted to come over for a threesome. He better have been joking, you can never really tell with him.
I've met Nikki, the woman I found Ryder embracing. I obviously knew who Nikki was, heard about her from Layla and Kade, but I had never actually met her, so when I saw her with Ryder, I had no idea it was her. She admitted to knowing about me too, and when she heard I dumped Ryder, she took her chance. She was on the rebound from Kade, and she thought since Ryder was also recently single, it was a good idea.
At first we were both wary around each other, but we've become friends. She keeps telling me about Ryder and how much he cares for me, but then she let it slip that they dated after I left. I had no idea about it, for some reason I stupidly thought it was just the one kiss. That was the moment I agreed to go out with Derek. After I had left, heartbroken, Ryder resumed a relationship with Nikki. It didn’t matter to him one bit that I was gone. I’m not gonna lie – it hurt to hear it.
I walk around the bar, and groan out loud. I can see Kade, Chase, James, Nikki, Layla, and Tee, all sitting there, wearing smiles. Evil! The lot of them. I get my guitar and walk up on stage, taking a seat on the stool in the middle. The good thing is that it’s during the day and not many people are here. Steele turns into a restaurant lounge during the day, but today is pretty empty. Only a few customers are at the table besides Tee and the gang. I clear my throat and say into the microphone, “Just to clarify, Kade will leave me alone after this, right?” Everyone laughs, but I'm dead serious. His TMI messages and videos are driving me around the bend. The man is perfect until he opens his mouth.
“Hey! I thought we were BFFs!” Kade yells out, pouting. Everyone laughs, myself included. I start to strum on my guitar, and everyone goes silent. I gulp, and look down at my shaking fingers. Okay, I can do this, these people are my friends and family. I look at Tee and our eyes connect. She gives me a small nod, an approving smile. I nod in return and close my eyes. Everyone and everything fades away as I start to sing. One of my favorite songs ever to both play and sing is ‘The Special Two’ by Missy Higgins, so I chose that to sing today. As usual with t
his song, soon I’m completely lost in the music.
I sing the lyrics, my heart feeling each and every word. This song is really beautiful, and I can’t help but think of Ryder and what could have been. I sing effortlessly, the words and tune pouring from my voice and my fingers. When it’s done, and I sing the last note, I almost sigh in relief, and slowly open my eyes.
Everyone is standing and cheering, and a laugh bubbles in my throat. I can see the looks of awe from Layla, Kade, Derek, Chase, and James. Tee is the only one who's heard me before, which is probably why she's sporting a smug ‘I told you so’ look. Someone cheers louder than the rest, and my gaze goes to the back, where the cheers are coming from.
I do a double take when I see Ryder. He’s standing there, leaning against the wall, clapping away. His gray eyes are intent on mine, and he looks… proud. He's proud of me. He's wearing distressed jeans with a tight white t-shirt, and he looks amazing. His hair is longer, shaggier, curling around his chin. I feel like someone is squeezing my heart. I knew he would be back eventually, but today of all days? I tear my gaze from his and walk off the stage. I take a seat between Tee and Derek, my body trembling slightly.
“I’m next!” I hear Ryder call out, causing me to flinch. All eyes glance between Ryder and me as he walks towards us. Derek tenses beside me, and moves his body closer to mine. Ryder walks straight to me and I hold my breath, waiting for his next move.
“May I?” he asks, gesturing to my guitar. My eyes take him in greedily. I also take a second to enjoy the husky drawl of his voice before I nod. He gently takes my guitar and walks onto the stage, sitting on the same stool where I sat moments ago. The club is so silent you could hear a pin drop. Ryder takes the microphone in his long fingers and raises the stand from where I had lowered it down to my sitting level.
Ryder (Resisting Love) Page 8