by Helen Lacey
“And slipping right back into our old life, correct?”
“Would that be so bad?”
“We’re divorced,” she reminded him. “Remember? And the reason we got divorced still exists.”
“The reason we got divorced doesn’t matter now,” he said. “Because we have a baby coming and our child deserves to be raised by us both, equally, in this house.”
“That’s impossible.”
“Then why did you come back, Tess?” he asked impatiently. “Why involve me at all if you’re so set on doing everything on your own terms?”
Tess swallowed hard. She knew he had a point and a real argument regarding her motives, but she wasn’t about to cave. She had to maintain her resolve. She was back in Cedar River, but not back in Mitch’s life.
“I want my child to have his father in his life. But that’s it, Mitch. His life, not mine. I have to concentrate on the baby,” she replied. “After everything that happened, I need to make sure I carry him to full term... It’s all I have time for, Mitch,” she said, her voice betraying her emotion, her finger touching her temple. “In here.”
He reached out, tracing a finger along her jaw and settling at her chin. His touch was familiar, but she still flinched. His gaze darkened instantly, and Tess swallowed hard. She didn’t want to feel so aware of him, so easily mesmerized by his touch. But memory took her hostage and she stood in silence, watching him, feeling the heat emanate from his strong frame.
“I know that,” he said. “I understand, Tess. I know how much you want this baby and I don’t want to upset you or make things difficult. I just want—”
“I know what you want.” She pulled away and stepped back. “You want me to agree with everything you say and move back in and pretend that all the hurt and pain we caused one another four years ago didn’t happen. But I can’t do that, Mitch. It did happen. We were broken. We’re still broken. What happened between us in that hotel room six months ago hasn’t changed our past... It only changed our future.”
He looked at her—deep into that place only he could reach. And for a crazy moment Tess longed for things to be different, for the past to be erased and for their present to be filled with everything they had lost. But wishes were for fools. She had to maintain her position for the sake of her baby.
“I have to go,” she said, and pushed back her shoulders.
“We haven’t finished this—”
“I’ll let you know when I find my own place,” she said, cutting him off. “I’ll be staying with Annie until then.”
She grabbed her bag and marched out of the room, feeling the intensity of his gaze burning through her as she walked. She ducked into the living room on her way out and said a brief farewell to his brothers and Ellie, and a few minutes later she was in her car and heading down the driveway.
And away from Mitch.
But they weren’t done...not by a long shot.
* * *
“You look like you need to talk.”
Mitch was in the living room with Hank and Joss, as Ellie had bailed and headed back to her cottage once Tess had left. He sat in the chaise by the window, staring at the untouched beer in his hand, legs stretched out and feet crossed at the ankles. He glanced toward Hank, who made the observation, and shrugged.
“Are you sure the baby is yours?” Joss asked bluntly.
Mitch’s gaze sharpened. “Tess doesn’t lie.”
“I wasn’t suggesting she—”
“It’s mine. I can...” His words trailed off and he tapped his knuckles to his chest briefly. “I can feel it. Don’t ask me how... I just know. And Tess has no reason to falsely claim the baby is mine. Frankly, I’m sure she’d prefer he was someone else’s, considering our history.”
“He?” Joss’s brows shot up.
Mitch shrugged. “We’re not sure, but Tess seems to think it’s a boy. But I’d be equally happy if it’s a girl. The baby will be here in a few months, and even though I’ve barely had a few hours to get my head around the idea, I can’t wait.”
Joss smiled and for a moment his brother looked lost in his thoughts. “I understand what you mean. I love being a dad,” he admitted. “It’s the best thing I’ve ever done. And you’ve had a lot of practice raising us hellions, so I know you’re gonna be great at it.”
Mitch’s chest tightened. “Thanks.”
“What about Tess?” Hank asked. “Ellie said you guys were getting married again?”
He shrugged. “It’s the obvious thing to do.”
“But?”
“She’s intent on raising the baby alone—with me involved...” Mitch made exasperated air quotes around the word. “And she won’t listen to reason.”
“Reason meaning,” Hank suggested, “you want to get married again, and she doesn’t think it’s a good idea?”
Mitch nodded and expelled a heavy breath. “I want to raise my child where he or she deserves to be raised...here, on this ranch. I want my son or daughter to grow up as a Culhane, and marrying Tess will make that happen.”
“But she hates you, right?” Joss remarked, one brow cocked.
Mitch shrugged again. “Hate? I don’t know. We have a lot of water under the bridge. A lot of blame and recrimination. We parted badly. And the thing in Sioux Falls—I don’t know... It was almost like we were finally saying goodbye to one another. Only...”
“You knocked her up?” Joss remarked, still grinning.
He glared at his brother. “Don’t talk about Tess like that.”
“I’m kidding,” Joss said, and waved a hand. “And just checking for your reaction. Are you still in love with her?”
“No,” Mitch replied quickly, hating the way his chest tightened. Because he wasn’t sure what he felt for Tess. He’d had years of built-up resentment to crush any feelings of love he’d once had. When she had walked out he’d forced himself to stop loving her. The physical thing had been harder to let go—it was just chemistry—a straight-up sexual attraction that was about pheromones and desire and had little to do with actual feelings. That’s why they’d hooked up in Sioux Falls. Plain and simple sex, which had turned into a complication neither of them had expected. “It’s not about that. It’s about what’s best.”
“You can’t force her to get married, though,” Hank said. “Or move back in. So, what are you going to do?”
“Use good old logic to convince her that getting married again is the best possible solution.”
Joss laughed. “No offense, big brother, but that’s a lose-lose plan.”
Mitch scowled. “What?”
“She isn’t gonna be thinking about anything other than her baby,” Joss replied, still laughing, but softer this time, as though he was lost in a memory. “I remember when Lara was pregnant, she went all lioness. Nothing else mattered but the baby she carried—and rightly so. It’s like their protective instincts go into overdrive. You start talking about logic and legacy and doing what’s right, and Tess will be all over that logic and have it for an afternoon snack. You’ve been through this before,” his brother reminded him. “Don’t you remember?”
That was true. But this was the first time Tess had carried a child past sixteen weeks. During their first pregnancy, they’d shared the excitement, planning their life with their baby. The second time was harder—they were both on edge, waiting and wondering and hoping she wouldn’t miscarry. When they lost their second child, Mitch tried to help Tess grieve but always seemed to come up short. After that, he shut down, felt like a robot, almost feeling nothing because the reality of what they endured was too awful to bear.
“The truth is,” he admitted wearily. “I’m scared to death.”
“Understandable,” Joss replied and nodded. “You guys went through a lot back then and now Tess is pregnant again, you’re bound to have some fear and anxiety. Just don’t let that turn
you into a self-righteous horse’s ass about the whole thing.”
Mitch scowled. “Really?”
Joss nodded and grinned. “You have been known to think you have all the answers.” He paused and waved a hand. “I don’t know... Get back to basics.”
“Basics?” Mitch echoed.
“Yeah,” the other man replied. “Take off your I’m-in-charge-of-everything-and-everyone hat and work the angle you do have.”
“Which is?”
“She was in love with you once,” Joss said. “Get her to fall in love with you again.”
Mitch winced. That was impossible. On her last day at the ranch, Tess had made her feelings toward him abundantly clear. She didn’t love him anymore. She never wanted to see him again. He was the last man in the world she wanted to be married to. Or have a child with.
We were broken.
Her words came back with painful clarity. Because she was right. They had become as distant as two people could be. The love they had once shared, the love that he’d believed would bind them together forever, had disappeared almost as though it had never existed.
“We lost what we had,” he said flatly, tired of the conversation. What did his brothers really know? As far as he knew, Hank had never had a serious relationship and Joss bounced from one meaningless one-night stand to the next trying the erase the pain of losing his wife. He got to his feet and stared at his brothers. “I have work to do.”
“Don’t get worked up just because you know I’m right,” Jose said. “What have you got to lose?”
Pride...
“I can’t,” he said, and shrugged.
“A hundred bucks says you can,” Joss shot back, and laughed.
Mitch left the room and headed outside, grateful for the rush of fresh air into his lungs as he strode across the yard. The clear sky, the scent of animals and earth, fueled him like nothing else could, and he relaxed a little with each step.
Tess.
Their baby.
It had been a long morning and Mitch thought his head might explode.
But the more he walked, the more he thought Joss might be right. Handing out ultimatums to Tess wouldn’t work. He needed to change tactics. He needed a plan.
She’d loved him once.
Maybe she could again.
A date. First one, and then another. Just spending time together. Until he could remind her of all the reasons they’d been happy together once—and could be again, this time as the family they’d always wanted.
Easy. Foolproof.
Mitch stared up at the sky and laughed ruefully.
I am officially screwed.
Chapter Four
Despite the turmoil churning through her blood, Tess was glad to be back in Cedar River. The McCall ranch was much smaller than the Triple C and was more like a hobby farm than a ranch, but the place felt like a real home. The best part was hanging out with her stepsister, Annie.
Years ago, when Tess was nine and Annie was eight, her mother had married Annie’s father and they had quickly formed a bond, as close as sisters could be. Their parents had moved to Wyoming over a decade ago to be close to her stepfather’s elderly parents, and she still kept in regular contact with them, although she hadn’t told them about the baby just yet. But she knew they would be delighted they were about to become grandparents. When Annie began working for David, Tess had voiced her concerns—David might have the McCall surname, but he was still a Culhane. David’s mother was Mitch’s aunt. Although Sandra had died in a plane crash several years ago, alongside David’s wife, she was certain Sandra McCall had lost contact with her younger brother the moment he’d bailed on his family. Sandra’s husband, Ivan, never discussed Billie-Jack or his deceased wife’s relationship with her brother.
“So,” her sister queried as they sat in the living room and sipped tea. “Do you want to talk about it?”
Tess looked at her sister and shrugged. “Not really.”
She’d given Annie a brief rundown of Mitch’s reaction to the baby the day before, excluding the part about Mitch insisting they get remarried, because she knew Annie was a romantic at heart and would want to know everything, including Tess’s reasons for not agreeing to move back to the ranch. That aside, she was grateful that her sister wasn’t quick to hand out judgment about her decision. And, as expected, her sister was very happy for her. She was the only person beside Mitch who knew how much she had grieved the loss of her babies.
“What are you going to do?” Annie asked gently.
Tess shrugged lightly. “Find my own place. Have the baby. Get a job. Live my life. You know, the usual stuff.”
“And Mitch?”
“He can be as involved as he wants.”
Now Annie looked a little skeptical. “Are you sure? I mean, I know how angry you still are at Mitch and—”
“I’m not angry at him,” she cut in quickly. “I want my child to have his father in his life and I know Mitch will be an excellent dad. But anything else is out of the question.”
“Anything else?” her sister quizzed. “So...” Annie’s voice trailed off for a second. “When you hooked up in Sioux Falls... What was that?”
Heat crawled up her neck and she shrugged a fraction. “Just...chemistry.”
“And it didn’t mean anything?”
She swallowed hard. “Well, of course it meant something... I mean, Mitch and I have a lot of history. But not all of it is good. We’ve always had a strong physical connection... I guess what happened when we met again was inevitable because of that. But,” she added firmly, “that’s over now. I am not going to spend any time pining over my attraction to him. I’m only thinking about the future, and my baby’s future.”
Annie looked at her and sighed heavily. “Well, you can stay here as long as you like. There’s plenty of room and I love having you here.”
Tess glanced around. Her sister had occupied the guest house on the McCall ranch since she’d taken the position as nanny to David McCall’s children, who were now four and eight. David’s wife had died when their youngest child was only six months old and, after a series of unsuitable nannies, Annie had started working at the ranch. Tess knew the kids adored her. David owned an accountancy practice in town and worked long hours, so Annie was with the kids weekdays, and she had most weekends to herself unless her boss had other arrangements. Tess also knew her sister wasn’t happy and wanted to leave her job, but the affection she had for David’s kids kept her from quitting. As, Tess suspected, did the feelings she also had for David.
“I know,” Tess said warmly as she sipped the tea her sister had made. “But the sooner I find a place of my own, the better. I only want something small. And hopefully close to town.”
Annie nodded and checked her watch. “David’s working at the office for a few hours this morning so I’m going to watch the kids, but we can talk again a little later, okay?”
“Sure. I think I’ll check out the local real estate listings and afterwards read a book for a while.”
“Good idea. No overdoing things,” Annie chastised gently. “And I love having you here, by the way.”
Once Annie left for the main house, Tess ate some cereal, managing to keep down more than usual, and then took a shower and got dressed. Afterward, she grabbed her electronic tablet, and found a comfortable spot in the small living room. She sat lotus style on the couch and started checking out the local real estate listings, while she sipped on more tea and avoided thinking about her ex-husband.
Which was impossible, since he turned up on the doorstep at around nine o’clock.
He was dressed in his regulation jeans, chambray shirt, sheepskin-lined jacket and cowboy boots. His hair was tousled, like he’d been running his hand through it as he waited for her to answer the door.
“I went to the main house,” he said as she cr
anked open the door. “Your sister said you were here. Can we talk?”
For a moment she considered telling him to come back later, then realized she had no real reason to send him away.
“Okay, come in.” She stepped back to allow him across the threshold.
He followed her down the short hallway and she pointed to the living room.
Once they were seated, he spoke. “How are you feeling this morning?”
“I’m fine,” she replied. “I slept well.”
He linked his hands together. “Do you need to see a doctor regularly?” he asked quietly. “In light of your history.”
Tess nodded. “I will. In fact, I have an appointment with a new obstetrician in Rapid City next week.”
“I’d like to come with you.”
Tess wasn’t surprised by his request and could think of no valid reason to refuse. “Sure,” she said casually. “We can find out the sex of the baby if you like.”
“If that’s what you want. I’m happy either way.”
She nodded. “I think I’d like to know. I’ll let you know the day and time.”
He let out a heavy breath and she noticed he looked tired, as though he hadn’t slept much. Not surprising, she supposed, after what had transpired between them the day before. It was a lot to digest. All things he couldn’t control. Which she knew would drive him out of his mind.
“I want to apologize for the way I acted yesterday,” he said. “I was in shock, I guess. And with the family there, I may have said a few things that—”
“You were a total jerk,” she remarked, and crossed her arms. “But since I did arrive unexpectedly and told you about the baby...you’re off the hook for being an idiot.”
His mouth twitched. “Thanks.”
“So...anything else?”
“I wanted to see you.” He shrugged. “Just to make sure you were okay.”
“I’m fine,” she replied, trying not to care that he was worried about her. “In fact, I was planning on heading into town to check out some real estate listings, so I should probably—”