Casting Down Imaginations

by LaShanda Michelle

  After I hung up the phone I went back to the mirror and added gloss to my lips for a little extra shine and gave my outfit one last glance over. Once everything was to my liking, I grabbed my purse, double checking to make sure the condoms were still there, and walked out of the room. As much as I tried to hold my head high, I knew it was all in vain.

  **********

  Reese and I pulled into his gated apartment complex and parked in his reserved spot.

  “Here we are,” he said, prideful.

  “This looks really nice,” I told him.

  He smiled. “If you think these look nice on the outside, wait until you see the inside.”

  We got out of the truck and I followed him past the lighted swimming pool up a flight of stairs to apartment 114.

  “Are you ready?” he asked, turning around.

  I nodded with a smile, even though I really wasn’t. I wanted to tell him to take me home, but I was too scared to. I’d already came this far. If I backed away now it would probably turn into another fight.

  Reese unlocked the door and we walked inside. The place was massive. The living room alone was three times as big as my dorm room.

  “Where did you get all of this furniture?” I asked him, eyeing the beautiful beige colored sectional sofa, big screen TV, tall floor lamps, and the matching coffee and end tables in the room.

  “Rented,” he answered. “You thirsty?”

  I shook my head.

  “Awh, girl. Let me get you a wine cooler.”

  I hesitated at first, then consented. Alcohol would probably help my nerves calm down.

  “Your place looks real nice,” I called out, watching him cross over to his kitchen. The open bar attached to the wall allowed me to see inside. He opened his built in stainless steel refrigerator and pulled out the wine cooler.

  “Did I tell you how good you look tonight?” he asked. He looked me up and down as he walked back over and passed me my drink.

  “No.”

  “You do.” He ran the loose curls of my ponytail through his fingers. I flinched, remembering the last time he held my hair, but he didn’t notice.

  “You have pretty hair,” he said. “When I saw you walk out of that dorm building tonight, I was like… Damn!”

  We laughed and walked over to the couch. Reese turned the television on. I was so nervous. I couldn’t believe I was actually about to have sex for the first time.

  “You comfortable?”

  I jumped, startled.

  “Are you okay?” he asked me.

  I nodded. “Yeah, I just… I was just daydreaming, that’s all.”

  He grinned. “About me? Yeah, I have been known to do that to folks.”

  I playfully rolled my eyes. “Whatever.”

  “Why you sitting so far away?”

  I noticed the distance between the two of us. I hadn’t realized that my fear had driven me to the edge of the couch.

  “Come on over girl and sit next to me.”

  I reluctantly obeyed after taking a long swig from my drink and setting it on the table. Reese wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me into his chest. It was step two of his plan to get me into bed with him. Step one was the alcohol.

  He leaned in and kissed me, full on the lips. That was step three.

  I squirmed a bit, but he didn’t stop. Finally I pulled away.

  “Reese, I…”

  I saw the irritation in his face, knowing what he was thinking. I didn’t want him to think I was playing games with him, so I kissed him in the mouth, refusing to let him down again.

  He pulled away, shocked. I did it again, knowing if I kissed him hard enough, he would agree. He did. Before I knew it he had me on my back and my blazer was open. Reese’s hands were underneath my camisole, fondling what he felt he had a right to.

  I wanted to do this, but it just felt so wrong. I’d always imagined my first time would be more romantic than this. But fairytales didn’t always come true.

  I kissed him harder, refusing to cry. Reese’s body responded the way I knew it would. I moved from his lips to his earlobe, begging him to take me. He reacted exactly the way I wanted him to, the way I knew how to make him. He leaned over and began to kiss my stomach. His kisses were hungry. He wanted to devour me. He’d been waiting so long for this, and it was finally about to happen.

  I lay my head back on the seat cushion, resting in the false intimacy that the two of us created. I inhaled deeply as I felt the waist of my pants loosen. The familiar sound of my zipper going down played with my psyche. It was about to go down. The night that I’d been dreaming about for the past few years was about to go down right now.

  Reese continued to kiss my stomach as he slid my pants down.

  Don’t be scared. Don’t be scared... It’s a normal thing. Everybody has to do it at some time or another in their life. You can do it, Anaya. You can do it. You want this. He wants this. The two of you deserve this. You owe it to him. He’s your man. You’re obligated to give him some.

  I fought with myself as much as I could, my body and my spirit going into full battle. Reese’s hand went past the access point as soon as my pants were completely off.

  I jumped.

  “What’s the matter?” he asked.

  I thought for a second. I could jump up and grab my pants and tell him to take me home. I could apologize and tell him that this was all a big mistake.

  “Anaya, what’s the matter?” he repeated.

  I looked up at him. He was still hovering over me, ready to pick up where we left off.

  “Anaya…”

  I cleared my throat.

  “Anaya…” He tapped my thigh. “You alright?”

  I snapped back into reality. “Yeah, I just…” I reached over and retrieved the pack of condoms from my purse and presented them to him. “I didn’t want us to get started without these,” I told him.

  He was surprised. “I like your way of thinking,” he said. “Are you sure you wanna do this?”

  “Do you love me?” I asked him. It was bad timing, but for my own peace of mind I needed to know the answer.

  He looked into my eyes and kissed me. “Of course, baby. You know I do.”

  I swallowed. “Then yes,” I answered. “Yes. I’m sure.”

  He stood to his feet and pulled me up to mine. We kissed again, and then he took my hand and we began to walk.

  “Where are we going?” I asked him.

  “To my bedroom. I got a king size bed with satin sheets on it waiting just for you.”

  I followed him to the door across the room. He picked me up and carried me inside and laid me across the soft bed. I watched him undress down to the thick iced out diamond necklace that draped over his chest. One day it was going to be wrapped around my neck, and then everyone would know that I was his girl.

  He finished undressing me, then climbed on top of me, ready to do work.

  ‘Alright, girl,’ I thought as I braced for impact. ‘It’s all or nothing.’

  twelve

  Karen

  I gave myself a final look in the mirror. My eyes were a little puffy and the uneasiness of my stomach showed on my face. Even still, I was determined to go to church this morning. Earlier I woke up and turned on the TV. A local pastor was on teaching. His message was really good, and I wrote down the address to his church, which was a few blocks off campus. Service started in twenty minutes, and if I wanted to be there on time I had to catch the bus that left in five.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  “Just a minute,” I called out.

  It was one of the cleaning ladies coming to change the sheets on the bed. I didn’t have time to wait on her. She was just going to have to leave them in the living room and I’d put them on myself when I got back.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  “Just a minute!” I yelled.

  These people were getting impatient! I didn’t have time to wait for her to change my sheets. I only had five minutes to run two blocks
down the street to catch the bus.

  Knock, knock, knock.

  Now I was mad. I marched over to the front door and snatched it open, ready to go off on the woman that was sure to be standing there with a stack of clean white folded sheets in her hands.

  But it wasn’t a woman.

  There in front of me was a man. Tall, handsome. Vaguely familiar. Muscular build, with eyes that resembled love I used to know.

  I gasped.

  No… It couldn’t be…

  My stomach dropped.

  “Hey baby,” he smiled.

  What the…?

  “Terrance?”

  He rushed past the door and picked me up in his arms, hugging me and kissing me on the cheek as he spun me around. Standing what seemed to be a good two inches taller than he was in high school and a whole lot bulkier, the sight of him was tantalizing. And it terrified me.

  “Put me down!” I yelled.

  He didn’t even hear me. In his excitement he kept right on spinning.

  “Oh, girl,” he sang after finally returning me to my feet. He stood back and looked at me. “It’s so good to see you, baby. You look so good.”

  I shook my head, trying to wake up from the dream I surely must have been having.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked him. “How did you…? What did…?”

  He clasped his hands together and flashed a big smile. Pretty white teeth greeted me.

  “Your moms hooked me up,” he answered.

  I felt like he’d punched me in the ear. I had to blink profusely in order to keep my balance.

  “What?!”

  He chuckled. “Yeah. I saw your moms last week and she gave me your address. So, I took the week off from work, and… here I am.”

  “What? A whole week?”

  Full of energy, he picked me up and hugged me again. He smelled so good. I had to fight to keep from hugging him back. In the middle of our embrace I spotted his overnight bag on the floor in the hallway.

  Did this fool really think he was going to stay with me for a whole week? Without even asking first?!

  I pushed him away from me. “Terrance, what are you doing?”

  I was becoming angry. I hadn’t seen him in over two years and he somehow thought he could just show up at my doorstep for a whole week. He may as well move in! What kind of cheap motel did he think I was?

  It was clear he was caught off guard by my attitude. “What? I thought you’d be happy to see me.”

  “How did you figure that?”

  He drew back, becoming defensive. “What? Did we not just spend five hours on the phone yesterday?”

  I rolled my eyes. We had been talking on the phone almost every day, but that didn’t give him a right to just show up whenever he felt like it.

  “You should have called first,” I scolded, still not believing that he was actually standing in front of me.

  “I was trying to surprise you.”

  Dang, he was fine!

  “How did you get here?” I asked.

  He smiled at me. “The whole time we were on the phone yesterday I was in my room packing and getting things ready to come see you. I worked the night shift, got off, hopped in the car, and drove all the way up here to see you.”

  Butterflies fluttered in my stomach. It was a sweet gesture, but just out of order.

  “What made you think that you could just drive up here without even talking to me about it first?”

  He shrugged. “Your moms said it would be cute. It was all her idea.”

  My head began to spin, but this time I was too mad to feel dizzy.

  “What?” I asked. He needed to reiterate that last bit of information, and he needed to do it slowly so I could make sure I got every word.

  “Your moms said it was a good idea. Yeah, I saw her at the mall last week, and we talked. I told her how we got back in touch, and she said I should come to see you. She told me where you were staying, so, here I am.”

  “So you just decided to show up?” I asked.

  He was growing irritated. “Look, we both thought it would make you happy. I don’t understand what the big deal is.”

  Why was he trying to get rude? He was the one who waltzed in here uninvited. I didn’t know what his problem was, but it was too bad for him I wasn’t the ho he thought I was. And I couldn’t believe my mother! How could she just send a man over here without even consulting me? I didn’t care if he was my baby’s dad. That crap was a long time ago and it didn’t matter anymore.

  “Listen. The next time you and that witch get together to decide what happens in my life, you should let me in on it. I’ll be happy to tell both of you where you can go.”

  I began to walk away.

  “Where you going?” he asked me.

  “Out,” I said. My emotions were getting the best of me. I had to get some fresh air before I attacked him… or kissed him.

  “Where?”

  “Out,” I repeated, and didn’t look back as I grabbed my purse. “If I were you I wouldn’t be here when I get back. Take your things and go.”

  I closed the door behind myself before he could respond and made my way outside. The bus that I was supposed to take to church blared past me down the street.

  Great. So much for my spiritual needs.

  I dug in my purse and pulled out my cell phone. I’d been silent for too long. Mama was gonna get a piece of my mind, whether she wanted to or not.

  Using speed dial, I called home. Kevin answered on the third ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey, baby boy. It’s me.”

  “I know it’s you, Karen.”

  “How do you know?”

  “’Cause,” he answered. “I just do.”

  In the background I heard Mama tell him to hurry and put his pants on. They had to be on their way to church. In the Stephens household, if you weren’t sick or out of town, missing church wasn’t an option.

  “You wanna talk to Daddy?” he asked.

  “No.” I was trying as hard as I could to keep my voice from quivering. I didn’t want Kevin to become upset. “I actually called to talk to Mama.”

  “Really?”

  I couldn’t blame him for being surprised. I’d be surprised myself if I wasn’t so pissed off.

  “Okay,” he said, and handed her the phone.

  “Karen?”

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked her angrily.

  “Excuse me, young lady?”

  She didn’t appreciate my tone, but I didn’t care. Maybe I would have considered her feelings if she would have considered mine before she sent Terrance up here for a week long rendezvous. But since she didn’t, I was returning the favor.

  “Why did you tell Terrance to come here?”

  “Don’t you take that tone with me, young lady,” she warned. “You ain’t too grown yet!”

  Her threat put no fear in me.

  “Why did you tell him to come up here? What were you thinking?”

  She laughed, trying to brush it all off. “Look, I just happened to see Terrance last week, and he told me that the two of you were communicating again—”

  “Yeah, thanks to you giving him my phone number. Don’t give out my phone number to anyone else unless I tell you to.”

  “Oh, listen at you. I don’t take orders from my children, Karen. I never have before and I’ll be damned if I sit here and let you talk to me as if I were a child. How could you? And anyway, according to Terrance, the two of you seem to be hitting it off again. So it looks to me like you should be thanking me. It’s been years since you’ve been in a relationship. The way I see it, I did you a favor.”

  “That’s by choice, Mama,” I snapped. “And what gives you the right to think that you can just send a man to come live with me for a whole week? A week, Mama! You think I’m a ho or something? I’m a grown woman, and I decide who I want to have my phone number, who I want to be in a relationship with, and who I want to come see me. I decide. Not
you!”

  “How dare you?” she snarled. “Is he right there with you?”

  “No.”

  She paused. “Where is he? You didn’t send the boy back home, did you?”

  I hesitated. I had to force myself to remember that she was my mother before I lost all sanity and cussed her smooth out.

  “He’s upstairs, Mama. In my room,” I answered.

  “You mean you just left him up there?”

  “Yes.”

  She sighed. “Karen, you know I’ve taught you to be a better hostess than that.”

  “Hostess!” I exclaimed. “Hostess! I didn’t send him an invitation!”

  “Lower your voice!” she demanded. “Listen. You have got to play this cool, alright?”

  Something sounded funny. She was up to something, and I needed to know what it was.

  “Why?”

  “Look,” she whispered. “I wasn’t supposed to say anything, but I spoke with his mother.”

  “Mama!” I was outraged. What was she doing bringing his mom into this? Why was either mother involved? This was out of control. I didn’t ask for this!

  “Just listen!” she hissed. “Look, Terrance might be coming to DU as a student.”

  I gasped. “What?”

  “Don’t say anything, and if he brings it up act like you don’t know, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “You know how he busted up his knee or whatever when he was in the NBA, right?”

  “Right.”

  “Girl, he lost everything. His house, all of his endorsements. Everything. He had a little bit of money left over, but not much. It was a real hard time for him. But Terrance worked hard and made a full recovery. The doctors were amazed because that type of recovery hardly ever happens.”

  “Are you serious?”

  “Yes, girl. You know that boy got a praying grandmamma! Anyway, the NBA tried to get him back but he turned it down. He told his mama he had a new outlook on life and wanted to get his education. He said the one thing that no one could take away from him was his mind, so he wants to go to school. Now, a lot of schools approached him, trying to get him in their athletic programs, and he could go to school for free. The school he’s most interested in is DU. You wanna know why?”