“Mommy!” she screamed again. People around us were starting to stare.
I gathered my things and made up my mind to just leave her there. I knew it wasn’t a good idea to leave a small lost child alone, but the place was filled with righteous folks. I was sure nothing bad would happen.
I made my way through the maze of folks chit chatting, trying my best to be patient.
“Mommy!”
She was watching me and pointing.
“Mommy!”
She looked innocent enough, but this child was evil.
“Mommy!”
“Ebony!” a voice called.
I turned to see a short plump woman scoop the child up in her arms. Excited, Ebony jumped and buried her face in her mother’s neck.
“I’m so sorry,” the woman apologized to me. She was unsettled and out of breath, but happy that she’d found the little girl. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what happened. She was right there, and then the next minute she was gone.” She squeezed the little girl tight. “Don’t you do that again, you hear me?” she scolded the child.
Ebony just smiled. It was clear that she didn’t realize the severity of the crime she’d just committed. She pointed to me and repeated the same accusation. “Mommy, look. Mommy.”
I didn’t understand. If this was her Mommy, why was she still calling me Mommy?
“Does she call everybody that?” I asked the woman.
The lady looked up at me, only just now really seeing me. She’d been so absorbed with trying to find her baby that she hadn’t paid me any attention.
She smiled, still out of breath. “Oh,” she stammered out. “No.” She was suddenly just as puzzled as I was. “What are you talking about, Ebony?”
Ebony just smiled and pointed again. “Mommy,” she repeated at me. “Mommy.”
Her mom’s face cleared as if she finally understood. “Mommy?”
Ebony squealed, happy that someone could finally comprehend what she was trying to relay.
The lady turned to me and smiled. “She thinks you’re pregnant,” she said and laughed.
I was appalled. What would make her think that? She didn’t even know me.
“Where did she get that from?”
The lady shrugged as her daughter continued to point at me and suggest that I had a child.
“I don’t know. She just does that sometimes, you know?”
I shook my head. I was mad and I wanted her to tell her daughter to stop pointing. Didn’t she know it was rude?
“Well?” the woman asked.
“What?” I didn’t know what she or the little girl she was holding were talking about.
“Are you?”
“Am I what?” I asked, becoming defensive.
“Are you pregnant?”
This grown woman could not be that silly. Surely she wouldn’t believe the ignorant words of a toddler.
“Excuse me?”
She could see my wall coming up.
“Look, I know it may sound farfetched, but little Ebony here isn’t a liar.”
“That’s nice, but—”
“I’m serious,” she cut me off. “A little while ago Ebony did the same thing to my sister. And she tried to deny it and say that she wasn’t pregnant, but a few weeks later she found out she was.”
“Yes, that may be so. But what does that have to do with me?”
Her eyes dropped down to my stomach. I sucked in, wishing that my dress were a little bit looser in that area.
“Maybe you’re pregnant,” she said.
I shook my head. “No, no. That’s impossible.”
She tried to get cute with me. “Are you a virgin?”
No she did not just get all up in my business like that!!!
“I’m not married. I’m only eighteen.”
She smacked her lips at my weak defense. I knew full well that just because I wasn’t married didn’t mean that I was a virgin. But that was how I was going to play the game right now. We were still in church.
“Well, okay. But Ebony usually isn’t wrong about things like this. Like one day, she kept telling her daddy, ‘don’t go.’ She kept saying, ‘Daddy, don’t go. Daddy, don’t go.’ But of course he had to go because he had to go to work. Don’t you know that he got into a wreck? He was okay though. But I know somehow Ebony knew that it was going to happen. That was God working through my baby, I tell you.”
Okay. Call Child Protective Services. This lady is coo-coo. She doesn’t need to be having any kids with her.
“Yeah, well. I’m not pregnant, and that’s that.”
She didn’t believe me. “Alright. Well, maybe one day in the future.”
Ebony shook her head. “Now. Mommy now.”
Her mom giggled. “Ebony says you’re pregnant now. You better go to the doctor and take a pregnancy test,” she laughed.
I didn’t see what was so funny. Why would that be funny? Instead of laughing, she needed to be teaching her daughter to stop lying and stop pointing her stupid little finger. And she needed to teach her how to shut the hell up and how not to interrupt grown folks when they were talking.
“I’m not pregnant,” I told her.
She didn’t believe a word I said.
“Listen here, baby. You’re in denial. Go get a test.”
How was she gonna tell me I was in denial when she was flipping out over the few words that a stupid two year old said? That was probably all she knew how to say, and this fool was flipping out over it. Who was the crazy one here? She was!
“I’m not pregnant,” I repeated, fully pissed now. I was about to go off on her. I didn’t care that we were in the house of God. Maybe a few licks would put some sense in her dumb behind.
She nodded. “God don’t lie.”
“God didn’t tell you that. She did.”
“God told her.”
I laughed. This lady was unbelievable.
“I’m not pregnant. Look, if I am, it’s Jesus coming back, because there is no way that I’m pregnant.”
“Jesus wouldn’t come back through a fornicator. Our God is too holy for that.”
My mouth dropped open. JUDGMENTAL B****!!!
Okay, you know what, Anaya? This is crazy. Don’t say anything, because if you punch her in her face in front of all these folks you’ll probably get Deacon in trouble.
I bit my lip. I wasn’t going to justify myself to a coo-coo for cocoa puffs nut and her twisted baby. This was insane! If we weren’t in church I would have told her just what she could do with her little fake baby and her fake prophecy.
I smiled to keep from laying hands of deliverance on her.
“I’m going to walk away now,” I said to her calmly.
She sighed. “Look, I know you may be upset, but it’s the truth. Go get a pregnancy test.”
I curled my lips at her in disgust and turned to walk away. That was what I hated about coming to church. Everybody thought their child was so damn special. They all needed to sit down somewhere and find out who Jesus really was. Then they’d stop giving me such a hard time.
twenty five
Karen
I stood at the kitchen counter and sliced Mama’s homemade jellied cranberry sauce. She was in the kitchen all last night and this morning making a tremendous Christmas dinner. I stayed in the kitchen pretending to help in order to avoid Terrance, who’d conveniently came over at twelve even though I distinctly heard Mama tell him that dinner wouldn’t start until four o’clock.
“Karen, sweetie,” Mama called out to me. She was across from me at the stove, drizzling thick hot glaze over the ham she’d just taken out of the oven.
“Ma’am?”
She looked over and smiled. “Did you finish setting the table?”
I nodded, remembering the thirty minutes it took me to pull out the good china and silverware and fold the linen napkins restaurant style.
“Good,” she told me. “Go grab the men from the living room and tell them dinner’s ready.”
>
I sucked my teeth and poked my lip out. I didn’t want to go in the other room. I knew that as soon as I did Terrance’s eyes were going to start roaming, something that he’d been doing every time he looked at me today.
“Now,” she firmly instructed.
Grumbling under my breath, I stomped into the living room and reported “Dinner’s ready.”
“It’s about time,” Kevin mouthed off. “I’m starving.”
“Go get the big bible out of the room,” Daddy told Kevin as he walked past me into the dining room.
Kevin made his way toward the stairs, leaving me alone with Terrance, who still hadn’t taken his eyes off me.
“I’ll help you find it,” I called after Kevin. I tried to walk past Terrace, but he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me close to him.
“Where you going?” he asked.
I started to shake. “Let go of me, Terrance.”
He smiled. “You know you don’t want me to.”
Irritated, I pushed him onto the couch.
“Dang. What was that for?”
“Why are you even here?” I asked him.
He stood back to his feet and smoothed his clothes. “I just wanted to spend some time wit’ you. Besides, your moms invited me and I didn’t wanna be rude.”
“It’s Christmas. Why aren’t you at home with your own dag’ ol’ family?”
He shook his head and laughed.
“What?”
He shook his head again and kept on laughing.
I was growing irritated. “What is so freaking funny?”
He looked at me. “I don’t know why I put up wit’ you, girl.”
“Put up with me? Fool, I ain’t ask you to be here. Take your ol’ trifling behind home.”
“Whoa, whoa, whoa,” he said. “Calm all that down. Ain’t gon’ be no name calling. You too cute for that.”
I was only growing more annoyed by his arrogance.
“Don’t call me cute.”
“Well what you want me to say then? Huh? That you fine? Sexy?”
“Don’t say anything. Just… leave me alone.”
“Oh no,” he started, walking toward me. “We got to get to the bottom of this. ‘Cause I can’t keep putting up wit’ this attitude you got. You know you want me. That’s why you went all out of your way to do your hair and makeup pretty. You wanted me to notice, and I did. And I like it.”
I did want him. I wanted him bad. He was so fine and so sexy… and he gave me so much attention. I did go out of my way this morning to make sure I looked nice. But that was only because I wanted to make sure he regretted letting me go when we were in high school. I wanted him to feel stupid for not taking care of me when he had the chance.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I lied and walked past him toward the dining room.
“Karen,” he called.
I stopped, even though my mind told me I should have kept walking.
I held my breath as he walked over to me. He slid his arms around my waist, pulling me into him, hugging me.
“When you gon’ stop fighting me and let me love you, girl?”
I relaxed a bit. It felt so good to be held, even though I knew that I was letting him get too close for my own good. He was too much temptation. I wanted him so bad, but he was—
“What is taking you all so long?”
Mama stopped in her tracks when she saw us in our embrace. Caught, I immediately pulled away from him, but it was too late. She was already grinning. Her eyes taunted me, singing “I knew you wanted him.” I was embarrassed because she was right.
“Well, well,” she said. “What do we have going on in here?”
“Nothing, ma’am” Terrance said. “We were just getting ready to come in to dinner.”
“Yes, I’m sure you were. Hurry. Your dinner is warm now. I don’t want it to get cold.”
“Yes, ma’am,” he answered.
We walked into the dining room like two high school students who’d just been caught kissing under the bleachers. I hadn’t done anything wrong, but I was guilty by speculation. And with Mama, that alone deserved a life sentence.
“This food looks good,” Daddy said to Mama.
“It sure does,” Terrance echoed.
Kevin ran back in the room with the bible in his hands. “I got it.”
“Good,” Daddy said. “You wanna read the scripture?”
He nodded.
“Alright, let me help you.”
“No,” Kevin protested. “I want Karen.”
I smiled and sat down so Kevin could climb into my lap.
“Put him down,” Mama told me. “That boy is too big.”
“It’s fine,” I told her.
Kevin opened the bible and I flipped to the scriptures about the birth of Jesus that we read every Christmas. All of us were patient as Kevin tried his best to pronounce the King James dialect.
“Good,” I told him once he finished, and kissed him on the cheek.
“Ugh,” he said, and wiped it away.
We all laughed as I kissed him again and rubbed it into his skin. He hopped down and took his seat next to Mama.
“Shall we grub?” Daddy asked, picking up the knives on the table to cut the turkey. “My stomach is about to touch my back.”
We laughed at his exaggeration.
“So, Terrance,” Mama started. “I heard through the grapevine that you’ll be attending Daytown University.”
Daddy’s head popped up. “Really?” He didn’t know. Mama was keeping secrets.
Terrance was a little uneasy, but he answered. “Yes, sir.”
“Well, when did this happen? I’m not sure I want you being that close to my daughter without me being there.”
I held my head down at the table. I didn’t want to make eye contact with anyone.
“I promise you, sir, I’ll be on my best behavior. I would never disrespect you or your lovely daughter by behaving inappropriately.”
“That’s right,” Mama butted in. “Leave the young man alone. They can’t help being in love.”
All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. I tried to gasp for air, but it only made me cough uncontrollably.
“You okay?” Terrance asked, pretending to be concerned.
I shook my head, still coughing. Terrance handed me my glass of water. I sipped it to calm my nerves.
“Mama, Terrance and I are not in love,” I informed. “We’re only friends.”
The table got really quiet. The only sound came from Kevin, who was blowing bubbles through the straw of his drink.
“Friends?” Mama asked.
“Yes, Mama. Friends. Besides, I’m in school to get an education, not to fall in love. I’m a full-time student and I don’t have time for any relationships.”
Daddy’s eyebrows went up in surprise, but he didn’t say anything.
“Karen’s right,” Terrance added. “We’re just friends.”
“Oh,” Mama said. She was clearly disappointed. “I thought you—”
“Just friends, Ma,” I interrupted.
Defeated, she sat back in her seat and sipped her drink while Daddy finished cutting the turkey.
“When I get big I’m gonna go to college, too,” Kevin said.
Mama leaned over and kissed him on the forehead. “You sure? I thought you were gonna always stay home and be my baby?”
“You don’t wanna do that,” I told him. “Soon as you do something wrong, it’s over.”
Mama looked at me with eyes that could have cut.
Daddy quickly tried to change the subject. “So how did your classes go?”
“Good,” I answered. “I got two As and three Bs.”
“That’s good, baby. Have you found a church home yet?”
“Not yet,” I regretted to inform him. I knew he’d be disappointed to know that I hadn’t attended church all semester. “But, I’ve been watching a pastor on TV and he’s really good. I’m thinking of going there when I ge
t back.”
Daddy looked satisfied to hear that. “Well that’s good.”
“Yeah,” Terrance chimed in. “I was actually thinking about going when I get to Daytown.”
I rolled my eyes. “You don’t have to do that, Terrance,” I said.
“No, let him go,” Mama said.
“Thanks, Mrs. Stephens,” Terrance said.
“You’re welcome, sweetie.”
Sweetie? Since when did he become sweetie?
Terrance turned to me. “If you would like, Karen, maybe we could go together.”
I was about to object but Mama answered for me.
“Terrance, that’s a wonderful idea. I’m sure Karen would love it.”
I chewed on my bottom lip to keep from going off.
“So how’s the hotel thing working out?” Daddy asked me.
I shrugged. “It’s okay,” I told him. “They told me I should be able to move into the dorm after next semester starts. But I don’t want to.”
“Oh, really?” he asked. “Why not?”
“The dorms suck, Daddy. I mean, the rooms are okay, I guess. But you have to have a roommate, and you never know who you’re gonna be roomed with. And not everyone at Daytown is as decent as me.”
He chuckled. “So what are you gonna do, then?”
I gave him a cheesy smile and batted my eyelashes. “Well, seeing that I did so good this semester, and that I am very mature for my age…”
“Oh, Lord,” Daddy said. “Here we go. What do you want?”
“For you to get me my own apartment.”
“What?!”
“Please, Daddy, please,” I begged. “I’ll get a part-time job if I have to. Please?”
“Absolutely not,” he objected. “You aren’t old enough to have your own place yet. And I don’t like the idea of you being up there all alone. It’s too risky.”
“But, Daddy… It was like I was staying in an apartment at the hotel anyway. And I’ll get a job. I’ll get two if I have to.”
He sighed. “Karen, you know I want you to focus on school right now. That’s your main priority.”
I was wearing him down. I could tell by his tone. All I had to do was ask one more time and I had him.
“Please, Daddy,” I begged with a pout.
He smiled at me. “I know what you’re doing, trying to be slick.”
Casting Down Imaginations Page 14