Casting Down Imaginations

by LaShanda Michelle

  I squealed. “Say yes, Daddy. You know you want to.”

  He sighed. “Alright. I’ll get you an apartment.”

  “Yes!” I jumped up from the table and dove on top of him, grabbing him around his neck in a tight hug. “Thank you, Daddy! Thank you!”

  “But,” he warned me. “You had better keep those grades up, you understand me? The minute you start slipping it’s back in that hotel, or dorms, or… whatever.”

  “Yes, sir, you don’t have to worry. My grades will be perfect.”

  “Promise?”

  “Promise,” I assured.

  “Excuse me,” Mama interrupted.

  We both looked up at her, surprised. We’d forgotten that there were other people in the room.

  “Are you really just going to give her an apartment without consulting me first?” she asked. “How are we going to pay for it?”

  I looked at Daddy, who kept his eyes on his wife.

  “It’s okay,” he told her. “We have the money.”

  “Since when?”

  I sensed trouble again. He and Mama were always arguing. Usually they kept it behind closed doors, but she brought it out in the open this time, and in front of company. She must really be mad.

  Daddy cleared his throat. “This is not the time.”

  Mama wasn’t having it. She kept her voice calm, but all could see that she wanted to battle.

  “I think this is the perfect time,” she told him. “Where are you gonna get the money to pay for an apartment?”

  I didn’t want to cause trouble between the two of them.

  “Daddy, it’s cool,” I told him. “I don’t have to have an apartment if it’s gonna mess up the family’s finances. I can just stay in the dorm. No big deal.”

  “No, no,” he said, overemphasizing his words with his eyes still on Mama. “I told you that I’d get you an apartment, and that’s what I’m gon’ do. I gave you my word.”

  “But Daddy, I can—”

  “I said I’d get it for you,” he said firmly.

  I returned to my seat next to Terrance, knowing not to say anything else. He looked very uncomfortable. I couldn’t blame him, but I noticed that his uneasiness still didn’t make him take his behind home.

  “So just like that?” Mama asked him. “What, are you gonna place another bet?”

  Bet? What was she talking about?

  “Woman, I told you, right now is not the time.”

  “Well when is the time?” she demanded to know. “I work, too. And you’re just gonna give my hard earned money away? Without even talking to me about it first?”

  I flinched. I didn’t know what was going on between them, but I knew Mama had said too much.

  “Are you really going to have this conversation in front of our children?” he asked, his eyes narrowing at her.

  “We may as well. Karen’s grown now. She has a right to know.”

  “Know what?” I asked, my heart beating fast. Whatever it was, I was sure it wasn’t good.

  “Shut up. I’m warning you.”

  Mama folded her arms angrily. She wasn’t through with Daddy. “You need to tell her.”

  “Tell me what?” I asked.

  “I told you to shut up,” he said coldly to Mama. “Now I already told you I had the situation taken care of.”

  My stomach flopped. “What situation?” I asked, scared to learn the answer. “Daddy, what’s going on?”

  No one said anything. I looked around, first at Kevin, who was about ready to cry, then back to my parents, who looked like they wanted to fight, to Terrance, who sat there looking uncomfortable as hell.

  “Everything’s fine, Karen,” Daddy said.

  “No, it’s not,” Mama insisted.

  “Will someone please just tell me what’s going on?” I asked, becoming angry.

  More silence.

  “Are you just gonna let her go all the way back up to Daytown without a clue as to why—”

  “I SAID SHUT UP!” Daddy yelled at her.

  “NO!” Mama yelled back. “Not until you fess up to your evil doings!”

  Evil doings? What was she talking about?

  “Your father has a gambling problem,” Mama said turning to me. “He has for years.”

  Daddy held his head down, too ashamed to look at me.

  “What is she talking about, Daddy?”

  “Nothing,” he said. “Nothing. It’s just—”

  “And he gambled away your tuition fund. All of it. We don’t know how we’re gonna be able to pay for tuition next semester.”

  Kevin started crying. No one moved to console him.

  I sat there, dumbfounded. I didn’t know whether to start crying with Kevin or to throw a temper tantrum.

  “What is she talking about, Daddy?” I asked again.

  He sat still with his head down. He didn’t answer me.

  “Daddy?”

  “It needed to be said,” Mama told him.

  “I told you I would handle it.”

  “How? By winning another bet? You think because that worked last time you would get lucky again?”

  “What?” I asked. “Hold up… Last time?”

  “I didn’t want you to worry,” he managed to say.

  “Last time?” I asked again. “What happened to my tuition fund? You guys told me I had enough to go to graduate school if I wanted to.”

  “Do you want to tell her, or should I?” Mama asked.

  “No, I think you’ve said enough,” I snapped at her. “Daddy, what’s going on?”

  Kevin started crying louder. Mama dragged his chair closer to her and pulled him into her lap.

  “Daddy?”

  “I lost it,” he muttered.

  It was low, but I heard him. My head started to swirl. All of that money!

  “You did what?! How?”

  “Gambling,” Mama answered for him.

  “Shut up!” I yelled at her, angry that she wouldn’t let him speak for himself.

  “I know you’re mad,” Daddy told me. “And you have a right to be.”

  “Mad? Daddy, I…” I couldn’t even think of the words to say to him. My chest started to heave as the anger within me rose. How could he be so irresponsible? I was depending on him, and he knew that. And he just wasted all of my money. What was I supposed to do now?

  “Here, drink some water,” Daddy told me, and passed me my drink.

  I snatched it from him and flung it in his face. “How could you?!” I screamed at him as I stood to my feet.

  “Karen Stephens!” Mama scored. “That is not the way we behave in this family!”

  “Family?” I asked, beginning to cry. “You call this a family? You don’t love me!” I screamed at her. “But I thought you did, Daddy,” I said to him between desperate sobs. “But now I see that you don’t either,” I said and ran upstairs to my room. I closed the door behind me, wanting to be alone. That desire was short lived, though, as someone knocked on my door.

  “Go away,” I said, not wanting to be bothered. I just wanted to cry.

  Terrance opened the door and came inside. “You okay?”

  I wiped at my eyes as the tears fell. “Just go away,” I said to him.

  “Alright. I understand you wanna be alone. I just came to tell you that if you need anything… Or just need to talk… I’ll be at my mama’s. Okay?”

  “Alright,” I said, wishing that he would just go already.

  Kevin came to the door, still crying.

  “Come on, baby,” I told him, and motioned for him to come in.

  He cried as he walked, and I struggled to put him in my lap. He was big now, but he was going to always be my baby. I knew I had to be strong for him, and not go off and act a fool the way I wanted to.

  Terrance waved goodbye and Kevin and I laid in bed until we both fell asleep.

  twenty six

  Anaya

  I lifted my head when the bedroom door opened. It was Deacon Patterson, coming in to check on
me for the third time this morning. He had a glass of orange juice in his hand and concern on his face.

  “You feeling better, baby girl?” he asked.

  “A little bit,” I answered.

  This morning I woke up with an upset stomach. I threw up in the bathroom and then again when I ate breakfast. I’d been lying down for the past two hours, drinking plenty of water and juice in order to settle my tummy. So far it was working. It was all I could do to get the ringing words of the lady at church out of my head. I wasn’t pregnant. She was stupid, and so was her little brat. There wasn’t any way possible for me to be pregnant. Reese and I used a condom.

  “You think maybe you could use some sunshine?” he asked.

  I smiled. “What did you have in mind?”

  He set the drink down on the nightstand next to me. “Well, I was just thinking maybe you’d like to go to the mall or something. I gotta run to the church for a few hours and help Pastor Fields out with some things. I figured you didn’t want to be cooped up in the house for that long.”

  I should have known. Of course he wouldn’t want to do anything with me. Not when his beloved Pastor needed him.

  “I guess I could take the gift cards you gave me for Christmas and go to the mall. I could use a few outfits.”

  “And of course, some new shoes,” he joked.

  I smiled, happy that he remembered my shoe obsession. I’d get some shoes, but my favorite pair of jeans were snug, too. This morning I realized that I hadn’t gotten my period yet, and it usually came right on time.

  He leaned over and kissed me on the forehead, then pulled out his wallet and dropped a few hundred dollar bills in my hand.

  “Buy as much as you want, baby,” he told me. “Have fun.”

  I smiled at him as he left, then reached for the phone to try to call Jayla, my old friend that I met through David, again. She and I hadn’t talked all semester and I realized that I missed my old friend. She didn’t answer. Even though she was the one who told me about David cheating on me and getting somebody else pregnant, I still thought that she was a cool person. Way better that that fake Karen. But I hadn’t talked to her since that night all those months ago. Maybe she didn’t want to be my friend anymore, either. Oh well. It was her loss.

  Annoyed, I got up to get dressed for a fun day at the mall.

  **********

  I stormed out of the mall entrance of Jay’s Fashions, the store that used to be my favorite place to shop. I couldn’t believe the nerve of that stupid salesgirl. Instead of helping me, the stupid chick had the nerve to insult me. When the clothes I picked out didn’t fit correctly, I tried to tell that dizzy airhead that the size labels on them must have been wrong and that she needed to check her inventory. There was no way in the world that I couldn’t fit into a size six. Instead of being thankful, she had the audacity to tell me that the labels on the clothes were correct and that maybe I’d picked up a few pounds over the holidays. I could have smacked that skank in her mouth. If I knew what she was driving I would have hooked her up the same way I hooked up Lexi’s ride.

  I made my way to the car, frustrated that the only thing I was leaving the mall with was a bracelet and a new pair of shoes. I still had plenty of money in my purse but nowhere to spend it.

  My thoughts were interrupted when a familiar car whizzed past, the driver taking no heed to the posted speed limit signs throughout the parking lot. I knew who it was, even though I couldn’t see through the dark tinted windows and the personalized license plate wasn’t visible from where I was standing. I didn’t need those things to validate what I already knew. I’d done forbidden things in that car I was sure I would never forget. I could identify it anywhere. It was David, my first love.

  With my heart racing, I stood still and watched as the familiar automobile found a place to park and he got out. He still looked good, decked in his favorite colors, red and white. He had a fresh hair cut and a big diamond stud in his ear. Sexy, just as I remembered him.

  My nerves were shaken a little bit. It was my first time seeing him since we broke up a few weeks before I left to go to Daytown. Even though I thought about him all the time, I hadn’t talked to him, and the bastard hadn’t even tried to contact me. Probably keeping himself busy with some other female, no doubt. Or maybe even a couple of females, seeing as how he cheated on me the entire time we were together.

  Nervous, I patted my hair and checked my clothes. I had to make sure that he saw I still looked good. I wanted him to know I was doing okay without him, that I didn’t need him like he thought I did, because I didn’t. When he saw me, I wanted his heart to break at my beauty. I wanted him to walk away kicking himself for being dumb enough to let me go.

  The passenger side door of his car opened and a female got out. She looked just like Jayla , but her face was a bit rounder…

  Wait a minute. That was Jayla! What in the world was she doing coming to the mall with David?

  I watched as she made her way around the car and joined hands with him. And that’s when I saw it. Her opposite hand lifted from her side and rested on her belly. Her big belly. Her poking-out-way-too-much-and-it-looked-like-she-had-something-in-there belly. Jayla was pregnant. But by who?

  I gasped. The mystery of the situation was suddenly plain. Jayla wasn’t my friend. She was a backstabber. She was a man stealing backstabber! When she called me to tell me that David had been cheating on me, it wasn’t with some random girl that he had met at the club or on the street. It was with her! And when she told me that he had a baby on the way, it wasn’t with some stupid skank like she made it out to be. It was with her! She played me. She made it appear that she was telling me all of it in order to spare my feelings down the road, but she told me in order to get me out of the way. No wonder she hadn’t called me or tried to get in touch with me since I left. She hadn’t had time. She’s been too busy freaking my man!

  “Uuuurrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!” I yelled out. Before I knew it I was running, my feet taking me where my emotions wanted to go—straight upside her head.

  Neither one of them saw me or my fist coming. I swung as hard as I could and forced my fist to connect with her left eye. Taken by surprise, she went reeling back as David watched.

  “What the—”

  My actions cut him off. Before he could finish his sentence I was on top of his pregnant whore, punching away.

  “Get off me!” she yelled, swinging back. I dodged two punches but wasn’t fast enough to miss the third one. She hit me in the nose. Blood splattered against the concrete beneath us but I wasn’t moved. Anger was the driving force of my attack, and I wasn’t about to slow down over a busted nose. I was gonna make her pay.

  “You sexing my man, Jayla?” I asked as I punched, becoming angrier and angrier the more I thought about it. The whole time I was with him I thought I was somebody; sneaking around, lying to Deacon, thinking I was getting away with something, and the two of them were playing me. The whole time they were sneaking around behind my back, treating me like I was a fool. I could see, feel, and taste red. I wanted to kill.

  I was suddenly lifted from her. Kicking and screaming obscenities, I began to fight David as he dragged me away from his baby’s mama.

  “You with her, David?” I asked, slapping and punching him.

  “Stop, Nya!” he yelled at me.

  I continued to fight him until he grabbed me by my arms and pinned them to my side.

  “I hate you!” I screamed, and kneed him in his gut. As soon as he leaned over in pain I made my way to Jayla again, ready to finish what I started. David came from behind and tackled me to the ground. My jeans ripped against the concrete as I slid to try to get away from him. Warm blood trickled from my knees down my legs.

  “Let me go!” I demanded.

  He held my arms down and picked me up and swung me over his shoulder, fussing as he carried me away.

  “Put me down!” I screamed. “I hate you! PUT ME DOWN! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU!”

 
“You crazy b****!” Jayla yelled from across the parking lot.

  “I’m gon’ kill you, just wait!” I yelled back.

  “You messed with the wrong one! I’m gon’ kill you!”

  “Put me down!” I yelled at David, kicking and screaming. “Put me down! I’m gon’ kill both of y’all!”

  Frustrated, David let me down and pressed me against one of the many cars in the crowded parking lot.

  “Calm your little tail down,” he snarled at me.

  I slapped the spit out of his mouth. His hand flew up to his face, now becoming red, but he didn’t hit me back.

  “You got one more time to put your hands on me, lil’ girl. Alright?”

  He meant it. I knew better than to slap him again, so I pushed him as hard as I could against the car that was behind him.

  “Is that your girl now?” I asked him, pointing towards Jayla. “That’s your girl?”

  Ashamed, he put his head down. “Look, we were gon’ tell you, alright. We knew you were in town, and we were gon’ call you tonight.”

  I punched him in his chest, angry that he lied. “Whatever, David, alright. You weren’t gon’ tell me and you know it. If I hadn’t seen y’all I probably would have never found out.”

  “We were gon’ tell you, Nya. Honestly.”

  Blood from my nose dripped down my shirt as I continued to cuss him out.

  “Hold your head back,” he told me.

  I cussed and swung at him.

  “You ol’ hard headed girl, hold you head back.”

  I succumbed to his wishes and did as I was told. He took his shirt off and pressed it against my nose to soak up the blood.

  “Ouch!” I snapped.

  “Just hold it,” he rebuked me. “Yo’ old crazy self. Always trying to fight somebody. That’s what you get. I should have let her beat you up.”

  “Shut up,” I said and took the shirt from him to hold it myself. It hurt bad.

  “What you doing running up on us like that, anyway?”

  I hadn’t even realized that I was crying. “What are you doing with her, David? Why are you with her?”

  He couldn’t even answer me.

  “You with her?”

  His silence was my answer.