Casting Down Imaginations

by LaShanda Michelle

  “Coach was trying to kill us today,” he told me as he sat down at the table.

  I gave him a fork and a knife and tucked a napkin around his collar.

  “He got to get y’all ready for that tournament that’s coming up,” I said, and put his plate down in front of him.

  He nodded and started to eat. “Yeah. And I heard another NBA team is coming.”

  I smiled, proud of him. “That’s great, baby. What is that, seven teams so far?”

  “Yep. And they all coming to see your boy kill everybody that gets in the way of me and that hoop.”

  “That’s right baby.”

  I watched him eat, gulping down everything after he only halfway chewed it up. I guess all that exercise worked up quite an appetite. And he was just so cute.

  “What you been doing?” he asked me.

  I grunted, suddenly feeling tired. “Trying to plan this wedding,” I said. “Have you thought about a date yet? I really can’t plan too much without it.”

  He shrugged. “We’ll get to it. We got time.”

  “Let’s just go elope,” I said.

  He frowned heavily. “Nawh.”

  “I’m serious,” I insisted. “I mean, why does the whole world have to be there? This is just about us, right?”

  He shook his head. “I can’t do that to my mama. I’m her only child, and she’ll kill me. Then kill you for going along with it.”

  I sighed. This was true. I hadn’t thought about how that would make our families feel.

  “Well, let’s just have a small private wedding. Just family, that’s it.”

  “What’s the rush?”

  I was taken aback. “What do you mean, what’s the rush?”

  “Why you trying to get married so fast?”

  I was confused. “Why not? I mean, you do want to get married, right? Ain’t that what this ring is all about?”

  “Yeah, we can get married. But I’m just saying, I ain’t trying to get married next week.”

  I was astonished. Here I was planning this big wedding, the one that he claimed he wanted, and it suddenly felt like he was flipping the script on me.

  “So what are you saying?”

  He was growing annoyed with me. I could tell by the way he was angrily cutting the steak that I spent so much time making for him while he was at the gym.

  “I’m just trying to figure out why you acting up. I told you I was going to marry you, didn’t I? You got a ring on your finger, don’t you? How much you want from me?”

  My mouth dropped open. “I want a commitment.”

  He let his fork and knife fall to the table. “Commitment?”

  “Hell yeah. How long you expect me to walk around this house and play wifey to you?”

  “I didn’t ask you to play wifey. You needed a place to stay, and as your man, I gave you one.”

  “And pressured me to have sex with you every chance you got!”

  “I didn’t force you to do nothing. You’re a big girl, and you made your own decisions. You not happy? You wanna leave, there’s the door.”

  I gasped. Outrage came over me. “No you didn’t.”

  “Look… Let’s just calm down, alright?” he said. “Let’s just chill. All I’m saying is, there’s no rush. We have plenty of time to get all of that squared away. Right now I just want to focus on school and this tournament and getting back into the NBA. You can understand that, can’t you?”

  I rolled my eyes at him and stood up from the table.

  “Baby. Come on, let’s sit down and talk about this.”

  “You’ve already said enough,” I told him, and went into the bedroom and closed the door behind me.

  fifty five

  Karen

  I was standing at the sink washing dishes when I heard the front door open. I assumed it was Terrance. He was due home from his workout a half hour ago, and I hadn’t heard from him. But when I heard the click clack of stiletto heels against the hardwood flooring of the apartment, my heart began to sink.

  With shaking hands I returned the glass plate I was holding back to its sudsy bath and slowly crept around the corner into the living room. Christy stopped suddenly when she saw me. Her eyes widened, then pierced with confusion.

  “What are you doing here?” she had the nerve to ask me.

  My mouth dropped in angry amazement at this skank who was too dumb to realize that she had crossed the line.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I asked her.

  She dangled a key in my direction. “Terrance gave me a key. I been had it. And, he told me to meet him over here today.”

  I stared with my mouth open as she walked over to the couch and sat down, then crossed her legs and her arms defiantly, testing me.

  “Are you crazy?” I asked her. “You better get up outta here before you get something started.”

  “I ain’t scared of you.”

  I swallowed the profanity that found its way to the tip of my tongue.

  “You actin’ like you know me. Don’t make me show you that you don’t,” I warned her as coolly as I could, ready to snatch her weave out.

  She only smiled at me.

  I was outraged. “You think I’m playing!” I yelled at her. “Don’t make me go in the kitchen.”

  She remained still, everything except her smile, which grew wider, not heeding to my warning. I was about to show her that I wasn’t the weakling she thought I was. I marched into the kitchen and got a butcher knife, then marched back into the living room and pointed it at her.

  “Get the hell out!” I screamed.

  The smile on her face was now gone. “What you gon’ do with that?”

  “Don’t make me let you find out,” I said coldly. “Get the hell out of my house. Now.”

  She hissed under her breath and rolled her eyes. “I don’t need this,” she said, and stood to her feet. “I ain’t ‘bout to catch no case over you.” She smoothed down her mini-skirt as she sashayed over to the door. “Tell my man to call me when he gets home,” she said, and switched out of the apartment.

  “You ho!” I screamed after her.

  “I’ll be that,” she laughed at me. “It’s what your man likes. And don’t think you it ‘cause he taking care of you, either. Because, please believe it baby, he’s taking care of me, too.”

  She got in her car and pulled out into the parking lot, then waved as she burnt off.

  I went back inside and screamed as loud as I could. I was mad enough to tear up everything in the place, but I forced myself to drop the knife onto the floor before I used it to cut up the couch.

  I couldn’t believe that heifer! She had the audacity to come to my house and ask me what I was doing here! No! What are you doing here! This is my house!

  And Terrance! Oh my goodness, he was gonna get it when he got home! He gave that wench a key! Knowing I live here, he gave her a key! What kind of… Ooohh, I could just…

  I picked up a pillow from the couch and stuffed it in my mouth and bit down on it as hard as I could. I had to. Otherwise I was going to break my hand by punching a hole in the wall.

  After a few minutes I calmed down, then got the phone book and looked up a number for a locksmith.

  fifty six

  Karen

  I stared at myself in the mirror, dressed in the wedding gown that I would soon be wearing as I walked down the isle toward Terrance. It was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever been fortunate enough to wear. It was made of white satin and embroidered in a fine lace. The spaghetti straps supported the dress with just the right amount of strength, and the empire waistline complemented the long train that was gathered at my feet. I imagined myself in a church with a big bouquet of flowers in my arms, walking toward Terrance as music played in the background. In my dream, I was the happiest woman in the world.

  My vision was interrupted, though, when I heard Terrance come through the front door.

  “Karen,” he called out.

  I remained quiet, w
anting to catch him by surprise.

  “Where you at, babe?”

  He peeked into the bedroom and looked at the bed, wondering if I was taking a nap. He lit up when he saw me standing in front of the mirror.

  “Wow,” he managed to get out. “You look… oh my…”

  “Do you like it?” I asked him.

  His mouth hung open, unable to speak.

  “What is it?”

  “When did you…”

  “I haven’t bought it yet,” I told him. “I don’t even know if I’m really gonna get it. The bridal store sent it over with a note saying I could spend as much time with it as I wanted. Just one of the perks of marrying you, I guess.”

  Terrance walked over and stood behind me. “You look so beautiful.”

  “Beautiful enough to be your wife?” I asked him, hinting at the week long argument we’d been having about Christy.

  “Hell, yeah,” he said with a laugh, then kissed my neck. “You smell good, too.”

  I knew what he wanted, but I wasn’t exactly in the mood. I pulled away from him. “Not now, Terrance.”

  He pulled me close, making me stumble on the train of the dress. “Come on. Let me take this off of you.”

  “Stop! Look what you’re making me do. I could rip this. I told you it’s not paid for yet!”

  “Calm down,” he said, a bit irritated suddenly. “You know I got the money for it.”

  “That’s not the point, Terrance,” I hissed at him, and gathered the train of the dress to make sure it was still in tact.

  “What’s your problem?” he asked, annoyed.

  “My problem is you, you horn-bag.”

  “Horn-bag? What the hell?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  He folded his arms and backed away from me. I was too irritated to deal with him. When I looked at myself in the dress, I dreamed of my wedding day. When Terrance looked at me in it, all he wanted to do was take it off of me and have sex. I was starting to feel like nothing but his sex toy, and I was getting tired of it.

  “What’s with the attitude?”

  “Just leave,” I told him as I turned away, and unzipped my dress. Suddenly it wasn’t as beautiful as it was before, and I couldn’t wait to get out of it.

  “Why?”

  “Just go, alright!”

  “What’s your issue, girl?”

  “You!”

  “What did I do?”

  “Nothing. That’s the problem.”

  “What didn’t I do?”

  I placed my hand on my hip. “When are we getting married, Terrance?”

  His eyebrows went up, stunned. “One day soon,” he told me.

  I rolled my eyes and turned away. “Just get out.”

  “This is my room, too. Why I gotta leave?”

  “Because I need to take this dress off.”

  “Well take it off. I don’ already seen everything you got. What are you being shy for?”

  That stung. I gasped at the hurt of truth. I gasped again, my lungs feeling tight. It was hard to breathe as I suddenly understood. He had already seen everything I had. Received everything I had. Why would I act shy? And most importantly, why would he marry me? There was no need to.

  “Get out!” I screamed at him, tears already flowing down my face.

  “Get out! Get out!”

  He tried to console me, but I pushed him as hard as I could. He hardly moved. His firm body was much too strong for my smaller build. So I slapped him.

  “Get out!” I screamed again.

  “What’s wrong with you girl? Why you going crazy on me?”

  “GET OUT!!!”

  He backed out of the room. I hit him repeatedly, crying the entire time, until he was out in the hallway. I slammed the door in his face, then took the dress off and put it back in its bag from the bridal gallery. I felt so horrible, so used, so unwanted. I put some pajamas on and cried myself to sleep, even though it was only a little after five o’clock.

  fifty seven

  Anaya

  “Why don’t you come in?” I asked Derrick as we walked hand in hand to my apartment. “We can watch a movie or something.”

  He looked uneasy. “You sure?”

  I nodded. There was something about Derrick that made me trust him. We went rollerblading in the mall and then out to dinner, and he didn’t so much as touch my behind, even though I knew he wanted to. The two mango margaritas I had with my meal had me in the mood for some TLC, and the more Derrick remained a gentleman, the more I wanted to give it to him.

  “I don’t know,” he hesitated.

  I unlocked the door and motioned for him to come inside with me.

  “Okay. Just for a few minutes.”

  “Why? You gotta hurry home to your woman or something?”

  “You know there is no woman,” he said as he came inside and took a seat on my brand new sofa. “The only woman I am even trying to get next to is you.”

  I locked the door behind us and sat beside him, then took my shoes off.

  “This place is nice,” he said as he looked around. “Furniture and all. Must cost a grip.”

  “That’s for me to worry about,” I politely corrected him.

  “Didn’t mean nothing by it. I apologize.”

  “It’s okay.”

  “No love lost. I shouldn’t have been trying to figure you out, anyway.”

  I scooted closer to him and rested my head against his chest. “What are you trying to figure out?”

  “You.”

  “What about me?” I asked, and began to unbutton his shirt.

  He was tempted. “What you doing?”

  “Trying to get to know you,” I flirted.

  He chuckled. “Get outta here with that,” he laughed.

  I smiled and continued. “Why are you interested in me?” I asked him.

  “I don’t know,” he confessed. “You sexy. Smart. Kinda mysterious.”

  I leaned over and kissed his neck. “Mysterious?”

  “Yeah. I mean, I been working in clubs for a long time, and I seen a lot of girls. But you different.”

  “How so?”

  “You seem so put together on the surface. All the other girls at Prestige got some kind of issue. They either had kids way too young, they don’t know their daddies, they were abused some kinda way, they’re stupid, running from the law… But you. I seen you with your dad. You got a heart. I’m just trying to figure out how a girl like you got in a lifestyle like this.”

  I sat up, seeing clearly that he wasn’t half as anxious as I was to have sex.

  “Is it that important to you?”

  “You don’t want to talk about this?”

  I shook my head adamantly.

  “Okay. Let’s just change the subject.

  “Thank you,” I said, and began to kiss his neck again. “I want you.”

  “What you doing, girl?” he asked through a moan. “You better stop.”

  “Why?”

  “You gon’ get something started.”

  “I know,” I said, and took off his shirt. I was about to remove his undershirt as well when he stopped me.

  “We better stop,” he said. “Seriously.”

  I pulled away and gave him a review. He appeared to be in his right mind, but I couldn’t figure out why he wasn’t jumping on this chance to be with me.

  “What’s the matter?” I asked him.

  “I like you.”

  “Again. I ask, what’s the matter?”

  He smiled and shook his head at me. “I realize I may be the only man in the world who doesn’t want you only for sex.”

  I was confused. “What?”

  “I don’t wanna have sex. I mean… I do. I really… really do… But I’m not going to. I want us to wait a while.”

  “Wait awhile?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “’Cause. I happen to be a man who still believes in romance. And I don’t want to take advantage.”
/>
  “Take advantage? No, I want to.”

  “I know you do. But it wouldn’t be right.”

  “But you’ve already seen all of me,” I told him.

  “I know. And I don’t want to cross the last line that is between us.”

  “Oh,” I said, disappointed, and stood to my feet.

  “You mad?”

  I was, but I wasn’t going to be rude enough to say it. “No,” I said, and kissed his forehead. “You’re sweet.”

  “You are, too.”

  “Yeah right.”

  “I know you are.”

  “Whatever. If you don’t want to have sex, then what do you want to do?”

  “I don’t know. Honestly, I’m really tired. I live all the way on the other side of town, and I’m a lil’ tipsy. I didn’t wanna say nothing, but I don’t think I’ll make it home. Can we just go to bed?”

  “What? I thought you didn’t wanna have sex?”

  “I don’t. I’m just tired and I really don’t think I’ll make it home. And… I think it would be pretty cool to wake up next to you in the morning.”

  “You just trying to be slick,” I laughed at him. “I ain’t falling for it. You missed your chance. But you can stay here overnight if you need to. You sleepin’ on the couch, though.”

  “Awh,” he whined, and put his face in his hands.

  I went into the closet and gave him an extra blanket and pillow, then went into the bathroom and took a shower. When I was finished, I went back into the living room to check on him. He had taken off his shoes and was struggling to get comfortable.

  “You alright?”

  “Yeah,” he lied.

  “Come on,” I said. “You can sleep in the bed with me. But you better not try anything.”

  “I won’t. I promise,” he assured me, and followed me into the bedroom. On the way he cracked his back.

  “Damn,” I said, and laughed. “That couch was killing you, huh?”

  “Gettin’ old.”

  “Keep your hands to yourself now,” I said as we got beneath the sheets.

  “I will.”

  I didn’t believe him, but to my surprise, he was a perfect gentleman. The only time he touched me was when he gave me a kiss goodbye when he left in the morning.