‘You propitious old person of Janina!’
There was an old person of Ware,
Who rode on the back of a bear:
When they ask’d,—‘Does it trot?’—he said ‘Certainly not!
He’s a Moppsikon Floppsikon bear!’
There was an old person of Dean
Who dined on one pea, and one bean;
For he said, ‘More than that, would make me too fat,’
That cautious old person of Dean.
There was an old person of Dundalk,
Who tried to teach fishes to walk;
When they tumbled down dead, he grew weary, and said,
‘I had better go back to Dundalk!’
There was a young person of Ayr,
Whose head was remarkably square:
On the top, in fine weather, she wore a gold feather;
Which dazzled the people of Ayr.
There was an old person of Skye,
Who waltz’d with a Bluebottle fly:
They buzz’d a sweet tune, to the light of the moon,
And entranced all the people of Skye.
There was an old man of Dumblane,
Who greatly resembled a crane;
But they said,—‘Is it wrong, since your legs are so long,
To request you won’t stay in Dumblane?’
There was an old person of Hyde,
Who walked by the shore with his bride,
Till a Crab who came near, fill’d their bosoms with fear,
And they said, ‘Would we’d never left Hyde!’
There was an old person of Rimini,
Who said, ‘Gracious! Goodness! 0 Gimini!’
When they said, ‘Please be still!’ she ran down a hill,
And was never more heard of at Rimini.
There was an old man in a tree,
Whose whiskers were lovely to see;
But the birds of the air, pluck’d them perfectly bare,
To make themselves nests in that tree.
There was a young lady of Corsica,
Who purchased a little brown saucy-cur;
Which she fed upon ham, and hot raspberry jam,
That expensive young lady of Corsica.
There was an old person of Bray,
Who sang through the whole of the day
To his ducks and his pigs, whom he fed upon figs,
That valuable person of Bray.
There was an old person of Sestri,
Who sate himself down in the vestry,
When they said ‘You are wrong!’—he merely said ‘Bong!’
That repulsive old person of Sestri.
There was an old person of Bude,
Whose deportment was vicious and crude;
He wore a large ruff, of pale straw-coloured stuff,
Which perplexed all the people of Bude.
There was an old person of Bow,
Whom nobody happened to know;
So they gave him some soap, and said coldly, ‘We hope
You will go back directly to Bow!’
There was a young lady of Greenwich,
Whose garments were border’d with Spinach;
But a large spotty Calf, bit her shawl quite in half,
Which alarmed that young lady of Greenwich.
There was an old person of Brigg,
Who purchased no end of a wig;
So that only his nose, and the end of his toes,
Could be seen when he walked about Brigg.
There was an old person of Crowle,
Who lived in the nest of an owl;
When they screamed in the nest, he screamed out with the rest,
That depressing old person of Crowle.
There was an old person in gray,
Whose feelings were tinged with dismay;
She purchased two parrots, and fed them with carrots,
Which pleased that old person in gray.
There was an old person of Blythe,
Who cut up his meat with a scythe;
When they said, ‘Well! I never!’—he cried, ‘Scythes for ever!’
That lively old person of Blythe.
There was an old person of Ealing,
Who was wholly devoid of good feeling;
He drove a small gig, with three Owls and a Pig,
Which distressed all the people of Ealing.
There was an old person of Ickley,
Who could not abide to ride quickly,
He rode to Karnak, on a tortoise’s back,
That moony old person of Ickley.
There was an old man of Ancona,
Who found a small dog with no owner,
Which he took up and down, all the streets of the town;
That anxious old man of Ancona.
There was an old person of Grange,
Whose manners were scroobious and strange;
He sailed to St. Blubb, in a waterproof tub,
That aquatic old person of Grange.
There was an old person of Nice,
Whose associates were usually Geese.
They walked out together, in all sorts of weather.
That affable person of Nice!
There was an old person of Deal
Who in walking, used only his heel;
When they said, ‘Tell us why?’—He made no reply;
That mysterious old person of Deal.
There was an old man of Thermopylae,
Who never did anything properly;
But they said, ‘If you choose, To boil eggs in your shoes,
You shall never remain in Thermopylae,’
There was an old person of Minety
Who purchased five hundred and ninety
Large apples and pears, which he threw unawares,
At the heads of the people of Minety.
There was an old man whose despair
Induced him to purchase a hare:
Whereon one fine day, he rode wholly away,
Which partly assuaged his despair.
There was an old person of Pinner,
As thin as a lath, if not thinner;
They dressed him in white, and roll’d him up tight,
That elastic old person of Pinner.
There was an old person of Bromley,
Whose ways were not cheerful or comely;
He sate in the dust, eating spiders and crust,
That unpleasing old person of Bromley.
There was an old man of Dunrose;
A parrot seized hold of his nose.
When he grew melancholy, They said, ‘His name’s Polly,’
Which soothed that old man of Dunrose.
There was an old man on the Border,
Who lived in the utmost disorder;
He danced with the cat, and made tea in his hat,
Which vexed all the folks on the Border.
There was an old man of Spithead,
Who opened the window, and said,—
‘Fil-jomble, fil-jumble, Fil-rumble-come-tumble!’
That doubtful old man of Spithead.
There was an old person of Sheen,
Whose expression was calm and serene;
He sate in the water, and drank bottled porter,
That placid old person of Sheen.
There was an old person of Florence,
Who held mutton chops in abhorrence;
He purchased a Bustard, and fried him in Mustard,
Which choked that old person of Florence.
There was an old person of Loo,
Who said, ‘What on earth shall I do?’
When they said, ‘Go away!’—she continued to stay,
That vexatious old person of Loo.
There was an old person of Pisa,
Whose daughters did nothing to please her;
She dressed them in gray, and banged them all day,
Round the walls of the city of Pisa.
There was an old man in a garden,
Who always begged ev
ery-one’s pardon;
When they asked him, ‘What for?’—He replied ‘You’re a bore!
And I trust you’ll go out of my garden.’
There was an old man of Thames Ditton,
Who called for something to sit on;
But they brought him a hat, and said—‘Sit upon that,
You abruptious old man of Thames Ditton!’
Three was an old man of Dee-side
Whose hat was exceedingly wide,
But he said ‘Do not fail, If it happen to hail
To come under my hat at Dee-side!’
There was an old man at a Station,
Who made a promiscuous oration;
But they said, ‘Take some snuff!—You have talk’d quite enough
You afflicting old man at a Station!’
There was an old person of Shields,
Who frequented the valley and fields;
All the mice and the cats, And the snakes and the rats,
Followed after that person of Shields.
There was a young person in pink,
Who called out for something to drink;
But they said, ‘0 my daughter, There’s nothing but water!’
Which vexed that young person in pink.
There was a young person whose history,
Was always considered a mystery;
She sate in a ditch, although no one knew which,
And composed a small treatise on history.
TWENTY-SIX NONSENSE RHYMES AND PICTURES
The Bountiful Beetle,
who always carried a Green Umbrella when it didn’t rain,
and left it at home when it did.
The Comfortable Confidential Cow,
who sate in her Red Morocco Arm Chair and
toasted her own Bread at the parlour Fire.
The Fizzgiggious Fish,
who always walked about upon Stilts.
because he had no legs.
The Absolutely Abstemious Ass,
who resided in a Barrel, and only lived on
Soda Water and Pickled
The Dolomphious Duck,
who caught Spotted Frogs for her dinner
with a Runcible Spoon.
The Enthusiastic Elephant,
who ferried himself across the water with the
Kitchen Poker and a New pair of Ear-rings.
The Goodnatured Grey Gull,
who carried the Old Owl, and his Crimson Carpet-bag,
across the river, because he could not swim.
The Hasty Higgeldipiggledy Hen,
who went to market in a Blue Bonnet and Shawl,
and bought a Fish for her Supper.
The Inventive Indian,
who caught a Remarkable Rabbit in a
Stupendous Silver Spoon.
The Judicious Jubilant Jay,
who did up her Back Hair every morning with a Wreath of Roses
Three feathers, and a Gold Pin.
The Kicking Kangaroo,
who wore a Pale Pink Muslin dress
with Blue spots.
The Lively Learned Lobster,
who mended his own Clothes with
a Needle and Thread.
The Melodious Meritorious Mouse,
who played a merry minuet on the
Piano-forte.
The Nutritious Newt,
who purchased a Round Plum-pudding
for his grand-daughter.
The Umbrageous Umbrella-maker,
whose Face nobody ever saw, because it was
always covered by his Umbrella.
The Obsequious Ornamental Ostrich,
who wore Boots to keep his
feet quite dry.
The Perpendicular Purple Polly,
who read the Newspaper and ate Parsnip Pie
with his Spectacles.
The Queer Querulous Quail,
who smoked a Pipe of tobacco on the top of
a Tin Tea-kettle.
The Rural Runcible Raven,
who wore a White Wig and flew away
with the Carpet Broom.
The Scroobious Snake,
who always wore a Hat on his Head, for
fear he should bite anybody.
The Tumultuous Tom-tommy Tortoise,
who beat a Drum all day long in the
middle of the wilderness.
The Visibly Vicious Vulture,
who wrote some Verses to a Veal-cutlet in a
Volume bound in Vellum.
The Worrying Whizzing Wasp,
who stood on a Table, and played sweetly on a
Flute with a Morning Cap.
The Excellent Double-extra XX
imbibing King Xerxes, who lived a
long while ago.
The Yonghy-Bonghy-Bo,
whose Head was ever so much bigger than his
Body, and whose Hat was rather small.
The Zigzag Zealous Zebra,
who carried five Monkeys on his back all
the way to Jellibolee.
IV
LAUGHABLE LYRICS A FOURTH BOOK OF NONSENSE POEMS, SONGS, BOTANY, MUSIC, &c. (1877)
NONSENSE SONGS
THE DONG WITH A LUMINOUS NOSE
When awful darkness and silence reign
Over the great Gromboolian plain,
Through the long, long wintry nights;—
When the angry breakers roar
As they beat on the rocky shore;—
When Storm-clouds brood on the towering heights
Of the Hills of the Chankly Bore:—
Then, through the vast and gloomy dark,
There moves what seems a fiery spark,
A lonely spark with silvery rays
Piercing the coal black night,—
A Meteor strange and bright:—
Hither and thither the vision strays,
A single lurid light.
Slowly it wanders,—pauses,—creeps,—
Anon it sparkles,—flashes and leaps;
And ever as onward it gleaming goes
A light on the Bong-tree stems it throws.
And those who watch at that midnight hour
From Hall or Terrace, or lofty Tower,
Cry, as the wild light passes along,—
‘The Dong!—the Dong!
‘The wandering Dong through the forest goes!
‘The Dong! the Dong!
‘The Dong with a luminous Nose!’
Long years ago
The Dong was happy and gay,
Till he fell in love with a Jumbly Girl
Who came to those shores one day,
For the Jumblies came in a sieve, they did,—
Landing at eve near the Zemmery Fidd
Where the Oblong Oysters grow,
And the rocks are smooth and gray.
And all the woods and the valleys rang
With the Chorus they daily and nightly sang,—
‘Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue
And they went to sea in a sieve.’
Happily, happily passed those days!
While the cheerful Jumblies staid;
They danced in circlets all night long,
To the plaintive pipe of the lively Dong,
In moonlight, shine, or shade.
For day and night he was always there
By the side of the Jumbly Girl so fair,
With her sky-blue hands, and her sea-green hair.
Till the morning came of that hateful day
When the Jumblies sailed in their sieve away,
And the Dong was left on the cruel shore
Gazing—gazing for evermore,—
Ever keeping his weary eyes on
That pea-green sail on the far horizon,—
Singing the Jumbly Chorus still
As he sate all day on the grassy hill,—
‘Far and few, far and few,
Are the lands where the Jumblies live;
Their heads are green, and their hands are blue,
And they went to sea in a sieve.’
But when the sun was low in the West,
The Dong arose and said;—
—‘What little sense I once possessed
Has quite gone out of my head!’—
And since that day he wanders still
By lake and forest, marsh and hill,
Singing—‘O somewhere, in valley or plain
‘Might I find my Jumbly Girl again!
‘For ever I’ll seek by lake and shore
‘Till I find my Jumbly Girl once more!’
Playing a pipe with silvery squeaks,
The Complete Nonsense of Edward Lear Page 10