Love's Masquerade

by Radclyffe

  “Because it’s so intense, so...filled with feeling.” Auden took a breath and took a chance. There was just so much she needed to say. “There’s so much passion, of every kind, in that book. I wanted to see if I could recognize you there.”

  Heart hammering, Hays tried to focus. “And can you?”

  “In some ways.” Auden’s voice was gentle, her gaze tender. “But there are so many secrets hidden inside, it will take more than one reading to learn them all.”

  “Have you decided what to do with it?” Hays wondered if Auden was still talking about the book, then thought it must be only her own desires projected. She couldn’t seem to be anywhere near Auden without wanting to touch her, without wanting Auden to feel the same compelling connection. This is getting to be an impossible situation. As if it could be any more impossible.

  “I want to keep it.”

  “Good.” Hays trembled slightly, then let out a breath. Business. Talk about business. “You’ll publish it, then?”

  “I definitely think we should, but I’m going to have to give it to someone else to edit.” At the slight frown line that developed between Hays’s eyes, Auden hurried to explain. “I can’t read it and not...lose myself...thinking of you.”

  They weren’t close enough to touch, and Hays was glad, because she wanted to, so much so she ached. “Is that bad?”

  “No, but it makes working efficiently almost impossible.” Auden held Hays’s gaze. “You seem to have that effect on me.”

  “It’s mutual,” Hays replied, her voice a husky whisper.

  “I’m glad.” Auden’s smile was just a bit tremulous, and she was almost shaking with the effort it took not to take the last step forward. She was going to have to touch Hays now or find some neutral ground. Thinking about the book, remembering the need and the desire she’d witnessed and experienced, she was losing sense of everything except Hays. “Speaking of work...I need to make about a hundred phone calls.”

  “Me, too.” Hays reached behind her for the doorknob, still looking at Auden. “I’ll talk to you later?”

  “Yes,” Auden said quickly. “How long you will be here?”

  “I’ll be here until you’re done.”

  Hays quickly slipped out of the room. It was a minute before Auden could make herself move back to her desk. Fortunately, she had so much to do that she managed to concentrate on work and not on how badly she had wanted to walk into Hays’s arms the instant they’d been alone. The next time she checked her watch it was close to seven p.m. After pushing aside the checklist she’d been methodically going though, she turned to her computer to read her recent mail.

  -----Original Message-----

  From: thaneCutlass@CutlassFic.com

  Sent: Monday March 31, 5:20 PM

  To: AFrost@PalmPub.net

  Subject: Anthology

  Attachment: ErosFiles.zip 536KB

  Auden:

  Sorry it’s taken me so long to get this to you. I’m sending you the raw material, hot off the press as it were

  Rune is still on the fence about this, but I think it’s terrific (especially hers—she’s gone somewhere in these vignettes that I can’t quite describe. Somewhere...well, to quote her...”deeper than desire”) Anyhow, our styles are different but they balance well, IMHO. I guess that will be up to you to decide .

  If you like the idea, let me know what I can do to make this happen.

  Regards, Thane

  Auden unzipped the attachment and scanned the files.

  Private Pleasures—Cutlass.

  Secret Passions—Dyre.

  After a moment’s hesitation, she opened the second and started to read.

  Secret Passions - Scene Six

  As we talked, we moved closer, not just in body, but in spirit. In that subtle communication of the soul that needs no words. It happens every time we’re together, and I knew that this time, I must touch her. I have been so lost, so far from light and air and the beat of my own heart—so long a stranger to all that spoke of life—that I was not certain I could find my way back. Then she pointed the way with the hand she offered.

  “Take it. Come with me.”

  She raised her head, inadvertently bringing her lips very close to mine. I felt her breath against my cheek, felt her fingers graze my hand, felt my blood rise to her call, rushing as rain through long-arid plains.

  I wanted to kiss her.

  Her eyes welcomed me, her parted lips offered me salvation.

  “Take it. Come with me.”

  Shaking, Auden stopped reading. Then she went back to the first vignette, clicked properties, and jotted down the date and time the file was initiated. She did the same for each scene Rune had written. When she finished, she reached for her desk calendar, but she didn’t really need to check. She knew before looking. She knew where and when every scene had taken place. She’d known almost from the first words she’d read.

  She closed her eyes. She’s bleeding to death, and she won’t tell me why.

  “Auden?”

  Without opening her eyes, she asked, “Have you been writing just now?”

  “What?” Hays crossed the room and stopped in front of Auden’s desk, her stomach roiling. Auden was pale and so frighteningly still. “I don’t know what you mean.”

  Auden passed a hand over her face, then sighed. She sat forward and met Hays’s worried gaze. “Secret Passions. Those scenes are about us, aren’t they?”

  Hays was quiet for a long moment. Where she’d just been warm, she was suddenly cold. “Thane sent them to you.”

  “Yes.” Auden stood and walked to the coat rack beside her door. She pulled on her overcoat and then looked at Hays. “Rune Dyre—I looked up the etymology last night, after you told me. It means beloved secrets. Close enough?”

  “Yes. Auden—”

  “You didn’t mean for me to read those. I’m sorry.” She shook her head, and when she spoke again, her tone was hushed. “You are so beautiful, Hays.”

  Hays moved to intercept Auden as she walked into the hall. “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going home.” She couldn’t be anywhere near Hays right now. She hurt, having glimpsed the terrible sadness the passages had revealed. And despite that, or perhaps because of it, she wanted desperately to have that fierce intensity focused on her. She wanted to share Hays’s passion and her pain. She wanted her, now more than ever.

  “Let me walk you. It’s late.” Hays sounded frantic. She was. “Auden, please.”

  Auden stopped and looked at her. “Were you ever going to tell me?”

  “I don’t know,” Hays whispered.

  The silence stretched forever as they searched each other’s eyes.

  “Get your coat.”

  It was less than a ten minute walk to Auden’s building, and they said nothing until they were out on the street. Then, Auden reached down and took Hays’s ungloved hand in her own, clasped her fingers, and pulled their joined hands inside her own coat pocket. “You’re going to get sick again.”

  “What?” Hays looked at her sharply.

  “No gloves, no scarf, and nothing but a raincoat. It’s thirty degrees out here. You just got over the flu, remember?”

  Tell her now. It’s not fair—she has to know. Before anything happens. Hays was silent, afraid. Afraid if she told her, she would never again be certain that the look in Auden’s eyes wasn’t pity. God, I don’t want that. Not from her.

  They turned the corner onto Auden’s street, climbed the steps to the tiny landing, and faced one another in the dim glow from the sconce above the door.

  “Come in,” Auden said quietly. “Stay with me tonight.”

  Hays tensed, torn between wanting Auden and wanting not to hurt her. “There’s something you need to know.”

  Auden unlocked the door and pulled Hays into the foyer, out of the cold, then looked into her eyes. “Do you have a lover?”

  “No,” Hays said quickly. “But—”

  “Is the
re something we need to be careful about?”

  Hays shook her head. “No.”

  “Then I don’t want to know anything else tonight. Only that you want me.” She lifted her hand, stroked Hays’s cheek. “Tomorrow, tomorrow we’ll talk.”

  And because Hays wanted, so desperately needed, one night of untarnished joy, she turned her face into the warm palm and kissed the tender flesh. Forgive me, Auden.

  “I want you more than words can say.”

  Auden took Hays’s hand, turned, and led the way to her apartment.

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Hays stopped just inside the apartment door. “Auden—”

  “Shh.” Auden turned to face her, reached past Hays’s right shoulder, and flipped a wall switch that lit a table lamp on the far side of the living room. Then she lifted the lapels of Hays’s raincoat and gently pushed the garment off her shoulders. “Let me take this for you.”

  “Thank you.” Hays stood still, watching as Auden hung their coats in a small closet nearby. She was terrified and so terribly in need. Arousal was only part of it—it was true that she wanted Auden’s hands on her; it was true that she wanted to feel Auden’s body next to hers. But more than that, she wanted the heat of passion to burn away the loneliness and horror of the last eight months. Yet even as she hungered for that moment, she questioned the rightness of claiming it. It felt like a lifeline, and she feared to grasp it under false pretenses.

  Auden turned back with a small smile. “I think that’s about as far as I can get without help for the rest of the night.”

  There was something so vulnerable in Auden’s eyes that Hays’s uncertainty vanished like mist in the sunrise. She reached out and took Auden’s hand, pulling her closer until their bodies nearly touched. Then she rested her fingers beneath Auden’s chin and tilted her head up until their eyes met. “I think I can assist some with that part.”

  Like the first time, this kiss began gently, a fragile meeting of lips that whispered a greeting. Auden placed her palms against Hays’s chest, softly stroking just below her collarbones as they leaned into one another, bodies slowly joining. Hays lifted her hands to cover Auden’s, and their fingers entwined. As the kiss deepened, they tenderly opened to one another. Auden moaned softly as Hays’s tongue slipped delicately into her mouth. She loved the firmness, the fullness of having Hays inside of her that way, and that image, that thought, summoned her desire with unexpected ferocity.

  Gasping, Auden brought her hands into Hays’s hair and kissed her hard, their tongues quickly matching stroke for stroke. When she drew away, her voice was husky. “I want to be in bed with you.”

  “Yes. God, yes.”

  Auden led the way, her hand in Hays’s. She stopped by the side of the bed, the light slanting in from the other room their only illumination. It was enough to see Hays’s face, and that was enough to diminish her nervousness. “There’s something you need to know.”

  “Only if you want to tell me.” Hays lifted the hand she held to her lips and kissed each finger, saying quietly as she did, “You have filled my thoughts for endless hours. Your face, your voice, your tenderness. I have dreamed of your touch, ached to touch you.” She met Auden’s gaze, then kissed her lightly on the lips. “That’s all I need to know.”

  “I want you so much,” Auden murmured, wrapping her arms around Hays’ shoulders, trembling against Hays’s body. Quietly, she confided, “I’ve never done this before.”

  “Oh, sweet Auden.” Hays drew her gently closer, both hands resting in the hollow above Auden’s hips. With her lips pressed to Auden’s forehead, she said hesitantly, “I don’t know if I’m worthy.”

  Auden sighed softly, aware of Hays’s heart beating rapidly against her own breast. She was enormously aroused and yet inexplicably peaceful. “You feel so good, so right.” She kissed the tip of Hays’s chin. “I haven’t been saving myself, Hays. There has just never been anyone who’s moved me enough to want this. I want this with you.”

  “And I want this with you.” Hays slid a hand beneath the edge of Auden’s sweater, circled her fingers over the smooth back. The heat of Auden’s skin made her insides clench. “I want you, so very much.”

  Auden found Hays’s mouth, kissed her again, exploring her deeply, then eased back to run her tongue lightly over the surface of Hays’s lips. Hays groaned, and Auden smiled. “You’re so beautiful. I want to see you.”

  Hays nodded, pierced by the aching sweetness of Auden’s request. “Anything you want.”

  “What do you want?” Auden waited, searching Hays’s eyes. “What do you want?”

  “I want to feel you in the farthest reaches of my soul.”

  With trembling hands, Auden carefully unbuttoned Hays’ shirt, drew the bottom from her trousers, and slowly slid the garment from her arms. Her gaze still fixed on Hays’s, she lifted off her own sweater and undergarments in one motion. As she brought her hands to Hays’s breasts, she whispered, “Touch me back.”

  Hays shuddered at the first light brush of fingertips on her skin, and her vision momentarily dimmed. Struggling for control, she watched Auden’s lips part in wonder as Auden caressed her. Then she lifted Auden’s breasts in her palms and rubbed her thumbs across the hard points of her nipples, feeling them harden even more.

  Auden’s lids flickered, and she arched her neck in supplication. “Oh God.”

  “Auden,” Hays moaned. Her thighs shook as she pressed into Auden’s hands, wanting more of her touch. “We’ll go as slowly as you like...stop whenever...oh God...” Auden had begun to squeeze her nipples, drawing them firmly, rhythmically, between her fingers. The surge of excitement that shot through her almost dropped her to her knees. “Wait...”

  “Did I hurt you?” Auden asked, her voice foreign to her own ears. Her eyes were riveted to Hays’s breasts in her hands, in her hands. Firm and perfect and incredibly beautiful. The small hard nipples tightened as she stroked them again, and distantly she heard Hays gasp. She looked up, worried. “Hays?”

  “It’s been...a very long time,” Hays confessed. “You’re making me a little crazy.”

  “Oh.” Auden smiled, a very satisfied smile.

  Hays pulled Auden close, their bare breasts pressing together, drawing small cries from them both. She brought her lips to Auden’s ear. “I want to touch you everywhere. I want you to touch me. Let’s lie down and make love.”

  “Yes,” Auden murmured against Hays’s neck.

  They stretched out facing one another, shoeless but still partially clothed. With Auden’s fingers softly tracing her face, Hays kissed the side of Auden’s neck, then her throat, then the ridge of her collarbones. With one hand, she cupped Auden’s breast and caressed it with her mouth, circling a nipple with her tongue.

  “Oh my dear God,” Auden gasped. Without conscious thought, she shifted closer, pressing her breast to Hays’s face, arching her hips into Hays’s body. She was aching for more contact, everywhere, but the urgency between her thighs was almost painful. Fitfully, she stroked Hays’s back, kneading the taut muscles, urging her with soundless pleas to take more. “So good...you feel so good.”

  With her mouth still on Auden’s breast, Hays smoothed her palm down Auden’s abdomen, gasping as the muscles flickered and clenched beneath her fingers. Auden moaned and pushed harder, sliding a leg between Hays’s thighs. The pressure against her fiercely ready flesh made Hays’s head go light. “Oh yes,” she cried, her eyes shut tightly, struggling to ignore the warning pulsations beginning in her depths. Forcing herself to stay still, to let Auden set the pace, she whispered, “Let me undress you?”

  “Yes, please.” Auden drew back, her fingers coming to Hays’s waist. “And you.”

  They kissed, needing contact, as together they opened buttons and slid zippers and freed themselves of the last barriers. When at last they were naked, only a whisper of space between them, they were both breathing heavily.

  “Is this all right?” Auden searched Hays’s eyes, findi
ng the reflection of her own gripping need in their obsidian depths.

  Hays leaned forward, bringing their bodies together along their entire lengths. The first complete touch was excruciatingly exciting. She groaned, unable to stop her hips from jerking once before she reined in her desire. “It’s perfect.”

  “It never occurred to me that being this excited could make you kind of crazy,” Auden murmured, stroking her fingers down the center of Hays’s abdomen.

  “Crazy...how?” Hays’s breath was coming faster. The caress was making her harder, and the aching need to ease the pressure was escalating.

  “I can’t touch you enough.” Auden rested her forehead against Hays’s and looked down the length of their bodies, marveling at Hays’s exquisite beauty. She traced a hipbone, following the hollow across the top of Hays’s thigh to the space high up inside her leg. Then she caressed the soft skin there, the backs of her fingers brushing the fine hair between Hays’s legs, damp now with arousal.

  “Auden,” Hays’s voice held a desperate warning. “Not there...not yet.”

  “No?” Auden’s voice was choked, desire heavy in her blood. “Can I...look?”

  “Anything,” Hays sighed, surrendering without regret. She settled onto her back, resting on her elbows to watch, awestruck, as Auden, the blond hair falling delicately across one elegant cheek, bent over her body. Take anything. Everything.

  Then all thought fled as Auden touched her. Falling back helplessly, Hays clutched the sheets in her fists, legs stretched tight, as gentle fingers opened her. It wasn’t a caress meant to make her come but simply to expose her—to reveal her need and her longing—yet the faint current of Auden’s breath so close was magic. Trembling, she cried out softly.

  “What is it?” Auden asked, hearing the quiet moan, feeling the muscles in Hays’s thighs spasm beneath her breast.