by Radclyffe
Gayle sighed. “She told you?”
“More or less.” Auden struggled to gather her thoughts. She was so scattered. She wasn’t normally like this. “We slept together last night.”
“Oh, fuck.” The word was out before she could stop it. All she could see was the pain ahead.
“What’s the matter?” Auden’s tone was sharp as a rush of anger hit her. “You don’t approve?”
“What? Approve?” Gayle looked confused. “No, I—”
“You’ve been hammering at me about it for months. I thought you wanted me to get some experience, throw off the bonds of chastity, join the twenty-first century—”
“Whoa, hey. Take it easy,” Gayle said gently, resting her hand on Auden’s. “Slow down a minute.”
Auden blinked, realizing that she’d practically been shouting. She didn’t know why. “I’m sorry. I can’t seem to think clearly.”
“Okay. Let’s do this a step at a time.” Gayle fell silent as the waitress deposited her food. As she waited, she reminded herself that the past could not be undone, the future could not be predicted, and only the reality of the moment was of consequence. Auden, and what she felt, was what mattered. “You and Hays were together last night.”
Auden nodded.
“Okay.” Gayle felt as if she were navigating a minefield. She’d never seen her normally controlled, even-tempered friend like this. It hurt to see Auden suffering. “And how was that? Good?”
“Very.”
Gayle grinned. “I love you. Only you could describe your first sexual encounter in one word.”
Finally, Auden smiled, the wonder of those moments eclipsing the fear. In that instant, when all she could see—all she could feel—was Hays, she was blazingly happy. “Amazing. Breathtaking. Beautiful. Earth shattering. Okay?”
“Mmm. For now.” Gayle took a small, relieved breath. “But later, I want details.”
“I’ll never be able to tell you,” Auden said softly. “She’s so incredible, so special.”
“I know, honey.” Gayle’s voice was very gentle. “I know.”
Auden’s smile wavered, and she shuddered faintly. “This morning she told me about her condition.”
“I’m so unbelievably sorry, Aud.”
“I can’t remember everything,” Auden confessed. “I can’t remember what she said about...about her chance of survival.” Her eyes were wounded, vulnerable, as she looked into Gayle’s. “I can’t remember, and I can’t make her go through that again.”
Gayle didn’t want to be the one to tell her. What she wanted was to make the pain go away, not add to it. But what she really, really, wanted to do was to tell Auden to run.
Don’t do this to yourself, honey. Get out now. There are so many women out there. You can have anyone. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don’t make it a lifetime filled with the memory of this kind of pain.
“How do you feel about her?” Gayle asked quietly.
Auden answered without the slightest hesitation. “I’m in love with her.”
“I knew that.” Gayle touched Auden’s cheek gently. “You wouldn’t have slept with her otherwise.”
“I might have.” Auden shook her head. “I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I feel what I feel.” She regarded her friend intently. “So, will you help me? Will you please tell me what we’re facing?”
There was nowhere to go but forward, because Auden wasn’t turning back. “I’m gonna have to be a doctor here, okay? It might be rough.”
“That’s okay. I want the truth.”
Gayle nodded. “Hays told me about the MDS at the hotel, and I did some research after that. How much did she tell you?”
“I know the basics.” Auden was surprised at how calm she felt now. She wasn’t alone anymore. “I know what it is, and I know that most people with it...die. She said there was treatment, but I’m not clear on that. For some reason, she wouldn’t go into it.”
“Probably because the real treatment is risky. It kills almost as many people as the disease.”
Auden paled, but she held Gayle’s gaze. “Why?”
“You can treat the symptoms for a while. She told you that, right? Transfusions, antibiotics, clotting factors if she’s bleeding. Supportive care.”
“Yes.” Auden’s voice was a whisper, but steady.
“Those things are temporary. Eventually, they aren’t enough. What she needs is new bone marrow. She needs a bone marrow transplant, but you can’t do that unless you destroy all of her own bone marrow first.” Gayle fell silent, waiting for Auden to digest the information. Jesus, I hate this.
“Okay,” Auden said at length. “Okay. So—if you destroy her bone marrow, and the new bone marrow lives, she’ll be okay?”
Gayle nodded. “Probably, yes.”
Auden’s voice trembled. “There must be an awfully big but coming.”
“There is. Once her bone marrow has been ablated—wiped out—she’s defenseless. She’ll have no clotting factors, no immunoglobulins, no way to resist infection. A...fair number...of people die in the peritransplant period.”
“A fair number? How many?”
“Thirty percent.”
“My God,” Auden breathed.
“She’s young, and that’s in her favor. But you can see why her docs are probably delaying, especially if she’s been reasonably stable.”
“And if the transplant works? What then?”
“There’s a decent chance of cure.” Seeing hope flare in Auden’s eyes, Gayle hurried to add, “But it’s not a guarantee.”
“Is anything?”
Gayle shook her head. “There are a million things that could go wrong along the way, Aud.”
“Yes, but there’s a chance. Right? That’s what you’re saying.”
“A coin toss. Maybe not even that.”
Auden smiled, and this time it reached her eyes. “Those sound like decent odds to me.”
Chapter Twenty-Four
-----Original Message-----
From: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday April 1, 5:35 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Meeting
Ms. Frost:
I apologize for the delay in getting back to you regarding your request for a meeting. I was unavoidably, but most pleasantly, diverted by a pressing personal matter.
Although I realize this is short notice, if you are free this evening, I would be delighted if you would join me for dinner.
I’ve taken the liberty of sending a car to your home at 7:30pm. If you are otherwise engaged, I hope that we can reschedule for a more convenient time.
Yours very truly,
Rune Dyre
Auden looked at her watch. Oh my God. Six-fifteen.
-----Reply-----
From: [email protected]
Sent: Tuesday April 1, 6:16 PM
To: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Meeting
Rune:
Thank you for the gracious invitation. I am very much looking forward to seeing you this evening.
Most sincerely,
Auden Frost
Then she jumped up, pushed papers into her briefcase, and rushed to the door. She was a block from her house when she ran into Gayle, who was walking Shylock.
“Hi, honey,” Gayle called, falling into step. “Where’s the fire?”
“I’m in a rush. I’ve got a date with Rune.”
“You’re seeing someone else?” Gale stopped dead in the middle of the sidewalk. “Wait a minute. Rune? Rune Dyre? You’re seeing Rune Dyre?”
Auden took Gayle by the arm and tugged her along. “No, Hays. Come in with me while I get ready.”
“I’m so confused,” Gayle grumbled as she followed Auden inside and through to the bedroom, Shylock padding along behind. “Who do you have a date with?”
“Hays,” Auden said. “Who else?”
“But you said Rune.”
“Oh, sorry—Thane didn’t tell you? H
ays is Rune.” Auden began to rapidly undress. “I have to shower. Come into the bathroom and talk to me.”
“I can’t believe it. Hays is Rune? Oh my God, that’s amazing.” Gayle leaned against the sink as Auden jumped into the shower. Raising her voice to be heard above the running water, she shouted, “Teddy never said a word. I’m going to kill her. Right after I throw her down and ravish her.”
“I take it she didn’t sleep on the couch?”
“You got that right, but we barely made it to the bedroom.”
“Why doesn’t that surprise me?” Auden’s voice was muffled for a moment, and then she said, “Who jumped whom?”
“Who do you think?”
Auden stepped out and extended her hand. “Towel. Thanks.” She wrapped it around her hair and pulled another one from a nearby rack, covering her body. “You.”
“Did you say that just because you know me better than Teddy?” Gayle asked with true curiosity.
“Not really. When I watched the two of you dancing together at the 2-4, it struck me how tender Thane seemed with you. I just had the feeling she’d let you make the decision as to when.”
“So she’s all Ms. Sensitive and I’m just a sex fiend?” Gayle bounced on the bed, looking anxious, an expression that was foreign for her. “Maybe I’ve forgotten how to do anything with a woman except have sex.”
“That’s not true.” Auden tilted her head as she slipped in an earring, regarding her friend affectionately, aware of the hint of hurt in Gayle’s voice. “I happen to know for a fact that you’re incredibly sensitive. I also know how attracted you are to her. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sleeping with her.”
“Before the wedding?”
Auden laughed. “I’m willing to bet you didn’t have to drag her into the bedroom. Why are you beating yourself up about this?”
“Sorry.” Gayle shrugged sheepishly. “It’s just that I...I don’t want to mess up with this one, Aud.”
“You mean she’s more than just a pretty face?”
“Not to mention a fabulous body, but, yeah—she’s special.”
“I can’t imagine you have to worry. I don’t think I’ve seen her look at anyone else since the moment you were introduced to her at the Four Seasons. She certainly didn’t look at anyone else the other night at the club.” She shook out her hair and reached for the blow dryer, giving her hair a quick once over. “Do I need to ask if it was outstanding?”
“The sex was mind blowing.” Gayle followed Auden back into the bedroom. Shylock had curled up on the foot of the bed, trying his best to be invisible. She sat down next to him and absently petted his head. In an unaccustomedly small voice, she said, “But that wasn’t the best part.”
Auden turned from her closet, her expression quizzical. “What do you mean?”
“I think I liked holding her and waking up with her as much as the unbelievable sex.”
“Uh-oh. That sounds serious. Are you smitten?”
Gayle nodded forlornly. “Looks like it.”
“That’s wonderful. I mean it.” Auden pulled out a dress and a pair of black silk trousers, and held up one in each hand. “Help me.”
“Where are you going?”
“I don’t know. Rune—Hays—is sending a car.”
“Ooh, sending a car. One of these days you’re going to have to tell me what it’s like sleeping with one of the goddesses of romance.”
“Maybe.” Auden blushed, but she smiled with delight. “Besides, you’ve got a love goddess all your own. Thane Cutlass is known for her hot love scenes. And believe me, when Eros hits the shelves, she’ll be famous.”
“Eros?”
“It’s an anthology that Thane and Rune are doing. Erotica—you know, sex and love and stuff.”
“And you’ve read it?”
Gayle sounded jealous, and Auden thought sure she could detect a slight pout. Grinning, she nodded. “Well, yeah. I’m their editor.”
“I hate you. Are the stories good? Are Teddy’s really, really hot?”
“Buy the book.” Auden ducked as Gayle threw a pillow, then gestured to the clothes again. “Come on...so what do you think?”
“If you don’t know the agenda, I’d wear the pants with a slinky top. That will dress up or down depending on the occasion.” Gale nodded her approval at a burgundy silk blouse that Auden held up for her inspection. “Perfect. So, Auden, tell me—is Hays anything like Rune...in bed?”
“Gayle, sweetie. Rune doesn’t exist.”
“Of course she does.” Gayle was adamant and absolutely serious. “She writes books, she has hundreds of fans, she answers e-mail, she writes articles and essays. Of course she exists.”
“Hays is passionate and intense and incredibly sensitive, exactly as Rune’s writing would suggest her to be. I didn’t compare the sex point for point.” Auden smiled shyly. “That would require more mental power than I’m capable of when she’s touching me.”
“Jesus.” Gayle flopped back on the bed, arms outspread, groaning. “Auden, cut it out. I’m not going to see Teddy for three more days.”
“You asked.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t expect you to get that really sexy tone in your voice when you answered. Jesus.”
“Well, you’ve never heard me talk about sex before. Come to think of it, I never have.” Auden reached down and grabbed her friend’s hand, pulling her to an upright position. Then she turned in a circle. “What do you think?”
“I think you look gorgeous.” Tenderly, she said, “I hope you have the most wonderful evening.”
“I can’t wait to see her.” A shadow passed across Auden’s face. “Sometimes, I forget all the rest of it. Sometimes for a minute or two at a time.”
“That’s how it’s supposed to work. You’re supposed to exult in the joy and hold on to every second of happiness you find.” Gayle stood and put her hands lightly on Auden’s shoulders. “Both of you need to celebrate this new love. It will make you strong.”
She didn’t say, For when the hard times come. But the words hung in the air between them.
“That sounds like a plan.” Auden’s voice was thick and tears shimmered on her lashes, but they did not fall. “Thank you. For today.”
Gayle took Auden into her arms, resting her cheek against Auden’s. “I’m going to be with you every step of the way.” She kissed her lightly on the forehead. “And tonight, try to pay a little bit more attention during the good parts. I’m dying to know if she makes love the way she writes it.”
Auden slid into the back of the chauffeur-driven black Town Car, self-conscious and charmed at the same time. A small cream-colored envelope lay on the seat next to a single red rose. Her name in bold script was written on the front. She carefully opened it, not wanting to crease the flap or damage it in any way. Silly. But I don’t care.
Auden,
Last night was the most beautiful evening of my life. I doubt that I will ever be able to show you how much it meant to me, but I’d like to try.
Thank you so much for gracing me with your presence this evening.
Yours most truly, Hays
Auden’s eyes filled with tears and she quickly looked out the window, trying to distract herself by guessing her destination. The car was headed east on Pine Street into the heart of Society Hill, an enclave of historic brownstones lining narrow cobblestone streets. Blindly, she reached for the rose and cradled it in her lap between her clasped fingers. What am I going to do if I lose you now?
“Here we are, Ms. Frost,” the driver announced as the car slid to a stop in front of a four-story brownstone separated from the street by a low wrought-iron fence and box hedges. Two sconces on either side of a massive wooden door lit the short walk to the marble steps.
“Thank you,” she said as she stepped from the vehicle. She’d tucked the envelope into her coat pocket and held the rose carefully in her right hand. As she walked up the sidewalk, the front door opened. Hays stood backlit by the soft glow
from a chandelier in the foyer beyond.
“Hello, Hays,” Auden said softly as she stepped close to her.
“Hello.” Hays leaned forward and kissed Auden gently, taking her free hand. “Please come in.”
Behind them the car slipped away.
Following into the wide foyer, Auden scarcely noted the polished antique furnishings and deep, rich carpets. All she could see was Hays, who wore simple black trousers and a black silk shirt, open at the throat; her sleeves bloused slightly as they tapered to broad French cuffs. Gold links sparkled at her wrists. Auden watched her move, and, for a fleeting instant, felt her stretched along the length of her own body. She gasped.
Hays stopped to search Auden’s face, her dark eyes luminous. “All right?”
“Oh, yes,” Auden breathed. “Perfect.”
“Let me take your coat...and do something with that rose.”
“Be careful with it,” Auden murmured, as she handed over the stem and slid the coat from her shoulders. “It’s very special.”
Hays smiled. “I shall handle it gently.”
“I know you will.”
For an instant they stood close together, their eyes holding, the air about them growing still and thick with silence. A pulse beat steadily in Hays’s neck, full and strong. Gently, Auden rested her fingers there. Hays closed her eyes.
“I’m sorry,” Auden whispered as she pressed closer, bringing her other hand to rest against the back of Hays’s neck, fingers trailing into soft hair. “But I’ve wanted to do this all day.”
Auden’s kiss was slow and light, the merest brush of lips over Hays’s, a gentle exploration of the very inner surface of her lips. All she wanted, everything she wanted at that moment, was to feel the warmth and tenderness of Hays’s body as the blood flowed vigorously beneath her fingers with each beat of Hays’s heart. When Auden drew her mouth away, Hays’s eyes were open, the pupils wide and flickering faintly. She was breathing shallowly.
“No need to apologize...for that,” Hays managed around a throat choked with desire. “I...uh...where was I?”