Giou.
Not a doit, by this candle.
Quint.
All the better, for hee’d cheat thee on’t, if thou had’st euer so much, therefore when thou com’st to Padua, ply thy booke and take good courses, and ’tis not this againe shall serue thy turne at my handes, I sweare to thee.
Giou.
Thanke you good Captaine.
Quint.
Signior Lodouico, adiew.
Lod.
Not so sir, we will not part yet, a carouse or two me thinks is very necessary betwixt vs.
Quint.
With all my heart Boy, into the Emperours head here.
Lod.
Content.
Exeunt,
Actus secundi Finis.
ACTUS TERTIUS.
Lodouico, Angelo.
Ang.
SAy Sir, haue you plaid the man and hous’d the Captaine?
Lod.
I haue hous’d and lodg’d him in the Emperours head Tauerne, and there I haue left him glorified with his two guls, so that presume of what thou wilt at his house, for he is out of the way by this time both waies.
Ang.
T’is very well handled sir, and presume you & your friend my master Aurelio of what may satisfie you at your vncles, for he is now going out of the way, and out of himselfe also: I haue so besmeard him with a chimney sweepers resemblance, as neuer was poore Snaile, whose counterfaite he triumphes in, neuer thinking I haue daubd his face sufficient, but is at his glasse as curiously busied to beautifie his face (for as of Moo’rs so of chimney sweepers) the blackest is most beautifull as any Lady to paint her lips.
Lod.
Thou art a notable villaine.
Ang.
I am the fitter for your imployment Sir: stand close I beseech you, & when I bring him into the streets, encounter and bayte him in stead of Snayle, but in any case let none else know it.
Lod.
Not for the world.
Ang.
If you should tell it to one, so you charge him to say nothing, ‘twere nothing, and so if one by one to it play holy water frog with twentie, you know any secret is kept sufficiently; and in this, we shall haue the better sport at a Beare baiting, fare ye well Sir.
Enter Honorio and Gasparo.
Hon.
SIgnior Lodonico good euen to you.
Lod.
The like to Signior Honorio, and harke you Sir, I must be bound with my vncle Lorenzo, and tell you a pleasant secrete of him, so in no sort you will vtter it.
Hon.
In no sort as I am a Gentleman.
Lod.
Why Sir hee is to walke the streets presently in the likenesse of Snayle the chimney sweeper, and with his crie.
Hon.
What is hee Sir? to what end I beseech you Sir wil hee disfigure himselfe so?
Lod.
Yfaith Sir I take it for some matter of pollicy, that concernes towne gouernment.
Hon.
Towne-bull gouernment, do you not meane so Sir?
Lon.
O no Sir, but for the generall businesse of the Citie I take it.
Hon.
Well sir well we will not examine it too farre, but gesse at it.
Lod.
So sir when he comes forth do you take one corner to encounter him as I will doe another, and taking him for Snayle, imagine hee went about stealing of Citie venison, (though he do not,) and make what sport you thinke good with him, alwaies prouided it be cleanly, and that he may still thinke he goes inuisible.
Hon.
I warraut yee Signior Lodouico, and thanke you hartily for this good cause of our honest recreation.
Lod.
Scarce honest neither sir, but much good do it you, as it is,
Hon.
O that my sonne, your friend Aurelio, were heere to helpe to candy this ieast a little.
Lod.
Alas sir, his sicke stomacke can abide no sweete meates, hee’s all for aye me, wee’ll make the Ieast rellish well enough I warrant you: Lorenzo my vncle an old Senator, one that has read Marcus Aurelius, Gesta Romanorum, the Mirror of Magistrates, &c. to be led by the nose like a blind Beare that has read nothing. Let my man reade how hee deserues to be bayted.
Hon.
’Tis a pretty wonder yfaith Signior Lodouico.
Lod.
Slife, ‘twere a good deed, to get boyes to pinne cards at his backe, hang squibs at his tayle, ring him through the towne with basons, besnowball him with rotten egges, and make him asham’de of the Commission before hee scale it.
Gasp.
What saies Signior Lodouico, I beseech you sir? me thinkes his pleasant disposition should intend some waggerie.
Hon.
I will tell you Signior Gasparo, but in any case you must say nothing.
Gasp.
In no case will I say any thing sir.
Hon.
Then this is the case: Signior Lorenzo (your probable father in law) in the case of Snayle the chimney sweeper, will straight tread the streets for his pleasure.
G [...]sp.
For his pleasure?
H [...]n.
For his pleasure sir, say it be so, wonder not, but ieast at it, consider what pleasure the world sayes he is most giuen to, and helpe baite him hereafter, but in any case cleanly, and say nothing.
Gasp.
O monstrous, I conceiue you, my father in law, will his daughter haue his tricks thinke you?
Hon.
Faith for that you must euen take fortune de la pace, kisse the Paxe, and be patient like your other neighbours. So, here stand I, chose you another place.
Gasp.
O me, what if a man should call him to sweepe a chimney in earnest, what would he doe? Ile put him too’t a my credit, and here will I stand.
(Enter Lorenzo with his glasse in his hand, and Angelo with a pot of painting.)
Ang.
How now sir, are you well yet thinke you?
Lor.
A little more here good Angelo.
Ang.
Very well sir, you shall haue enough.
Lor.
It will be the most perfect disguise that euer was imitated.
Ang.
Ile warrant you that yfaith sir; ya’re fitted beyonde the forehead for a right counterfaite; It is well now sir?
Lor.
Yet a little more heere Angelo, and then master Painter let Michael Angelo himselfe amend thee.
Ang.
For a perfect naturall face, I care not if all the world explaine it.
Lor.
So now take this glasse, and giue me my furniture, and haue at your smoaky chimney.
Ang.
Haue at your smoakie chimney Mistresse Franke: heere [...] take vp your occupation, and downe with Snayle for a chimney sweeper.
Lor.
A [...]ay, see if the coast be cleare.
Ang.
I will sir.
Lor.
Take good view, looke about to the doores and windowes.
Ang.
Not a dogge at a doore, not a cat at a window. Appeare in your likenesse, and not with your quality.
Lor.
Chimney sweepe; worke for chimney sweepe, wilt do sirha?
Ang.
Admirably.
Lor.
Does my sute become me?
Ang.
Become you sir? would to heauen mistresse Franke could bring you to the wearing of it alwaies.
Lor.
Ile forth yfaith then; Maids in your smocks, set open your locks,
Downe, downe, downe:
Let Chimney sweeper in:
And he will sweepe your chimneys cleane,
Hey derry, derry, downe.
How do’st like my crie, ha?
Ang.
Out of all crie, I forbid Snayle himselfe to creepe beyond you.
Lor.
As God helpe, I begin to be proud on’t: Chimney sweepe.
; Ang.
Gods pitty, who comes yonder?
Lor.
My nephew Lodowicke; Gods me, Ile start backe againe.
Ang.
Nay ther’s no starting now, hee’ll see you go into your house then; fall into your note; stand to Snayles person and I warrant you.
(Enter Lodouico.)
Exit Ang.
Lor.
Chimney sweepe.
Lod.
How now Snayle, how do’st thou?
Lor.
Thanke your good worship.
Lod.
Me thinkes thy song is more hearty then ’twas wont to be, and thou look’st much better.
Lor.
Thanke God and good friends sir; and a merry heart that prolongs life. Chimney sweepe.
Lod.
Nay good Snayle, lets talke a little, you know Rose mine vncle Lorensoes maide Snayle!
Lor.
That I do well sir.
Lod.
She complaines of you Snayle, and sayes, y’are the bawdiest old knaue in venery.
Lor.
Alas sir, she wrongs me: I am not fedde thereafter, let her looke for that commendation in her richer customers.
Lod.
Who are they Snayle? I hope you doe not meane mine vncle her Master; hee’s mine vncle and I loue him well, and I know the old lickspiggot will be nibling a little when he can come too’t: but I must needs say he will do no hurt, hee’s as gentle as an Adder that has his teeth taken out.
Lor.
Y’are a merry Gentleman sir; and I haue haslie labour in hand, I must craue pardon.
(Enter Honorio.)
Chimney sweepe.
Hono.
What old Snayle? how do’st thou and thy chimneyes?
Lod.
Marry sir I was asking him questions about one of them.
Hono.
What Signior Lodouico? what one is that I pray?
Lod.
Mine vncle Lorenzos maide Rose sir, and hee will needs perswade me, her old master keepes her for his owne saddle.
Hono.
Her old master? I dare sweare they wrong him that say so; his very age would make him asham’d to be ouertaken with those goatish licences.
Lod.
True sir, and his great authority in the Citie, that should whippe such vnseasonable letchers about the wals of it.
Hono.
Why, y’are ith’ right sir, and now you talke of your vncle, I heard say Captaine Quintiliano cheated him yesterday of fiue pounds, as hee did a yong Gentleman of Padua this morning of as much more.
Lod.
Faith sir he drew such a kinde of tooth from him indeede.
Hono.
Is it possible he should be so wrought vpon by him? Now certaine I haue euer held him a most wise Gentleman.
Lod.
An arrant Rooke by this light; a capable cheating stocke; a man may carry him vp and downe by the eares like a pipkin.
Hono.
But do you thinke he will let the Captaine passe so?
Lod.
Why alas, what should he doe to him sir? the pasture is so bare with him, that a goose cannot graze vpon’t.
Hono.
Marry sir then would I watch him a time when he were abroad, and take out my penniworthes of his wife, if hee drew a tooth from me, I would draw another from her.
Lod.
Well, God be with your worships: chimney sweeper, I thought I should neuer haue bene ridde of them,
(Enter Gasparo)
Chimney sweepe.
Gasp.
What old Snayle, do’st thou crie chimney sweepe still? why they say thou art turnd mightie rich of late.
Lor.
I would they said true sir?
Gasp.
Yes by the masse, by the same token, that thos [...] riches make thy old name for venery encrease vpon thee.
Lor.
Foolish tales sir, foo [...]ish tales.
Gasp.
Yes by the masse, Snayle, but they be told for such certaine tales, that if thou hast a daughter to marrie with tenne thousand crownes, I would see her pithole, afore I would deale with her, for feare she should trot through her fathers trumperies.
Lor.
Alas sir your worship knowes, I haue neither daughter nor riches, Idle talke sir, Idle talke: chimney sweepe.
Gasp.
Nay stay Snayle, and come into my house, thou shalt earne some money of mee, I haue a chimney to sweepe for thee.
Lor.
I thanke your worship, I will waite vpon you next morning early sir: but now I haue promi’st to sweepe another mans chimney in truth.
Gasp.
But goodd Snayle take mine in the way.
Lod.
What does he crie chimney sweepe, and refuse to sweepe ’em?
Lor.
No master, alas you know I liue by it, and now I crie as I go to worke that I haue promi’st, that I may get more against other times: what would ye haue me do tr [...]e?
Hono.
Alas poore S [...]ayle; farewell good Snayle, farewell.
Lor.
Lord keepe your good worship. — And a very vengeance, I beseech the blacke father of vengeance.
Lod.
Poore vncle, he begins to be melancholy, has lost his song among’s
Gasp.
Was neuer such man touch’t with such ouersight?
Hon:
Beare with age, Signior Gasparo, beare with age, and let vs all tender his credite as we haue vow’d, and be silent; he little thought to haue beene thus betrayed as he is; and where secrecy is assur’d, it beares with many bad actions in the very best I can tell you, and so good Signior Lodouico adew, and I heartily thanke you.
Lod.
Adue good Signior Honorio.
Gasp.
Adue to you likewise sir.
Exeunt Gasparo & Honorio.
Lod.
Likewise to you sir. Alas poore vncle, I haue monstrously abused him; and yet maruellous worthie, for he disparageth the whole bloud of vs; and I wish all such old sheepebiters might alwaies dippe their fingers in such sauce to their mutton; but thus will he presently bee safe; for by this hee is neere his sweete hearts house, where he is like to be entertain’d with worse cheere then we made him. Quintilliano is now carousing in the Emperours head, while his owne head buddes hornes to carouse in; and in the meane time will my amorous friend and I, make both their absences shooing hornes to draw on the presence of Aemilia.
Exit.
Enter Lorenzo and Angelo. (Francisco aboue.)
Ang.
VVHat sayes your worship now? Do you not walke inuisible, all your ancient acquaintance, your owne nephew to talke with you and neuer discouer you?
Lor.
But Angelo, a villanous feare shooke me the whiles I sweare, for still I was afraid my tongue would haue likt away the soote of my face, and bewrayed me; but Snayle, hitherto thy rustie shell has protected me: perseuer till I haue yonder house a my head, hold in thy hornes, till they looke out of Quintillianoes forehead: for an old man to make a yong man cuckold, is one of Hercules labours.
Ang.
That was the cleansing of other mens stables.
Lor.
To make youth rampant in age, and age passant in youth, to take a man downe at his owne weapon; to call backe time in one, and thrust him headlong vpon another.
Ang.
Now your worship is Oracle to your owne miracles; how you shine in this smoaky cloud? which you make the golden net to embrace Venus, y’aue past the pikes yfaith and all the Iayles of the loue-god swarme in yonder house, to salute your recouery.
Lor.
Wel Angelo, I tell thee, now we are past the danger, I would not for 40 crowns but haue heard, what I haue heard.
Ang.
True sir, now you know what the world thinks on you, ’tis not possible for a great man, that shines alwaies in his greatnesse, to know himselfe; but O twice yong Leander,
see where your Hero stands with torch of her beauty to direct you to her tower, aduance your sweet note, & vpon her.
Lor.
Chimney sweepe, worke for chimney sweepe.
Fran.
Come in chimney sweeper.
Lor.
O Angelo.
Ang.
Why now sir thine Angelo is your good Angell; enter and prosper, and when you are in the mid’st of your happinesse, thinke of him that prefer’d you.
Exit Lorenzo.
Fran.
Angelo, giue him not too much time with me, for feare of the worst, but goe presently to the backe gate, and vse my husbands knocke, then will I presently thrust him into my cole-house: and there shall the old flesh-monger fast for his iniquity.
Exit.
Ang.
Well said mine owne Franke yfaith, we shall trim him betwixt vs, I for the most slouenly case in the towne; shee, for the most sluttish place in the house: Neuer was old horse-man so notoriously ridden; well, I will presently knocke him into the cole-house, and then haste to Lodouico, to know when he shall be releast.
Exit.
Enter Lodouico with a ladder of ropes, Aurelio, (Aemilia aboue.)
Lod.
HEre’s thy ladder, and ther’s thy gallowes, thy Mistris is thy hangman, and must take thee downe: This is the Tarrasse where thy sweet heart tarries; what wouldst thou call it in Rime?
Aur.
Celestiall spheare, wherein more beauty shines.
Lod.
Roome for a passion.
Aur.
Then on Dardanian Ida, where the pride
Of heauens selected beauties striu’d for prize.
Lod.
Nay you shall know, we haue watred our houses in Helicon. I cannot abide this talking and vndoing Poetry, leaue your me [...]ifluous numbers: yonder’s a sight will stea [...]e all reason from your rime I can tell you; downe of your knees you sl [...]ue, adore. Now lets heare you inuocate, O the saple hammes of a louer, goe to, doe not, stand vp close, for she must not see you yet, though she know you are here.
Aem.
Cozen Lodowicke?
Lod.
Who cals Lodowicke?
Aem.
What t [...]mpest hath cast you on this sollitary shore? Is the party come?
Lod.
The party? now a plague of your modesty, are your lips too nice to name Aurelio?
Aem.
Well, is he come then?
Lod.
He, which he? s’fut name your man with a mischiefe to you, I vnderstand you not.
Aem.
Was there euer such a wild-braine? Aurelio.
Lod.
Aurelio? [...]ord how loth you are to le [...] any sound of him come out an you, you hold him so deare within, Ile present her with a [...]ight, will startle her nicety a little better; hold you, fasten the end of this ladder I pray.
The Complete Poetical Works of George Chapman Page 195