I took her hand, tugging her back under me.
“Me, too.”
TWENTY-SEVEN
BECCA
I spent Thanksgiving morning in bed with Eric, watching the parade on his gigantic TV, and the afternoon cooking with Jordan and her friend, Dani, at the house Jordan and her husband, Noah, owned.
“Why is it that the guys are getting away with watching football and we’re in here cooking for ten?” Jordan complained.
I grinned. “Trust me, you don’t want to see Eric cook. I tried to teach him when we lived together in college and finally just gave up. Unless he’s made some radical changes in the last decade, he’s hopeless.”
Not that I was much better.
“Hey, I heard that.” Eric walked up behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and snagging a deviled egg off the counter in front of me.
I swatted him with the dishtowel. “You have to wait until everyone gets here.”
“Oh, come on. We’re waiting on Easy. He doesn’t count.”
Jordan laughed. “He has a point there. If Easy can’t bother to drag his ass here on time, then all bets are off when it comes to food. Besides, I’m not exactly sure he eats things like deviled eggs. Can you imagine the havoc mayonnaise would wreak on his six-pack?”
“Hey, I’ll have you know it’s an eight-pack, thank you very much,” Easy joked, walking into the kitchen with the swagger I’d come to recognize as standard.
His gaze swept the room and then he froze, his gaze settling on Dani standing near the oven, a ladle in her hands.
Eric told me that Joker’s widow had returned to Oklahoma after spending the months following her husband’s death in Georgia with her family. I hadn’t known what to expect when Eric mentioned she’d be joining us, couldn’t imagine what she was going through or how difficult it must have been to spend her first holiday without her husband.
She was quieter than Jordan, but just as friendly. Seeing her rocked me in a way I hadn’t expected. She was young—my age or even younger—and she was a widow. There was a sadness that cloaked her and made her seem so much older, as though life had worn her down.
For the first time since I’d arrived, I watched as Dani’s lips curved into a blinding smile, her eyes lighting up at the sight of Easy, and then in three strides the crowd had parted and she had her arms around him, her tiny frame dwarfed by his.
He stiffened the instant she touched him, his eyes slamming closed, his arms at his sides. It took him a second, but we all watched as he slowly lifted his arms, his hands stroking her hair.
“Hey, Dani.”
My jaw dropped.
He said her name like it was the most beautiful thing in the world, as though it cut him up inside to say it, his voice husky and raw.
My gaze darted from Jordan to Eric, expecting to see the same confusion I felt, trying to figure out what I’d missed—
Jordan looked like she was about to cry. Eric looked worried.
What the hell?
They stood there like that for a moment, and then Dani let go, taking a step back, smiling up at him.
“I’ve missed you. How have you been?”
Easy swallowed, her presence seeming to have sucked the swagger out of him.
“I’m good. How are you? I didn’t realize you’d be here.” Guilt flashed in his eyes. “Sorry I wasn’t there when you flew in.”
Last week Eric and the rest of the squadron had gone and greeted Dani at the airport when her flight landed.
She smiled, reaching out and squeezing his hand. “Don’t worry about it. I heard you’d just gotten back from a TDY to Hill.”
Easy’s gaze drifted over her head to Jordan and then Eric, shooting daggers at both of them.
Was it just that she reminded him of the friend he’d lost? Did he share the same guilt that plagued Eric? Or was it something more?
They spoke for another minute, the whole room frozen by their encounter. Jordan tried to look like she was messing with the stuffing, but I could tell her attention was wholly focused on the conversation going on behind her. Eric hovered in the doorway, tense.
I shot him a look, my brows raised.
Easy and Dani finished talking and he grabbed a beer from the fridge before giving Eric a dark look and walking out. Eric grimaced and then turned, heading after him.
THOR
“How the fuck could you not tell me she was going to be here? What the hell were you thinking?”
I closed the door and stepped out onto the deck, facing off against a very pissed off Easy.
“You wouldn’t have come if I told you.”
“No, I wouldn’t have.”
“You’re being an asshole. She misses you. You were one of her closest friends, one of Joker’s closest friends. She asked where you were when we went to the airport. She looked for you.”
He let out an oath.
“You can’t avoid her forever.”
“Leave it alone.”
“No. I’m not going to leave it alone. I know you have your shit to work through, and I’m sorry, man, I really am, but you know what? She’s lost everything. She needs to have a support network around her right now, needs the people she considers her family to be there for her now that Joker’s gone. So whatever you’re dealing with, lock it down. She doesn’t need your drama.”
“You don’t think I fucking know that? Why do you think I’m keeping my distance?”
“Honestly? I don’t know what you’re thinking.”
“I love her. I’ve loved her since the first fucking moment I saw her. Everyone knows. Hell, it took your girlfriend, what, a minute to figure it out? What I don’t need—and what Dani definitely doesn’t need—is for Dani to figure it out.
“I’m not abandoning her. If she needs me, I’ll be there. But I need some time to get this under control.”
“You’ve had seven months,” I answered. “She’s been gone for seven months.”
He gave me a twisted smile. “And there hasn’t been a day when I haven’t thought of her. When I walked into that kitchen and saw her . . .” He took a deep, ragged breath, raising the beer bottle to his lips. “You should have told me she was going to be here. Don’t blindside me like that again.”
I nodded, realizing how much I’d underestimated him. I’d never really seen this side of Easy before, had never been as close to him as Burn was. I’d known he was attracted to Dani, but I’d figured it was because Dani was gorgeous and funny, and because she was one of the kindest people I’d ever met. I’d never imagined it ran this deep, had expected out-of-sight, out-of-mind would have tempered the feelings inside Easy.
“Did the time . . . When you saw her . . .”
“Did the time apart help? Did it make this easier? Did I see her and think, ‘Oh, there’s Joker’s wife, glad that crush is over’?” he mocked.
I grimaced.
“What the fuck do you think?”
BECCA
Dani left the kitchen to call her family in Georgia and wish them a happy Thanksgiving. Jordan and I stayed behind, finishing up the last touches on the meal. I’d never cooked for so many people before, never had a big family, but it was nice celebrating the holiday with such a large group. In addition to me, Eric, Jordan, Easy, and Dani, Jordan had invited five single pilots who weren’t able to be with their families.
“It’s weird not having Noah here,” Jordan commented, stirring the gravy. “I feel guilty knowing he won’t get much of a Thanksgiving in Korea while I’m here doing all of this.”
“I bet. Will they do something like this over there?”
“Yeah, his squadron was planning on doing a dinner, but it won’t be quite the same.”
“It’s gotta be rough, spending your first Thanksgiving apart.”
“It is, but I’m sort of getting used to it
. Everyone warned me it would be like this.” She gave a little laugh. “I guess I’m really an Air Force wife now.”
I shook my head, a smile playing at my lips. “The things we do for the men we love.”
“Amen, sister.”
“Eric mentioned you got married earlier this year.”
Her smile widened. “Yeah, we sort of eloped to Vegas in May. We met there, so it seemed appropriate to return to the scene of the crime, so to speak.”
“I love that.”
“We really needed it. It was rough after Joker died. His death put in perspective what’s important. I met Noah when I was in Vegas for my sister’s bachelorette weekend, and everything afterward was a whirlwind. I knew embarrassingly little about the military and was overwhelmed by how different everything was, by the challenges of the lifestyle. It wasn’t just starting a new relationship; I felt like I was entering a whole new world. And for a long time, I didn’t see how I would fit in it. But that night . . . the crash . . . it just changed. And I realized the most important thing was that we loved each other. Everything else didn’t matter.”
“That makes sense.” I sighed. “I’m trying to ease my way into this. I feel like I suck at it, though.”
“Then you’re definitely in good company. Trust me, we all feel like that at one time or another. Often, more times than not. You have to push through and do your best, as corny as that sounds. And I wouldn’t be too hard on yourself. You and Thor seem really happy together.”
For some reason, that made me smile even more. I wasn’t sure I would ever get used to hearing Eric referred to by his call sign.
“We are. It’s a long time coming, obviously, but I’m glad we found our way back to each other. I knew I missed him, but I didn’t realize how much until he returned.”
“He needed to go home.” Jordan’s expression sobered. “It’s been really rough for the guys since the accident. Noah has dreams sometimes. Thor looked so devastated after it happened. And Easy . . .” She sighed. “Easy’s a mess.”
I hesitated, not wanting to seem nosy and, at the same time, not wanting to put my foot in my mouth later on.
“Is Easy . . .” I struggled to find the right words. “He just seemed to be a little, uh, uncomfortable around Dani.”
“That’s one way to put it.” She gave me a wry smile. “Yeah. Let’s just say there’s some stuff there.”
I figured “stuff” was the diplomatic way of saying that Easy was definitely into Dani.
“She doesn’t know?”
Jordan shook her head. “She’s really close with all the guys. Joker was the squadron commander and Dani took her role as his wife seriously. They were an amazing couple. One of those couples that seemed so in love. And they were good to everyone around them.
“She basically adopted the squadron—cooking meals, celebrating birthdays, being their family when they needed it. It’s who she is. She’s the kind of person who would do anything for you.
“Easy was one of Joker’s closest friends and he spent a lot of time with Dani. So yeah, they’re really close. But she definitely has no idea that it’s anything else for him. Joker was her whole world. I don’t think she really sees anyone else. Not like that. I don’t think she ever will, either.”
That sounded so sad for both of them.
“Did Thor tell you about the lantern release we’re doing later?”
I nodded. Eric told me it had been Dani’s idea to release sky lanterns as a way of remembering Joker, and Jordan had jumped on the idea, coordinating everything.
“I think it’ll be good for her. There were a ton of official events after he died, but she was still so numb from the shock, still processing everything, trying to hold it together for her family, his family, the squadron, for Joker’s memory. She didn’t really get a chance to grieve, and now, seven months later, I think she’s coming to terms with the fact that he’s gone, that her life has to go on without him. I’m hoping this will help her feel like she’s saying her own good-bye, on her terms, at a time when she’s ready to do it.”
My eyes welled up with tears, a matching expression on Jordan’s face.
She reached out and wrapped her arm around me, giving me a side hug.
“This is a sisterhood of sorts. We’re a weird, slightly fucked up family, but we’re ride-or-die and we have your back when you need it.” She pulled back and gave me a wry smile. “Unfortunately the way this lifestyle goes, you will need it. But at least know you aren’t alone, and I promise you, whatever you’re feeling, we’ve all been there and get it. You can always talk to me. I hope we’ll become friends.”
I grinned, wiping at my eyes. “I’d love that.”
“Me, too.”
She grabbed our wineglasses off the counter, handing me mine just as Dani walked in.
Jordan wrapped her other arm around her friend’s waist, handing her the spare glass.
“I’m making a toast.”
Dani smiled. “Okay. What are we toasting?”
“Us.”
“That sounds like an excellent toast to me,” Dani answered.
We lifted our glasses with a silent toast, and suddenly it hit me that I’d always seen the Air Force as a threat to the family I wanted, imagined it taking Eric away from me and the family I’d been trying to build. But standing here in the kitchen with two women I’d just met yet felt a kinship with, I realized that maybe it would give me a different kind of family instead. One I could lean on when this life rocked me.
TWENTY-EIGHT
BECCA
It was one of the best Thanksgivings I’d ever had. The food was amazing. I wasn’t the greatest cook and Jordan had admitted she wasn’t much for domesticity, either, but Dani had just grinned and whipped us into shape in the kitchen.
I revised my initial impression of her. I’d thought she was shy, quiet even, but that wasn’t it exactly. She was just understated in a way that reminded me of Southern grace—and at the same time, steel resided beneath the manners and quiet tones. I liked her. A lot.
Dinner went well, the conversation mainly revolving around flying. I quickly realized Easy and Eric were more experienced than the rest of the group, and it was cool to hear the way the other guys looked up to them, asking them questions and seeking their input.
I was so glad I’d come out here to visit Eric. I saw a new side of him now, one I admired and respected in an entirely different way. He’d accomplished so much in the time we’d spent apart, and as much time as we’d lost, more and more I realized how badly we’d needed it to get us here, to a place where we felt stronger than ever.
We walked outside with the rest of the group, our hands linked.
I took a step forward, but Eric tugged me back, bringing me to his side, his arms wrapping around me as he leaned down and pressed his lips to mine.
He kissed me in the cold, his mouth warming me up, my heart so full of love, I thought it would burst.
“Thank you for coming out here. And for giving me an amazing Thanksgiving.”
I grinned. “Thank you for inviting me. I’m having a great time.”
I was surprised by how easy it had been to relax around the group, to join the camaraderie and laughter.
“Really?”
“Everyone is so nice. I love Dani and Jordan. And you were right, I get it a bit more now, see the family you’ve built for yourself here. It’s not what I thought it would be, and I understand why you like it so much. How it appeals to you. They make you feel like you’re part of something bigger than yourself.”
“Yeah. They do.” He took my hand again, squeezing my fingers. “Thanks for being here for this, too.”
“Of course.”
Joker had come up a few times over the course of the dinner and I could see that both Easy and Eric still carried that loss with them. I supposed it was something
you never really entirely let go of. That was how it had been with my parents, at least. There wasn’t a day I didn’t think of them, didn’t miss them. But somehow you just kept on going, putting one foot in front of the other and trudging through your life, carrying their memory with you. It didn’t get easier as much as it became more bearable, and that was what I hoped for Eric now.
We walked toward the crowd gathering in Jordan and Noah’s backyard, where Jordan had set out all the lanterns. I’d been to a wedding once where someone released these lanterns and it had been absolutely gorgeous. Considering how Joker had died and lived his life in the sky, it seemed like the perfect gesture.
We all took our cues from Dani. She opened her mouth to speak, and then she shut it again with a little shake of her head, as though there were no words she could put to a moment like this.
Jordan squeezed her hand, handing her one of the lanterns and a lighter.
My gaze drifted over the group, settling on Easy.
He stood off to the side, watching Dani, his arms crossed in front of his chest, his expression inscrutable. He didn’t look away. Not once.
I looked back at Dani, watched as she lit the candle inside of the lantern, holding it up to the sky. She took a deep breath, her eyes closed, auburn hair flowing behind her, looking so beautiful it staggered me. And then she released the lantern, the flame flickering in the inky black sky as it rose higher and higher, drifting away.
I looked back at Easy, and if I’d needed any final confirmation about his feelings for Dani, the expression on his face said it all.
He loved her.
One by one, we all repeated Dani’s gesture, releasing our lanterns to the sky. I felt a little bit strange, as though I was intruding on a private moment for the people who knew him best, but Dani and Jordan had acted like it was the most natural thing in the world for me to be there alongside them, and Eric had seemed to need it, so I went with it.
When the last person had released their lantern, we all stared up at them—ten flames burning bright overhead. Eric stood next to me, his arm draped around my shoulder.
Into the Blue (A Wild Aces Romance) Page 22