He knew he was quiet and a bit of a loner. Except for Charlie, he’d never truly had a friend before. He was also tall and slender. No matter how strong he was, he appeared as though he ate nothing, which was far from the truth. He ate a lot. All the time. Yet he remained thin. He’d been compared to a hammer or a nail, as well as a sapling.
None of it flattering and all of it annoying and, if he were honest with himself, it chipped away at his confidence. As he grew older, he tried to shake the damn nickname, but it hung around his neck like an albatross.
Now he was a grown man, almost thirty years old. He was happy with his job, enjoyed fixing things. When something broke or needed to be built, he would “see” what needed to be done and then follow the plan he created in his head. No one understood it, but that didn’t matter. He did and he was damn good at something he liked to do.
It wasn’t all good days, though. Sometimes he still had to clean horse shit or shovel snow. And sometimes bastards like Volner and Oxley needled him until he couldn’t see straight. His temper had always bubbled beneath the surface, but now he let it fly. There was immense satisfaction when he defended himself.
He wasn’t the best catch as far as husbands went, but he was better than many. He could support a family and he was frugal with his money. If he wasn’t handsome or big as an ox, well, that was the way things went. He would treat a wife well and he would do his level best to be sure she never wanted for anything.
Eli stepped out into the evening air and took a deep breath then let it out slowly through his mouth. He was escorting Jane to supper for the first time. He strode toward the dining hall, determined to enjoy his meal and the lovely company.
Jane insisted on meeting him there and Eli wondered if it had anything to do with her aunt. Mrs. Flanagan hated everyone, but she seemed to truly dislike Eli. Winning the older woman over would be the biggest hurdle to marrying her niece.
He saw Jane waiting by the door. The petite brunette was surrounded by three soldiers. Eli hurried, sure he was late when he intended to be early. Next time he’d insist on meeting her at the bakery.
“Evening, gentlemen.” Eli strode through them, his height an advantage he was grateful for. The soldiers glanced up at him, their expressions wary. “Miss Flanagan, I’m sorry I’m late.” He held out his arm. Her hand was cold and shaky as she tucked it into the crook of his elbow.
Damn. He wanted to kick himself.
“Mr. Sylvester.” She nodded regally at the soldiers and walked into the dining hall with her head high and shoulders straight.
“I’m sorry I was late.” He spoke softly.
“You weren’t. I was early.” Twin spots of color ran high on her cheeks. “I was a bit anxious, I expect.”
“Why would you be anxious?” Eli blurted before his brain could stop his runaway mouth.
She glanced down and smiled. “I’ve been waiting near on a year for you to notice me, Elijah. You spend all your time working or with that hunter lady.”
At this he felt his own cheeks heat. “Charlie is my best friend.” Damn but he needed to practice speaking like a regular person and not a fool.
“I’m glad you have a best friend. I’m more glad you’re having supper with me instead of her.” Jane gestured to her right. “Seems that she’s also spending time with other folks too.”
Eli stumbled when he spotted Charlie across the table from Captain Hamilton. The officer had made it clear he was interested in marrying her. He had been serious about his pursuit of Charlie. It shouldn’t bother Eli at all. He’d decided his infatuation with her was behind him. His heart and his head didn’t necessarily follow the same path, however.
His gut clenched hard enough he tasted bile in the back of his throat. Charlie appeared as though she was enjoying her meal and the company.
She was not for him. She was not his. She never would be.
Eli dug deep for a smile. “Are you hungry? Let’s sit over here.” He led Jane to the opposite side of the dining hall and sat with his back to Charlie. He couldn’t look at her and still be able to swallow.
He was a complete fool.
Charlie was more than surprised to find herself relaxing in Kenneth’s company. He was smart, and had a dry sense of humor. His looks were classically handsome and he had the whitest teeth she’d ever seen on another human being. Kenneth had returned her knife handle first. He’d surprised her again.
And apparently he wanted to court her. To marry her.
She was still reeling from the knowledge. She should get up and leave—after all, marrying someone wasn’t part of “the plan”. Yet she sat there and ate her supper.
The week had started with seeing Eli naked, then he kissed her, and now Kenneth. What had set the world on a sideways spin?
As she sipped at her coffee, she glanced across the dining hall and spotted the very man who had kicked her life into that spin. He was sitting down to a table with a little girl. Charlie tried to see who the girl was, but Eli blocked her view. It wasn’t her business if he had a meal. A man had to eat, and he did eat as if he had a hollow leg.
“Something wrong?” Kenneth eyed her with far too much insight.
“None of your business.” She spoke without rancor. Her temper had cooled during her time with the captain. He had a calming effect on her. Unexplainable.
He looked behind him and eyed the dining room occupants, then turned back. “Mr. Sylvester.”
Far too perceptive. She shrugged.
“I’ve heard he’s called Fixit.”
Charlie scowled. “That’s not his name and using it is an insult.”
Kenneth held up his hands. “I haven’t used that name. I was merely making an observation.”
“Stick your observation up your ass.” She waited for him to huff and puff, then walk away.
He didn’t. “You care for him, then. Is he my rival for your affections?”
What did she tell him since she wasn’t sure how she felt? Eli was just about the most important person in her life. She hadn’t spoken to him in three days. That was why things were sideways. She missed him.
“Eli is my best friend.” She didn’t offer any other explanation. It wasn’t his business, but she understood why he asked. If Kenneth truly wanted to marry her, something she still had trouble believing, then he would have to accept Eli was part of her life. Not that she was staying at the fort or marrying anyone.
“Unusual.” He gestured behind him. “Is he courting Miss Flanagan?”
Charlie stared at him, her heart thumping. “What did you say?”
“Miss Flanagan. She’s having supper with Mr. Sylvester. I considered courting her, but she appears too meek for the wife of a soldier.” Kenneth chewed as she tried to absorb his words.
Charlie was on her feet and walked toward Eli before she knew what she was doing. Her heart hadn’t stopped whomping on her ribs since Kenneth had said the woman’s name. Charlie knew who she was. The tiny little woman whose family owned the bakery. She’d kept her distance from Charlie, her large eyes fearful whenever they saw each other. Charlie had shrugged off the woman’s reaction since many new females to the fort treated her the same way.
Now the pretty little thing was having a meal with Eli. Charlie wasn’t jealous—she was confused. And hurt. She marched up to the table, ignoring Miss Flanagan’s wide-eyed expression. Eli’s back was to Charlie, but he stiffened.
Miss Flanagan swallowed hard. “M-miss Chastain, will you join us?”
Eli spoke. “She has a supper companion, Jane. I’m sure she’s too busy.”
Charlie counted to ten until she trusted herself to speak. She had been lucky enough to have parents and sisters who loved her unconditionally. She had also started her life with happiness and safety. However, the journey west had shown her true evil and the darkest of dark souls. She’d been hurt physically, emo
tionally and mentally, enough that the scars had never truly healed.
Since that time she’d let very few people into her life and even few into her heart. Eli had been allowed access to both. He had now betrayed that trust and caused new slashes in her heart.
She wanted to punch him, make him feel the same pain she did. How dare he treat her as though she didn’t matter?
“Elijah.” Her voice was as rough as though she’d been gargling rocks. “Outside. Now.”
She wouldn’t embarrass any of them by pitching a fit in the dining room. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his mother, Harriet, watching them with a frown on her face. Harriet had been like a favorite aunt, always kind to Charlie. The dining room was Eli’s mother’s domain and Charlie couldn’t disrespect her by causing a scene.
Eli still hadn’t looked at Charlie. “I just sat down to eat. I’m sure Jane wants to eat her food warm.”
Charlie leaned down and whispered in his ear. “If you don’t get your fucking ass up, I will do more than make your goddamn food cold.”
He huffed out a breath but stood. “I’ll be right back, Jane.”
Jane managed a shaky smile, but her eyes were wide as saucers. No doubt life in a bakery wasn’t exciting or dangerous, unlike Charlie’s, which was full of both. Yet she never quenched her thirst for more. Perhaps nothing ever would.
She marched out the door, not bothering to see if he followed. He wouldn’t dare not to. The cool night air felt good on her overheated skin. Her fists clenched and she told herself not to punch him. It would only serve to make the situation worse and convince him she was as crazy as everyone said she was.
“What do you want, Charlie?” His voice was not as unaffected as he pretended to be.
She tried to push aside the hurt, but it proved too difficult. A ball of pain lodged in her chest and she pushed against it, trying to force it away. “You kissed me three days ago. Tonight I see you in the dining hall with that woman.”
“Sounds about right.” His tone was flat.
“How dare you?” She poked a finger in his chest. “You kissed me like a man does a woman, turn my world upside down and then you throw me away as though I’m easily replaced.” The ache sounded through her words.
“You didn’t seem to like the kisses, Charlie. I seem to remember you punching me and throwing me to the ground.” He finally sounded upset. Good.
“You didn’t ask my permission.” She wanted to punch him again. “I’ve had people take what they want from me without asking. As I told them no and fought. I will never let someone take from me again.”
Dark memories surged up her throat, choking her. Flashes of Camille and Karl and then pain. Bile coated the back of her throat.
Before she realized it, Charlie was on her knees retching into the dirt. Shame took over the anger she’d been struggling with. Eli handed her a handkerchief and rubbed her back. Thankfully he didn’t say anything, but he did block everyone’s view of her pitiful display of weakness.
She was finally able to sit back on her haunches and take a breath. Eli crouched beside her, silent. She wiped her eyes on her sleeve.
“I’m sorry.” His soft apology was heartfelt.
“I would have said yes.” She struggled to her feet. “I would have said yes if you had asked. Now you’ve tossed that away.”
Charlie’s heart broke into a thousand pieces as she walked away from him. She felt his gaze on her back. Why did it feel as though part of her life had ended? He was the most important person in her life and now everything had changed.
Chapter Six
Several weeks passed in a blur of work and courting. Eli spent two suppers, one picnic by the river and five afternoon walks with Jane. It was typical courtship, and Jane appeared happy as any girl with a beau. She smiled prettily and laughed at all of Eli’s jokes.
He should be as happy as Jane. Thrilled to have a woman think him worthy of her affection and eventually, her love.
Instead all he could think of was Charlie’s face when she accused him of taking from her without permission, of her obvious pain as she crouched on the ground and vomited. It broke his heart to see her in agony. He’d wanted to hold her until she expunged the pain that had taken over her.
Eli had to cease pining for Charlie. She made it very clear he had broken trust with her and there would be no forgiveness. He’d made a terrible mistake and he wanted to turn back the clock and undo it, unkiss her, unbreak the moment he’d lost her.
Foolish to yearn for a woman who had only considered him a friend, the assistant who helped her cart around her kills. He knew she had made him a part of her life, but nothing more. No matter how much he had regrets about what he’d done or hadn’t done, he had to put Charlie and any future with her behind him.
He had a beautiful girl on his arm. One who made him feel ten feet tall with her petite form. Jane barely came to his shoulder and was delicate enough he thought he might break her if he grew too amorous. He would have to bend at the waist just to kiss her.
She was sweet and funny and a lovely person. Eli looked down at her tiny hand on his long arm and wondered what she saw in him. He’d been compared to a scarecrow, tall, thin and gangly. His face wasn’t handsome either. The first time any woman had seemed to consider him attractive had been when Charlie saw him naked. He had to push aside that memory or it would spoil his time with Jane.
“Summer is definitely arriving.” Jane shaded her eyes and looked up at the clear blue sky. “We’ll have to take our walks in early morning or evening soon.” This was said with a shy smile.
“That sounds nice.” His words were wooden even to his own ears.
Jane, as expected, was no fool. She stopped and frowned up at him, her eyes clouded with confusion. “You know, when I first noticed you I wondered if you were married to Miss Chastain. You spent so much time together, it was a natural assumption. Then when I found out the truth, I thought perhaps you were courting her, but that didn’t seem to be the case either. I am genuinely fond of you, Elijah. I hope there is something there between us, and maybe one day you can be fond of me too.”
With that, Jane left him standing on his own. To her credit, she kept her head high and walked at a steady pace back to the bakery. He deserved it and more.
The big man, Gunther, who had worked at the fort on and off the last ten years, watched him from the shadows behind the bakery. There was history there between him and the Chastain sisters, but Eli had not had more than the most cursory conversations with him. The man was the size of an ox and he could, quite literally, break Eli in half. As frightening as his countenance was, Gunther had never threatened anyone or anything. He simply worked like ten men and spent the rest of his time somewhere alone.
Eli wanted to run to the big man and force him to reveal what he knew of Charlie. How he would accomplish that was a mystery. Before he could do anything, Gunther disappeared behind one of the buildings. Damn.
Eli was torn by what his heart and his head told him. He’d never been in such a strange situation before and he wanted to find someone to talk to about it. Not Charlie or her sister Isabelle, and for certain not his mother. That left him with only one choice.
Charlie didn’t know what she was thinking when she accepted Kenneth’s invitation to go walking that evening. She’d never stepped out with a man in her life, much less doing something as highfalutin as to “go walking”.
After they’d eaten supper together again, he held out his arm like a real gentleman and to her surprise, she put her hand through the crook of his elbow like a real lady. It was all falsehood on her part. Charlie was in no way a lady in form, word or deed. Yet Kenneth seemed to ignore all of that.
It puzzled her and confused her, which in turn intrigued her. She wasn’t accustomed to finding anything interesting, let alone a man. He was smart and polite with hints of a sense of humor. Most of
all he was a soldier, very disciplined and in control at all times. She’d never known anyone like him.
His wool coat was stiff beneath her hand, but solid and warm. She didn’t get a crick in her neck looking at him like she did Eli. Kenneth was only four or five inches taller than her. He always smelled good, like soap and something she suspected was hair pomade. Being someone with hair that tended to frizz and turn into a cloud of knots, she understood the draw of using something to tame it. Kenneth had red hair, which was more of a carrot color than hers. It was always perfectly coifed, which said something about his ironclad control.
Charlie was free as the wind, never conforming or keeping anything within limits. That would stifle her. “How do you not go crazy?”
His eyebrows drew together. “Pardon me?”
She gestured to his uniform. “All of this. How do you not go crazy? Too many rules, people telling you what to do, where to go, how to dress.” She made a face. “I couldn’t do it.”
Kenneth smiled, reminding her how handsome he was. His mustache curled up at the corners. “I prefer to have that control. It helps me focus.”
“I don’t understand that. I would spend so much time trying to conform, I’d lose all pleasure from doing what I do.”
He patted her hand. “My career is not for pleasure. I thrive in an orderly environment. Without the Army, I wouldn’t be the man I am.”
“I suppose I wouldn’t be who I am without my hunting either.” She mused about what she would be doing if she weren’t at the fort. Her mind drew a blank.
“I’ve heard you have the skills of a native hunter, ah, and deliver as promised.” He was funny when he tried to speak of her violent profession as respectable. It was charming.
“I enjoy what I do. I couldn’t be all stiff and disciplined.” She watched a few soldiers running drills in the corner of the fort.
He chuckled. “You are more disciplined than I am.”
The Gem: The Malloy Family, Book 12 Page 5