by Helen Conrad
Matt pulled her into the curl of his arm as they made their way to the front door, picnic basket in hand. “I’ll make you forget all about Baxter,” he promised, only half joking.
“Baxter who?” she asked, grinning. He was jealous of Baxter. It almost made her laugh aloud. Baxter was —well, a friend, not a lover. “I promise I won’t mention that name again for the rest of the day.”
They parked Matt’s car in the parking lot near the river and walked down to the landing where the rafts were rented. The sun was already hot on their shoulders and the sky was clear.
“A perfect day for rafting,” Matt announced, as though he were an old hand at it.
A lot of people seemed to agree, for the line was long, full of tourists and local residents. As it happened, two people she’d been friendly with in college days were working the raft rental that day. One of them was Peggy Myers, her roommate and best friend back in those days. She hadn’t seen her much lately, being too engrossed in the fern journal to have time for much socializing.
Peggy spotted Janet and came running, throwing her arms around her old friend, pulling her out of line.
“Janet! It’s been ages! Where have you been all these months?”
“Right here, just very busy.” Janet glanced back at Matt and so did Peggy.
“Hey,” she whispered, eyes wide and appreciative, “who’s the cool dude?” She frowned, gazing at him critically. “You know, he looks a lot like…” She hesitated as though she wasn’t sure she should say it.
Janet turned to see Matt as Peggy saw him, tall and strong and incredibly attractive. “He’s just a new friend of mine,” she said softly.
Peggy laughed, taking it as an understatement. “Ooh, what do Baxter and Howie think of this?”
Janet looked at her warily. “What are you talking about?”
“Well, it’s seemed as though the three of you were joined at the hip lately. I hardly recognize you without the two of them perched on either side of you, as usual.”
Janet blinked. “We just work together ...”
“Yeah, I know, the Siamese fern triplets.” Peggy gave her a friendly punch in the shoulder. “Glad to see you finally broke away. Good going.”
Janet slipped back into line with Matt, while Peggy went back to work. “An old friend,” she told Matt in answer to his questioning look. “I’ve lived in Destiny Bay all my life, you know.”
“That’s right. So you’ve done this before.”
She nodded.
His arm slid around her shoulders. “And you must know all the twists and turns of the river,” he breathed teasingly close to her ear, “all the little out of the way places where we can be alone . . .”
She looked into his eyes and for some reason she blushed. “Not really,” she said quickly. “There aren’t any places like that. The river’s full of people all day long.”
Peggy was back before she could go on, giving them two oars and some advice for Matt, once Janet had introduced the two of them.
“Hey, listen,” she told him with a conspiratorial whisper, “there are a couple of good places where you can get off the beaten path, so to speak.”
Matt turned to look at Janet, one eyebrow raised. “Well, I don’t know,” he drawled, taunting her. “Maybe Janet would rather stay on the beaten path with everyone else.”
Peggy groaned. “Haven’t you figured out yet that Janet won’t know what she wants until you tell her? She’s been locked up in the lab too long.” She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. “Take it from me, she needs this. Now here’s what you do … .”
While Peggy gave him instructions, Janet blushed again, her reaction half annoyed, half amused. Peggy had always been a pushy sort, but she knew her friend had her own best interests at heart. And maybe she was right. Maybe she had been in the lab too long.
After Peggy left, Matt pulled her close again. “I don’t suppose you’ve ever been to this little inlet with Baxter before, have you?” he asked, his tone light but his arm tense around her.
“With Baxter?” This time she did laugh. “Oh, Matt,” she said between hiccups of laughter, “you have the wrong idea about Baxter.”
“Do I?” He didn’t sound convinced, but at that moment their raft came up and Janet and Matt forgot all about Baxter.
CHAPTER EIGHT:
Down A Lazy River
Matt placed the picnic basket in the middle of the raft where it would have the best chance of surviving anything short of a complete capsize, then held out a hand to help Janet aboard. She’d worn a cotton sleeveless top in aqua, and her flowered wraparound skirt fluttered around her knees and opened high on her hip as she stepped onto the shaky little craft.
“All set?” Matt asked.
She settled down to sit on her side and smiled at him. “All set.” Sticking out her oar, she pushed away from the dock, and they were off, riding the fast current of the river.
The snow had been heavy in the Sierras that winter and though that seemed very far away, the runoff from the melt was still swelling all the rivers with cold, clear water. Birds sang in the bushes on the shores and the sun flashed golden highlights on each splash. Laughter and happy shouts rang up and down the waterway, punctuated by shrieks whenever someone came in contact with the icy water.
“Be careful,” Janet called to Matt as he leaned over to admire the rounded stones on the bottom of a particularly clear section. “If we snag on a rock . . .”
And at that moment, they did. The raft caught on a submerged rock, bringing their journey to a sharp stop and nearly catapulting them both into the water.
Laughing, they clung together at one end of the raft where they’d both landed, frantically pushing the picnic basket back to a dry spot at the same time.
“You see what I mean?” she gasped at last, crawling back to her seat on her hands and knees, taking out her oar, which miraculously hadn’t been lost, and helping him push until they could free the raft from the rock’s entrapment. “Expect the unexpected at any moment.”
They rode on without incident for another half hour, Matt teasing Janet about her rowing ability, Janet pretending to slip and giving him a giant spray of water from her oar. They passed others along the way, waving and calling out encouragement, stopping to help a family that had beached itself in a shallow area. And then, Matt spotted the landmark Peggy had told him about.
“There’s the giant boulder,” he said as they rounded a bend. “And the big old elm tree. I think we should go exploring .” He darted a conspiratorial look at Janet.
He steered them in the boulder’s direction and forced the raft to go through tall reeds that at first glance appeared impenetrable.
“Yes!” he said in triumph as they found themselves caught in a small, white-water rapids, then floating in a lazy little lake, far from the sound of any other laughter than their own. Huge trees dipped lazy branches in the water all around. It was an enchanted place, a private paradise. “This is it.”
“I guess you’re right,” she said, turning to look at him. It was beautiful here, all right, but the privacy made her slightly uneasy. “Now what?”
“Now what?” he repeated as though he could hardly believe his ears. “Where’s your sense of romance?”
She looked around at the lovely banks of the little lake. “We could eat here, I guess,” she ventured.
“We could eat here,” he agreed, rowing toward shore. “We could eat here and then we could talk.” He grounded the raft and jumped out, pulling it farther onto the grassy ground before he turned to grin at her. “And then we could do what comes naturally.”
Matt held out his hand, took hers, and pulled her up and out of the raft. Then his arms came around her and he pulled her close, looking down into her eyes. “We’re out in the middle of nature, aren’t we? It’s only right that we join in. We can be as natural as anyone.”
Janet was still a little edgy. She knew she shouldn’t be here at all. His intentions were clear. He certa
inly wasn’t hiding them under false pretenses. But she wasn’t sure if she should give in to the “naturalness” he was talking about.
She started to laugh, but his mouth came down on hers, and something in his kiss made her certain he wasn’t altogether joking. Passion was held taut in him like a huge spring—she could feel it.
She pulled away, but he kept hold of her hand, filling his gaze with her. The sun was reflected like golden stars in her blue eyes. Her black hair flew around her shoulders like silk threads, shiny, smooth. She looked like a being from another world. He wanted to capture her and make her stay in this one.
“Janet . . .” he began, reaching for her with his other hand.
But she wasn’t ready. She saw the purpose in his eyes and she pulled away from the hand that held her, turning away from him.
“Let’s find a place for our picnic,” she said quickly. “We need a nice shady tree with a flat place under it. And no ants.”
They found their perfect place back up off the lake, but with a view of the water through the trees. The champagne was poured out into crystal glasses and the cheese tasted delicious with the crusty bread.
“Ah, wine, women, and song,” Matt drawled, looking at the sun through the champagne in his glass. “What a way to live.”
Janet laughed, leaning back against the trunk of the tree and watching Matt as he lay sprawled across the red-checkered cloth before her. “All you’re missing is the song.”
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he said softly. “The song is in the air all around you. Can’t you hear it?”
“Not really,” she said stiffly. “I guess I don’t have the proper ear for it.”
He looked at her for a long moment. She moved uncomfortably, afraid he wanted more from her than she could give. Her feelings seemed to tumble together whenever she looked at him. She wanted his touch, wanted to wrap herself in his warmth. And at the same time, she wanted to let him know it would be like closing her eyes and jumping off a cliff and hoping that there would be someone below to catch her. The chances weren’t good.
“Have you ever been in love?” he asked her suddenly.
She looked up, startled, because that word seemed to ring through her head, echoing almost painfully, as though in answer to the questions she’d been asking herself.
When she didn’t answer, he went on as though she might not have understood what he’d first asked. “Have you ever felt that your whole life had no meaning unless some other person was in it?”
“Why?” she asked, evading the question, evading the thought. “Have you?”
He nodded slowly. “Once. A long time ago.” His dark eyes wouldn’t let her evade any longer. “What about you?”
She looked away. “Love wasn’t something we talked much about when I was growing up,” she said quietly. “We spoke of things like responsibility and making a difference in the world. About doing something to increase the wealth of knowledge or to better the human experience in some way.”
If she closed her eyes, she could still hear her father say those exact words. How hard she’d worked to fulfill his wishes for her life. Suddenly the entire effort made her feel sad, for no reason she could articulate.
Matt frowned, looking down and picking stray twigs off the cloth. Janet was different from any woman he’d ever known. Why did it have to be her? he wondered gloomily. Why did he have to fall in love with a wide-eyed idealist—he, who as far as he knew, had never done a thing to better humanity.
In love. He winced. Had he really thought those words? And did he really mean them? “What would love mean to you?” he asked, looking up.
She answered without hesitation. “Trust.”
He groaned, falling back down into the grass. “Come on. Really.”
“Really. I think trust is the most important thing of all.”
He knew that she really didn’t trust him. And it wasn’t just an occasional annoyance to her. It ran deep. It was fundamentally important. Frowning, he studied her. Would she ever be able to trust him once she learned the complete truth?
“Tell me about your love,” she said at last. “It was Vanessa, wasn’t it?”
“Vanessa?” He looked blank for just a moment, then his face cleared. “Oh. No, it wasn’t Vanessa.”
That disappointed her. She’d taken him for a one-woman man and she hated to think he’d married someone he didn’t really love. “Who then?”
He hesitated, then got up and came beside her, dropping to the ground near the tree. “It doesn’t matter,” he said shortly in a voice that told her to stay away from the subject. “It was a long time ago. And it didn’t work out.”
“Oh.”
He glanced at her sideways. “What makes you so scared of love?” he asked softly.
She bristled. “Who says I am?”
He threw back his head and laughed into the sunny sky. “Everything about you says you are, you little idiot.” His arm slipped around her shoulders, but he still leaned back, looking at her. “You’ve got this invisible shield around you. It says, ‘don’t tread on me’ and repels all intruders.”
Normally something like that would have put her on the defensive, but somehow the way he said it made her smile instead. “Then how did you get through?” she asked.
“Ah.” He cocked his head, then moved in closer. “I’m no mortal man, Janet, my darling. Haven’t you come to realize that yet?”
She giggled as he nuzzled her ear. When he was close like this, her fears began to melt away and she wanted to close her eyes and forget reality.
“Tell me more about you,” she said dreamily. “Tell me what you usually do with your days.”
“When I’m home?” He leaned down and caught the scent of her skin, holding it. “You smell like plumerias,” he whispered.
“Plumerias?” She frowned. Wasn’t that a tropical flower?
“I have plumeria trees lining the entryway to my hotel,” he said sleepily, his hand going up and down her naked arm. “Red ones, white ones, pink ones, yellow ones. And at night, when you walk down that path, it smells just”—he took another deep breath, his face rubbing against her—“like this.”
“Hotel?” Janet twisted around to try and see his face.
Matt sighed, closing his eyes and leaning his head back. He’d forgotten all about the fact that he was supposed to be an oil geologist in Brazil. For just a moment, he’d been plain old Matt Carrington again. “I run a hotel in Hawaii,” he told her bluntly, then watched her expression change from one of interest to distrust.
“What happened to Brazil?” she asked carefully, her body tense.
His hand roamed up and down her arm again, but without the same sensuality. How much should he tell her? How much could she understand? “To tell you the truth, I’ve been in Hawaii for quite some time now.”
She straightened, pulling away from his touch. “Why haven’t you told Mavis that?”
He met her gaze. His didn’t waver. “It . . . would confuse things.”
“I’ll bet.” Sparks were flying from her eyes now. She was angry again.
“No . . . wait, Janet, let me explain ...”
He reached for her, but she yanked her hand away, moving farther out of his reach. “Why does everything have to turn out to be a lie with you?” she cried.
He looked into her big blue eyes. He should tell her now. Tell her the whole truth. But if he did, would she be too angry to stay here with him? Would she wait and let him explain? Would she ever understand?
He sat silently for a moment, trying to formulate a way of telling her that wouldn’t drive her away. But it seemed impossible. He wasn’t ready yet.
No. Later.
He would take her out to dinner. That was it. Buy her lobster and caviar and then break it to her gently. Give her time to accept the news. He needed time himself, time to prepare a way to tell her that wouldn’t blow up in his face. That was important. He didn’t want to risk losing her.
“I’ve n
ever really lied to you, Janet, not about anything important,” he told her urgently. “There are things about me you don’t know, that’s true, but I am going to tell you all of them. Only not yet. It’s not time yet.”
Janet stared at him, searching his eyes. She got up, shaking grass from her skirt. “When will this mystical time finally arrive?” she asked coolly. “Are we waiting for the stars to be right? Or just for you to complete whatever it is you’re up to?”
“Janet.” He rose and followed her. “Wait. Don’t go.”
She met his eyes. Her anger had fled, but in its place was a deep, troubled look that cut into his soul.
“Sorry, Janet.” He sat staring off into the blue, shaking his head. “For now, you’ll have to trust me.”
She threw her arms out, half laughing. What could she do? She wanted to believe him. She needed him. And when he touched her . . .
“Trust you,” she murmured softly, knowing that was a ridiculous request. “There’s the rub.”
He kissed her, obviously hoping to wipe away her fears. The kiss deepened quickly. She knew Matt wanted her, and she couldn’t fault him for that, because the same current was running through her own veins. But it wasn’t going to happen.
She pulled away, looking toward the raft. Time to go? No, she couldn’t bear it. It was so magical here. But she wasn’t going to make love with him. Last night had been a mistake and she knew that now. She had to be more careful.
She began to walk. He fell in beside her. She looked at him and wondered. Who was he really? She knew he lied for a living. Was he honest in his spare time? How was she supposed to figure that out?
Suddenly, she thought of her father. A more down-to-earth, honest man didn’t exist on this earth.
“I wish you could have met my father,” she said as they walked. “He died three years ago.”
“What happened?”
“A heart attack. He always worked too hard, stayed up too many nights to get his journal out. Didn’t eat right.” She sighed. “I should have taken charge and made him do all the right things. Instead, I let them go. He was Daddy. He knew best. I didn’t feel it was my place… ”