So, knowing how to have a relationship with your inner critic is vital. One of the best skills I believe a writer can possess is to know how and when the inner critic gets invited in for dinner, and when the invitation is politely declined.
Winning the Lottery
Every year at Christmas, Santa flies down from the North Pole in his little sleigh just to fill my stocking with goodies. When he’s not busy filling it with lotion and makeup samples, he throws in some scratch tickets.
We sit around passing the coins and scratching the gray goop off the little lottery tickets to match snowflakes with silver bells hoping to get rich. Every couple of years someone wins 40 bucks and we all cheer, and every year, someone wins two bucks here or five bucks there.
Imagine if we’re scratching away and someone wins a GRAND PRIZE—$1000, $5000 or the $10,000 jackpot. Sure, it’s cool to win, but how much more cool is it that it’s the one time in a whole calendar year that we ever play a scratch ticket. Bingo! Hazzah! Winner!
Many writers treat their writing life like my once-a-year scratch tickets. They submit every now and then hoping and wishing themselves luck—as if publishing were a lottery ticket that relies on chance.
Writing is not the lottery. As we’ve seen, it’s an art and a skill.
So why do writers treat writing like the lottery?
Knock Knock
Who’s There?
Inner Critic
If I submit every now and then, and I’m rejected, no big deal. I’m not really invested.
HOWEVER (Did you see how big that “however” was?) if I work and work and work, and then submit and I’m rejected—that hurts.
Ouch. Sting. Burn.
I worked SO hard—all that effort for nothing.
Remember the inner critic’s job? To protect you. Do you want to feel that pain? No. Of course not.
So here’s what the inner critic whispers in your ear:
She’s well-intentioned, really, she is, but often, like the babysitter who bribes the kid with candy to stop crying, she does not always have our long-term interests at heart. (See emotional hijacking.)
The methods to circumvent this pain-avoiding process are paramount to your writing success! I highly recommend you find a writing program that addresses how to deal with your fear in a productive way to lead you to publishing success.
Sure, you can learn about character arcs and point of view all the livelong day, but if you’re not addressing your brain’s needs, your brain will block you time and again.
Yes, the key to the writing life is butt in chair (thanks again, Julia), but there’s also a mental game, creating the stamina and the strategies that lead to success.
Overlooking this very important step is one of the biggest mistakes I see writers make.
Instead they get bogged down in what they call writer’s block. (Guilty party: inner critic.) Many writers allow themselves to stay there for weeks, months, even years.
They waste time not knowing what to write or how to write it, or researching the same thing every which way to Novel-Never- Written Land.
Is that what you want for yourself?
No?
Keep reading.
What if Nobody Likes me?
Ah yes, rejection.
Perhaps the greatest fear of all.
We’re afraid of rejection—of course we are. There is so much rejection that comes with being a writer. Even if you never submit your writing for publication (which I know isn’t going to be true for you or you wouldn’t be holding this book), there are still so many other kinds of rejection.
We talked about things that happened to us in school. Maybe you’ve shared your writing with a loved one and they didn’t like it, or they’ve said they really liked it and you’re pretty clear that they didn’t.
We’re afraid of big failures too: You’ve written an entire book, and you can’t get it published. Think about John David Mann.
What would have happened if John had given up? Well, there were many books he wrote and published after The Recipe— which, by the way was eventually published.
Will that be the happy ending for everyone?
Nope.
The point is, he never would have gotten to success if he’d let rejection stand in the way.
So the thing about being a writer—and here’s the truth—if you want to publish not once, not twice, but many, many times and be the very best writer that you can, you need to push through that fear. It’s natural to be afraid, but if you don’t push through it, you’re never going to achieve your writing goals.
Big Important Strategy
That’s great, Annalisa, but how? How do I get over all of these fears, and the anxiety, and staring at the ceiling, and the monsters under my bed and…
Breathe.
No, really.
Remember what I said about oxygen to the brain?
Take three deep breaths, and then set your eyes on your goals.
You should have your goals in mind at all times. Goal setting and accountability are two of the absolute must-have components of a quality writing program, one that helps you to keep on writing and to finish a publishable manuscript.
Your goals are your touchstones all along the way. “Why am I doing this?” “Why am I getting up at 5 AM to write?” “Why am I staying up until eleven to write?”
This is what I want to do; these are my goals.
Keep coming back to those goals and pushing past the inner critic. It’s difficult. It’s uncomfortable. You’re growing and changing and that hurts.
Why are we doing it?
We have these goals.
FINDING THE TIME TO WRITE
SO . . . I DON’T WANT TO be a doomsayer, but there is a big consequence of not dealing with your fear. Writers come to me all the time and they say that they struggle with finding time to write. If you’re a member of my Facebook group for writers, “Write to PUBLISH,” then I’m sure that you’ve seen our poll asking what’s hard about writing now. “Finding time to write” is not just the most popular choice, the number of writers who choose “finding the time to write” as their number one struggle doubles all of the other choices.
Finding time to write is clearly a big problem for writers. While it is true that we have busy lives: kids and jobs and cars and things that we need to take care of, (here comes another truth:) it’s really easy to procrastinate that which we fear, right?
If we think something will cause us pain, in other words fear, it’s easy to avoid that thing. It’s easy to find other tasks to do.
It’s easy to turn on the TV or clean the kitchen, or take our dog for a walk, or whatever else it is that needs to be done—because we’re afraid. We have all of those fears that we just talked about and we choose to do other things.
So, it’s not really that we don’t have time to write. Not usually. Nine times out of ten it’s that we didn’t make the time because we are afraid.
How are we going to combat this?
We’re going to have a shift in our mindset.
In order to find your best writer, you’re going to have to make some shifts—not only in the way you see things, but also in the way you behave.
I want to tell you a story that somebody told me in college about the two jars. Maybe you’ve heard this one before.
RECIPE FOR SUCCESS
Ingredients
2 large Mason jars
4 baby-fist sized rocks
4 cups tiny pebbles separated into half
8 cups sand divided in half
Directions Jar 1:
1) Place 4 cups sand in the jar.
2) Place 2 cups pebbles.
3) Place the rocks.
Do the rocks fit? No.
Directions Jar 2:
1) Place the rocks in the jar.
2) Place 2 cups pebbles.
3) Place 4 cups sand in the jar.
Did it all fit? YES!
Yay. We filled a jar. Happy dance. Woo hoo! Yes. Hi
gh Fives all around. Cue the celebration music.
Hmm. Clearly filling the jar was not the point of exercise.
No, of course not.
The rocks represent the most important things in your life, the things that need to be put in first. The pebbles, of course, are the secondary things—your obligations. The sand is all the things we have to do, but aren’t really life priorities—things like cleaning the toilet or washing the car. They must be done, but they’re not the fulfilling, meaningful stuff in life.
This illustration shows that if you put in the obligations, the things that you feel like you have to do first, then there is going to be no more room for the big rocks at the top. It won’t all fit in that jar.
HOWEVER, (Hmm, look at that large font again.) if you put the big rocks in first—the most important things in your life go in that jar first—and then you put in the things that are pretty important to you, and then you fill in the things that you’re obligated to do, everything fits into the jar.
So, what does this mean for your writing?
If writing is most important thing in your life—which, if you’re reading this book, I’m guessing that it is—then it has to be the very first thing that goes into your day.
Now, I’m not saying that you need to start your day by writing; it doesn’t have to happen first thing in the morning. But it does need to be the first priority. You need to make that space in your life first.
Where’s the writing space in your life? When is that going to happen every single day?
Once you’ve committed to make writing the most important thing and set a plan in motion to make it happen, then finding the quality support and the accountability that make writing happen is one of the most important steps you can take for yourself.
When you’ve faced the fear—put that big rock into the jar first to say—”I’m taking a stand. Writing is important to me—I’m going to make this happen in my life;” when you continue to do that every day, to say, “Today I made writing the most important thing in my life,” you’ll feel so empowered in your writing that it will get done.
Getting into a practice that helps you to move from not good enough requires a firm decision and the support to make writing continue to happen. You need the kind of support that works you through the rough patches, keeps you dedicated, and helps you to hold the commitments you’ve made to yourself. Once you find that place, that question: “Is my writing good enough?” won’t even matter anymore.
Promise.
If books could whisper in your ear
While we’re talking about finding the time to write, I want to mention one more activity that is important to find time to do: reading.
Please! Please please please please!!! (Do you see how I am begging you?) Do not take that plaque that says “John Smith, Writer” and even think about hanging it on your door unless you are making time to read!
I don’t mean just read the back of the cereal box in the morning. I mean, read widely. You write sci fi? Great. By all means, read lots of sci fi. (It will help you to know what’s already been done, what’s marketable, what the conventions of your genre are and so on.)
But, please, (don’t make me beg again!) read everything. Read crime fiction, and Victorian Literature, and Twain, and the New York Times, and MAD Magazine.
Read. It.
ALL! Don’t believe me?
Ok, ok, ok. Make me pull in the big time experts again. Fine.
As I was writing my first novel in my early 20s, Stephen King’s book On Writing changed my writing life. (Thank you, Mr. King.) I don’t have to tell you how prolific ole Steve is—he’s got so many published works on his website, I can’t even count that high.
This guy is as full of books as he is of wisdom on writing.
Oh look, you’ve got mail:
So, there you have it. Don’t believe me, but please do believe Stephen King. Reading is essential to writing. Besides, if you want people to buy your book, you should be supporting your fellow authors and buying theirs.
What goes around comes around. Karma and all that.
HOW TO FIND THE KIND OF SUPPORT YOU NEED TO HELP YOU BE YOUR VERY BEST WRITER
Feedback
The second most prevalent complaint I hear from writers over in “Write to PUBLISH” is about not getting the right kind of feedback.
Feedback is one of the most precious commodities to the writing life. Though quality feedback cannot be undervalued in the writing life, it continues to be a major frustration for so many writers.
They often ask me:
What kind of feedback do I need?
Where can I get it?
What does quality feedback even look like?
I think so much of the confusion comes from the variety of effectiveness of resources that are out there, and the wealth of negative experiences writers have had with the majority of writing groups available.
No pressure or anything
Quality feedback is vital to a publishable manuscript and yet it’s so difficult to find. No wonder writers feel anxiety about feedback. So much is at stake and it’s so difficult to find the right match.
When writers get the feedback cycle wrong, well, I’ve seen writers take years off from writing, give up, drop writing all together, and never go back to it.
I’m sure if I started a support group, we could all share our Feedback Horror Stories…
“There was this one time that…”
[Ok, fine, let’s start a thing: tweet me your #FeedbackHorrorStory @annalisaparent. Ooo, this is going to be fun.]
I know you would never do this, because you’re the kind of writer who was smart enough to pick up this book, but many writers commit this deadly sin of writing: They think anyone can give them feedback.
Let’s play imagine again, ok?
Imagine you wake up tomorrow morning and realize that your lifelong dream is to play hockey in the NHL. What do you do to reach that dream?
Well, you know, a professional coach is expensive, and the ice time at the rink? Highway robbery!
So, you’re just going to fill your back yard with the water from the hose and wait for it to freeze. Meanwhile, your neighbor’s best friend’s cousin knows a guy who used a date a gal who was a cheerleader with the wife of a guy who was on a pro hockey team. So, your neighbor is going to give you skating lessons. Great.
You do have that honest friend in your life, don’t you? The one who comes in and says, “Oh honey, this ain’t going to work...”
Call your honest friend on the phone. Do it now.
Are you going to make it into the NHL by skating in the back yard with some guy who knows a little about how to stand upright on a pair of skates?
No?
Well, guess what?
ENTER: Honest Friend
If you want to publish, you’re looking at the NHL of the writing world. If the neighbor isn’t the right coach to help you meet your NHL aspirations, why do you think your sister who got an A in high school English 10 years ago, or the guy down the street, is the right person to give you feedback on your novel?
Lean in. I’m going to tell you a secret.
Your friends and family are 99.99999% guaranteed not to give you the kind of feedback you need to get your novel to publishable.
I know, you think they’re being honest with you. They’ve told you they’re being honest with you. And they’re full of…
Well, anyway.
The thing is: Your friends are about as likely to give you honest feedback on your book as they are to give you honest feedback on your choice of life partner and how you’re raising your kids. These are the kinds of conversations that break down relationships.
If you’re lucky, a loved one might say, “I really liked it, but I don’t understand why the main character was kissing that tree at the end.” That’s about the height of quality you’re going to get from loved ones.
Why? They love you. They don’t want to hurt you. Also, they know you
so well, it’s likely hard for them to separate you from your book.
My friends think I am hilarious (of course they all do), so they’re going to think my book is hilarious. They love me, and they will see the things they love about me in my book. That’s sweet— but it’s not helpful to bring my book to clarity.
Did I hire an editor for this book? You bet your sweet bippy. And I’m an editor.
Did I ask my friends to read this book pre-publication? Nope. My mom? Nope.
(My dog did read it, but she was having a bout of insomnia, and I don’t think that really counts. Either that or she just fell asleep on the printed manuscript…)
Moving on.
Most importantly, as your loved ones are concerned, they’re rarely qualified. Are they trained to give feedback on story structure?
Reader Feedback vs. Writing Feedback
If you’re looking for reader feedback, friends and family can be helpful. Readers give this kind of feedback: I liked it. I didn’t like it. (Think “third grade book report” or “Amazon review”— speaking of which it’s never too early to give Storytelling for Pantsers an amazing five-star Amazon review.)
If you’re looking for content editing, the kind that tells you what isn’t working in your writing and why…well, let’s take a little quiz, shall we?
Sharpen your pencils, here we go.
1) If you want bread, you go to a_______________.
2) If you have a broken leg, you go to a__________.
3) If you want content editing, you go to a_________.
Answer Key: 1) Baker; 2) Doctor; 3) Content Editor
How did you do? 100%?
Good. Now, are you ready to make that a lifestyle?
Are you ready to take your writing seriously enough, take yourself as a writer seriously enough, to bring it to the right professional to help move your writing forward instead of relying on your neighbor’s best friend’s cousin who knows a guy who used a date a gal who was a cheerleader with the wife of a guy who did an internship at a publishing house in college?
Storytelling for Pantsers Page 4