But the car braked and the engine cut out and she knew it was him even before she heard his voice.
The car door slammed. ‘Claire!’ Scotty shouted. She didn’t turn around when she heard him start running after her. She simply stopped and bent over, trying to catch her breath. He was so much bigger and more powerful than her; he would be next to her in seconds. Trying to outrun him was pointless. Hadn’t she learned by now that she couldn’t escape him no matter how hard she tried?
She felt his hand on the small of her back. The other grasped her shoulder and eased her into a standing position.
‘Are you all right?’ Scotty said. He cupped her face in his palms, his anguished eyes boring into hers. He’d shed his suit jacket and tie and stood before her in his shirtsleeves.
She nearly laughed. Was he kidding? ‘What do you think?’ she hissed. She shook herself free of his grip.
‘I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,’ he said. ‘I can explain.’
‘I don’t want you to explain, Scotty. I’m not interested in more half-truths or alternative facts or lies by omission. I don’t want another “version” of reality. Just tell me what’s going on.’
He nodded. ‘I love you, Claire. That’s the truth. That’s the truest thing I know.’
She burst into tears of abject fury. ‘Don’t you dare say that to me!’ she shouted. ‘You’ve just left your own wedding, for God’s sake!’
Scotty made a noise like a wounded animal and hid his face behind his hands.
Minutes passed with the only sounds the shriek of the cicadas and Claire’s wrenching sobs.
When her breathing began to calm, Scotty spoke again. ‘Nina was never my girlfriend. We had a couple of dates when she moved to Bindy six weeks ago, but there was no spark, so we decided we’d just be friends,’ he said. ‘Actually, most of the time we spent together Nina had to listen to me go on and on about you.’
He smiled ruefully and to her chagrin Claire felt a flicker of compassion for him.
‘You’ve got no idea how happy I was the night you found me on social media,’ he went on. ‘It was like Christmas morning, like I’d been holding my breath for eight years and didn’t even know it. I fell so hard for you, Claire. Again.’ He looked away. ‘Actually, not again. I never stopped loving you. I couldn’t, no matter how hard I tried.’
‘But you never even hinted that you thought of me as anything more than a friend,’ she accused him. ‘And you waited eight years for me to come to you. Why didn’t you try to find me?’
‘Because you told me not to, remember? When you threw my engagement ring at me and ran off to America,’ Scotty said hotly. He caught himself and took a deep breath. ‘I learned the hard way then that you need to do things in your own time. When we reconnected, I wanted to tell you every day – every damn day – that you should be with me. But I knew that if I was ever going to get another chance with you, it had to be on your terms. And I was willing to wait.’
‘Until you weren’t,’ Claire shot back. ‘Getting engaged to someone else is an odd way to demonstrate your undying love.’
Scotty sighed. ‘Nina is an incredible vet, Claire. Did I ever tell you that?’
She stared at him. ‘So you proposed to her for the discount?’
A smile played at the corners of his mouth. ‘She can’t practise in Australia until she passes the National Veterinary Exam, but it costs a small fortune. She doesn’t want to spend that money if she’s not going to be able to stay here and the visa she has now means she’ll have to leave in a year,’ he said. ‘She needs permanent residency, but it’s at least three more years until she can apply for it.’
A fragment of a conversation drifted back to Claire. The sooner I can get my permanent residency the better. Nina had said as much at the yoga studio last weekend.
‘If she’s married to an Australian citizen, she can get a two-year provisional spouse visa right away and then permanent residency after that,’ Scotty went on. ‘She could be practising as a vet within a year.’
Claire’s jaw dropped as the enormity of what Scotty was saying hit her. ‘You’re telling me this was some kind of green-card wedding?’ she said.
He didn’t reply, but his shame was obvious.
‘And I suppose a whirlwind engagement culminating in a romantic Christmas Eve ceremony was supposed to make it seem more realistic? Even though you can’t be legally married for another two weeks.’
Scotty stared at her, stunned. ‘That’s right,’ Claire said. ‘I’m not as dense as you seem to think I am. I can google.’ Well, Jackie could.
‘I don’t think you’re —’ he started, only to stop abruptly. ‘We’d joked around early on that I should marry Nina and make her a partner in the clinic. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed to make sense.’
Claire couldn’t believe what she was hearing. ‘For Nina, maybe. But you don’t love each other, Scotty. Nina just said as much in front of the whole town. What on earth could be in it for you?’ And what does any of it have to do with me – with us?
His gaze dropped to his feet. ‘I’m not in love with Nina, but I thought maybe, in time . . .’ He shook his head, as if realising for the first time how ridiculous the whole thing was. ‘What’s in it for me, aside from gaining a brilliant vet for the clinic, is just helping a friend. And . . . and also . . .’
‘What?’ Claire pleaded. ‘Just tell me.’
‘When we went out in Sydney that night, I knew you still had feelings for me. I could feel it in my bones. But you were so determined to make it clear that you only expected friendship,’ he said. ‘It was like there was a battle going on in your head between what you wanted and what you thought you deserved.’
Claire felt a painful lump form in her throat. If only Scotty knew how right he was. That was exactly how she’d felt that night – it was how she’d felt every moment since.
‘I knew I could never love Nina, not really. Not the way I love you. So I made a decision. A stupid, rash, selfish decision,’ he went on. The regret in his voice was palpable. ‘I decided I had to try to make you go after what you want. You needed a reason to act. I knew that you’d never see what I see without a little bit of encouragement.’
‘And what’s that, Scotty?’ Claire said. ‘What do you see?’
He traced her cheekbone with the pad of his thumb. ‘That we belong together,’ he said huskily. ‘We always have.’
Claire took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. ‘That,’ she said, ‘is the most unbelievably arrogant thing I’ve heard in my entire life. You don’t get to tell me what I want, what I need.’ She didn’t even feel angry. She was just so, so disappointed. The man she believed knew her better than anybody, who always had her best interests at heart, simply had no idea.
‘I know,’ he replied in a threadbare voice.
‘You thought inventing a marriage would bring us back together?’ she railed, taken aback by the fire in her tone. Maybe she did feel ever so slightly angry after all. ‘How did you imagine that was possibly going to work? How were we going to be together if you were married to Nina? If everyone in Bindallarah thought your marriage was for real, you having a girlfriend might seem a little strange.’
‘I wasn’t thinking! I was just feeling! I was so scared of losing you again, Claire, and I had so few cards to play.’
‘Cards to . . .? Listen to yourself, Scotty. This isn’t a game. This is your life. And Nina’s. And mine,’ she said.
‘I know that. I just . . .’ He trailed off.
‘But hey, if we’re going with the cards analogy, then guess what? You had an ace up your sleeve all along. There was one card you could have played and won the whole . . . hand?’ Cards were not her forte and the whole thing was absurd.
‘What?’
‘The truth. All you had to do was just tell me how you felt two weeks ago.’ Claire shook her head sadly. ‘Or, you know, at any point in the past six months.’ Could he really not see that?
Sco
tty scoffed. ‘You would have run a mile. You weren’t ready.’
‘You don’t know that! You don’t get to decide how I feel, Scotty,’ she exploded. ‘You say you learned the hard way not to try to make my decisions for me, but you haven’t learned a damn thing. Not really.’
‘I didn’t want to make your decisions. I wanted you to make a decision,’ he countered.
‘But only if I decided on you, right? You wanted me to choose as long as I chose you.’
He hung his head. ‘Yes,’ he whispered. ‘That’s all I’ve ever wanted.’
Her tears flowed freely now. ‘Well, then you should go and get married, Scotty,’ she wept. ‘Because I’ve made my decision. I choose me.’
She saw Scotty’s shoulders begin to heave as she turned away from him. She broke into a run once more.
She didn’t know where she was going. She didn’t care, just as long as it was far, far away from Scotty Shannon.
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
‘Merry Christmas, sweetheart.’
Claire forced her eyelids open as Vanessa’s voice came to her as though in a dream. The gloom of her bedroom was suddenly swallowed by bright sunlight as her aunt threw open the curtains. Claire sat up in bed, feeling unsteady and disorientated.
‘Is it morning already?’ she whispered.
‘It’s lunchtime,’ Vanessa said gently. ‘It seems you walked most of the way home last night, so I thought I’d let you sleep. You must be exhausted.’
Claire nodded. She felt like she’d been flattened by a road train and not just because she had run more than a kilometre with bare feet before Alex, who had left the wedding to look for her, picked her up and drove her back to Vanessa’s cottage. She must have slept for twelve solid hours, but it had been a black, dreamless slumber. She had never felt more worn out in her life.
‘Christmas lunch is ready. Will you join us? I really think you should eat something.’
At the mention of food, Claire’s stomach growled loudly. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d eaten. She certainly hadn’t had anything at the wedding. The memory of helping Scotty plan the menu with Toby Watts suddenly filled her mind; she quickly shook it away. She had felt so close to Scotty that day, but it was make-believe. It was all make-believe.
‘Actually, I’m starving,’ Claire said. ‘I’ll just have a quick shower. I shudder to think what kind of state my feet are in. Apologies in advance if these sheets are covered in road grime.’
Vanessa smiled. ‘Don’t worry about it, honey. It will all come out in the wash.’
Claire went to the bathroom and stood under the stream of hot water until it ran cold. She was physically clean, but her heart and soul still felt stained, sullied by lies and grief.
She wanted to crawl back into her pyjamas, but forced herself to brush her hair and put on a red 1950s-style sundress she’d brought specifically for Christmas Day. She even added a slick of red lipstick.
I choose me. That was what she’d told Scotty the night before, the moment before she had walked out of his life. It was time she started acting like it.
Claire went to the back patio and her heart swelled at the sight of the gorgeous Christmas table Vanessa had prepared. There was holly and tinsel, candles and Christmas crackers. Her napkin was secured with a twist of twine and a candy cane. She had dragged the Christmas tree from the hall to the garden, beautifully wrapped gifts stacked beneath it. Silver bells hung from the branches of the fig trees, tinkling in the gentle breeze.
‘Aunty Vee, this looks amazing,’ Claire said as she took her seat next to Gus.
Vanessa flushed with pride. ‘Well, it’s not every year we get to share Christmas with you,’ she said warmly.
It was just the kind of Christmas celebration Claire had hoped for when she had decided to come back to Bindy for the first time in so many years. But she had figured it would be a happy occasion. She hadn’t banked on the anchor of sadness she was now dragging around with her.
Vanessa gestured for Claire to hand her plate over and when she did her aunt piled it high with cold meats, prawns and an array of salads. Her family had never done the traditional turkey dinner on Christmas Day. It was always too hot in Bindallarah for such a heavy meal.
‘So,’ Gus said as Claire lifted a heaped forkful to her mouth. ‘Scotty was here this morning.’
Claire just about choked on her food.
‘Gus!’ Vanessa said sharply. ‘What did I tell you?’
Gus shrugged. ‘What? I thought Claire would want to know. Sorry,’ she said, not sounding remorseful in the slightest.
Claire coughed violently and reached for her wineglass. After three deep gulps of chilled chardonnay, she managed to regain some semblance of composure. She knew they would want to talk about it. Everyone in Bindallarah would be talking about it. This was a scandal of epic proportions – it would be discussed and dissected for years to come.
‘We don’t have to talk about it,’ Vanessa said, shooting her daughter a murderous glare. ‘Not today. Not until you’re ready.’
‘It’s okay,’ Claire spluttered eventually. ‘We might as well get it out of the way.’
‘Well, he looked like hell,’ Gus said. Claire detected a distinct note of satisfaction in her tone.
‘He did?’ She knew she shouldn’t care – Scotty deserved to look every bit as wretched as she felt – but the thought of him suffering still pained her, even after everything he’d done.
‘The sun was barely up and he was knocking at the door, Claire,’ Vanessa said. ‘I don’t think he’d slept at all. He wanted me to wake you, but I sent him on his way. I told him you’d gone back to Sydney and that he’s not to contact you unless it’s to grovel like he’s never grovelled before.’
Claire frowned. ‘Didn’t Scotty go back to Cape Ashe after I left?’
Her aunt appeared stunned by the question. ‘Oh, heavens, no. I don’t know where he went. Everyone left very quickly after Nina’s little display. Poor Mike and Janine looked mortified. Evidently they had no idea it was all a furphy.’
The disapproving way Vanessa said Nina made Claire’s heart ache. Nina didn’t deserve condemnation. She was as much a casualty of the whole debacle as Claire was. All she wanted was a chance to do the work she loved in a place she had come to treasure. Claire didn’t blame her for taking Scotty up on his harebrained offer. She was, after all, the one who made him finally tell the truth.
‘Don’t be too hard on Nina,’ she told her aunt. ‘This really isn’t her fault. I’d hate to think that the community won’t continue to support her.’
She gave her aunt and Gus the broad strokes of Scotty and Nina’s ruse, leaving out the part about it being a ploy to win Claire’s heart. Vanessa pursed her lips, but said nothing more.
Gus, on the other hand, wouldn’t be so easily dissuaded. ‘Oh my God,’ she said. ‘So Scotty did all this for you? That is so romantic.’
Damn her shrewd eighteen-year-old brain. She should have known her cousin would immediately see the subtext. Gus didn’t miss a trick. ‘It is not romantic,’ Claire said. ‘It’s deceitful and manipulative and controlling.’
‘Who cares?’
Claire’s fork hit her plate with a clatter. ‘I care, Augusta. Scotty lied to me.’
She shrugged. ‘Only because he knew you wouldn’t believe the truth. You were still so hung up on what happened between you eight years ago. If he’d just come right out and told you he loves you, you would have freaked out and run away again. And it’s not like you haven’t been lying to him too, with all that “we’re just friends” nonsense.’ Gus stared at her, one eyebrow cocked in a way that said, You know I’m right.
The funny thing was, Scotty had said almost the exact same thing to her last night.
‘It’s not that simple,’ Claire said sadly. ‘You wouldn’t understand.’
‘What don’t I understand?’ Gus said, rolling her eyes. ‘Scotty loves you. You love Scotty. Don’t’ – she held up her hand
as Claire opened her mouth to protest – ‘try to deny it. It’s the most obvious thing ever. A whole bunch of bizarre stuff happened, because the two of you are idiots who won’t just admit how you feel, but that’s over now. It is that simple, Claire.’ Gus leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms. ‘It’s the simplest thing in the world.’
Claire looked to Vanessa, silently pleading for backup. But her aunt’s expression was apologetic: she was with Gus on this one.
‘He broke my trust,’ Claire said, her head swivelling between the two of them. ‘Don’t you see that? What does Cosmo have to say about betrayal, Gus?’
‘Yeah, he did,’ she replied. ‘And I don’t need Cosmo to know that if he hadn’t, you never would have admitted to yourself that you’re crazy about him. The question is what are you going to do about it?’
Claire paused, trying to untangle her knotty thoughts. She had to admit that Gus was right in one sense: Claire hadn’t exactly been upfront with Scotty about the way she felt or even why she had come back to Bindallarah in the first place. He had made some big mistakes, but Claire knew she was far from blameless. She may not have duped an entire town into believing she was marrying the love of her life in a romantic Christmas Eve ceremony – but she had convinced the people of Bindy that Claire Thorne and Scotty Shannon were ancient history and that simply wasn’t true.
She’d had good reasons for keeping her cards close to her chest, she reasoned. She was only looking out for Scotty, trying not to burden him with her baggage, while at the same time trying to stop him from making a huge mistake. His happiness meant more to her than her own. All she wanted – all she’d ever wanted – was what was best for him. And . . .
And he wanted the same for her.
She knew that she would be happy with Scotty – had known it all along – but didn’t think he wanted her any more. He said she was the only thing that would make him happy, but he’d been afraid to say so because he didn’t think she wanted him.
Oh my God.
They wanted the same thing. The exact same thing.
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