by Caroline Lee
He had changed. He wasn’t the same man he’d been last week, or even just yesterday. Hell, he wasn’t the same man he’d been fifteen minutes ago, before Shannon had told him of Cora’s danger.
He wasn’t the same man, and he didn’t like it.
“Cora!”
Behind him, Shannon sounded breathless and near tears, but Verrick ignored her.
He kept his gaze focused on Cora, willing her to let him know she was unharmed. But she was staring down at Baker’s body, her shirt open and her chest heaving in shock.
“Cora,” he said softly.
And this time, her attention was dragged away from her molester. She slowly raised her wide eyes to his, and he hated the terror he saw in them. He hated the ugly bruises already forming on her neck and chest. He hated he hadn’t somehow known, and arrived sooner to stop this.
And he hated it mattered so much to him.
“Cora,” he whispered again, and moved closer to her.
She whimpered, then threw herself forward, stumbling over one of Baker’s legs and crashing into him with all the force of an ocean wave.
And like a drowning man, he wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her neck. Her arms snaked around him and pulled him close, and he could feel her trembling against his chest. He tightened his hold and did his best to draw all the fear and horror out of her, to take it all into himself.
Detach.
He could handle it, and he didn’t want her to have to become as icy and cold as he was.
“Are you hurt?” he asked softly, dreading the answer.
She shook her head and tried to burrow against his chest.
“Cora, I have to know,” he urged. Should he take her to the doctor?
He felt her take a deep breath.
“I’m alright,” she said indistinctly.
Tugging slightly, he managed to get her to loosen her hold long enough for him to look down into her face. She flicked her blue eyes up to his, then locked her gaze firmly on his chin.
“He—” She took another deep breath, and her tongue flicked out over her plump bottom lip. “He didn’t have a chance to do anything other than—than—” She swallowed.
Verrick nodded, understanding, and behind him Shannon made an indistinct noise.
Cora wasn’t harmed. She wasn’t alright, not by a long shot, but she didn’t need the doctor. And now Baker was dead and would never harm another woman.
Baker was dead, and it hadn’t been a fair fight. Verrick had drawn his gun in anger—No. Not anger. Rage.
He’d been consumed with rage when he’d seen Baker touching her like that. Just like he’d allowed himself to be distracted by the pleasure of holding her in his arms. Just like he’d been filled with contentment to have her sitting with him by the campfire that morning.
Rage. Pleasure. Contentment.
That wasn’t who he was. That wasn’t detachment. That wasn’t calm. And it damn well wasn’t focused.
Calm. Detach. Focus.
Verrick took a deep breath, then another. And knew what he had to do.
Taking Cora’s face in his hands, he forced her to meet his eyes. She unwrapped herself from him, and placed her hands on his chest. He wondered if she could feel his heart.
He wondered if he could feel it.
This goodbye was the hardest thing he’d ever had to do—harder even than walking away from Sunset Valley and his infant son twenty-two years ago. But he had to do it because it was hard. Because otherwise, he would become…
He would become another man.
He squeezed his eyes shut and leaned forward to press his forehead against hers, just as he’d done last night—a lifetime ago—when he’d asked if she was sure she wanted a man like him in her arms. She’d said yes, but had no idea what she was asking for.
He was Verrick, and he couldn’t be anyone else. Couldn’t be the man she deserved.
So he wouldn’t let himself taste her lips one last time. He pulled her closer, pressing their foreheads together, as if that could possibly make up for the years to come without her.
“Goodbye, Cora,” he whispered with a rasp in his voice. “I will remember your smiles.”
And then he let her go, pushed himself away, ignoring her sob and Shannon’s gasp. He had to ignore everything, or he wouldn’t make it out the door—
“Verrick!”
Her call stopped him. He closed his eyes briefly on the pain he hated feeling, wondering if he could leave without acknowledging her.
No.
He opened his eyes and turned on one booted heel, careful to keep the pain from his expression. After all, this was the last time he would feel like this. This was the worst the pain would get. Soon he’d be himself again.
She was reaching out to him with one hand, desperation in her eyes, and it almost killed him to stay where he was.
“Verrick, I love you.”
Love? No. No, that wasn’t for him. He’d seen what had happened when he allowed emotions to ruin his control, and he couldn’t become that man.
So he hardened his heart and clenched his fists, and slowly dipped his chin in acknowledgment.
“I know.”
And as he turned to walk out of the room, out of the Three Queens Saloon, out of Black Aces and out of her life, he saw Cora sink to her knees with a hopeless sob and felt something inside his chest break in half.
He’d been wrong. The pain could get worse.
Chapter Ten
New Year’s Day
“Go on, try some!” Shannon waved a fork with a piece of chocolate cake in Cora’s direction. “I think this is your best one yet.”
Cora sat at the kitchen table and stared down at the plate in front of her. It had become something of a tradition, the two sisters each tasting a piece of whatever dessert Cora was trying to master, and critiquing it. This cake was the culmination of two months’ efforts, and even Cora could admit it was one of her better attempts.
But it still tasted ashy to her.
So she placed the fork back down on the plate, most of the cake still on it, and sighed. “It’s…good.”
Shannon snorted, then turned back to the counter to cut herself another slice. “It’s better than mine. When you set your mind to something, you really excel. Just like when you were learning to paint.”
“When I was learning to paint you were still in diapers.” Father had seen her talent and ordered some different types of supplies, and Cora hadn’t looked back. “I’m nine years older than you.”
Shannon stuck her tongue out, then giggled. “But I’m bigger now.”
“Ha! That you are.” Cora eyed her sister’s expanding tummy. Shannon was huge, and still had a few months to go. “Did you tell Lucas my theory about twins?”
Her little sister groaned theatrically as she rested her hip against the counter and leaned on one hand. “You should’ve seen his face when I reminded him we have twin brothers. His eyes rolled back and he went all white. I thought he was going to pass out!”
Cora chuckled at the description. “I wish you would’ve waited ‘til I was there. Or better yet, let me do the telling! You know I love to tease him.”
“You’re right, I should’ve.”
It was the way Shannon said it, like all the laughter leeched out of her in a single statement, before she shoved a too-big bite into her mouth. Cora’s brows shot up.
“What’s that supposed to mean?
Shannon shrugged and gestured to her mouth, which wasn’t chewing too convincingly. Cora rolled her eyes and propped her elbow on the table, her chin in her palm, clearly willing to wait.
At last, Shannon swallowed, then shrugged. “I just—” She shrugged again. “Listen, you two have just been so—so mopey.”
“Me? It’s Lucas who’s been mopey!” He hadn’t really, not when he had his child’s arrival to look forward to, but she couldn’t let her sister get away with insults.
Shannon sighed and crossed the kitchen to sit acro
ss from Cora. With her belly and trying to balance the plate, it wasn’t as graceful a maneuver as it had been six months ago, but Cora had to admit her sister was glowing.
Shannon finally got situated with a huff, and pierced her sister with a glare. “Yes, Lucas is mopey, but I swear, when I confronted him about it, he said the exact same thing. Only, with your name instead of his.” She waved her fork. “You know what I mean.”
“Why would I be mopey?” Cora did her best to appear less-mopey. “And what’s Lucas moping about, anyhow?”
Shannon rolled her eyes and bit into the cake again. “M ame-ing ooo-ah.”
Cora’s lips tightened to hide her grin. “What?”
“I said…” Shannon swallowed. “The same thing you are.” She pointed the fork directly at Cora. “Verrick.”
Just like any other time anyone said his name, the sound pierced Cora’s heart. She covered her pain with a smile. “What about him? He’s been gone, what? Three months already? Four?”
“Fifteen weeks, as if you weren’t counting each and every day,” Shannon said dismissively. “You and Lucas both.”
Fifteen weeks, three days, nineteen hours.
The first few days had been the worst. Cora had used the excuse of Baker’s attack to go back to Sunset Valley and lie in bed. The problem was, any time someone brought up what Baker had done, she instead remembered Verrick’s hands on her body, the pleasure Verrick had brought her.
Just like she’d known he would.
And being in her room on the ranch, no matter all her paints were there and it was achingly familiar…it was no longer home. Just like Verrick had said out there on the range: he was meant to drift, and she was too. She’d already painted the ranch and the mountains and the range and the cattle in hundreds of different lights and combinations and weather. After the first snowfall, she’d spent enough time outside, Lucas had sent his new foreman to track her down, then lectured her on the dangers of frostbite. And now? Now, she’d turned to baking. Because she was bored.
Because she missed Verrick, the way she’d miss her painting or her right arm or the act of breathing. He’d become a part of her in such a short time, and now, she was learning to live without him. Learning to live with the knowledge that just when she’d thought he might understand her feelings for him, he’d turned away. He’d walked away from all of them, and no one in Black Aces had heard from him since that autumn evening.
“Cora,” Shannon said softly, placing her hand over her sister’s, “Lucas misses him just as much. I’ve put up with it for months now, but I can’t stand the two people I love most in this world being so miserable. It’s not good for any of us,” she said as she rubbed her belly with her free hand, “And it’s not good for the baby.”
“Babies,” Cora automatically teased, although her heart wasn’t in it.
Shannon rolled her eyes. “Baby. But see? That’s the Cora I know and love. You haven’t been yourself since he left.”
Cora smiled again and slouched in her chair. “I told you before I left I was just going with him for a bit of an adventure, didn’t I? I got that adventure, and now I’m…I’m home.”
She hadn’t meant to stumble over the word “home”, but from Shannon’s sad smile, her sister had noticed. The truth was, Sunset Valley hadn’t felt like a home for fifteen weeks, three days, and nineteen hours. Not since Verrick had shown her what might’ve been.
“You can keep telling yourself that, Cora,” Shannon said softly, “but you and I both know the difference. I heard what you said to him in that saloon room.”
I love you, Verrick.
Cora pulled her hand out from under her sister’s. “Then you heard what he said in response.”
“I did.” Shannon shrugged and fiddled with her fork once more. “But I saw his face when he said it. For a man known for being emotionless, I’d never seen his expression so blank. He was hiding something, something powerful.”
Cora loved her sister for trying to cheer her up, but she knew the truth.
She’d distracted Verrick, just as he’d claimed that day on the road to the ranch. She’d distracted not only his focus and his instincts…but she’d distracted him from himself. She’d changed him.
Oh, it hadn’t been on purpose. But the man he’d been out there on the trail with her, the man who spoke about his past and who looked as if he might actually smile, and who loved her so gently…he wasn’t the real Verrick. She’d changed him, as clearly as if she’d set out to do it, and he’d hated that.
Or he would’ve, if he’d felt anything as strong as hate.
No, he was gone now, gone back to being his old self, his normal self. And she had the memory of those few wonderful days, and the sparks they’d shared between them for months prior, to keep her company at night.
No one had heard from him—or about him—in fifteen weeks, three days, and nineteen hours. Sometimes she laid awake at night, wondering where he was and what he was doing. Sometimes she worried about his safety, guessing if something happened to him, there’d be no way his family would know about it until the papers published an account.
But despite Lucas’s inquiries, no one seemed to know anything about Verrick. He’d disappeared.
Cora sighed. “I’m sorry if I’ve been mopey.” Probably best to just admit it, and get the teasing over with.
But her sister just smiled sadly and dropped her chin. “I didn’t mean to bug you about it. I’m just worried.”
“Not about me though, right? I’m the easy one.” Cora picked up her fork and bit into the remainder of the piece of cake. It didn’t taste any better than it had ten minutes ago, but it wasn’t bad. She just wasn’t in the mood for sweets, not since Verrick wasn’t here to—
Shut up, stupid brain.
Shannon seemed willing to accept the conversation change. “Oh, no. Not at all worried about you. My husband is the mopey one. Lucas—”
“Hello!” The back door opened to a gust of blistery winter wind. “Did I hear my name? Are you talking about me?” Lucas tromped in, stomping snow off his boots. “Is that cake? You’re taste-testing cake without me?”
His smile didn’t seem strained as he bent down to give his wife a kiss. Shannon closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, so he kissed her again, and then a third time, which lasted much longer.
Cora had to look away, hating herself for the way her heart ached at their happiness.
“Don’t get up,” Lucas whispered against Shannon’s skin before he straightened, unwinding the scarf from around his neck and pulling his gloves off. “I’ll serve myself.”
He poured himself a cup of coffee, before cutting a large slice of chocolate cake, and leaned against the counter in the same spot Shannon had been. “Mmm, this is good. Almost makes a man forget how damned cold it is out there!”
The sisters exchanged an amused glance.
Oh, he’s real mopey, Cora tried to convey with her eyebrows to her sister. Shannon stuck her tongue out again.
Cora’s lips twitched. “It’s amazing how, when you were trying to sell my sister on how wonderful Montana was, you neglected to mention your winters.”
“Well,” said Lucas with a shrug in between bites, “the winters are beautiful too, you’ve gotta admit.”
“Yeah.” For the first time in a while, Cora actually felt like smiling, and when she sighed, it felt as if a bit of the heaviness she’d been carrying lifted off. “Yeah, they really are.”
Shannon gestured for Lucas to pass her his mug of coffee. “How was your trip? Anything interesting happening in Black Aces?”
Leaning away from the counter, he handed his wife his mug and watched her while she took a sip, then retrieved it. He still hadn’t removed his coat, so he really must be cold.
“Blake’s sale went through, and he’s planning on spending the rest of the winter doing what he can to fix the place up.”
“That’s wonderful!” Shannon grinned. “I just hope he doesn’t over-exert himself.�
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Doc Vickers must’ve really been a miracle-worker, because Blake survived Baker’s gunshot to the stomach. It apparently messed up his insides, but missed most of the important bits. It took the poor man two and a half months to recover, and he still wasn’t back to capacity.
In fact, with the damage to his torso, the doctor said it’d be unlikely Blake would be able to ride a horse for long periods ever again. Since being Sunset Valley’s foreman required long hours in the saddle, Lucas had to promote Lefty. But with Lucas’s help, Blake had been able to purchase a large barn in town, and was planning on converting it to a livery stable. He’d be able to work with horses again at least. Eventually.
Lucas shrugged in response to Shannon’s concern. “I can’t guarantee it, but I gave him an earful, along with the Christmas cookies and scarf you sent him. He says he’s looking forward to seeing us in church once this place thaws.”
“Ugh,” Shannon groaned. “That’ll be, what? June?”
Lucas wrapped his hands around the mug and grinned. “Don’t be ridiculous.” He took a sip. “May, probably.”
They both chuckled, and Cora hid her sigh. Shannon’s baby was due in March, and everyone was looking forward to that joyful time. But the idea of being stuck here at Sunset Valley for three more long months, not even able to roam the range, now winter had set in, it was enough to make her mopey again.
“Did you get more of the white paint I asked for?” she asked. The only thing left to paint was the snow-covered landscapes, and she’d gone through her stash of white and pinks and pale blue already.
Lucas winced and placed the mug on the counter behind him. “Sorry, but Mr. Gomez has ordered some and thinks it should be in next week. I’ll check when I go back into town.”
“That’s alright.” Cora didn’t bother hiding her sigh this time. “I’ll do an autumn scene from memory.” Although she was honest enough to admit her work hadn’t been up to par lately. Everything just seemed so…dull. “I think—”
A noise on the back porch sent Lucas’s head whipping around. He’d obviously inherited his father’s sixth sense. They all stared at the back door for a long moment, but no further noises came. The men were out doing cow-things, or whatever they got up to in ankle-deep snow, so unless one of them had returned early, and was now standing in front of the back door, hesitating…