by Chloe Walsh
21
"I got your gifts," I announced, hovering in the doorway of my father's sitting room, feeling small and uncertain. Trigger kept his broad back to me as I spoke.
"I love it – I love them both." Flustered and with a heart-spiking temperature, I shrugged and clasped my hands together, watching him warily. "Thank you."
With a tumbler of amber liquid in his hand, he leaned against the wall, attention riveted to the darkness outside the window.
I hadn't seen him in two weeks and my eyes greedily drank him in.
Even though he made no move to answer me, I could tell that he was listening. I could tell that my presence affected him. The muscles hidden beneath the white shirt he was wearing had coiled tight the moment I opened my mouth.
"I hope they please you," he finally replied before draining the contents of his glass. Setting the crystal tumbler on the window sill, he leaned closer to the glass, clearly watching something that I couldn’t see. "Let me know if there is anything else you wish to have and I will make it happen."
Our baby, was on the tip of my tongue but for once in my life, I reined it in and kept quiet.
"What are you looking at?" I asked as curiosity willed me into the room. "What's out there?" Moving to stand beside him, I peered into the darkness but came up empty. "What can you see?"
"Nothing." Trig sighed and the movement caused his arm to brush against mine. "Yet."
A deep shiver rolled through me and I wrestled with my emotions, wanting to both run from him and run to him. "Trig… about us."
He cut me a dark look and I quickly changed course.
"Not that," I hurried to amend, choosing to attack the baby conversation when I had gained some higher ground. "Us. You and me. I wanted to tell you that I really app –"
"Do not say it," he cut me off, tone quiet. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he kept his gaze on the window. "It is not necessary."
"Thank you," I blurted out anyway, unable to live with this gaping hole in my chest a second longer. "For saving my life –"
"I said stop." With a shake of his head, he moved to turn away from me, but I reached out and grabbed his arm. He stiffened under my touch but he didn’t pull away. "Stop," he repeated, voice pained. "Stop."
"Thank you." Tugging his hand from his pocket, I entwined our fingers and stepped closer. Heart thumping violently, I cradled his large, tattooed hand to my chest, and stared into his wickedly dark eyes. "Thank you."
"Corderito," he sighed, Adam's apple bobbing his throat, as his eyes searched mine. "I do not want to hear you say those words to me again."
I stepped closer and he shook his head. "I'm grateful, Trig."
"You owe me nothing for bringing you home." His eyes flared with heat as he tried to put some distance between us – an impossible thing to do when I refused to let go of his hand. "It is your god given right to be here," he continued, failing to pull his hand free from both of mine. "So just live out your life and enjoy your peace."
"With you?"
He frowned, not understanding.
"Live out my life with you?" I pushed, pulse fluttering.
"I need you to stay with me," he explained, brows furrowed. "It is the only way I can keep you safe from him. You will not come to any harm here. You have my word." He sighed heavily. "And I do not expect you to fight with the army. I should not have asked you for that. It is not a role you play anymore. It is not good for your health. I understand that now." Jaw clenched, his eyes roamed over my body, lingering on my stomach before quickly looking away. "I am sorry for my absence." His voice was low and gruff. "I needed some time." He swallowed deeply. "To process."
I knew it.
Taking care of business, my ass.
He was avoiding me.
I nodded slowly, not taking my eyes off him. "It's okay."
"No," he corrected quietly. "It is really not."
"It was a lot to take in," I offered breathily. "A lot has happened in a very short period of time."
"Sí," he agreed grimly. "But I want you to know something."
"Okay?"
"I need you to know that even though you are under my protection, and we have this union, I do not expect you to service me."
I cocked a brow. "Service you?"
"Wrong word?"
"I sure as hell hope so."
"Fuck." He shook his head and released a frustrated growl. "What I am trying to say is that you are not a whore in this house. Not under my roof. Do you understand me? That is not your role."
"I think so." Nodding, I released a shaky breath. "But I'm still yours, right?"
"No, corderito." He stared hard at me. "You are not my whore."
"But you said –"
"I have said many things," he snapped, sounding flustered. "I have made many mistakes with you. But you are no whore, and despite my behavior, I have never thought of you as one."
"Then what am I?"
He stared hard at me, but didn’t respond.
"Trig?"
"If I could give you freedom, I would." Expelling a pained breath, he went there first when he said, "If I could give you the baby you crave, I would, but it is not possible for us. Not right now. Not in our world."
"You already gave me the baby, Trig," I reminded him, unable to keep the emotion from my voice. "You just need to allow nature to take its course."
"No." His hands balled into fists at his sides. "That is not possible."
My eyes filled with tears. "Don't make me do this."
He stiffened and turned away from me. "This conversation is over."
"Please, Trig. We can lie about the dates," I urged, reaching for him, unwilling and unable to back down. "Hide me. Lock me away. I'll stay inside. I won't tell anyone." I tightened my hold on his hand. "Just...just let me do this." I swallowed the lump in my throat before continuing, "I can do this, Trig. I think I might be good at it."
"It is too dangerous," he ground out. "And even if you were not in danger, you are too young to be burdened with something I did to you."
I frowned at him. "What?"
"You were not willing that night." His eyes burned with heat. "I took it anyway." He shook his head in disgust. "And I put something inside of your unwilling body."
"I'm willing now, Trig," I blurted out. "I am."
He shook his head and turned away. "It has to go."
"I want to be a mother."
"And I do not want to be a father."
"Because you're scared," I told him. "Not because you don't care."
"I will not watch you suffer what I know awaits you if you keep that thing," he snapped. "If you have a son, you will never get a chance to raise it. And if you have a daughter?" His voice cracked. "We both know that it is more merciful to end it now."
"But you wouldn't let anything happen to our baby, Trig," I argued passionately. "I know you wouldn't."
"And if something was to happen to me," he demanded. "What then? Who would protect you? Who would keep you safe?"
"I get it." Shivering, I kept moving for him, not shying away when he stepped away, walking backwards. "I really do, Trig." I claimed the space he had put between us and pressed my chest to his. "But this is your flesh and blood."
"Stop." A pained groan tore from his throat moments before he knocked up against the edge of an armchair. He toppled into the chair and I wasted no time in climbing onto his lap. "End of discussion."
"I want your baby to grow inside me," I breathed, heart racing violently in my chest. "I've been lost without you." He hissed out a pained groan and I snuggled closer. "I want to feel close to you again." Nuzzling his jaw with my nose, I whispered, "I want this with you."
"No," he strangled out. "I cannot allow it."
"I have a pain in my heart, mi rey," I whimpered, knotting my fingers in his shirt. "Because I miss you so badly."
Pain flickered in his eyes. "Corderito –"
"Because I don’t hate you half as much as I love you," I hurried to te
ll him. "Because I do, Trig." Releasing my hold on his shirt, I trailed my fingers down his hard chest. "It's still there for me." Resisting the carnal urge to sink my nails into his flesh, I glanced up at him through hooded eyes. "You still burn me."
"You cannot love me," he accused, giving me a hard look. "You said so yourself – I forced you."
"Maybe you did, and maybe you didn’t." I exhaled a ragged breath and let my shoulders sag, tossing the weight away for just one night. "Maybe it doesn’t matter anymore."
"Corderito." His nostrils flared as he hardened beneath me. "Stop with your mind games. I know what you are trying to do. I will not change my mind –"
"No more games, Trig," I breathed, chest rising and falling quickly, as I watched him watch me. "Just us."
"You lie," he accused. "It is always a game with you." He eyed me with barely restrained passion. "Witch craft."
"No," I breathed, giving him back his words from years ago. "I truth."
"Use your words," he feign-scolded, eyes blazing with heat. "I taught you better than that."
"Do I still burn you, Trig?" Tugging his shirt free from the waistband of his slacks, I slipped my hands under the fabric, biting down hard on my lip when I felt his hot, taut flesh. "Does your heart still beat for me?" Leaning close, I pressed my lips to the curve of his jaw and whispered, "Is it still there for you?"
"Of course, it is," he hissed, hands moving to steady my arms. "You scorch me, corderito."
"Then claim me." Looking deep into his eyes, I reached up and trailed my fingers through his silky dark hair before resting my trembling hands on his shoulders. "Properly. While I sit here willing. Right here and now, Trig. Claim me."
Not waiting for him to respond, I dove for his fly, freeing him with remarkable ease.
Yanking his pants and boxers down his hips, I watched as his erection sprang free.
Thick and long and glistening with pre-cum.
"I want you," I whispered, tracing the head of his cock with my thumb, smearing his pre-cum down his shaft. "Tell me that you want me back."
"Corderito –"
"Tell me," I demanded, parting my bathrobe to reveal my nakedness, and enjoying the sound of his sharp intake of breath.
Rising up on my knees, I gripped his thick cock and adjusted myself above him, teasing my pussy lips with the wide head.
My heart was racing dangerously fast, but I didn’t care.
If it burst into flames this very minute then I would gladly bask in the fiery explosion.
"You cannot seduce me into keeping a child I do not want," he growled, flexing his hips upwards, expression ravenous. "I will not be manipulated."
"I am willingly offering myself to you." Slowly, I lowered myself onto his shaft, inch by delicious inch until he was buried to the hilt inside of me. Moaning loudly, I begged, "Take me."
Releasing a feral growl, Trig bucked his hips upwards, hands moving to clamp down hard on my hips.
"Fuck." Groaning, he leaned forward, resting his face between the valley of my breasts. "What are you trying to do to me?"
Nuzzling my breasts almost lovingly, he slowly took one of my pebbled nipples into his mouth, suckling gently before releasing it with a loud pop and turning his attention to my other nipple.
"I love your tits," he whispered, suckling and nipping at my flesh. "I love every inch of your body."
"Claim me, Trig –" Trembling, I leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, rocking my hips in rhythm with his slow, lazy thrusts. "Please." Taking one of his big hands in mine, I placed it on my stomach. "Claim your family."
"I want to give you what you want," he admitted gruffly, sitting forward so that our chests were touching, still rocking slowly inside me. "But you have to understand that I can't. It would be reckless and unsafe. You are nineteen. I am twenty-two. My world is toxic. It is dangerous for you – for a family. I would spend the rest of my days looking over my shoulder. I cannot do it. And Fabio? He'll hunt you down just like he did my mother. He will take your son just like he took me. I cannot bring a child into the world who is marked with the same curse as I am."
With a heavy exhale, he snaked his free hand around my back, holding me close to him as he pumped harder.
A delicious ripple of pleasure rose inside of me, blooming and growing at a rapid pace.
"And I cannot forget what happened, either, corderito." Pressing his brow to mine, he closed his eyes and shook his head, hips still moving at a drugging pace. "You broke me." A deep shudder rolled through him and he thrust hard inside me. "I have never felt pain like that before." His eyes snapped open and he showed me his devastation.
It was crippling.
"I, too, think that I am lost without you, corderito," he admitted, voice torn. "I feel all of the things that weigh heavily on your heart. I feel it all. So much feelings that I cannot breathe. My chest is on fire." His hand covered my cheek, touch soothing. "But every time I look at you, I see that night. I see their burning bodies. I feel that same hatred. I am standing there with a gun pressed to your head and all I want to do is pull the trigger." He exhaled a pained groan and slipped a hand between us to thumb my clit. "It is very difficult for me to see past it." With lonesome eyes, he looked straight into mine. "It is very difficult to love you when you cost me her."
Closing my eyes, I jerked violently in his arms, feeling my orgasm crash through me as my heart splintered.
Tears flowed freely down my face and I moaned and writhed in a sick and twisted form of pained pleasure.
"Trig –"
"They took her from me, and you took you from me," he hurried to say, chest rising and falling quickly as his thrusts increased. "You were the only good thing in my life." He pumped me harder. "You were my whole life. I lived for you." He rolled his hips and pulled my hips down hard, impaling my pussy with his cock. "I truthfully, hopelessly, honestly lived for you." His chest was heaving as his pain and truth burst to the surface. "I didn’t just lose them that night, mi reina," he choked out as his orgasm swept through him. Jolting beneath me, Trig released inside of me and I could feel his hot seed filling my pussy. "I lost you, too."
Guilt and regret sliced through me.
"You broke me, too, Trig," I reminded him in a small voice, curling my arms around his neck as I shook violently. "You've done terribly things to me – said awful things. But here I am." With my eyes, I willed him to moved past it and meet me on the other side of our pain. "Just come back to me."
"What if I can't?" His voice was low, his tone thick with emotion, as he nuzzled my nose with his, still hard inside of me. "What if this is another trick?"
"I never tricked you, Trig," I choked out, voice cracking. "I made a mistake."
"I know," he groaned and buried his face in my neck, peppering my flesh with kisses. "And I want to forgive you."
"Then forgive me," I urged. "Just do it."
There was a long stretch of silence before he spoke again.
"I can care for you," he finally said, offering his version of a compromise. "I can do that."
"Like before?"
He hesitated and that was all I needed to know.
"Forget it." I felt like a bucket of freezing water had been doused over me. "You were right, Trig." Climbing off his lap, I moved for the door. "We're completely fucked."
"Corderito –"
"You said before that I couldn’t kill you because you were already dead. Well, if you take my baby from me, I will be dead, too, Trigger," I said numbly when I reached the door. "I will die. You will be killing a part of me that you can never bring back." Trembling, I stared at the man I'd given my black heart to and begged him with my eyes to see me. "I'm on the edge and you keep pushing me closer."
"You will live," was all he replied.
And I was sure he was right.
But what if I didn’t want to?
22
"Where is he, baby whore?" Yegor demanded, cornering me when I came out of the ensuite bathro
om. "I know your prince of darkness is up to something, and you –" he took a step closer, crowding my small body with his much larger frame, "are going to tell me everything."
The moment my eyes landed on the Crellid brothers and their heavies looming nearby, the penny dropped.
I had been betrayed.
"You set me up," I accused, unable to mask the hurt in my voice. "You told me that you wanted to talk about…" I let my words trail off because, unlike the youngest Crellid son, I was no turncoat. I would take his secrets to the grave. "You asked me to come to your room so they could corner me alone, didn’t you?"
Anxiety skyrocketed inside of my body and I glowered at Jethro, who was sitting on his bed, looking every inch the guilty party.
As so he should.
Jet knew that Trigger wasn’t at the estate tonight and he also knew why.
I was alone and unprotected.
"You're a piece of shit, Jethro Crellid," I spat, trembling with temper. Turning my attention back to his older brother, I added, "I'm not telling you shit, Yegor, so go right ahead and do your worst."
"Do my worst?" Yegor laughed darkly. "Oh, baby whore, you have no idea how painful I can make this for you."
With a swift nod of his head, two of his heavies stepped forward and grabbed my arms.
"You're all dead," I warned, fighting against their hold as they dragged me to the bed kicking and screaming. "If you lay a finger on me, he will burn you all."
"I'm sorry, Ash," Jet began to say when the men threw me onto the bed and held me down. "I wish it didn’t have to be this way –"
"I wish you had been swallowed!" I screamed back at him, as I bucked and fought against their hold on my body. "Assholes! I'll kill you all!"
"Strip her bare," Yegor instructed, ignoring my threats, as he chuckled in amusement. "Let's see what Northwood's heiress whore has under those clothes that has driven my father's bastard to the brink of insanity."
As the men ripped my clothes from my body, I locked eyes on Anton, who was standing off to the side, leaning against the wall with his arms folded across his broad chest, looking entirely uninterested in what was happening around him.