by Nicole Falls
"Wait...am I still talking to Noelle Christine Holliday? The same girl who made us serenade her with the echoing Noels from 'The First Noel' instead of singing happy birthday every year? The same girl who decked her entire locker out in Christmas decorations including a light show that I'm still not quite certain how you managed to rig?"
I pressed a hand to her forehead and continued, "You feeling all right?"
She swatted my hand away, laughing and changed the subject, "Anyway. Why haven’t I seen you, neighbor?"
"Maybe you weren't looking hard enough?" I replied, feeling a grin creep across my face.
"Man, whateva," she said, grabbing her drinks and walking back toward the table where her sisters sat.
Without hesitation, I followed behind her. As we sat down at the table, whatever conversation they were having drew to an abrupt halt as the Holliday sisters chorused, "Hey Jay," dragging out the end of my name before bursting into giggles. It'd been their standard greeting since that day long ago in my driveway and I couldn't help but join them in the laughter.
"Lolo, Ginger, Juju," I said, addressing each sister with a nod of my head before dapping up Ginger's husband Josh. I couldn't believe that he and Ginger were still rocking strong after all this time. I remember when they were just in middle school and he would walk her home every day, struggling to carry both of their backpacks while Ginger danced and twirled along the sidewalk. That man was a good one because of all of the Holliday sisters, that Ginger was a handful. Living next door to them, they became like my little sisters. Our parents grew close fairly quickly, so a lot of our holidays and birthday celebrations were spent together.
"Juju, did you know that No Z had moved back in next door?" Noelle asked.
"Nope," Juju replied, getting up from the table and heading toward the bar.
That was a smooth ass lie. She absolutely knew that I had moved back and what had caused me to move back. My mother couldn't hold water and neither could hers, but shockingly—instead of telling the sister who I thought she would about my situation, Mrs. Holliday spilled the beans to Juniper. And in true Juniper form, she was on my stoop within minutes plotting. Everything about today was a carefully orchestrated plot. From the Holliday sisters doing this scavenger hunt to my perfectly timed entrance into the bar where I would happen to run into them. The Universe aided and abetted my plan better than I could have ever designed when a Jay Z song happened to be playing as I walked in. Noelle had started calling me No Z, she claimed to distinguish me from Shawn Carter in conversation, but I think mostly to get on my nerves because I hated the shit. But like every other quirk of hers that managed to be annoying, I ignored it because it was Noelle.
I tugged at the candy cane striped wristband on her arm and asked about the scavenger hunt to shift the too close attention Noelle was paying to Juniper's abrupt exit. That got all of the sisters going then, each of them chiming in with stories about one another at various stops on the bar crawl. My purpose in asking about the bar crawl was two-fold, honestly. I had a vested interest in the outcome of it all being a good time had by all participants. My homie Todd and I had started this company, "Dude, Where's My Bar?" on a whim. Our initial idea was a yelp-like app that eventually morphed into themed bar crawls because the one thing that both Todd and I learned in our undergrad experiences was that young whites liked two things— drinking and holidays. We figured there was no better cash cow than to create an experience that merged the two. Since starting DWMB, we'd successfully pulled off more than ten of these randomly themed bar crawls celebrating everything from the dawn of the New Year to Arbor Day. The plan was for me to be a partner in name only, giving Todd seed money to get it off the ground, but when he suggested adding the trivia and scavenger aspects, my silent partnership's volume was turned up to 11. Since I was living on the other side of the country when we started DWMB, most of my input and reports back had been from a remote point of view, so this was my first time actually seeing a crawl in action and getting firsthand feedback from someone who’d gone through the event.
"Well I'm glad y'all had a good time, man. We worked had to make sure that it was entertaining on all fronts," I said at a break during the conversation.
"Wait what?" Noelle said, turning in her seat to face me head on, "What do you mean we worked hard?"
"Dude Where's My Bar—the company that put together the hunt—is the brainchild of me and Todd Jennings. You remember TJ right?"
TJ also had a crush on Noelle when we were growing up, but unlike me, he couldn't keep his head straight whenever we were around her. It wasn't very often, usually when TJ was coming to or leaving from my house, but the dude lost all sense of capable thought at the barest hint of recognition from Noelle. And NoNo lapped up the attention, but never in that arrogant, popular girl way which just endeared her to TJ all the more. Luckily, he met the love of his life in undergrad so I wouldn't have to be vying with him for Noelle's affections in adulthood.
"How is good ol' TJ?"
"Still a sucker for the ladies. Juggling three of them as we speak," I replied, purposefully being vague, but at Noelle's wide gaze I continued, "His wife and daughters, that is."
"You play too much," Noelle laughed, punching me in the arm, "I was about to say don't tell me TJ went off to college, became a player, and got fine, too."
I raised an eyebrow, "Too?"
Noelle rose from her seat and turned in the direction of the bar, calling over her shoulder, "Anyone else need another?"
As soon as Noelle was out of ear hustling range both Valora and Ginger descended upon me with questions. Neither of them gave me a chance to respond as they each went back and forth in a rapid-fire manner. I looked to both of the men sitting at the table, but suddenly their phones were the most interesting things in the world.
"Hold on, y'all," I said, "What question do you want me to answer first? Actually...nah, scratch that. Lolo you go first, then Ginger."
“All right, Jay…what’s really good? Last we heard you were off in Cali living the dream about to be married to some chick that sells waist trainers and fit tea on the internet, now you back home tryna push up on my sister already?”
“Damn Lolo, I expected that from Ginger, but not you. Straight out the gate, like that?”
“Boy bye. We all know you’ve had a barely concealed crush on Noelle since she was skinnin’ and grinnin’ in your face when y’all moved in. You let her friend zone you quick tho, bruh…what was up with that?”
“Which question would you like me to answer first?” I replied, drolly.
“Negro…” Valora trailed off.
“What’s good is that Juju told me that Noelle’s in need of a little Christmas cheer, so we’re working on getting her in the spirit. That’s all. Nobody is pushing up on your sister. I’m just tryna make sure my friend is all good. That’s all.”
Both sisters stared at me through narrowed gazes before turning to one another and seemingly having a conversation that was comprised of not much more than a series of eye blinks and eyebrow movements. Whatever secret code language that these movements conveyed was enough for them to come to a consensus and inform me that they had no further questions.
A few days had passed since the bar crawl, yet despite all of my best efforts I hadn’t seen Noelle at all. In fact, neither of the Holliday sisters that stayed next door had made an appearance in days. I knew this was par for the course with Juju, but Noelle typically adhered to a strict schedule. Just when I was about to call my mother for her to call Mrs. Holliday and get Noelle…or Juniper’s phone number I heard a loud crash on the porch next door. I grabbed a hoodie and ran outside to investigate the cause of the ruckus. As soon as I stepped outside I saw Noelle sitting in the midst of what looked like snow, but I knew wasn’t snow since we were having an unseasonably warm winter and hadn’t been blasted by mother nature just yet. Also scattered around her were random envelopes and a small travel bag.
“You good over here, YesYes?”
Upon hearin
g my voice and the silly nickname I’d given her in return when she christened me No Z, she looked up with a sheepish grin on her face. I offered a hand to help her up and then the both of us began collecting the mail that had scattered. I handed her the small stack of envelopes that I had picked up and followed her into the house.
“I don’t remember inviting you in, man,” Noelle said, rounding on me when I’d barely crossed the threshold.
I ignored her, headed straight into the living room, and flopped down on the couch.
“How in the hell did you end up on your ass surrounded by…snow?”
“I know it’s been a few years, but you couldn’t have forgotten how clumsy I was…hell, still am apparently,” Noelle muttered, with an eye roll, “I was just trying to get all of the mail that the mail person lovingly decided to cram into the box. I lost my balance and well, you saw the rest…”
“And the snow?”
“Ugh, the kids must’ve snuck that into my bag.”
“Kids?”
“You sure do ask a lot of questions,” Noelle giggled.
“And you never used to be this evasive. You got a secret family and kids somewhere, YesYes?” I joked.
A quick look that I couldn’t quite decipher crossed her face before she rolled her eyes and said. “No, fool! I went out East to visit some friends. Their kids were bummed about no snow in December, so we made snow. They must’ve snuck some in my bag when I wasn’t paying attention.”
“Oh that’s where you were,” I said.
“You were looking for me?”
“I…uh…” I trailed off, rubbing the back of my head, "Yeah, actually I was."
I'd been thinking over the best way to bring up this subject since her sisters said that her holiday spirit greatly declined when their father passed a few years back. Mr. Cliff was like a second father to me growing up and I hated not being able to come back and attend his funeral. His death, a sudden and clearly deeply effective loss, was caused by a careless teen that was texting and driving. My mother told me that Noelle had taken his death the hardest of all of the sisters, but it seemed awkward for me to reach out to her in the months after his passing as we'd lost touch during undergrad and our relationship had dwindled down to nearly nothing by the time Mr. Holliday's unfortunate accident occurred.
It seemed hella weird, however, to be back near Noelle and not have her—or hell even any of her sisters—making a big deal about the Christmas holiday. Since our family was small, my parents and I were sort of adopted by the Holliday family and their zeal for going all out sort of trickled into our observations of the holidays as well. In scheming with Juniper, I'd come up with an idea that she said seemed straight out of a lifetime movie, so it was perfect. The rub, however, was whether or not Noelle would actually be game to go along with it.
"So, what's up?" Noelle prompted.
"First, you have to promise me that you'll be open minded about my pitch..."
"Oh please, Jay. You know I don't ever make promises I can't keep."
"Do you trust me?" I asked, walking over to stand in front of her.
She chewed on her lower lip for a second before responding, "I... I can't answer that, Jay. I mean, we haven't exactly been besties or hell in contact in damn near ten years. So, I mean, I guess I trust you as much as I do as the next man on the street."
"Ouch! I'm wounded! Does history mean nothing? Does the Legacy of No Z and YesYes mean nothing?"
"I'm not that girl, anymore Jay. So, respectfully...nah, not really," Noelle shrugged before walking away and heading into the kitchen.
Aight, so she was going to make this shit difficult for me. Juju warned me, but damn she didn't give me a good enough warning about the thick veil of cynicism through which Noelle viewed the world now. But that was the whole reason for this ridiculous, half-cocked plan...to bring back the old Noelle. The one whose eyes sparkled at the mere mention of the December. Admittedly, I could understand where she was coming from, but in order for this plan to work I needed her to be able to trust me completely.
I walked into the kitchen to see Noelle pulling two glasses from the cabinet and setting them down next to a previously uncorked bottle of wine.
"What do you mean, not that girl?"
"I meant that I'm not that pie in the sky, eyes ablaze with flights of fancy, sensitive, sheltered girl whose ideas of fame and fortune you have to coddle. I've settled more into reality and that reality hasn't included you for a very long time, Z. Like...I... forget it," Noelle said, filling both glasses and walking over to the breakfast bar area that I'd sat down at.
"Nah, I don't like the sound of that at all, No. Continue. Let's clear the air...for real this time," I responded, reminding her of the last time we'd had this conversation.
It was actually one of the last times I'd stepped foot in my hometown. It was the Holliday's twenty-fifth wedding anniversary and they wanted everyone home for the big celebration that they were planning. By this time, I'd finished undergrad and was in graduate school and holding down a part-time coding gig at a startup. I had also been dating my now ex Vero for a couple years at this point and it was her first trip coming home with me. During the weekend, we hung out with most of my local friends—including the Holliday sisters. I'd noted some slight tension between Vero and No, but when I asked No about it, she brushed it and me off. And if I wanted to put a fine point on when the trajectory of our relationship changed, it would be somewhere around that point in time.
"Okay," Noelle said, "You wanna go there? Cool...let's go."
"Do you want to know the real reason we haven't talked in so long?" I asked Jay.
I'd been so caught off guard by seeing him at the bar during that damn scavenger hunt, and under the influence of one too many cocktails that it didn't even register to me to still hold the grudge that I'd managed to carry for the better part of the past six years. I was hurt honestly, by what felt like abandonment by the one person who knew me better than anyone else on this earth, including my sisters. Jay and I had a special bond. We clicked immediately when we met as kids and managed to stay tight despite running in different circles during those rough years of high school. Jay was my refuge, my peace, calm in the storm of a performance driven existence that made up the majority of my high school years. He and I would spend hours talking, sharing our dreams for the future, each making plans to take over in our respective industries.
Back then I'd had dreams of becoming the next Danyel Smith. I idolized the hell out of her growing up, obsessed with her features and eventual editorial oversight of Vibe Magazine. I'd even taken to writing my own articles and music reviews which I'd make Jay read and critique. We both had a huge music obsession, bonding over everything from Average White Band to Zhane and everyone in between. Both of his parents were huge music nerds so we'd spend hours in their basement, listening to LPs and vibing. Jay's thing was always computers, anything tech related, really. I remembered he always said that he was going to invent the first car that drove itself.
When it came time to make the college decisions, we split knowing that in order for each of us to actually have a chance at achieving our dreams, we'd have to go to schools that would support the missions. I stayed close to home, choosing Northwestern—where Danyel had been a journalism fellow—and Jay headed west to Stanford. Despite the thousands of miles that separated us, we still managed to keep our unique bond. Until the Era of That Yamp. Don't get me wrong, Jay was my buddy—I'd never seen him in a romantic light. I mean, ok, I noticed his obvious handsomeness that he eventually grew into, but to me he was still gangly, awkward No Z. The Yamp, however, didn't see it that way.
"I assumed it was the normal drift," Jay said, sounding weak as hell.
"Now you know damn well that wasn't it," I replied, sounding rather feisty to my own ears even.
"It certainly wasn't from a lack of trying on my part," Jay responded, "Whenever I would call; you'd either not answer or rush me off the phone. So... I took the hint."
“Nigga, what hint?” I asked, “Your little girlfriend asked me to respect the sanctity of your relationship. Then you texted me basically echoing the same sentiments when I asked what was up, so, I acted accordingly.”
“Hold up, what are you talking about?”
“You got amnesia now? Cut it out, Total Recall.”
“Noelle, I’m serious. What in the hell are you talking about? We never had any text conversation about my relationship with Vero. One—you know me better than that and I wouldn’t do that over text. Two—I never thought you were disrespectful to me and Veronica’s relationship in any way, so I honestly don’t know what you’re talking about. I knew things got a little weird when I brought her home that first time, but I thought we were good by the end of the trip. I mean, I knew y’all wouldn’t be besties, but I certainly didn’t think there was anything…wait…you know what? Now that I think about it, you brushed me off at the end of that trip!”
“What are you talking about?”
“Remember I texted you to meet at Pierpoint Park that Sunday before we took off so we could have some time for us to catch up without everyone else around?”
“Yep. And I was at Pierpoint for an hour looking stupid until it finally dawned on me that you weren’t going to show up.”
“Whoa. You never showed up, friend. I was there at ten just like we agreed upon.”
“You changed it to noon! I even cut brunch short with my sisters to make sure I was on time and like I said, you just didn’t show. So yeah, forgive me if I wasn’t moved to answer your calls when they trickled in sparingly after going weeks with unanswered texts or calls to you.”
Jay mumbled something that sounded distinctly like “that conniving bitch” under his breath before rounding the countertop and embracing me. I refused to face him, keeping my body perpendicular to his and studying my wine glass like it held the secrets of the universe inside the bottom of it. He wasn’t having that as he turned me to lean into the embrace before pressing a quick kiss to my forehead and leaning down to speak into my ear, “I’m sorry.”