“I know exactly what you mean.” He wonders if Marina would be best served by his just killing Christopher. He would be dead, the brother and sister would be hers. Very tempting. The thought of prison is not appealing though.
When they are done with their ice cream, Callum tells Marina about George and they go to the hospital. Marina sits on the edge of George’s bed and tells him all about school. At five, Rosalie comes in.
“You all go home. I’ll stay the night with him,” Rosalie insists. Callum wonders why George and Rosalie insist on pretending their relationship is platonic.
After homework and a late dinner, Victoria sits Marina down for a serious talk. Marina waits in a chair across from Callum and Victoria looking from his face to hers with a worried frown on her own face.
“I want to be completely honest with you Marina. Callum and I are becoming more than friends.” Victoria confesses.
“Duh Mom. Is that it?” They nod. “Goodnight.” Marina says and kisses them both before going to bed.
“That was easy,” Victoria says.
“She’s a smart kid,” Callum says. “Very intuitive.”
An awkward silence falls between them. Callum’s declaration of love earlier sits heavily in the air. Victoria scoots onto his lap and lays her head against his chest again, in the exact way he loves. She can act words of love without saying the words and that is enough for now. They sit for a long time before Callum tells her. He doesn’t want to break the moment, but she needs to know.
“I met Christopher today.” He holds her tight against him.
“Go on.” To her credit, that is all she says.
“There is sort of a dads’ group. Is there such thing?” She doesn’t reply. “Anyway, he and a few other at-home dads, is that a thing? Whatever. They meet up at the gym every morning. They invited me to join them. I need to rehab this leg anyway and I’m not going to PT.”
She silently takes in all he has said.
“I need to know what kind of man he is. He is married and has two kids, a daughter a year younger than Marina and a little boy. He looks a bit older than Clara.”
“A brother and a sister.” she says in a whisper. “How can I keep her from them?” This time he doesn’t answer.
He knows she can’t keep Marina from them. He knows without any doubt that Marina will never forgive her if she does. Regardless of the circumstances, Marina will want to know she has family. But that has to come from Victoria, on her own. Callum can’t force her into it.
“You are going to the gym with them?” she asks and he nods. “I don’t know what I would do without you, Callum. I never meant to rely on you like this, but I do, and it’s hard for me. I’m so used to being alone.”
“You’ll get used to me.” He knows she is trying to explain herself for not returning his words of love. He can wait.
“Today, when I was with my Dad and you were with Marina, I was thinking. You need to go back to England,” she says.
He has no intention of going anywhere. “Stop Victoria,” he nearly whines.
“No Callum, I’m serious. You need to resolve things with Elizabeth and Jeremy. You can’t hide here. It will all catch up with you eventually. You’ll have regrets if you don’t tie up your loose ends.”
“I’m not going back to fucking England. That is over for me,” he insists.
“For now, maybe it is over for you but not forever,” she insists back.
“Will you stop fucking pushing me away,” he pleads. “I just told you I loved you.”
“Callum,” she says getting angry. “How can we love each other if you have all of this unfinished business? We can’t.”
He shoves her from his lap and she lands on the sofa next to him with a bounce. “Off you go,” he says and crosses his arms over his chest. He gives his brain a moment to consider her words. What if Elizabeth showed up this minute on his doorstep, done with Jeremy, ready to spend her life with Callum? Is that what Victoria is asking? Is he over Elizabeth?
“I love you. Will you fucking let me?” He begs. “I’m going nowhere.”
“I can’t say it yet Callum. I’m not sure you are really ready for those words.”
He’d like the words, but he doesn’t need the words. For now her mouth on his will be enough. He kisses her to stop her from talking. They make out a while, old school. Eventually she slides from the sofa and lowers herself to the floor between his legs, reaching for his zipper.
“No,” he says, as a reaction to a feeling he doesn’t understand. He doesn’t want her there, like that, with him. Not now, not ever.
“Why Callum? We’ve never done that. You aren’t interested? I find that hard to believe,” she emphasizes the word hard.
He thinks about all of those women. All of the women he treated in a way that he would never want Victoria treated. He wasn’t kind to them. Christopher wasn’t kind. Does Christopher think he wasn’t kind or does Christopher know he is a rapist? What the hell is rape? Where are the lines? Victoria sits on the floor while he is running these thoughts through his head. He has been judging Christopher very harshly and he should, but he isn’t sure where the line is and it is making him uncomfortable.
“Callum?” she asks.
He doesn’t bother answering. He takes her into his arms, switches off the lamp and carries her upstairs to his bed.
Weeks pass before Callum goes to Asheville Fitness in the morning. The leg needed easy strengthening before he hit the weights and he doesn’t want to look like a pussy. Callum works out alone the first two weeks, in the afternoons.
As February approaches, Callum finally hits the gym after he drops Marina off at school in the morning. Christopher and Randy are spotting each other over heavy iron on the bench press. Callum doesn’t want to get into a pissing match over weights until he is in better shape so he says hello and hits the treadmill to work the leg through an easy run. An hour later, Callum finds himself sitting in a coffee bar with Christopher the Rapist and Writer Randy. They talk about their families and careers. Callum listens and talks as little as possible.
“What about you Callum? Any progress on that shop you were thinking about?” Christopher asks. “My father-in-law is a developer if you need some help.”
Callum tosses his empty coffee cup six feet into the trash can. “No, nothing yet. The leg has slowed me down. I’m just bullshitting around.”
“Must be nice,” Randy says.
“It is very nice. I like Asheville. I want to spend some time exploring the area.” Callum opens the metaphorical door and Christopher walks right through it.
“Maybe we could hike tomorrow instead of the gym. Randy, let’s take him to Craggy Rock. Not much climbing, but it’s a good hike.”
“Shall I pack a picnic lunch?” Callum asks.
Christopher and Randy just stare at him.
“I’m a fucking chef. It’s the least I can do.”
“Yeah. Let’s picnic.” Randy says, a little dumbfounded.
“Men can picnic,” Christopher says.
Callum decides not to tell Victoria about the hike with Christopher and Randy. She leaves for work early and then Callum packs the cooler. Rosalie spends the days with George. Callum meets Randy and Christopher in the school parking lot after dropping off Marina. He wills himself to keep an open mind as he climbs into the back seat of Christopher’s truck. No, an open mind is too much. He’ll just get through this day without committing murder.
Once they are clear of the city, they drive the mountains for about an hour. Led Zepplin fills the car so small talk isn’t required. Robert Plant singing Ramble On calms the savage beast inside Callum. They drive though mountainside neighborhoods with sprawling homes, manicured lawns and golf courses. This isn’t the trailer trash area Callum expected. The day is unseasonably warm and the sky is blue. Callum relaxes enough to study Christopher. He can only see the back of his head and his eyes in the rear view mirror. It is enough for now.
Finally, Christopher p
arks the truck and Callum moves the contents of the cooler to his backpack. They walk into the woods. The trail runs alongside a creek for two miles up a slight incline until it finally crosses the creek and makes a sharp incline up into the hills. They climb a fairly steep hill for about half mile and then climb almost straight up for another thirty feet. Reaching the top, they sit on the summit of large flat rocks, catching their breath. The view into the valley is breathtaking.
“I’ve lived here most of my life and this still gets me,” Christopher says. Hunting hawks circle the tall evergreens in the distance.
Randy takes a camera with a long lens from his backpack. For a large man, he moves gracefully with a camera. His long hair and straggly beard are a stark contrast to the impression of a graceful artist. Callum thinks he looks more like a moonshiner or one of those duck men. He shoots photos silently and writes notes onto a small white pad with a short pencil.
“Capturing this with words is really hard for me. I feel too close to it sometimes. Blue sky, white clouds, barren trees, bluish green evergreens, but what else?” he asks himself more than the others.
While they unpack lunch, Callum asks Randy what he is working on. Randy describes his novel’s setting and characters but doesn’t say a word about plot until Christopher interrupts.
“Tell him Randy.”
“He’s too new. I’m not sure if I like him yet.” Randy looks Callum over with serious brown eyes.
“Well no fucking sandwich for you then, buddy.” Callum jokes.
Christopher prods Randy. “Dude, you have to learn to trust a little.”
Callum watches Randy expectantly and silently. Randy watches him back and Callum can see the struggle within. It takes a few moments, but Randy finally finds his voice.
“I’m gay. I write romance. I faked hetero for years until my wife caught me fucking my barber and she left me. She left the kid too which shows what a shitty hetero I was. I married a woman who left her kid.”
“I am fucking stunned,” Callum admits.
“That I’m gay?” Randy asks defensively.
“No, I’m stunned that you have a barber.” Callum rubs Randy’s mess of hair and gives him a hug. “Like me Randy. I am fucking delightful,” he begs.
Randy hugs him back and Callum watches Christopher out of the corner of his eye. Callum can tell he is pleased with Randy’s share and Callum’s response.
“How about some food,” Christopher says.
Callum unwraps a brick flattened round of crusty bread filled with roast chicken, prosciutto, pesto, arugula, peppers and asiago. He unwraps a cutting board and a sharp knife and slices the sandwich into wedges, pulling them into a wide circle. He fills the center space with thick cut, hand sliced homemade potato chips and hands out napkins. Christopher and Randy look on with shock.
“The fuck,” Randy comments.
“Did you bring a cutting board on a hike?” Christopher says. “I thought we’d be eating Subway.”
“Wait, I’m not done.” Callum produces a flask and three short plastic glasses. “Midday bourbon?” He offers.
“Yes!” Randy says.
Christopher shakes his head. “Not for me. I’m in AA.”
This news stops Callum in his tracks. “Yeah?” he asks, wanting to know more. Maybe this means something. Maybe there is a reason for how he treated Victoria. Maybe something is different now.
“Sorry man, I forgot,” Randy says.
“You two enjoy. I’ve been dry for twelve years,” he explains. “I’m good. Have a drink.” The flask sits untouched.
Callum can’t let it lie. He needs to know more. “How did you get into AA?” he asks.
“Years of being a drunk piece of shit tends to get you there one way or another.” Christopher bites into his sandwich, nodding and gives a thumbs-up. “This is great.”
“This is truly excellent Callum,” Randy agrees.
“Did you get a DWI or kill someone or something?” Callum doesn’t mind if he comes across like an asshole. This is important.
Christopher considers his answer and stuffs a few chips in his mouth. “I was going to lose my wife and daughter. She put up with a lot of shit and she was coming to the end of her rope. I was drinking a lot and getting rough at home. The choice was clean up or get out.”
“And you cleaned up?” Callum asks.
“I did. It was no choice really.” Christopher smiles ironically and chews a few more chips.
The news takes the angry wind from Callum’s sails. He immediately relaxes and decides to get to know Christopher better. He may be a completely different man now. Maybe he was a lunatic drinker, had a terrible night with Victoria and that was it. He got help and now he is a good dad and a productive member of society. Maybe he blacked out and doesn’t even know he raped her. Maybe.
Somehow February eases into March and Easter is on the horizon. Callum has continued to spend time with Christopher and Randy. He even bought Randy’s latest novel, The Ashes of Asheville. It is a historical romance set after the great flood of 1916 in Asheville. Randy is quite a writer. Callum gets to know Christopher better and better. They work out most mornings, hike the mountains every week or so and, most importantly, they talk. Callum is surprised by Christopher’s willingness to talk. He is open about his alcoholism and the early struggles in his marriage. Callum thinks he understands what happened between Christopher and Victoria. He was completely out of control back then and he had no idea what he was doing. No idea.
George is slowing down but hanging in. He wants Callum to visit his family on Osprey Island over Easter and he wants Victoria and Marina to go to. George can see the connection growing between them. Best if Victoria gets to know Callum’s family. Rosalie will stay with him and he promises not to die while they are gone.
Victoria refuses. As much as she wants to meet Anna, she won’t leave her father. Marina, Victoria, George and Rosalie will enjoy a quiet Easter at home, but she insists that Callum go see Anna. Reluctantly, Callum agrees to go to Osprey Island alone. He is inclined to stay in Asheville, but he needs to see his sister. It has been too long. The last time he visited he was a whining mess and he is anxious to make a better impression with John.
Victoria sits at Callum’s desk while he packs. “Callum, you fold clothes neater than anyone I’ve ever seen.”
He zips the bag closed and sits down on the bed with a hand on her knee looking serious.
“What?” she asks. “You look angry.”
Callum doesn’t know where to begin. He has things to say, but he doesn’t want to say them. He just wants her to know them.
“Did I do something?” she asks.
“I am not angry, but there is something on my mind.” She looks at him, willing him to speak. He takes a few breathes and with a hand on each of her knees, he looks her straight into her eyes. “I want more.”
“I don’t understand,” she says, but of course she does.
“We have been at this for a few months now. I am head over heels in love with you. You like me very much.” He leaves the words there. No more is really needed.
“Callum, Marina, my Dad, Christopher. It all feels so unsettled. And you, too.”
“Me too what?” he asks, but he knows what comes next.
“You need to go back to London.”
“Oh bullshit. This isn’t some set something free and, if it is yours, it’ll come back shit.” He isn’t sure if he is angrier than he should be, but he is trying to be honest.
“To me it is Callum. I need you to leave so you can come back and stay.” She begs him to understand, but he doesn’t.
“Can you fucking hear yourself? It is absurd. It is childish. You want The Officer and the Gentleman factory scene. But this is real life.”
She moves from the chair and curls into his lap. “I feel like Deborah Winger now. You’d look great in whites.”
“You’re mocking. I’m serious here.”
“You have to leave me Callum. You have to g
o back to England and face everything. I won’t love you until you leave me.”
“You sound insane. I’ll not leave you. I’ll…”
The conversation ends when she puts her mouth over his. The kiss makes him forget his words. It always does. He finally smacks her bottom to get her to hop off. “I have a long drive. Up up.”
He kisses her once more and taps her nose with his index finger. “I know you are afraid, but I love you and I want more. I don’t need to go to England to know this is where I want to be. One day you’ll understand what you mean to me?” He touches her check and leaves.
Six hours later, Callum drives over the bridge onto Osprey Island. The weather is warm for this time of year so he pulls off his jacket and opens the windows. Any tension he felt on the drive about Victoria or his future dissipates immediately. Osprey Island has a magical effect on its visitors.
Anna is waiting on the porch swing with baby Lynn sleeping in her arms. He parks the car, climbs the steps and sits by her side, kissing her cheek. Anna lays her head against Callum’s shoulder and they watch Lynn sleep together for a moment.
“She’s grown so. She’s a dream, Anna.” Callum whispers and glides his thumb over Lynn’s tiny hand.
“I couldn’t get her down. Clara is so excited to see you. They have been preparing for Uncle Callie all day.”
He just smiles because his words get trapped with her sometimes.
“How are you? The leg? You look wonderful.” Of course she reaches to feel his beard. Anna can’t keep her hands out of a good beard. “You look happy. You’ve put on a few pounds. You were looking a little too Billy Idol last visit. Not you look more like Eric Northman.” Anna says referencing the vampire from True Blood.
“I am well. I feel good. Where are John and Clara?” he asks.
“On the beach, will you run down and say hello? I promised Clara you would.”
Callum walks around the house and down the wooden walkway to the beach. He kicks off his shoes and walks through the sand calling to Clara. She hands her fishing rod to John and runs right into Callum’s arms.
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