Chapter 42
Taavi
He waited in the dark, hiding outside the nightclub until after it closed. Taavi knew from years of working with Frieda that once everyone was gone she would sit at the empty bar and have a shot of whiskey before going home alone. He hovered in the shadows in the wee hours before dawn, hugging the side of the building where he could not be seen, and watched as the staff left. Then just to be sure it was safe, he peeked into the window. There Frieda was sitting on the same stool, wearing her man-tailored suit. But instead of looking strong, exotic, and enticing, Taavi could see that the hard life she’d lived had begun to take its toll on her. She was painfully thin. He knew that she’d gone through periods of addiction to opium and then sometimes, cocaine. Over the time they’d spent together, they’d shared a sordid relationship filled with sexually perverse games that often included other players and left Taavi drugged and spent. He’d grown tired and disgusted with the lifestyle, but he doubted that she had. He looked at her and felt a pang of pity. How lonely she must be. After all, she was no longer young. Once Taavi had left that life, he never missed it. He’d loved being a married man with children. If only Hitler had never come into power, he would have lived his life out in peace. But that was not to be his fate.
Taavi took a deep breath. The crisp clean fall air filled his lungs. He watched as Frieda poured a second shot. She looked like a broken doll. Her slender shoulders slumped forward.
First Taavi looked in all directions. Once he was sure there was no one around, he came out from behind the building and slipped through the door to the club.
When she heard the door open and then close, Frieda looked up from her drink.
“Taavi?” Her face lit up. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to see you.”
Frieda rose quickly “Come. You must hurry. I have to hide you in the back room. Did anyone see you?” She grabbed his arm, and moving quickly she escorted him to the apartment behind the nightclub.
“No. I don’t think so,” he answered.
She followed him in and closed the door behind her. “Taavi.” Her voice was a whisper but even though he could hardly hear her, he felt her emotions. Frieda stood with her back against the door, as if holding it closed from intruders. Even though she’d locked it and no one had seen them enter.
“How are you, Frieda?”
“How should I be? You want a drink?” she said.
“Yes, please. I could use a drink.”
She walked over to the small bar area set up in the living room of the apartment and poured him a whiskey. He downed it in one swallow.
“You look good,” he lied, the guilt already growing inside of him for what he was about to do.
“Do I? I am aging, Taavi. Ahh, well, I suppose it beats the alternative, eh?”
“You are a constant, Frieda. You’ll always be a glamorous woman. You’re ageless.”
“Yes, that sounds very nice, even though I know it’s a lie.” She smiled then lit a cigarette. “So, as much as I’d like to believe that you couldn’t live without me, I know better. So, Taavi, tell me …why did you come here?”
“I came to see you.”
“Ahh how I wish that were true, Taavi, but you’ve always been a lousy liar. And, I must tell you that you look and smell atrocious. But, I am sure you must realize that. So, come on Tavvi, enough already. Out with it what do you want? Why did you really come?”
He was afraid to ask for her help. If she turned him down, there was nowhere else for him to go. He had to sweeten the deal. He had to reawaken her feelings for him or she would never help him.
Taavi walked over to Frieda and gently kissed her on the lips. She sighed as if she’d yearned for this moment for a very long time. He pulled her to him until her chest was pressed hard against his and kissed her again. This time he placed one hand in her hair and tugged gently. She trembled with passion. Taavi forgot his guilt. It had been a long time since he’d made love and his body ached for release. Frieda bent to her knees and began to unzip his pants. For a brief moment Taavi thought of Michal, and the guilt welled up inside of him. He was enjoying this too much. But then nature took over and his feelings of guilt were washed away in the flood of his need.
Once it was finished Taavi was sick with shame. For him the moment satisfied a physical need, like the need for food or the need to sleep. Once it was satisfied, the real reason he’d come to Frieda resurfaced and pounded like a drum in his mind. Frieda lay in his arms. For several days in the forest before he arrived, he’d planned to do this devious thing to her. It was his only hope, but it still felt wrong, so wrong. Frieda was happy now. He could hear it as she sighed, breathing softly, feel it in the way her hand caressed his chest. He had won her over. She would help him now. After all, of the years they’d spent together, he knew how her mind worked. Even if he had to promise that he would never go back to Michal, and that he would stay with Frieda forever, Taavi decided that he would make that vow to Frieda if it meant saving the lives of Michal and his daughters.
“I’ve really missed you....” Frieda moaned, her head buried in his chest. “I am not going to ask you any questions about anything. To be quite honest, I don’t want to know. I am just glad you’re here now.”
He patted her back. Slowly, he thought, take this slowly. Don’t ask her for help quite yet. Stoke the fire, Taavi, take your time. He must not rush this; though every minute could mean danger or even death for those he loved, the urgency he felt made his body shiver. Frieda misinterpreted his trembling and held him tighter.
“You’ve missed me too,” she whispered. “Taavi, Taavi, you were always the one for me. I think you know that I have always been in love with you.”
He grunted. She giggled. “What does that mean?”
“It’s hard for me to express emotion,” he said. Try, Taavi, he thought, but he was disgusted with himself for needing to manipulate this poor woman’s feelings.
“There is no need to speak. Just lay here and hold me, Taavi.”
Frieda fell asleep. Gently Taavi moved her up to the pillow so that she was not lying on him. Then he turned his face away from her to look at the wall. What other choice did I have? he thought. What else could I have done? He knew that he’d acted badly, taken advantage of Frieda’s feelings. Poor Frieda, she’d been nothing but kind to him. What kind of man had he become? Still there was no other option if he even hoped to find a way to save Michal and his girls.
Chapter 43
Taavi
Again, the following morning as Taavi lay awake with Frieda beside him breathing softly, he had to remind himself “Don’t rush this.” He looked at Frieda and his stomach ached for her. She didn’t look well. The night before he hadn’t noticed how much her hair had thinned. But now, he could see that not only had she lost a great deal of hair, but the skin on her neck and arms hung off of her and creased like the skin of a lizard. He felt deeply saddened. He knew that he had given her the impression that he cared for her. Taavi, Taavi he thought. What kind of man are you? Not the kind of man you always believed that you would be.
Chapter 44
Taavi
Almost a week went by before Taavi decided that he couldn’t bear to wait any longer. He’d allowed Frieda to share his bed every night. Her face glowed with joy and she smiled and laughed again. She constantly told him that she loved him and had even asked him if he loved her. He’d changed the subject to avoid answering. How could he answer? He wanted to scream, to tell her that somewhere his precious wife and daughters were suffering and he could not do anything to save them without Frieda’s influence. “Calm, Taavi. Be calm,” he told himself one morning as Frieda returned from the bakery with two buttered sweet rolls and two cups of real coffee.
He was still in bed in his underwear when she turned the key in the lock. Taavi cringed as Frieda walked in and set the coffee and the greasy brown bag from the bakery on the table. Then she sat on the bed and smiled at Taavi. She
bent to touch his face. Her eyes shined with caring.
“It’s real coffee and real sugar too. Hard to get, no?” she said.
“Yes.” He nodded. “I’m impressed. But then again, Frieda, you’ve always been able to do the impossible.”
“Yeah?” She laughed. “I hoped you would enjoy it. Here.” She got up and handed him a cup of the steaming hot liquid.
It smelled wonderful.
“Thank you,” he said, and took a sip. She had friends everywhere. The coffee and sugar reinforced that fact. There was no doubt about it, if Frieda would only help him he could probably find Michal and the girls.
“Frieda?” his voice was soft.
“Yes, my darling.”
“I have to talk to you about something very serious.”
“Of course. What is it?” Frieda put her arm on his bare shoulder.
“I care for you, Frieda. I always have. You have been such a good friend to me.” He hesitated for a moment.
“A friend?”
“Yes,” he tried again. “A friend, a great help, and … a lover.” Taavi cleared his throat. “I will stay with you for the rest of my life—”
She interrupted him. “I love you, Taavi.”
He nodded. “I know. I know. But, Frieda, I need a favor. I need something from you….”
“Opium? Morphine? Anything….”
It was almost impossible to get the words out because he feared the consequences so greatly. Frieda had the power to destroy Michal, his daughters, to destroy him. But she also had the power to save. Oh God, help me to say this correctly so that she doesn’t turn against me. Please, I beg you, I don’t care what the cost is to me, just make her help my family. Taavi was still holding the coffee cup, but with his other hand he took Frieda’s hand in his. “Frieda. I need you to help Michal and my girls. I don’t know where they are. I don’t even know if they are alive. All I know is that Michal was arrested in 1938 when she went to the jail looking for me. I need you to see if your friends can find her and my girls. I promise you I will not leave you and go back to my wife. I will even divorce her. Just please, Frieda, do what you can to save their lives.”
Frieda freed her hand from his and stood up. She turned away from him. There was a thick silence in the air for several minutes. Then she said, “You still love her. You love her so much that you would stay with me to save her.” Frieda cleared her throat and nodded. “Yes, Taavi, you love her in a way that you will never love me.”
“Frieda. I will be yours. Just save her life. And my children. Frieda, please. That is all I ask. I will divorce her and marry you.”
“You care that much for her, don’t you, Taavi?” She smiled bitterly. He could see that her heart was broken. “No one in my whole life has ever felt that way about me.”
“I do love you,” Taavi lied.
“I wish you did.” She walked out of the room, closing the door behind her.
Taavi was overcome with worry. If Frieda wanted to she could cause Michal even more problems. Would Frieda go to one of her friends and see to it that Michal was murdered? He wanted to follow Frieda, to fall on his knees and beg her. But he knew enough about women to know that Frieda needed time to think, time alone. He’d just opened his heart and now Frieda knew the truth. If she helped him, he would marry her, but she would never be his true love. Would that be enough? Would she at least help his daughters? Everything, his entire life, lay in her hands. What would she do next? Only time would tell.
Frieda returned in less than an hour. She didn’t knock before entering.
“I’ll contact a friend of mine today. A high official in the Nazi Party. I will see if I can find your wife and daughters. There are no guarantees. From what I have heard, they are killing Jews left and right. So, there is no knowing what I will uncover. But I will do my best for you, Taavi. Then if I can find your family, I will have them sent to safe work camps where they will not be hurt. If it’s possible, they will survive all of this, but you must promise me that you will never see Michal again. So, do you agree to this?”
He nodded. Frieda had turned from the woman weak with love for him back into the shrewd businesswoman who had built her nightclub into a popular, money-making hot spot where top Nazi officials came to fraternize. She looked at him, firm and strong. At this point Taavi would do anything she wanted, agree to any terms, as long as she could promise him that his family would be safe. Frieda could lie to him. He knew it was possible, but he had to take that chance. There was no other option.
“You have my word,” Taavi said, and he meant it.
“Very well. I’ll let you know when I get some information,” she said, then she lit a cigarette and looked him square in the eyes. “I have work to do. I’ll be back later.”
After Frieda left, Taavi said a prayer of thanks and then begged God to watch over his wife and his daughters because he was powerless and could not.
Chapter 45
Frieda
Frieda walked into her office and took a bottle of whiskey out of the drawer of her desk. She didn’t bother with a glass. Instead she drank it straight from the bottle. It burned as it rolled down her throat and she liked the way it felt. Taavi, Taavi, Taavi, what was it about that crazy Jew that drove her so insane with passion? She’d never felt this way about any other man. Eh? Maybe it was the circumcised penis? Frieda laughed bitterly. She’d been with other men who’d been circumcised, and the lovemaking was nothing like it was with Taavi. Maybe it was the fact that she could not ever possess him. He was hers, but not completely. He’d never really been hers, not even when he and his wife were separated and she and Taavi were a couple. Not even then. Frieda lit another cigarette. She’d taken quite a risk getting Taavi out the first time. Yes, she had friends in the party, but people turned on each other with the blink of an eye, and Frieda wasn’t about to find herself in prison over Taavi’s wife and his children by her. She’d been willing to go out on a limb for him, but not for this woman who was nothing to her but her nemesis. Frieda took another swig from the bottle. She wasn’t sure what to do. Then it came to her. If Taavi thought Michal was dead, he would get over her. If Frieda demanded it, he would not leave the little room behind her nightclub. After all, he was not free to search the streets himself. Taavi was only safe because she provided him a place to hide. Frieda had no plans of bringing unwanted attention to herself. She would not ask any officials any questions about Jews. Only one man knew that she had Taavi hidden, and he was quiet because she had continued paying him plenty of money even when Taavi wasn’t with her. But now he was back and he belonged to her. If Taavi thought Michal and his girls were dead, he would have no choice but to get over his feelings for his wife. After all, chances were good that they were dead. The way they were killing Jews, in fact if they were alive it would have been a surprise. But Frieda had no intentions of finding out. She was going to wait a day or two and then tell Taavi that she’d been informed by a reliable source that Michal and his daughters were all dead. He would mourn; she expected that from him. But then he would have no more distractions from his relationship with Frieda, no promises of being reunited with Michal and their children. He would have to start his life over, and she would be the logical choice. If she didn’t think it was so dangerous to call attention to herself, she would go to someone and see to it that Michal was murdered and out of the way. However, with the climate in the country right now, talking to officials about Jews was not a good idea. It would alert them, and make them want to know why she was so interested. It was worth it to her to pay any amount of money to keep Taavi safe from harm, but not worth it to her to risk her life for Michal or Michal’s children. She would just cross her fingers, and with luck, they were all gone already.
The next day Frieda told Taavi that she had someone looking into the whereabouts of his family. She promised Taavi that she’d spared no expense to find them. And knowing him the way a woman knows a man she loves, she could see in his eyes that he believed her.
“I know, Frieda, and I will always be indebted to you.”
Good, she thought. He will realize how much I love him and fall in love with me for my kindness.
“You realize that I would do anything for you, Taavi,” she said, touching his shoulder.
“Yes, I know. And I am very grateful to you.”
She smiled. “I’d rather have your love than your gratitude.”
“I love you…” he said, and justifying the deceptive use of the word in his own mind by thinking that he did love her. He loved her the way a man loves a good friend, but he couldn’t and never would love another woman the way he loved Michal.
“Do you, Taavi?” she said. Her voice cracked and she sighed the way someone sighs when they finally get something that they’ve wanted for a very long time.
He nodded. He couldn’t bear to say it again. The look on her face and the lump in his throat were stopping him.
Frieda smiled and gently stroked his cheek with her long red nails. “My sweet, Taavi….”
He swallowed hard and felt his Adam’s apple move up and down. It had been so much easier to make love to Frieda when he and Michal were separated. Then, times were so different. It was all about pride, and life and death had not hung in the balance. Michal had bruised his ego, and he was going to have sex with any willing woman to prove to himself that he was sexually desirable. Then when Frieda came along she gave him a good job, plenty of money, and led him on a path of depravity. He’d followed willingly, then. But Taavi was not the same man anymore. Wild parties filled with hedonistic abandonment, sex, drugs, those things that had once brought him pleasure no longer enticed him. In fact, when he remembered some of the things he did in the past, he was ashamed. She didn’t realize it, but the man Frieda had fallen in love with was gone. Still, Taavi kept his mouth shut. He needed her help, so he would go along with whatever she wanted.
A Family Shattered: Book Two in the Michal's Destiny Series Page 21