My heart jumped into my throat, forcing my eyes to water from the pain. "I can't really answer that."
Alan's index finger gently wiped a stray tear from my cheek. "I'm sorry. I ask too many nosy questions. I shouldn't pry." That same finger lifted my chin so he could look into my eyes. "Forgive me?"
I nodded. "I think it's just very emotional for me to talk about it. Hell, maybe I'm distracting myself from the more immediate danger."
He smiled. "And what is that?"
"You. Last night." The tears subsided, replaced by genuine fear. I was worried. Terrified really. "I mean, what have we done? And worse yet, why do I want to keep doing it?"
Alan's eyes grew dark. "I don't care, as long as I can make love to you again today."
I thought I was hyperventilating. My chest was heaving, like those women in romance novels, and now I knew why. There just wasn't room in there for all that I was feeling.
"Oh my God, Alan. I'm scared to death."
He nodded. "Me too. I don't know what this means, but I'll be damned if I'm going to stop."
For a moment, I was convinced he would take me right then and there. And part of me wanted him to. I was ready, no doubt about it. But we would probably get arrested. This was the place to bring a family, not necessarily make one in public. Chances are they didn't expect it to be the haven for adultery it had become for me.
Maybe they could launch a new marketing campaign; "The Adulterer's Guide to Family Vacations." Well, probably they'd have to distance themselves a bit. Use the word "Unofficial" to make it sound like they didn't sanction it. Hell, they could make millions.
"Laura?" Alan's voice brought me back from insanity. "Are you sure you don't feel bad about last night?"
"No. I feel very good about last night. And I find that more than a little disturbing."
He nodded. "I'll be right back." He stood to leave.
"Where are you going?"
Alan flashed me a smile, and I melted inside, "To make plans for tonight, of course." He winked and then disappeared into the crowd. I was torn between anticipation and dread. Ok, so it was like eighty percent anticipation and twenty percent dread, but that still counts. Right?
CHAPTER NINE
"Where are we going?" I had to ask. Alan had been very mysterious on this subject all day. Martha and the kids were one hundred yards behind us, locked in our rooms. We were dressed casually, T-shirts and shorts. But I had no idea where we were going.
"You'll see." He winked and checked his watch as we arrived at the hotel lobby. I was insanely curious, but willing to play along.
"There it is." Alan pointed to a sleek black limo parked out front.
"A limousine? Are you joking? I'm not dressed appropriately for a limo!" Automatically my hands smoothed my hair and clothes in an attempt to do…what? How crazy was I?
He said nothing, just led me to the car. The driver opened the door for us, and we climbed in. The driver shut the door and took his seat. A privacy screen between us and him closed silently. I looked at Alan, and he smiled. When did he have time to arrange this?
"Why a limo?" It was all I could think of to ask.
"Because we have a long way to go, and I wanted to be alone with you in style." He flicked a couple of switches, and the moonroof opened, letting in fresh air. A CD player opened, and I watched as he placed two discs on the changer. My curiosity was getting the best of me, until he handed me the case. The Police, Greatest Hits I should have known.
My hands slid over the soft, leather seats. The windows were tinted, and we were locked in.
"How long till we get there?" I asked.
"Not long enough," he replied, crushing my lips beneath his and his body to mine. I climbed onto his lap, straddling him, kissing him. There was no hesitancy in our actions. I pulled his hair, forcing his head backward and left a trail of kisses along his neck. His hands held my hips, and I could feel his arousal through our clothes, pressing hard against me. I started to rock back and forth against his erection, my panties getting wet with each movement. His hands had been guiding my hips, but now moved upward, sliding my T-shirt off and unfastening my bra.
My breasts swayed heavily before his face. His warm breath mingled with the shock of cool air from the moonroof, making my nipples erect. Alan took one into his mouth as I continued to grind against him. An avalanche of pleasure came over me as I felt his tongue teasing me.
Back in college, Alan and I could not get enough of each other. Every time we were together the ultimate goal was lovemaking. It was as if we needed sex more than food, water, or air. When we weren't having sex, we were talking about it. When we weren't together, we were thinking about it. I thought there was something wrong with us.
All day I'd stared at those green eyes, and something inside me fluttered. It was pure torture being a few feet away and unable to touch him. The air had crackled with electricity. We would have done anything to be alone.
And now we were. Speeding to some unknown destination, desperate to feel each other's touch inside and out. I think it was safe to think neither one of us wanted this moment to end.
We made love recklessly – not caring if anyone heard us, pedestrians, the driver, it didn’t matter.
Afterward, We lay there for a few moments, the cool air mixing with our perspiring skin. I wrapped my arms around him, kissed his hair, and stroked his back. There was an overwhelming desire to comfort him, protect him. From what? I didn't know.
Once we regained our composure, I gently asked him, "So, where are we going and how long will it take?"
Alan raised his head, laughing, "The ocean. We are going to the beach."
I sat straight up, "What? But that will take hours, won't it?"
He raised one hand, "No, we're already halfway there. Just enough time to go again." That deliciously wicked smile crossed his face.
It was a cool night—unusual for this time of the year, but perfect for a moonlit walk along the beach. We strolled, hand-in-hand, barefoot on the sand, stopping every now and then to kiss. My head was spinning. Somewhere a voice nagged at me, telling me this would all end soon, but I waved it aside. It felt so right. So completely perfect. I didn't want anything to interfere. But something would interfere—our lives. Even with my best attempts at denial, the fact flashed before my eyes like a warning.
"Alan?"
"Hmmm?" He was smiling at me.
"What is going to happen to us?"
He stopped, turning me to face him. "I don't know. You're worried about it, right?"
I nodded. I would have done anything not to have said that.
Alan responded by kissing me softly. A small whimper escaped me. His lips were so soft, so sweet.
I pushed away from him. "The fantasy will end in four days."
"Then I suggest," he moaned softly, reaching for me and pulling me close, "that we make the most of those four days…and nights."
I leaned into his kiss, surrendering my body to his touch, but the voice in my head got louder. "I agree," I gasped as he kissed my neck, "but I'm afraid that I'm…" I stopped, pulling away. How could this be? I almost told him I was falling in love with him! The stark reality of it, even though it went unsaid, shocked me as if I had been doused with cold water.
His face clouded over. "Afraid that you're what?" Alan tightened his grip on me, almost shaking me. Those once gleaming eyes became dark. "What do you feel right now?"
A raindrop landed on my face, followed by another, then another. I said nothing. And yet, that might have spoken louder than words. I didn't even notice that a warm rain had begun to fall, gently at first, becoming heavier with each passing moment of silence. My clothes were wet, clinging to my body. I didn't want to answer him.
Alan looked up at the sky and then returned his gaze to me. A kind of sadness seemed to hang in the air between us.
"Laura," he whispered hoarsely, "Laura, I love you."
I staggered backwards, feeling the full weight of his words as if st
ruck by a blow. Alan stood there in the rain, looking at me unapologetically. He was in pain.
It only took a moment before I closed the gap between us. "I love you too, Alan." My arms circled around him. "I love you too."
We stood in the rain for quite a while, as if the water could wash away the aching fear behind those simple words. Slowly, we walked back to the waiting limo and climbed inside. Soaked to the skin, exhausted, and spent, we lay in each others' arms the whole way back to the hotel. What he was thinking, I do not know. I can only imagine that, like me, he was also wondering, what now?
CHAPTER TEN
Nick Connelly was so quiet when I first met him that he was almost invisible. The Dean, on the tour I got my first day of work, warned me that he was shy. Carol, the department secretary said he was just introverted. Some of the other faculty thought he was arrogant, an elitist. I didn't give him a second glance.
It was a rainy, April afternoon. I'd spent so much time in my office I was contemplating suicide, so I decided to take a break and hit the cafeteria. I shook my umbrella and coat and parked them at the door. After grabbing a cup of coffee and slice of artery-clogging cheesecake, I walked into the hall with my tray. Only one other person was there. Nick was sitting alone at a table, a book open, but he was staring out the window at the rain. I remember thinking, how very James Dean.
"Would you mind if I joined you?" I asked. It seemed absurd that he was the one person in the department I didn't really know.
"Please," he smiled and waved toward the chair opposite him.
I held my hand out, "Laura Smith. And you're Nick Connelly. Right?"
He looked amused, shook my hand, and nodded, "Nothing gets past you." Nick looked at my cheesecake and arched his eyebrow, "A bit decadent, isn't it?"
"I can resist anything but temptation," I responded.
Nick laughed, "Oscar Wilde. An excellent quote."
"It's my personal motto," I replied as I skewered a forkful of cheesecake. "I want it on my tombstone. I'd like everyone to wonder what I died from."
Nick laughed softly, and that was how our friendship began. We started out meeting every afternoon in the empty cafeteria, and then branched out into a couple of lunches a week. It didn't take me long to realize that he wasn't shy at all, just quiet. I became obsessed with our afternoon "teas," as he called them. I never missed one.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The House of Blues was crowded. Alan excused himself once we found two seats at the bar, and I placed my purse in his chair. A burly bartender delivered my Grey Goose and tonic, and I frowned at it. I was drinking a lot on this trip, much more than I normally did. While Alan and I weren't getting bombed every night, it bothered me, just like everything else was beginning to.
On the surface, the trip was going very well. The kids were having a ball and loved having playmates. The sex was fantastic, even if I had lost complete control of my senses. There could be no doubt Alan and I were treading on dangerous territory emotionally and physically. Was it the danger that made it so appealing? Did I really love him, or the fantasy? I certainly enjoyed making love to him.
The vodka was smooth, and I drained the glass. With a shock, I realized this was the first time I had actually been alone to think since we arrived. The trip ended in two days. Sooner or later we would have to resolve this. But up until now, we hadn't made any attempts to do so. We weren't even talking about it. And because no one knew about our affair, it was okay for the moment. Four little faces popped into my head. Did the kids notice? They'd been so busy having fun, I didn't think so. Alan and I had to find time to talk about this.
"Laura?" My spine turned to wood. That wasn't Alan's voice. I didn't respond, just sat there, frozen. After all, Laura is a pretty common name.
"Laura! It is you!" Uh-oh. Turning around, I found myself face-to-face with Terry, Mike's college roommate. I had completely forgotten that he lived here.
"Terry? How are you?" He gave me a hug that lingered a bit too long, then pulled away.
"I didn't know you guys were coming down!" Terry feigned a wounded look, but smiled. He was very attractive and a close friend of Mike's. I couldn't have been more terrified. Alan would return any minute, and I had no idea how I was going to handle this.
"Well," I lied easily, "it was kind of a last-minute thing. And then Mike dropped out, so it's just me and the kids."
That was all he needed. Terry moved my purse and climbed onto the stool beside me, "So you needed a night out? What did you do? Call one of those Granny sitters?" The bartender came by, and Terry ordered a beer. My heart was doing flip flops in my throat. My body was preparing for fight or flight. While Mike only talked to Terry once a month, something like this was sure to warrant a call tonight.
"Something like that." I drank more vodka in a vain attempt to stall. Unfortunately, I drained the glass.
"Here," Terry waved me off, "let me get you another one." He turned to get the bartender's attention, and I searched the room frantically for Alan. If he came over to us, it would merit an explanation, and I just couldn't think of one. Most likely, Alan would see Terry sitting with me and come over to see if I was alright. How did I get myself into these situations?
Terry was paying for my drink when I spotted Alan. Fear rose in my thoughts as I tried to figure out how to signal him. He was almost a hundred feet away when he realized there was a strange man in his seat. For a moment, he stopped, frowning, just as Terry turned toward me. I prayed for time to stand still. For a fire. A terrorist attack…anything…
"Why didn't you call me? It would be better than drinking alone." Terry smiled and I was glad to see he was kidding. Alan still stood, frozen, a few feet away.
I leaped up and hugged Terry, laughing, "You're so sweet, to want to hang out with me!" Behind Terry's back, I waved Alan off, hoping he would get the idea. When I pulled away, I saw him heading to a stool on the other side of Terry. He acted as though he didn't know me. Great. Just fantastic. My husband's friend is ruining my liaison with my lover. Wait, did I actually think that?
"Didn't we talk about you guys coming down here last year?" Terry wasn't asking why I was here alone, yet. I still had time to come up with an explanation.
"You know what? I think we did." I had to change the subject. "It's been almost ten years since we'd seen you, right?" Behind Terry, Alan gave me the "oh that's it" look. I could see his shoulders relax. Mine did too. He understood and would wait it out. But how long could I keep this up?
"I still can't believe you're down here alone! And you didn't call me. I wonder why Mike didn't say anything. I would've taken care of you and the kids." Terry had a dazzling smile. He was alright. But this reunion was taking its toll and cutting into my sex life. How could I get rid of him?
"Hey Laura! How about I run around the parks with you and the kids tomorrow? You could probably use the help, and I'd love to do it." He was sincere, I knew that. How the hell would I get out of this one? Alan looked alarmed.
"That's ok, Terry. I met a single mom in the next room, and we've been hanging out together. The kids have really become attached, and I think I'm helping her out." Whew. Papillon didn't have this narrow an escape.
Terry looked around. "So, why isn't she here with you?" I stalled by draining yet another vodka. The corners of my brain were getting fuzzy from the sudden intake of so much alcohol. And yet, more booze seemed like a good idea.
"Well, she's watching the kids. I just needed a moment to get away. And actually, I've been here too long already." I picked up my purse and made like I was getting ready to leave. The bartender arched an eyebrow but said nothing. Fortunately, Terry didn't see it.
"You probably took a cab here. Let me give you a ride back on my bike." Terry rose, left a tip for the waiter, and started to guide me toward the door, his hand on the small of my back. Now what, genius? Alan gave me an amused look that seemed to say he was wondering the same thing.
"Um, that's ok. Actually, I have a rental car." Nice sa
ve. I think. Alan stifled a grin and turned back to his drink.
Terry continued to smile, "Well, at least go for a ride with me on the Harley before you go." Alan looked up sharply. How could I refuse? If I did, it could come back to haunt me in a big way. How much harm could come from a ten minute motorcycle ride?
"That sounds great. Why don't you bring the bike up while I slip into the ladies' room, then drop my purse off in the car?" Alan's forehead creased. I couldn't tell if he was angry or concerned.
Terry laughed, "I'll see you in a few minutes, then." I watched as he walked out the door, and then turned to Alan, shoving my purse into his hands.
He looked blankly at the handbag then at me, "What am I supposed to do with this?"
"You're my car." My mind was racing—trying to think of a way to get out of it if the trip took longer than I thought.
"Laura, who was that guy?" Hopefully, he understood I was trapped.
"Mike's college roommate." Alan gave me the "ohhhhhhhh" look. "How long do you think you'll be gone?"
"I'll get out of it after ten minutes. I'm completely out of ideas, or I'd think of an excuse." Ten minutes. Surely that was enough time to think of an excuse. Right? I wasn't really sure. My brain was twisted with all the lies I'd told in the last five minutes. It probably wasn't possible to come up with one more. Besides—how would I explain to Mike that I refused a bike ride? Sure it was weird. But weird was what I had to deal with.
Terry was out front when I got there. Flashing him a one hundred kilo-watt smile, I climbed onto the seat behind him, and he pulled out of the parking lot. It was a lovely night. Being on the motorcycle should have been a little fun, but I was torn in two. Terry handled the machine skillfully and took us through some natural, wooded areas I hadn't seen before. Ever mindful of the time, after ten minutes, I tapped him on the shoulder to get his attention.
He surprised me by pulling off the main road, driving straight into the woods. Instead of stopping, we rode through the trees until we at last came to a quiet lake. Terry brought the bike to a stop and helped me off.
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