She never imagined that Willow would be looking for her and yet, at Christmas time, she’d had a call out of the blue from the Find Families agency to say that her daughter would like to make contact. At that moment, she felt that her heart would burst with joy. In her mind, she’d imagined a tearful reunion, a tentative period of getting to know each other and then they’d all live happily ever after. Perhaps she had been watching too many princess-based films. Instead, they were still to get out of the starting blocks.
Months had passed and she’d yet to make contact with her daughter. Autumn was reliant on the Find Families agency, and spoke to Eleanor there regularly. She was the go-between between Autumn and Mary Randall, Willow’s adoptive mother. They’d organised phone calls and a few times had tentatively set up a date with a view to meeting. Then it seemed that Willow shied away from making contact again. It was like a slow-motion game of cat and mouse. Mary wasn’t very forthcoming, Eleanor told her, and was clearly worried that Willow was too young to handle the situation. And although Eleanor was supposedly facilitating the meeting between Autumn and her daughter, she didn’t seem to be in much of a rush either. Her advice was to take it at Willow’s pace. Which meant that Autumn was calling on all her reserves of patience. But, having got this far, she didn’t want to frighten her daughter away by being pushy. That was the last thing Willow needed. She would just sit tight, continue to be there and wait for her daughter to choose her time.
Reaching into her handbag, she turned on her phone again after silencing it for the film. There were a few missed calls: one from Lucy, one from Nadia and, more surprisingly, one from Eleanor.
‘I need to make a call. Eleanor’s been trying to get hold of me.’ Autumn couldn’t help the hopeful note in her voice. ‘I’ll just pop outside before our food arrives.’
‘Fingers crossed,’ Miles said as she slipped out of the booth. Standing outside on the pavement, she pressed to return
Eleanor’s call. Her heart was in her mouth, as it was every time she spoke to the Find Families agency. There was always the fear that her daughter might sever even this most tenuous link.
‘Hi, Eleanor,’ she said. ‘Sorry I missed your call.’ ‘Hello, Autumn. I think we might be on again,’ Eleanor said. ‘Mary called to suggest a meeting.’
‘She did?’
‘Don’t hold your breath,’ Eleanor advised and Autumn realised that was exactly what she was doing. ‘But she sounded more positive this time.’
‘I can see them anytime, anywhere. I’ll be led entirely by what they want to do.’
‘They’re coming into London,’ Eleanor said. ‘They’ll meet you at a venue of your choice. I’d suggest a nice café, maybe in a museum.’
‘I know just the place.’ It had to be Chocolate Heaven. She’d have to sweet-talk Lucy so that she could go into what was now enemy territory, but it would be the best place to meet Willow and Mary. If Willow’s DNA was anything like her birth mother’s, she would love it.
‘I’ll keep my fingers crossed for you this time,’ Eleanor said.
‘Thank you. Me too.’
Autumn went back into the restaurant with a spring in her step. Maybe, just maybe, this time it would really happen.
Miles glanced up. ‘Good news?’
‘She’s trying to arrange another meeting. This time she thinks that I really might get to meet Willow.’
‘I hope so.’
‘I’ll just keep praying and making myself available.’ Autumn knew that it would be a huge step for a young girl to take. She wondered how she’d feel herself in that situation. All she wanted was a chance to explain to Willow why she’d been compelled to do what she’d done. ‘That’s all I can do until she’s ready to see me.’
She was so very desperate to see her daughter, to hold her, to care for her, to love her as a mother should.
Chapter Seven
Nadia knelt on the floor and helped her son, Lewis, to put the last piece of his Lego castle in place. They sat back on their heels together and admired their efforts. ‘Nice work.’ She held up a hand for a high-five and Lewis obliged. ‘Now it’s time for bed.’
‘Ten more minutes, Mummy,’ Lewis pleaded.
‘Not even one,’ she said, firmly. ‘You’re going to school in the morning and Mummy’s got to go to work. We both have to be up bright and early.’
At least she’d managed to get a job with reasonable hours. She was on a permanent day shift with only one late night each week, so wasn’t having to juggle childcare quite as much as she used to. For the time being, Lewis was only at school in the mornings but would be starting full time in September. Luckily, Autumn was still available to pick him up for her and look after him for a couple of hours in the afternoon until she got home. On the late shifts, Autumn gave Lewis his tea, bathed him and put him to bed, which was a bit more time-consuming for her friend, but Autumn never seemed to mind. And it wouldn’t be for long. Thank goodness.
She’d received a cheque from the insurance company at Christmas and it was a not-insubstantial sum of money. It wasn’t enough to retire on or to buy a mansion, but it was enough to see them right and would be a welcome cushion for times when she might be out of work. It seemed as if the company had really dragged their heels over paying out after her husband’s death, but they’d finally done so and it had taken a huge weight from her shoulders. Now she could start to plan the rest of their lives.
She’d taken the call-centre job when it came up because she didn’t want to start eating into their capital. That money would have to last them a long time, provide a future for them both, and she didn’t want to squander it. The work was mind-numbingly tedious and she was in a soulless office without windows all day long. Fielding account queries for a big online firm meant that most of the people on the end of the telephone were very angry. Not the ideal way to spend your working day, but it would do for now. The money from the life insurance would enable her and Lewis to move to a nicer house in a more salubrious area and she’d look for a better, permanent job – hopefully more of a career move – when she knew where they’d be settled. She might even have enough money left to start up her own little business or something. There was a lot to think about.
Lewis had already been in the bath and was in his pyjamas, so she took him upstairs and tucked him in bed. It was rare that he spent an entire night in there. Nadia was sure by the time she came up later he’d be sprawled across her double bed and she’d be sleeping on a sliver at the edge as usual. But at least she made a show of putting him in his own room to start with. He was growing up fast and soon he’d want his own space. Despite the fact that he spent most of the night wriggling, she cherished the time they had together. She stroked his dark hair. He was doing well, her beloved son. They’d been through some tough times together and yet he still managed to be happy and sunny every day. Well, almost. She didn’t think her heart could hold any more love for a person. Everything she did, she did for him and she wanted to give him a better life than they had now.
‘Story?’ Lewis said, hopefully.
‘Not tonight, sweetheart. You bargained that one away for Lego instead.’
He snuggled down beneath his duvet and slipped his thumb into his mouth. ‘Love you, Mummy.’
‘Love you more. Sleep tight.’
She turned out the light and left his door ajar as she headed downstairs.
There was a time after Toby’s death when she dreaded the evenings, and spending them alone. The hours seemed to stretch interminably. But now she looked forward to a little quality time by herself – surely that had to be progress? Added to that, she now had someone else in her life and that had definitely brought the sparkle back.
Nadia made herself a cup of coffee and delved in the cupboard for the special grown-up stash of chocolate that she hid at the very back of the kitchen cupboard, well out of Lewis’s reach. Tonight a bar of deliciously dark Green & Black’s would be receiving her care and attention.
Settli
ng herself in the living room, Nadia turned down the television and picked up her phone to call James – the highlight of her day. She’d met James when she and the girls had spent Christmas in the Lake District. It was James’s cottage that Chantal had rented for them all over the holiday period, and he just happened to be the rather handsome farmer who lived in the farmhouse further down the track.
Nadia punched in his number. James had two children – Seth, who was six, and his sister Lily, who was eight – and this was usually the best time to catch him, when his day was finished and the children were likely to be in bed. As always, she felt her heart quicken as she waited for him to answer.
‘Hey,’ he said, and instantly her heart lifted.
‘Hello, love. How has your day been?’ Since she’d returned home after Christmas, she’d called him every single day. Their conversations were always soothing, relaxed and increasingly lengthy. They talked about nothing much other than the minutiae of their days, catching up with what their kids were doing, but it was nice to know that there was someone at the other end of the phone who looked forward to her calls each evening. She wondered how she’d manage without this little highlight to look forward to.
‘Good,’ he said. ‘The weather was perfect today. Crisp, cold. There was a frost on the mountains first thing, but when the mist cleared we even had a bit of sun to burn it off.’
Nadia thought about the miserable, damp and interminably grey day in London.
‘We’ll be bringing the ewes down from the fells to the meadows for lambing soon,’ he added. ‘That’s a busy time for us. All hands to the pump.’
It was a world away from her own life and she loved to hear about it. If he could get a signal, he’d sometimes send her a photo of where he was on the fells and it helped her to feel closer to him, as she could imagine exactly where he was.
‘You should come up with Lewis. The kids always like to muck in. He’d love it. There’s always a few sickly ones that need to be coaxed with a bottle feed.’
‘He’d like that.’ She thought of the day they’d all gone down from the cottage to spend part of Christmas at James’s farm. It was a sprawling place and had probably once been quite a grand house. Now it was very scuffed around the edges, but it was cosy and homely. There were animals everywhere you turned. Four cats curled up on armchairs, bookcases and hogging the fireside intermingled with a couple of dogs – an elderly Labrador and a lively Jack Russell.
Trips to the city farm in Spitalfields were the closest Lewis ever got to animals. It was a great place, for sure, but it couldn’t really compete with the wild and rugged landscape of the Lake District. Lewis always badgered her for a pet, but with them both out of the house so much during the day, it wasn’t fair on an animal. His new school had a pet hamster in class and that was the closest he’d got. No doubt they’d be on the rota to look after it at weekends and in school holidays. That would have to be enough for now.
‘I haven’t seen you since Christmas,’ James murmured down the phone. ‘I’m missing you.’
‘I know. I feel the same.’
James had made them all very welcome that first day. The kids had all got on great together and had spent hours outside playing in the snow. The adults, by contrast, had taken up residence round the roaring fire with a fair few bottles of good red. With a thrill, Nadia remembered them casting increasingly long glances at each other all day. She’d spent time alone in the kitchen with James, helping him to put together a spread of homemade bread and a dozen different cheeses for their lunch. They’d talked as if they’d known each other for years and he’d made her laugh more than she’d done in months. By the end of the week, they’d spent every day together and she’d relaxed with him in a way that she hadn’t with anyone else.
He’d told her about his life in the Lakes and that his wife, Helen, had died of cancer three years earlier, leaving him to cope with the farm and the children. In turn, she opened up about Toby and her struggles to bring up Lewis alone. Because they’d both experienced tragedies there was an instant affinity, but it was more than that. She was comfortable with James as well as being attracted to him. He had an easy manner, a gentle charm.
‘You should come up to see us all,’ he said. ‘What’s stopping you?’
It had been so hard to leave at the end of the holiday and head back to London. She was thirty-odd and getting swept away by a holiday romance. What a cliché. She’d laugh at anyone else doing the same thing and yet she’d really fallen head over heels for James.
She’d fully intended to go back to see them all in Cumbria during Lewis’s half-term holiday, but they’d been snowed in up there and the trains were all up the spout. It was too far and too expensive to go for a weekend – Lewis would be exhausted – and she hadn’t accrued enough holiday to take time off until now. Yet it had begun to feel as if the gap was too long. There was a lot of distance between them. They talked every day, but three months had passed since she’d seen him. Was he as kind and as handsome as she remembered or had time played tricks on her? Was it better to have this safe, unthreatening relationship at a distance rather than take the next step?
‘I’m working,’ she said, and it sounded a lame excuse even to her own ears.
‘It will be Easter soon,’ he countered. ‘They must give you some time off from that dreadful call centre. They don’t chain you there twenty-four seven.’
She laughed at that. ‘They do!’
‘And Lewis will be off school. So will Seth and Lily,’ he added smoothly, ignoring her protests. ‘I’ll take some time away from the farm to show you around. Come and stay with us for a week. More if you want to. There’s really no reason not to. Unless you don’t want to.’
‘It’s not that. Of course it isn’t.’
‘Then why the hesitation?’
‘I’m frightened,’ she admitted. ‘It was all so lovely at Christmas. We got on brilliantly. What if we can’t recreate that?’
‘Come,’ he said, suddenly serious. ‘We need to see if we can make this work. You can jump on the train. I’ll send you the money.’
‘It’s not the money.’
‘Then come. Are we really going to spend the rest of our lives doing nothing more than calling each other every night?’
‘It sounds like a good proposition to me,’ she teased. Yet she knew in her heart that there was some truth in her words.
‘Not to me,’ James said. ‘I want to see you again. I want to hold you, Nadia.’
Her mouth went dry.
‘I want to show you my world, because I think you’ll like it very much.’
‘That’s partly what I’m scared of.’
James laughed softly. ‘What’s the worst that could happen?’
They could fall in love and that would turn her world upside down. Or she could stay here, call it a day and never know what she might have missed.
When she didn’t answer, he said, ‘We could see if we have a future together. After all that we’ve been through, don’t you think we owe ourselves that?’
She imagined him striding over the open fells, sheepdog at his heels, and glanced out at her rather scruffy garden that was the size of a postage stamp. What would it mean if she went up there and still liked what she saw?
‘I’ll think about it,’ she said. ‘I promise.’ Her stomach gripped with anxiety even saying it.
‘Don’t think too hard,’ he said. ‘Or you’ll talk yourself out of it. Just do it. Book your ticket.’
If she dithered for too long, James would move on. She knew that. Perhaps the odds were stacked against this relationship working, but wasn’t it worth giving it a try?
Chapter Eight
I put on a long dark wig with a blunt-cut fringe and, despite the grey day, add mirrored aviator shades. I’ve also bought a dark trench coat from one of the vintage second-hand shops on Camden High Street to complete my disguise. Perfect. No one will ever know me now.
I’m going undercover, visiting C
hocolate Heaven to get a handle on exactly what’s happening. I jump on the Tube, sweltering in my big coat after the walk up there. The wig is nylon and my head itches. Perhaps I could have done with a more lightweight, yet equally cunning disguise.
When I arrive at Chocolate Heaven, hot and bothered, I stand across the street from my spiritual home and gaze longingly at its window. The display is rubbish. Totally rubbish. It makes me grind my teeth in frustration. What is this new manager thinking of? I always made sure that there were gorgeous cakes and chocolates on show to tempt in the customers. Now there’s nothing remotely enticing there at all. It looks very neglected, but it would take me five minutes to sort it out.
My heart squeezes with longing. Oh, I do miss it. I haven’t even walked past here since Marcus took over running the business. I couldn’t bring myself to. Now he wants me back and I need to know why.
I turn the door handle and the bell tings my arrival. There are hardly any tables occupied – a couple sit at the one in the window; two guys are stretched out on the sofas that were the favourite and daily haunts of the Chocolate Lovers’ Club. Only a short while ago, particularly in the run up to Christmas, you could hardly move in here and the till never stopped ringing all day. I was run off my feet and was happy to be so.
Even the cakes in the glass counter don’t look as appealing. Our usual cake maker was a lovely lady called Alexandra who lived just around the corner. These don’t look up to the standard of her work. I’d have another attractive display of products I’d bought in too, but now the shelves stand empty. It’s coming up to Easter – the chocolate feast to end all chocolate feasts! Chocolate Heaven should be groaning with beautiful chocolates and Easter eggs, cute gingerbread bunnies, iced biscuits. Marcus will be missing out on a great opportunity if he and his manager don’t get their act together pretty soon. No wonder he wants to replace her.
The Chocolate Lovers’ Wedding Page 4