Chantal felt her head swim and Lucy gripped her arm tightly.
‘I can’t believe it,’ she managed.
‘I know everyone hates that word and it’s a big shock to hear it. Cancer isn’t the death sentence it once was. We have excellent success with treatment now.’
The brutality of it hit her all over again. Livia certainly wasn’t dressing this up. ‘What does that mean?’
‘It means that even with the more aggressive cancers we can often give people five to ten years of good-quality life. Many survive much longer.’
Chantal felt her world cave in.
‘I can’t die,’ Chantal said. ‘Not even in five or ten years. Never. I have a baby. She’s not yet a year old.’ She thought of the little girl in the restaurant having her birthday party, the balloons, the cake and candles. She wanted to do that for Lana. Not once, but for years and years to come. ‘I have to be here to look after her.’
‘And I’ll do absolutely everything in my power to make sure that happens,’ Livia said.
There was no way that she’d seen this coming. Despite all the tests, in the back of her mind, she’d still somehow expected that the scan would find nothing and that the consultant would be cross with her for wasting her time. Inside she was going hot and cold. Her brain had completely imploded and there was no space for rational thought. Turning to Lucy, she saw that her friend’s face was as white as a sheet and she suspected her own mirrored that. Chantal tried to stop herself from shaking, but couldn’t.
‘Fuck,’ she said, clutching at Lucy. ‘What do I do now?’
Chapter Seventeen
We’re all in a state of shock when we meet up for coffee the next morning at yet another crappy café. This one is too busy, too bustling, the tables too close together. And, no matter where Chantal positions it, every time someone walks past they knock Lana’s buggy. Another place to be ticked off the list as unsuitable.
It’s also totally the wrong place to discuss the fact that our friend is too young and too beautiful to have anything as awful as breast cancer. It’s too bright and cheery to talk about the bruises on Nadia’s face, her split lip. The man whistling away behind the counter is too happy as a backdrop to Autumn’s news that Willow didn’t turn up to their arranged meeting. Everything about it is wrong. The whole situation is wrong.
While we’re reeling from Chantal’s news, a text pings into my phone. Marcus.
My pining for Chocolate Heaven has reached epic proportions and, of course, Marcus is texting me ten times a day asking me to go back.
Ping. Yet another one arrives.
All the girls look up. ‘Marcus,’ I confirm.
This is inappropriate in the midst of our misery, but then Marcus’s timing was always questionable. Ping. Ping. Ping. I ignore them all.
‘Are you weakening, Lucy?’ Autumn asks.
‘I am,’ I admit, ‘but Crush isn’t. He doesn’t want me anywhere near Marcus.’
‘You can’t really blame him,’ Chantal adds.
‘No.’ Can’t argue with that. ‘But who cares about Marcus and Chocolate Heaven? We have more important things to discuss.’
Chantal has breast cancer and it’s beyond awful.
‘What’s the next step with your treatment?’ Nadia asks her.
‘I’ve got another appointment soon. Jacob will want to come with me to that one, I’m sure. Livia, the consultant, told me that she’ll give me a plan of action then.’
We’re all shaken to the core, not least of all Chantal.
‘It will be fine,’ I tell her. ‘Livia was very positive.’
‘She was,’ she agrees, but I can see the fear in her eyes. And who wouldn’t be scared?
I don’t mention that all that’s sticking in my head is that Livia also said that most people can survive another five to ten years. That’s nothing in the scheme of things. Nothing. Chantal can’t go so soon. She has too much living still to do.
‘How did Jacob take the news?’ Autumn asks.
‘We cried a lot,’ she says and then her face crumples and she cries a bit more. ‘No one expects to be hit with this. It happens to other people.’
We all huddle round and I hug her.
‘It’s Lana I’m worried about,’ she adds tearfully. ‘If anything happens to me, who’ll look after my baby?’
‘You’re going nowhere.’ I’m absolutely certain in my conviction. Five to ten years, pah! ‘You’ll fight this and come out the other side. If anyone’s got the strength to face this down, then you do.’
‘Look at the state of us,’ Chantal says. ‘What a sorry bunch. It’s a good job they’ve got decent chocolate-chip muffins here or we’d have fallen to pieces. Anyway, enough of my woes.’ She turns to Nadia. ‘How are you feeling, sweetheart? What a bloody awful thing to happen.’
Nadia touches her lip, gingerly. There’s shadowy bruising round her mouth and even though she’s drinking her coffee through a straw, it’s clearly painful. She looks up self-consciously. ‘I know. And so close to my own home. My front door was literally in sight. I think that’s what’s so scary.’
‘It must have been terrifying,’ Autumn agrees. ‘I remember when one of my brother’s dodgy friends threatened me outside my flat. I was a wreck for weeks.’
‘Thankfully, the locksmith came and changed the locks this morning. It was an expense I could have done without but I hated the thought of someone out there with a set of my keys. He didn’t seem to follow me, but I was in so much of a hurry to get indoors that I’m not sure if I checked properly. You begin to doubt yourself.’
‘You did the right thing,’ Autumn says. ‘You can’t be too careful. There’s no price on peace of mind.’
‘I’ve had to cancel all my credit cards,’ Nadia continues. ‘I was just about to book a ticket to go up to see James, too.’
‘I’ll pay for it,’ I volunteer. My credit card might protest, but I don’t want Nadia to miss out on this chance.
‘I was wavering,’ Nadia admits, wincing as she takes another sip of her drink. ‘But after this, I just want to get away for a few days. I think it will do us good.’
‘We’ll book it on my phone before you go.’
‘Thanks, Lucy. I feel a bit shaky but I’m going to go into work later. I think it will take my mind off things. If I stay at home, I’m sure I’ll just dwell on it.’
‘It’s probably a good idea, but be kind to yourself, too.’ I pick at the cake in front of me. ‘You’ve had a shock. Don’t underestimate how that can make you feel. If you take a turn for the worse, come home. Ring me and I’ll be right round.’
‘Thanks, Lucy.’ Nadia manages a smile and then winces as it splits the cut on her lip again.
‘I went to the agency this morning,’ I tell them. ‘I think they were quite annoyed that I’d been sacked from the last job.’ Bit of an understatement, really. The woman rolled her eyes and tutted a lot. She told me it was a wonderful job and that they’d struggle to place me elsewhere. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and tut back. It wasn’t a ‘wonderful job’, it was really boring and, if I hadn’t been sacked, I’d have left anyway. Probably. ‘They gave me the details of three jobs to think about, but none of them really float my boat.’
‘You need the money for the wedding,’ Nadia reminds me. ‘Just think of that.’
‘I know. I’ll ring them and get some interviews fixed up. I can’t stay at home with my dad under my feet. He’s driving me potty.’
‘No sign of him moving out yet?’ Autumn asks.
‘He’s looking far too comfortable on my sofa,’ I say. ‘It’s worrying. He keeps assuring me he’s heartbroken, but he’s looking way too perky for my liking. He’s on the phone to my mother every ten minutes. I could kill her for telling him he could stay with me. What was she thinking? The place is barely big enough for two.’
‘Fingers crossed that it won’t be for long,’ Autumn says. ‘How’s Aiden coping with having him there?’
‘They�
��re sharing a couple of beers every night, watching football on telly. It doesn’t seem to be wearing thin for Crush, despite the fact that we can’t have any . . . erm . . . conjugal relations due to the fact that my old man is in the next room and the walls of the flat are like tissue paper. You can’t have sex when one of your parents is in the next room, can you? It’s wrong on every level. He’ll have to go soon.’
Chantal laughs. ‘Oh, Lucy. You are a tonic.’
‘My problems are minuscule compared to everyone else’s,’ I say, feeling ashamed that I’m concerned about such trivialities when my mates are really suffering. ‘I shouldn’t be so selfish.’
‘That’s the last thing you are,’ Nadia says.
‘So what if I never grace Chocolate Heaven again? It’s not the end of the world, is it?’ Though inside it feels as if it is. ‘Nations won’t fall. Marcus will find someone else.’ Don’t even think about weeping.
‘He will, Lucy,’ Chantal tells me, softly. ‘You shouldn’t feel guilty about not doing exactly what he wants. I know what you’re like.’
‘We’re all in a sorry state,’ Nadia agrees. ‘We need something to cheer us up. Autumn, tell us some good news. Any progress with Willow?’
‘I hope so. Mary’s going to try to set up another meeting soon. I’m so glad I saw her. It cleared the air a lot between us. She’s a lovely lady and I was so relieved to hear that they’d given Willow a good life. She’s very loved.’
‘Did you get a photograph of her?’
‘No. The only current one Mary had was on her phone. But she looks identical to me. Same hair.’ Autumn picks up a strand of her own locks. ‘She’ll really be delighted I gave her this. Poor girl.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘We look like two peas in a pod, even down to the way she dresses. I was a Goth too at her age. She’s all black eyes and moody face. She still looks adorable to me, though.’
‘We can’t wait to meet her.’
‘Me neither. I think Mary was worried that I wanted to steal Willow from her or that I was unsuitable in some way to be in her life. I can’t blame her. I suppose all sorts of things go through your head. But she’s happier now she knows that isn’t my intention at all. I can only wait and hope now that I can meet my daughter soon.’
‘Keep us posted,’ Chantal says. ‘We’re all rooting for you.’
Autumn glances at her watch. ‘I’d better be going. Miles isn’t working this morning, so we’re taking Flo to the park.’ She stands up and kisses us all. ‘Are we going to meet up tomorrow?’
‘Hopefully,’ I say. ‘Should we come back here?’
They all shrug.
‘It’s not the best, is it?’ Chantal says.
‘No.’ I shake my head. We know where the perfect place is and it’s unavailable to us. Until we find a new home, we are the Wandering Chocolate Lovers’ Club.
‘Promise me that you won’t go near the place,’ Nadia says.
‘I won’t.’ I hold up my hands in submission. ‘I’m not completely stupid.’
My friends exchange a knowing look.
Then another text comes in. I hold up the screen to them. Marcus.
Chantal shakes her head. ‘Don’t do it. You’ll only regret it.’ And, sadly, the others seem to agree.
Chapter Eighteen
My dad, Crush and I are all sitting on the sofa staring at the telly. It’s ten o’clock at night and we’ve been watching football for hours. Hours and hours. How long is a football match, anyway? I’m getting to the point where I want to claw my own eyeballs out when the match, thank heavens, ends.
‘Right.’ Dad does a big, theatrical yawn. Clearly it’s time for bed, which means that we have to vacate the sofa and the living room.
‘Mind if I use the bathroom first?’ he says.
‘No. Fill your boots.’
He plods off to the tiny bathroom. That’ll be no hot water left for us. I sigh in his wake.
‘I’m sensing that the thrill of having your dad here is wearing off,’ Crush says.
‘This flat really isn’t big enough for the three of us. And we can’t do what we want to do.’
Dad isn’t the easiest of house guests. Everything has to revolve round him. We have to go to bed when he wants us to and, because he’s not sleeping all that well scrunched up on our sofa, he’s up with the lark and crashing about in the kitchen. He hogs the bathroom and his dirty laundry is everywhere. As he’s not working, he’s mooching about the flat all day, yet when I come home his dishes are still sitting in the sink. And he hasn’t bought so much as a pint of milk yet. Organic soya or not. I could go on. And on and on.
Worryingly, he doesn’t seem to be missing the Pilates instructor all that much, either. I thought this one was supposed to be the Love of His Life. Yet I haven’t overheard any calls in which he’s been pleading earnestly to go back home. In fact, he seems to be spending more time on the phone to my mother than anyone else. ‘We can’t watch what we want to on the telly. We can’t have sex on the rug.’
‘We can’t actually have sex anywhere,’ Crush points out. He comes to wrap his arms round my waist and pulls me close, nuzzling my neck. ‘Unless we pull the covers over our heads and be really, really quiet.’
‘Our bed sounds like a creaky old ship at sea at the best of times,’ I remind him. ‘Every time we turn over it squeaks and groans. It’s bad enough when there’s not someone closely related to me in the next room.’
‘Good point, well made. So what do we do?’
If Dad looked as if he was about to depart next week then it wouldn’t be a problem, but my dear father is not showing any inclination to move in the foreseeable future. It’s not that I’m sex mad or anything, but quite how long are we supposed to stay celibate? A woman – as well as a man – has needs. I chew my lip and dredge my brain. ‘What if we go and spend the night at a cheap hotel?’
‘How cheap?’ Crush says. ‘We don’t want to make love among bed bugs – that would be just as off-putting – and, with the wedding coming up, I’d rather save our money. What about we give him the money for a curry and ask him to go out for a bit.’
‘While we have a bit?’ I joke.
We snarf together.
Then I sag. ‘He’d know. That would just be embarrassing all round.’
‘True.’
Suddenly, I’m desperate for this man’s body. I have to have him. I will have him. I feel one of my cunning plans coming on. My eyes light up.
‘What?’ Crush says warily. ‘I recognise that twinkle in your eye and it’s scaring me.’
‘I know where we can go.’
Now he looks very worried.
‘Trust me,’ I whisper, casting a glance at the bathroom door.
‘Where?’
‘I’ll surprise you.’
‘Now I’m not just scared, I’m terrified.’
‘Let’s do it,’ I urge. ‘It will be like an adventure.’
‘What will we tell your dad? We can’t say that we’re sneaking off to have sex. He’ll want to know where we’re off to at this time of night.’
‘We’ll tell him that you’ve got to go back to work for a couple of hours and I’m coming with you to keep you company. Sorted.’ In fact, if we hurry up, we can just leave him a note and not face the trauma of having to lie to him.
‘Do we need to pack a bag?’
‘No,’ I say. ‘Let’s be spontaneous. If we’re quick, we can be gone before Dad comes out of the bathroom.’
‘We can’t,’ Crush says. ‘That would be terrible.’
‘I’m feeling very naughty,’ I say, in my best seductive voice. ‘You wouldn’t deny me?’
‘Oh no,’ Crush says, grinning.
‘I’ll write Dad a note.’ So I scribble on a yellow Post-it and stick it to the telly.
back later, it says. aiden had to pop back to work and i’ve gone with him. don’t wait up. love lucy xx Then we grab our coats and tiptoe out of the flat, giggling like teenagers. This is fun. And such a great idea.
One of my very best.
Chapter Nineteen
‘You can’t be serious?’ Crush turns in the passenger seat and stares at me, aghast. ‘I’ve still got the door keys,’ I tell him. ‘And the code for the alarm. There’ll be no one here at this time of night.’
Sure enough, Chocolate Heaven is in total darkness.
‘I do not want to make love in Chocolate Heaven.’ He sounds quite emphatic.
‘It’ll be fun. No one will ever know.’
Crush glowers at me darkly, which makes my heart beat even faster.
‘Let’s do it,’ I say. ‘I’m feeling really mischievous.’ I titter nervously. ‘Think of that squashy brown velvet sofa. That doesn’t squeak.’
‘No,’ he says. ‘Couldn’t we just go somewhere very dark and do it in the back of the car?’
‘Noooo. That’s really sleazy,’ I insist. ‘Besides, someone might come along and see us. Everywhere that’s dark and secluded is a dogging site now. It would be horrible. We’d be right in the middle and some perv would turn up in a flasher mac with a torch. Chocolate Heaven is warm and comfy and safe.’
I can tell that he’s weakening, so to seal the deal I run my fingers up his thigh.
He shakes his head as if perplexed. ‘Against all my better judgement, Gorgeous, I’ll go along with this.’
‘You won’t regret it. I’ll be fun, fun, fun.’
So, before he can change his mind, we jump out of the car and, hand in hand, rush across the road to Chocolate Heaven.
Standing at the door, I fumble with the keys.
‘Want me to do it?’ Crush asks.
‘No. I’ve got it. It just feels a little weird being back here.’
‘Especially in the dead of the night with the sole intention of having some nookie.’
‘Yes,’ I agree.
‘Supposing Marcus has changed the lock or the alarm code?’
My heart quickens. Didn’t think of that. What if he has? I hold my breath and cross my fingers when I say, ‘He won’t have. I know Marcus.’
The Chocolate Lovers’ Wedding Page 9