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Author: Teresa Mummert
We decided on a drunken rendition of “Let’s Talk About Sex. ” Unfortunately, halfway through I realized that on a good day I had no clue what the lyrics were. It didn’t matter. The patrons cheered us on and sang along as we swayed to the beat and belted out the tune to the best of our ability.
For once I didn’t run and do what was easier, and I actually enjoyed myself.
We stayed for a few more hours until the rowdy late-night crowd began to flow in from the streets.
“That was fun. ”
“Wait until next time, when I make you incorporate an interpretive dance into our routine. ” She laughed.
It felt good to laugh and joke our way through our fears and our secrets. Maybe what I’d needed all along was just someone to share my time with. I could definitely see living on my own getting a little bit easier.
We walked down the crowded street, weaving through the hordes of people back toward my apartment.
“Jewels, have you ever thought you wouldn’t be able to get through it all?”
“Every day, but there is always a tomorrow. Karaoke starts at noon. ”
Chapter Twenty-Six
I HADN’T BEEN BACK to a meeting since I started karaoke therapy with Jewels. She didn’t press me for details of what had happened to me but listened when I felt the need to confide something. It was nice to have a friend in my life that I could count on. The only other people I had were Aggie and Larry, and without a car I could hardly ever see them. Not that I wanted to set foot near the trailer park. It was too painful. Larry told me they’d removed my trailer and none had been put back in its spot. That seemed fitting. As if a tornado had swooped in and removed that chapter of my life. I was glad I would never have to look at it again. It has been over two months since I left Tucker behind and started life on my own. I worked as much as possible to keep from getting lonely and having too much time to think. I’d saved up enough to buy myself a small television and actually have cable.
I saw last week on an entertainment gossip show that Tucker’s band would be playing live at an awards show and they had signed with a major record label. I was so proud of him. It still hurt, but I’d done the right thing for him. His career was important to him.
The show also spoke of his being linked to an up-and-coming actress. He was quoted as saying, “I am very much in love. ” He wouldn’t divulge any more details on the matter. I was happy for him and told myself that the tears that fell down my cheeks were from joy, not for what I had given up.
I was glad the band was able to stay together after all we’d put them through. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I’d destroyed all of their dreams. I am still not able to listen to their music, but I know it is only a matter of time before I am able to hear him without thinking of our past. He is Tucker, the rock star, now, not my Tucker, and I need to get used to that.
I slipped on a white sundress with purple flowers that was identical to the one Tucker had bought me that Jax had destroyed. I pulled my heart locket up to my lips and kissed it before slipping on my sandals.
The air was cool as winter began to creep in. I made my way to the City Market to grab a coffee before my shift started at Scarlett’s. Horse-drawn carriages lined the streets, preparing for their next tours. I rubbed a horse on the nose as I walked by them on my way to Vinnie Van Go-Go’s. I loved to sit at one of their bistro tables and remember my time with Tucker. Yeah, I was doing a great job of moving on, I thought with a sigh.
“I hear this place is amazing. ” Tucker’s voice sent a chill over my body as I turned to see if he was really there. The imaginary world I had built for myself without him crumbled around me instantly.
“Sometimes we don’t know what we’re missing until we find it. ” I echoed his words from our last visit here. I stood on shaky legs just feet from him. The pain of seeing him nearly doubled me over. God, how I’d missed him.
“I knew what I was missing the moment I lost you. ” His voice shook as he took a step closer to me. “I thought you went out to find us a place so we could start our new life together. I waited for hours. When I found your phone, I knew you had left me for good. ”
“I’m sorry, Tucker. ”
“Jesus, Cass. Do you know what I went through? I went back to that fucking hellhole looking for you. I went back to that trailer. ” He swallowed hard, trying not to break down.
“I didn’t think you would look for me. ”
“You didn’t think I would look for you? I spent all night outside of the diner waiting for you to show up. I had no idea where else you would go. Chris and Terry had to physically remove me. I never stopped looking for you. ”
My hand subconsciously covered my heart, trying to shield it from the pain.
“Why did you do it, Cass? Why did you leave me like that?”
“I was ruining your life. You had a dream and you were going to give it up for me. I couldn’t let you do that. I had hurt you enough already. ” My voice began to shake.
“Hurt me? You nearly killed me when you took off. I was so worried. ”
“You have nothing to worry about. Jax is long gone. ”
“If I know you at all, you have been killing yourself with the guilt of everything that had happened. ”
“How did your find me?” I asked, as I’d known this moment would eventually come.
Tucker smiled. “Larry is very loyal to you. I’ve been calling him every day for the last six weeks. He convinced me you had moved to Ohio with some aunt. I searched the state, but you were nowhere. As soon as I had some downtime, I flew in and demanded the truth. I guess he liked that I was fighting for you. He finally admitted that you were living in the city under your mother’s name. ”
I had talked to Larry at least once a week since I had left, and he had never mentioned to me that Tucker had contacted him.
“Tucker, I—”
He put his finger to my lips to stop me from talking. “The only thing I ever wanted out of my life was someone to share it with. ” His blue eyes searched mine.
“I’ve heard you found that. ” I shrugged and looked down at my toes. This is what you wanted for him, I reminded myself.
He took his fingers and tilted my chin up again gently. “Yes, Cass, I am very much in love. ”
My heart twisted in my chest. I deserved to hear his words. I deserved whatever he wanted to put me through. I’d left like a coward. I could at least have stayed and explained to him he would be better off, but instead, I ran away.
“I’m happy for you. ” My voice cracked as I blinked back my tears.
He smiled and ran the pad of his thumb along my jaw. “I love you, Cass, or Anne, who whoever the hell you want to be. I have never ever wanted anyone else. I told you—money, fame, fans . . . none of it really means anything. It doesn’t make you happy. If you don’t have someone to share that stuff with, you will still be lonely. I’m lonely without you, Cass. I need you in my life. ”
“I love you, too,” I admitted on a shaky sob.
His arms flew around me and he lifted me off the ground as he squeezed me so hard I could barely breathe. “It won’t always be rainbows and butterflies, but I promise you I will do everything in my power to make you happy, Cass. Just don’t ever leave me again. Promise me,” he whispered in my ear.
“I promise. ”
White Trash Beautiful Page 33