by Jamela
Once they had their snack and I took them home, I returned to the hotel. “Was I being selfish? I mean, I was the one who was betrayed, wasn’t I? And what was John doing with Ray? The too of them are probably up to no good. I hope Ray doesn’t think he can get me to forgive John, ‘cause I’m not trying to hear it.” I took my shower using my aromatherapy gel and drifted off into a quiet sleep with the TV watching me once again.
A sound awakened me, so I sat up in the bed slowly and listened. There was movement outside my window. I quickly put on my housecoat and grabbed my purse. Surely, I was just being paranoid. It was probably just a late check in and they were going to their room. I looked at the clock. It seemed later than 1:30 am. I walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. I almost peed on myself. John was standing outside the door. He was looking around like he was trying to decide which door to knock on. “Oh, please let him keep walking.” Of course, I didn’t have to answer. And I know the hotel wouldn’t tell him which room I was in because of their privacy policy. I knew I should have switched hotels today. I stood by the door praying he’d walk away and finally he did. After a while, I went back to bed thinking I’d check out first thing in the morning. He must have drove around until he found my car. I finally went back to sleep. But, I was up at 5:30 packing my things and running back and forth to the bathroom. I dressed in a hat, baggy jeans and a pair of running shoes. I was careful to stay in the shadows, just in case John was watching. I called a taxi from the office to pick me up and left my car there. “Let’s see if he finds me again.” I could order in and talk to the kids on the phone. I’d have to take a taxi to services tomorrow morning. But, that shouldn’t be a problem, since John doesn’t ever go anyway.
My Saturday was a lazy day spent doing nothing but listening to music and watching TV. I tried not to think about my situation, but I did. I had chosen a counselor and hoped to be able to see them first thing Monday morning. I phoned Ray telling him, “I’m not going to be in on Monday morning. I have some business to take care of. But, I’ll call you if I’m done in time to get to work.”
“Leslie, I talked to John. He’s so sorry. He said you wouldn’t give him a chance to explain how things happened. You owe him at least that, don’t you think?”
“Don’t you tell me what I owe him! You aren’t married to him and in love with him and being hurt by him, now are you? I don’t care what he told you. I know the two of you will stick together like glue, anyway. He’ll get his chance, don’t you worry about that. And tell him to stop asking my children where I am and trying to find me.” I said as I slammed the phone down.
“Men! They were always thinking about themselves.” The rest of my day was pretty easy. I finally got a decent night’s sleep and was up early getting ready for services. I was looking forward to having some uplifting spiritual food, after the week I’d had. I dressed in a two-piece black linen suit with light gray accessories. I was looking good even though I felt like crap. When I arrived I was surprised at how many people were already there. Our congregation tends to be late-comer’s. I paid the driver and asked him to return in an hour and a half. As I walked up, I began greeting familiar faces and friends. I stepped inside trying to see where I wanted to sit, when someone came up from behind me and grabbed my elbow. I thought I was in someone’s way, so I stepped to the side. I looked around to see for whom I was moving. As my knees buckled, the strong hands steadied me on my feet. I could have slapped the color off of him!
I have never ever known John to come to early Service’s, in fact, he’s never been to services as far as I can recall. But there he was, holding my arm and smiling down at me. He gently squeezed my arm and asked where I wanted to sit. I tried to smile back as he guided me to a row of seats. “How dare he show up here like there is nothing in the world wrong? He must think I’m stupid.”
“John, why are you here? You never come here.” I said through a forced smile.
“I had to see you, Leslie. I’ve been so worried about you. I saw your car at the hotel, but I never saw you come to it.” He replied.
“You’ve been watching and following me? John, you can’t do that. I told you I don’t wanna see you. What part don’t you understand?”
“I understand all of it, but you are the one who always says we should never stay angry with each other, that we should talk things out. I’m just following your advice. Are you saying it wasn’t good advice?” He wanted to know.
“You know I’m not saying that. I just need some time to think. This is not the place for us to talk, I came here for spiritual food, not your bull! I’m trying not to make a scene, John, but you’re pushing me.’ I said as I quickly plopped down.
“Well, I’m sorry. I’m doing everything I CAN, NOT to lose you, Leslie. My life has been lonely since you left and I want my family back more than anything in the world. Please give me a chance.” He said through watery eyes. “Here comes the bull. Typical.”
I reached into my purse and pulled out a tissue. I handed it to him then slid a little further away from him. Even though I was angry with him for what he’d done, I was still in love with him. I didn’t want my feelings to show. So I kept a few inches between us. All through the service, John paid attention and I tried to concentrate. I was able to discern that the discourse was about forgiveness. Ironic I thought,” today of all days the topic would be so applicable to my life.” Maybe it was a sign or something. When the service was through, John guided me outside, smiling broadly all the way. As I looked around for my taxi, John said, “I’m sorry, but I told him I’d take you home. He’s not coming.” He said softly as I stared at him with my mouth opened.
All I could do was look up at him. People were walking by and smiling at us, so I walked with him to the car. “Where do you think we are going?” I demanded.
“Someplace where we can talk with no distractions. We need to really talk and listen to each other.” He said as he opened the car door for me and closed it. He pulled into traffic and we moved away from my safe zone. I had always felt safe in that building, but now he had taken that way from me along with everything else. We drove for about an hour to a park. It was where we had gone on our first date. He even had a picnic basket in the back seat, which he got out as we exited the car. I was surprised he even thought enough to do something like this considering how I felt about him right now. We walked to a large maple tree and he spread the blanket for us to be seated upon it. He reached down and took my shoes off and helped me sit down. He placed the stuff in the basket on the blanket then looked at me and smiled. I just stared at him with a blank expression. I wanted to see just how far he was willing to go.
I didn’t know what to say or do, so I just silently watched. “Did he think a romantic lunch was gonna change what he did and make me forget? He was sadly mistaken. I decided right then, that I wasn’t gonna say much of anything. He could do all the talking he wanted, but I still needed to clear my mind.”
“Leslie, please forgive me for taking advantage of you. I should have waited until you were ready to talk to me. But I couldn’t. I couldn’t stand the things I knew you were thinking. Please give me a chance to explain things to you. Can I have this time to do that? After you have heard what and how things happened then whatever decision you make, I’ll try to live by. “He said dropping his head and looking down.
“Go ahead, John. Give it your best shot.” I snapped at him.
“Please promise me you will really listen to what I have to say. I mean hear me, Leslie. Will you at least give me that?”
“I’ll listen to you John. Go ahead, give me your side of the story.”
“Okay, first of all, I would never do anything to hurt you. I’d rather die than cause you pain. I love my life with you and our children. You have to believe me. Okay, here is what happened the other day. Cynthia was asking around at the office about contractors to do some work on her house. She asked everybody. So, I told her about the work we had done and how good a job the guys
did. She asked if she could see it. I said yes and didn’t think anything else of it. Anyway, that was a couple of weeks ago. On Tuesday, I mentioned to my secretary I was going home early to surprise you. Cynthia overheard and asked if she could come by to look at the work. I said yes. As we were walking outside, she told me her car was in the shop and would it be a problem to bring her back to work. I told her it wouldn’t be. So, we drove to the house and just as we were pulling up Ray came by. He asked what was going on and I told him about Cynthia wanting to see the work. He said he had to talk to Joanne and was putting it off and then left.
“So, he did stop by. Okay, go on.”
“We went into the house and Cynthia commented on what a wonderful decorating job you’d done with the house. I explained the work was done in our bedroom, how we’d added a larger bathroom with a Jacuzzi and expanded the closets in addition to widening the bedroom. She walked in and looked at the bathroom. Then she came out and asked if she could have something to drink. I said I’d go get it for her while she looked at everything. I didn’t wanna be in the room alone with her. I knew she had a small thing for me, because Ray told me, but I didn’t think she was so devious.
When I returned from the kitchen, she was in the room all right. She was in our bed under the covers and her clothes were on the floor. I asked her to get dressed. She refused. I told her to put her clothes on and even threw them at her. She wouldn’t move. I tried to reason with her, but she wasn’t listening. She said you didn’t deserve me and she could make me much happier if I would just give her a chance. I didn’t know that’s how she felt. I thought she was mildly attracted and that was it. You know a small crush. I never dreamed she’d do something like this. But I was dead wrong. I walked out of the room for a while trying to think what to do. I came back into the room and began to climb onto the bed from the opposite side. I was reaching for her to drag her out when you opened the door. If you’ll remember, I was fully clothed including shoes and socks. I even had on my suit coat. That is because I wasn’t climbing into bed to have sex with her. I never wanted to have sex with her and seeing her in your place in our bed, pissed me off. I cursed her out and threatened to call the police, she said she’d swear I’d drugged her and put her there. I didn’t know what to do.” He finished dropping his head.
“John, why should I believe you? I haven’t talked to her to know what happened. I haven’t had time to clear my mind and really think things through. So, what do you want from me? I mean what are you asking me to do?”
“Leslie, I’ve told you I can’t live without you. Will you please bring the children back home and at least stay at the house until we get this worked out? I won’t do anything you don’t want me to. I promise. I just need to have you and the kids near me.”
“I’ll think about it, John. I’m ready to go back. Will you please take me back to the hotel where my car is. I know you know where it’s parked.” I said softly gave him a mean look.
He picked up the things he had laid out and put them back into the basket. “Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?” He asked.
“I’m sure. I haven’t had much of an appetite these last few days. Just can’t seem to keep anything down.” I replied.
“Have you seen a doctor? I mean, what are your other symptoms?” He asked with concern.
“I have been feeling sick for a few weeks now. I told you I was feeling bad before all of this started. I’ll make an appointment first thing tomorrow morning. Now, would you please take me back to my car?”
“Yes, I’ll take you back to your car. Leslie, please remember, I love you with all my heart. I would never do anything to hurt you and the kids. Never.” He said as he helped me up.
We rode in silence as he drove. I was thinking about the things he’d told me, and playing things out in my mind. “He was indeed fully clothed. He looked like he was disgusted when I came in and he looked at me. He didn’t have a lustful look on his face. Maybe he was telling the truth. As far as I know, he’s never lied to me about anything. I don’t know.”
“The children miss their father. I hear it in their voices every time I talk to them when they ask me about him. I know they want all of us to be together. Maybe I should move back in for them, at least until I get things sorted out. It would be better, I guess. They could get their lives back to normal, at least. Oh, God, please help me. I don’t know what to do.” John pulled into the parking lot of my former hotel. I sat there for a minute before I got out. Finally, I said, “John, I’ll go pick up the kids and see you at home later today.”
He got the broadest smile on his face. He truly had a beautiful smile with dimples and everything. As I got out of the car, he touched my hand. “Thank you. I promise you, you won’t regret it.” He said.
“I hope not John. See you later.” I said and closed the door. I walked over to my car, got in and drove off. I needed to think. Where could I go? I drove to the office and went inside. Ray wouldn’t be here on a Sunday and I could be alone for a while. After a few hours I left and picked up my children. It told them we would be going back home. They asked what was wrong, but I didn’t tell them.
Once we got back to our home, I started dinner. John came into the kitchen and stopped me. He was taking all of us out for dinner. We went to my favorite Italian restaurant. I ordered my food and as soon as it was placed in front of me, I threw up. My stomach had been feeling funny, but it didn’t think it was this bad. We left once the children finished eating. John was concerned so we took the kids back to my sister’s house and he took me to the emergency room. Once examined by the doctor and John and I were alone, he looked at me with such concern in his eyes.
“I hope that doctor hurries up. Are you feeling a lil’ better?” He asked holding my hand.
“I’m okay, my stomach is just upset. It’s been feeling funny for the last couple of weeks, but I just figured it was some kind of bug going around and would pass.”
The door slowly opened and the doctor came in with a nurse. “Okay Mrs. Jameson. We did some blood work and we’ve gotten the results back. According to our lab work you’re pregnant.” He said with a smile.
“You look surprised. We’ll need to do a further examination to determine how far along you are, then you’ll need to follow up with your OB/GYN as soon as possible. Mr. Jameson, do you want to stay for the examination if Mrs. Jameson wants you to?” He asked.
“Ah, yes. I wasn’t expecting this.” John said looking at me.
The doctor put my legs in the stirrups and did his examination with the nurse’s assistance. When he was done, he instructed me to clean up in the sink and get dressed. I didn’t have much to say to John. I was in shock. “I’m pregnant!” The doctor must be wrong. The doctor returned a few minutes later. He informed us that I was six weeks pregnant. As soon as he said six weeks, I knew when I got pregnant. “John has his hand under my shirt as we walked on the beach.”
“I wasn’t wearing a bra or any underwear. I just felt so free on this island. John and I walked to a secluded spot and before I could protest, his mouth was on my breast softly pulling and opening me in lower places. His hot breath traveled down to my stomach, which was bare. He deftly positioned me on the ground on some soft leaves with shoulder high shrubs concealing us from anyone’s view. The feeling of his tongue softly sucking and gently touching me was too much. I couldn’t hold back. As I lay there shuddering John removed his trunks and moved on top of me. With each thrust, we each moved closer to climax. I matched his rhythm and we clasped each other in sweet ecstasy. It was so spontaneous; there was no thought of using a condom.”
I could even give the doctor the date if he wanted it. I don’t need this right now. John and I left the hospital. Once I walked into the family room, I called my sister from home to ask if the kids could spend the night. Naturally, she asked if everything was okay, and I told her about me being pregnant. She was thrilled to know she’d be an Aunt again.
As I hung up the phone, John wa
lked into the room. “Did you tell Helen?”
“Yeah, she’s happy about the baby. John, I’m not ready for this. I don’t know if I want this right now in my life.”
“Well, we have to talk this out. I will let you know, I’m happy about the baby. There is only one other thing that could make me happier, and you know what that is. So, how are we gonna handle this? “
“What do you mean, how are we gonna handle this. WE still have to deal with you and Cynthia. The baby isn’t going anywhere, it’ll be right here growing inside me no matter what happens. I thought about the things you told me regarding Cynthia. You’re just gonna have to give me some time to deal with that. I have an appointment tomorrow. So I’ll see you when I get home. But tonight, I’m sleeping in the guest room. I want you to change all of my bed linen. I want that stuff thrown out. I don’t want it in my house. Good night John.”