She did as she was told, seeming completely obvious to the fifteen-foot drop mere feet away.
“What else, Mom?” Cass asked, the first hint of relief in her voice. “What did they make you for dinner?”
“The first course was salad from plants in the forest.” Levi smiled, remembering how she’d oohhed and ahhed over their foraged greens. “It tasted awful, but I ate every bite.” The sadness left her voice, and she actually laughed. “I think I even ate a dandelion!”
Satisfied she was safe for the moment, Levi snuck away and used Cassidy’s phone to call Lance and Jessa.
Chapter Five
Cassidy had learned a long time ago to count her blessings. That was what had gotten her through the really terrible times. Way back when she was a little girl, her mom had called it playing the Pollyanna game. No matter what happens, you can always find something to be glad about, Lulu would say. Then they’d take turns listing every single thing that made them glad.
Something to be glad about…something to be glad about…
Well, at least her mother wasn’t naked in the tree.
She kept her eyes focused on Lulu, who now sat on the rickety floor of the treehouse like a little kid, but Cassidy’s heart still pounded. When she’d seen her mother up there, she finally understood how heart attack victims felt.
“What about that time Cash and I followed the bear prints and got lost?” Levi called to her mother. He’d kept her talking and giggling since he’d gotten off the phone. Somehow he’d managed to maintain a complete calm while Cassidy teetered on her own ledge—battling back the fear and the anger and the hopelessness that threatened to push her over the edge.
She inhaled deeply, trying to pull the serenity of the forest into her body. They just had to keep Lulu still until Lance and Jessa showed up, and then Levi would use their extension ladder to go up after her.
“I was so worried about you two that night,” Lulu said, her tone chiding. “I gave Cash a good talking to.”
“I think you gave me one too,” Levi said with a laugh.
Behind them, the unmistakable hum of a diesel engine released the tension from Cassidy’s shoulders. Lance’s truck rumbled through the underbrush. He parked by a pine tree, and the doors opened. There were her friends—Jessa carrying an armload of blankets and a shopping bag filled with snacks and Lance hauling the massive ladder from the bed of his truck.
“Hey, Lulu,” Levi called gently. “Lance is here with a ladder. I’m gonna come up there and get you, but for now I want you to stay put. Don’t move. Got it?”
“You don’t have to do that, honey.” Her mother rose to her knees. “I can just climb down the ladder.”
“No!” Cassidy rushed to the base of the tree. “Don’t move, Mom! You understand? Sit back down!”
“All right, all right.” Lulu plopped down in a pout.
“We’ve got this.” Levi gave Cassidy’s shoulder a squeeze as he and Lance passed. The two of them positioned the ladder against the thick, sturdy branch next to the treehouse platform.
What if it didn’t hold? She had to turn away.
“I brought cookies.” Jessa caught Cassidy in a one-armed hug.
“I don’t think I can eat anything.” Her stomach hurt worse than it did when she’d taken her nursing boards.
“Everything will be fine,” Jessa assured her.
“All right, Lulu.” Levi called. “I’m coming up.”
Cassidy forced herself to turn around and watch.
Lance positioned himself at the base of the ladder and held on to it.
“Oh god.” Cassidy wrapped an arm around her stomach as Levi ascended the ladder, climbing higher and higher until he’d reached the platform.
“Easy now.” He stepped onto the boards, testing each one, and helped Lulu stand. “I’ll go down first.” He eased back onto the first rung of the ladder. It was painstaking work—taking a step down and then waiting for her mom to do the same.
Little by little, Levi urged Lulu down—guarding her—until she finally stood on the grass only a few feet away. But Cassidy couldn’t move. She couldn’t run over there and wrap her arms around her mom the way she wanted to. Too much weighed her down.
“Are you cold?” Jessa wrapped a blanket around Lulu’s shoulders. “And I have some snacks too. Have you eaten lately?”
The alcohol still hazed her mother’s eyes. “I’m not hungry. And I don’t understand what all the fuss is about.”
Cassidy’s jaw dropped. “You don’t?”
“No, honey,” her mother sassed back. “I don’t. I used to climb up there all the time when you were kids.”
“Years ago, Mom. That was years ago.”
Without a word, Lance folded up the ladder. Jessa hurried over to take the other side, and the two of them hauled it to the truck.
But Cassidy didn’t care if they heard. She didn’t care who heard. For so long she’d kept her emotions in check, but she couldn’t hold them in forever. The pain was too overwhelming. “We don’t own this property anymore.” Raising her voice released the pressure that had built in her chest. “And the treehouse is falling apart. You could’ve fallen. You could’ve been seriously injured.”
Levi stepped between them. “Hey…it’s okay. Everything’s okay now. No harm done.”
She spun to face him. “It’s not okay!” He didn’t know. This was one time. He hadn’t been there for all the other times.
He reached for her. “Cass—”
“I want you to go.” She backed away. “Go home with Lance and Jessa.” This was between her and her mother, and she couldn’t stop herself from saying what needed to be said. Not anymore.
Levi didn’t budge. “I can stay. You’ll need someone to drive the Jeep back to your house anyway.”
“No.” Her eyes heated but she refused to cry in front of him. “I’ll have Jessa bring me back for the Jeep tomorrow.” She didn’t want his help. She didn’t want his sympathy. She could handle this on her own. She’d been handling it on her own for years. “I want you to go. Please.”
“Fine. If that’s what you want.” Levi’s broad shoulders caved as he turned and walked away.
She waited for the truck to start and drive out of sight before she approached her mom. “I can’t do this anymore.”
Lulu looked startled, like she’d fallen asleep somewhere else and woken up in the place she’d least expected. Cassidy could relate. Sometimes it seemed like she’d gone to sleep right after Cash’s death, and every time she woke up she wondered how she’d gotten here.
Lulu’s body wilted into a posture of regret. “I’m sorry, Cass-a-frass,” she murmured. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Of course not. She never meant to upset her. But this time Cassidy didn’t tell her it was okay. In the past, she’d always been able to let it go, to forgive her and move on, but it got harder every time. “We need to get home.” Before it got too dark and she couldn’t find her way out of there.
Lulu didn’t move so she went to her side to support her. Her mother leaned heavily on her shoulder as they soldiered down the road to the Subaru—and that’s exactly how Cassidy felt. Like a soldier. Like she’d been carrying her mom across the battlefield of life. She wasn’t sure how much longer she could do it before she collapsed too.
After loading Lulu into the passenger’s seat of the car, she took her time making her way to the driver’s side, reciting the same script she’d used a hundred times. It wasn’t Lulu’s fault she was such a mess. She’d had a perfect life too. A perfect family. Her kids had always been her purpose, and then one of them was taken away.
She’s just sad. Wounded. Traumatized.
The words didn’t bring any relief this time. Closing her eyes, Cassidy leaned against the driver’s side door instead of getting into the car. She’d never had the chance to be sad, to let the wounds keep her down. She’d never had anyone carry her.
She glanced over her shoulder at her mom, who was peering
out the window fearfully. It had been years since Cash had died, and instead of making strides and taking her life back, her mother was becoming more of a shell every day.
And she was letting her. Instead of helping Lulu piece herself back together, Cassidy had taken over every responsibility, giving Lulu the power to stay broken.
It had to stop or her mother would stay broken forever.
“That’s it.” She opened the door and slid into the driver’s seat. “I’m done.”
Lulu’s gaze fell away in a display of outright shame. But that wasn’t what this was about. Shame. Whose fault it was. What she wasn’t doing. It couldn’t be about any of that. It had to be about the future. A future for both of them.
“Listen to me, Mom,” Cassidy said, taking her mother’s hands in her own. They were cold and wrinkled and bony. She held them tightly, as though she could restore them with a loving touch. “There’s so much more than this.” There were dreams and joy still waiting for them. “I love you. But there are things I want to do with my life. Things I’ve wanted for a long time.”
Her mother simply stared at her, her bottom lip quivering. “What things, Cass?”
This was the opening she’d been waiting for. She hadn’t told Lulu about the program, about her interview. She’d simply told her she’d visited some friends in Denver. Because what if her mother didn’t improve and she couldn’t go? She didn’t want her to feel guilty. Guilt would never be a strong enough motivator to help her change. But maybe a vision of the future would.
“I applied to a nurse residency program in Denver,” she blurted before she lost the courage.
Her mother finally raised her eyes to Cassidy’s and lifted her chin as though trying to be strong. “Then you should go.”
“I can’t. Not until you’re in a good place.” She couldn’t live in another city constantly worrying that her mom would drink herself into despair and climb a tree. Or even worse, that she’d kill herself or someone else on the road.
Lulu shook her head sadly. “You don’t have to worry about me—”
“Yes I do.” What more proof did she need than the scene tonight?
“I know I’ve made some mistakes…”
“It’s not about the mistakes. It’s not about the past. You can have a good life. You can have friends and you can laugh and you can go out to fancy dinners.” She could get a job and find a new purpose. “I want this for you as much as I want it for myself.” She had to believe they could both take this second chance. A chance to seek out a joy that was greater than their pain.
Her mother reached up and rested her palm against Cassidy’s cheek the way she always used to when she’d tuck her into bed at night. “You’ve always been so strong.”
“I got that from you.” She placed her hand over her mother’s, letting her tears fall. “You raised me that way.” For so many years, she’d been the one who Cass had leaned on. The one who would hug away her hurts and help her face her fears. That woman was still inside there somewhere. “The same strength is in you, Mom. And I need you to find it again. I need you to hold on to it.”
Lulu pulled her hand away and stared out the windshield. “I don’t know if I can.”
Cassidy didn’t know if she could hold on to her strength either. How could she leave behind everything she’d known her whole life? “We have to try.” Because what they had now was not a life. “It’ll be hard. You’ll have to stop drinking. And maybe talk to a doctor about the depression.”
Inhaling deeply, Lulu turned to her. “I’ll try. I’ll do my very best,” she said, and Cassidy thought she saw a flicker of resolve in her eyes.
A flicker was all they needed.
Chapter Six
Levi couldn’t believe Cassidy lived here.
He climbed out of his truck and walked across the patchy front lawn. The small bungalow on Amethyst Street couldn’t be more than eight hundred square feet. It looked like a box. The white siding was peeling off, dented and chipped in places. Faded blue shutters hung askew. Compared to her childhood home, this place was a shack.
A car turned onto the road behind him. He watched Cassidy’s blue Subaru cruise down the street and turn into the driveway. Even from behind the cracked windshield, he could read the shock in her wide eyes.
She probably hadn’t expected him to show up at her doorstep, but after the whole treehouse ordeal, he’d been worried about her. So right when Lance pulled into his father’s driveway, he’d hopped out and gotten in his truck. Cass might be used to handling things on her own, but he’d prove that he could be there for her. Even when she didn’t want to need him.
He waited patiently on the grass while Cass struggled to open the door and climbed out. “What are you doing here?” She crossed the driveway and stopped a few feet away, her glare firmly intact.
Lulu’s door opened too, and Levi helped her out of the car. “I thought I’d come by to make sure you two got settled in okay.” He did his best to summon the smile that had never once failed to charm a woman, but it waned.
“That’s so sweet of you, sugar.” Lulu threaded her arm in his and prodded him toward the front door.
Cass followed at a distance as they made their way up the porch steps. In his humble opinion, the scowl on her face only made her blue eyes prettier.
“Thank you for the brave rescue,” Lulu murmured, leading him inside. “I’m so sorry I ruined everyone’s night.”
“You didn’t ruin mine.” Hell, if she hadn’t gone missing, he wouldn’t have been able to spend all that extra time with Cass. She would’ve likely driven him straight home from the hospital.
“That’s nice of you to say.” Lulu flicked on the lights. The front door opened into a small living room. It was spotlessly clean and simple. One couch, a recliner, and a small coffee table he recognized from their old house.
Behind him, a collage of pictures hung on the wall. They were scenes he remembered well—portraits of a happy family. Seeing Cash with his wry grin wrenched some of the pain loose. He hadn’t seen a picture of him since the funeral…
“He loved you like a brother.” Lulu touched her fingers to the image of her son’s face.
“I loved him too.” He’d loved all of them. Glancing up, he stole a look at Cassidy, but she quickly ducked into the kitchen.
“Did you hear my daughter’s gonna be a nurse in the big city?” Pride lit Lulu’s eyes as she sat on the couch and patted the cushion next to her.
Levi settled in. “She’ll make a great nurse,” he said, finding Cassidy’s gaze and holding it firmly with his own. She obviously didn’t want him here, intruding in her life, but she was fixing to leave. Start a whole new life, and he’d lose her. Crazy how he didn’t want to lose something he’d never had in the first place.
Cassidy stared at him, a fight brimming in her expression.
Lulu looked back and forth between the two them, her lips hinting at a smile. “You know, I’m feeling awfully tired after all of the excitement.” She rose slowly from the couch. “I think it’s time for me to say good night.”
He tried not to laugh at her obvious attempt to give them time alone. “Good night, Lulu.”
Cassidy was the only one who didn’t look amused when her mother disappeared down the hall. “Why are you here?” She marched into the living room and sat stiffly in the recliner across the room. As far away from Levi as she could get.
Why? Because he hadn’t stopped thinking about her all day. Memories of her leaning over him in the ambulance, of her touching him, had flickered like sparks. “I thought you might need someone to talk to.”
“I don’t.” She directed her gaze away from him. He couldn’t read the emotion on her face. Was it anger? Or had pain just taught her to block out every emotion?
Maybe she’d gotten used to pretending, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t pretend he felt nothing for her. “If you ever do need someone to talk to, I want you to know, I’m around.”
Her jaw twitched as she g
ave him a good long look. “Why are you around now, Levi? All these years later…”
“I was too scared to come.” She deserved the truth. And he’d thought about it all the way over here, about why he’d avoided the Greers, about why he hadn’t come home for so long. “I thought Lulu blamed me. I thought you blamed me. Every single day, I still wonder what would’ve happened if I’d convinced Cash to go fishing or mountain biking instead of riding…”
“You couldn’t have.” Her lips curved into a fond smile. “Cash was obsessed. All he ever wanted to do was ride.”
“I still wonder if I could’ve stopped it from happening.” He’d always wonder. If only he’d done this or that differently. If only he’d been the one to ride first…
“I’ve never blamed you, Levi,” Cass said softly. “He knew the risks.” For once she didn’t look away from him. “He always used to tell me, ‘If anything happens, Cass, you take care of Mom. You help her through it.’ And I have. I am. Maybe I’ll always be helping her through it.”
She wasn’t though. They were both surviving, but from what he could tell, Lulu was only getting worse. “Can’t you find a treatment center?” Maybe if she went away, she could focus on healing…
“She has to be the one to decide,” Cass said, as if she’d resigned herself. “And she doesn’t want to stop drinking. It’s the only time she feels happy.”
“Then you have to keep her away from alcohol.”
Somehow she didn’t look at him like he was an idiot, though she would have had every right. “I’ve tried. I find it hidden all over the house. And yes, I always throw it out. But she’ll go dig in the trash can until she finds it.” She leaned her head against the chair and stared up at the ceiling. “I can’t watch her every second. I’ve got too much to do.”
She was weary. He could see it in every movement. Which was why Cass needed someone to be there for her for once. No matter how much she tried to deny it, she needed support or she wasn’t going to make it.
Levi pushed off the couch. “You need to do more than throw it out.” He walked into the kitchen and started to open cabinet doors.
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