by F. E. Arliss
Groggily, Ruby sat up as the cold light of dawn filtered over her. The wind had not risen again and for that, she was grateful. Pushing herself back against a stone, Ruby pulled the bivy-sack tighter around herself, sucked some water down her throat, and contemplated the temple mountain in the distance.
She wished that she was at the bottom of the hill ready to make the final climb up to the temple. That’s what she wished,! Ruby thought to herself, closing her eyes and slumping back against the rock. She just wanted to be there.
Sending herself into healing meditation, Ruby cleared her mind of frustration and expectation. Finding that space where anything is possible and everything else is extraneous, Ruby filled her soul with peace. When she slowly opened her eyes an undetermined amount of time later, a pile of rocks at her feet blocked her vision.
Holy shit! She was at the bottom of the hill to the temple. It finally dawned on Ruby that if she thought something hard enough, it happened. Rising to her feet and folding her bivy-sack into a small square, she packed it away and started the climb. This was so exciting!
Halfway up the mountain she stopped to rest. Would it materialize if she just wished she was at the top? Clearing her mind, she tried to imagine being at the top. Ruby let that image rest in her mind until it seemed almost solid. Afraid to open her eyes, Ruby slitted her lids just a peep to see if anything in front of her had changed. Empty space met her gaze. Springing to her feet in glee, Ruby did a little victory dance! It had worked! She was on the lip of the temple yard!
OMG! This place was awesome. If she thought it, it happened. That could be very dangerous, Ruby thought suddenly. She better get a grip on her emotions and desires. That old saying, ‘be careful what you wish for’ was so often true.
Venturing hesitantly towards the temple, Ruby checked to see if the recorder she was wearing was getting the images before her. It appeared to be working. More confident now, she walked curiously towards the three-foot lip of the temple. It seemed familiar somehow.
She’d dreamed this once, hadn’t she? But in that dream she’d been in ratty jeans and a sweat-soaked tee-shirt. What did that mean? Feeling the unrelenting pull of something emanating from the interior of the temple, Ruby crawled onto the thigh-high shelf of the temple floor and stared in awe at the space before her.
It was just as in her dream. She was dressed differently, but the rest was the same. The stone chair was at her side. Sun filtered down from above, warming the strangely egg-shaped space. Huge stone pillars encircled the area at intervals and were connected across the top by large ledge stones. Towards the back of the pillared temple, a dark cavern protected a pool. She could hear trickling water.
Slowly walking towards the pool, Ruby froze when wisp-like beings appeared before her and gestured that she should follow them. They did not lead her towards the pool, but instead, seated her on a low, stone bench along one side of the chamber. Leaving her there, they proceeded to light torches set into niches in the cavern walls. As the torches were lit, more details of the cavern came to light.
Ruby could see more details of the pool. There was the ledge she’d sat on in her dream with the small waterfall pouring over the side. Cave paintings adorned the walls of the rear cavern depicting events from ages past. A circular pit opened in the floor and spiral stairs descended into dark depths. Smokey fumes vented upwards from a low, chimney-like, stone stone altar at the back of the cavern. A bitter mineral-like smell hung in the air. Ruby wrinkled her nose.
Silence descended over the temple. Sun beat down on Ruby’s head. She leaned wearily against the cool, rocky back of the temple and let the silence wash over her. She was here.
When she jerked upright a few minutes later, a beautiful woman stood before her. Clothed in ethereally-glowing white animal skins fashioned into narrow leggings and a fluid tunic, the tall, slender woman was beautiful. Long white hair was pulled back into an elegant chignon at the back of her head and fur boots protected her feet. Her pale skin was enhanced starkly against the white skins, making Ruby feel even more in awe. Power vibrated from the woman. Not in a scary way, but in a way that Ruby felt was infinite and loving.
Once, back on Earth, when Ruby was reading for a project in graduate school, she’d come across paintings and literature about the cult of ‘Mary, mother of God’. This woman embodied Ruby’s idea of what that might have looked like.
Although her pale skin didn’t really jive with the current science of the fact that tribes had spread across Earth from a source that would have been filled with dark-skinned peoples, she had an internal beauty that radiated out of her. Ruby supposed that was pointless. This wasn’t Earth. If this was the Mother, she was Mother to all. Not just one race on one planet.
“You are Ruby,” the lovely woman said softly in statement.
“Yes,” Ruby breathed out on a long-held breath. “You are the Mother?”
“Yes. For now, I am the incarnate embodiment of the Mother. I am Uma. Welcome home, my darling,” the tall woman said, holding out her arms towards Ruby. “Come to me, my darling,” she said, wiggling her elegant hands in a welcoming, embracing gesture. “Come, let me hold you.”
Ruby, not in the least weirded out for some reason, did as she was told. Launching herself into the woman’s slender arms, Ruby was astonished when the feeling she got from the enfolding arms was one of being completely enclosed. Almost as if the Mother had grown in size just to accommodate Ruby in a great-big, comforting hug. It was bliss. The Mother smelled like vanilla and cinnamon.
Drawing back slightly, the Mother said, “Will you let the daughters cleanse you?” She gestured towards the wisp-like figures that had lighted the torches. “They will cleanse you, oil you, and dress you. Then we will go below and discuss all that you wish to know.”
Ruby only nodded and within moments was nude and being lowered gently into the warmth of the small pool and its splashing waterfall. It was just as she’d remembered. Wonderfully healing, warm and comforting. A complete feeling of being washed clean of doubt, grief, distress, and fear. It was blissful. At some point, she was drawn gently from the water, oiled and dressed in the silky-soft gown she remembered from her dream.
Gently nudged towards the opening in the stone floor, Ruby slowly descended the circular stair. Hacked out of solid stone, it was worn smooth from millenia of use. Finally, emerging at the bottom, slightly dazed from the circuitous descent, Ruby was drawn once more into the Mother’s arms and cuddled close on a soft-as-a-cloud bench.
“Why are you white?” Ruby asked suddenly.
The Mother gurgled with laughter. “Did you imagine that skin-color had anything to do with the powers of the Universal Oneness?” she asked. “Color has only to do with the suns in the galaxies and how they rotate around each planet and moon.” She hugged Ruby again. “Don’t worry, I am the same color as each person who loves me. Color is irrelevant except to experience. We will discuss that more later. Now, tell me all that has transpired,” the Mother urged Ruby.
“You already know, don’t you?” Ruby asked, wondering why she needed to repeat it all.
“Yes, I know. But to hear yourself say it, will help you to realize for yourself how much you’ve been through. Now that you are safe here on Unity -- that is the name of this temple and planet -- you can take the full brunt of the stressors you’ve been through. We are here to support you, heal you and make you whole. You must understand the full debt of grief that has been laid upon you before we can do so,” the Mother informed her gently. “Tell me everything.” Ruby did.
Chapter Ten
Unmolded Clay
As Ruby poured out her heart and soul to Uma, time became irrelevant. It was odd that Ruby began in the present and proceeded back through time, explaining every terrible thing that had ever happened to her. Some of them seemed so distant she could barely remember the details. Finally, trailing to a stop, Ruby said, “That’s it. Everything that has formed me into the person I am today. Why is it usually the bad thin
gs that shape us so drastically?”
“Negativity is violent and traumatic. Love is gentle and coaxing. These two opposites work in completely different ways,” Uma said gravely. “We do not need to thank the Mother for her love. It is always there, accessible should we but ask. Consciousness is love. Unconsciousness brings actions of negativity. If we work to make even our unconscious full of love, then we are buffered from the evils of the universes.”
Ruby sat for a moment thinking about that. “In my dream of this place, I dreamed that I released all kinds of fluids and poisons from my body over a large pit of fire. Will that happen?” she asked.
“Yes. It’s very important to let go of the things that have poisoned us so that we may become filled with the peace of love. Only upon emptying ourselves of negativity can we fill that space with the Mother. Do you understand?” Uma asked gently. “It’s like you are unmolded clay still filled with chunks of dirt and stone. You must have that removed before you can be the vessel that you were meant to be.”
“I do. It’s like the old saying that you become whichever wolf you feed. If you feed the snarling, angry wolf inside, you become that angry wolf, tearing people apart. If you feed the loving, happy, playing wolf, then you become that wolf, nurturing your family and pack,” Ruby explained the parable slowly.
“Hmmm, yes. Primitive and simplistic, but correct,” the Mother said, grinning ruefully at Ruby. “It will do.” Urging Ruby to her feet, Uma led her through a dark portal in the side of the small cozy chamber. They emerged into an enormous jagged cavern. A large stone fork jutted out over a deep ravine, from which an orange glow and terrible smokey-heat rose.
Looking at the stone bridge, Ruby knew what to do. Wisp-like daughters appeared again and disrobed her. Gently, they helped her position herself over the deep chasm, supported on either side by the solid stone forks that projected over the pit. A small bridge of smooth marble-like stone supported her forehead. From beside her, she heard Uma say, “Just think of all you have told me that was negative and consciously let it go. Feel it ooze from your body and flow into the pit below. Rid yourself of these poisons. Try now. I will be here no matter how long it takes. We have all the time in the world.”
Thinking about the negative things she’d told the Mother during her life story, Ruby imagined them flowing out of her. Strangely, each item had a different property that she could feel as they broke through her skin and fell into the burning, churning, lava below. Thoughts of mean comments from people during childhood came out as rusty nails and bits of twisted, corroded metal. The loss of Daniel was like a black tar that came out in twisted shapes of loss and melted into a stream of sticky regret.
It took hours, or so it seemed, to let loose of all the things she’d held in her body as items that had hurt her. Finally, she felt empty. As though the Daughters could tell she had expunged her demons and was almost unconscious with the process, gentle hands lifted her and carried her through what seemed like endless halls until, finally, she was lowered gently into cool running water. Trying to lift her lids was too exhausting. Ruby simply laid still and let the water rinse away her sweat and cleanse her inside and out.
Once again she was lifted and deposited gently beside the stream on a mossy bed of grass. Oils were rubbed into her skin and she was laid upon a high dias in the sunlight and left to rest and absorb the power of the sun. She slept. As the sun lowered, she was roused and laid once again upon a high dias. This one was lined with furs and situated in a large domed cavern with a round sky-light open to the stars. Moonlight beamed down onto her relaxed body. Just as in the dream, Uma came to her and whispered, “Dream my darling. Dream, dream, dream…”
When she woke the next morning, Ruby felt completely renewed. She was full of hope and felt calm and at peace. She understood her purpose now. Her anxieties and grief had fallen away. Clear intentions had come to her and as astonishing as it was, she felt that she had a purpose now. How to make it happen, that was the question. She would discuss it with the Mother and see where that took her. Life was not foretold in its entirety. It was one step at a time. She had the first step to take. That was enough.
Chapter Eleven
The Spear and Shield Paradox
Ruby was calm. Strangely calm. If anyone had told her that she was an unstoppable force or an immovable object, she would have snorted with derision and rolled her eyes. The fact that she could bring to bear that which she pictured in her mind, had not really sunk in until her dreaming night. The other girl, Winter, back on Gaiaca at the temple was not the flip side of the same coin. Ruby was one side of the coin. She was a part of the paradox in manifestation.
She was waiting now to find out what her new name would be. After explaining her dreamings to Mother Uma, she had been flabbergasted to learn that this was very important - the things she’d dreamed had been unprecedentedly important to the Mother. Uma was in her own dreaming now and Ruby would have to wait until she woke to participate in the naming ceremony.
Robed in a simple white garment and waiting in a meditative silence, she had been given an ancient parchment scroll and was currently reading about the spear and shield paradox. In the story, a man was trying to sell a spear and a shield. When asked how good his spear was, he said that his spear could pierce any shield. Then, when asked how good his shield was, he said that it could defend from all spear attacks. Then one person asked him what would happen if he were to take his spear to strike his shield; the seller could not answer. This was her paradox. She was part of the paradox of an impenetrable shield and an unstoppable force at the same time. She didn’t know which she was, but Ruby felt more like a shield than an unstoppable force. Though she supposed her onward trudge after Daniel’s death had been like that, she had shielded herself by hiding behind work and purpose. That had made her an unstoppable force.
When Uma finally emerged from her dream sleep, she asked Ruby what her answer was to the paradox. Ruby simply answered, “I will use whatever strength I am given. There is rarely equilibrium in this world. Equilibrium does not require my help. If I am to be a shield, I will be. If I am needed as an unstoppable force, I will somehow find that.”
That evening when the moon was high and full, the Mother performed a naming ceremony on the high platform above the temple. Ruby was renamed Dun, pronounced like ‘dune’. As far as Ruby could tell, it meant ‘the honest’. She simply smiled at the Mother then asked, “May I be known as Ruby Dun? I feel that is more correct somehow.”
“Of course you may. You are now known as Ruby Dun,” the Mother stated a glowing smile lighting her face. Ruby felt that nothing could have been more perfect. To her, all of life was a paradox. It was difficult to understand people and when she did, she often didn’t like what she understood about them. So being herself, honest, and part of a paradox felt true.
The next morning, her training began. The enormous mud-ball of Unity became her playground. Learning to draw upon the energies around her to create a shield or produce a force was incredibly hard. Hours of grueling training in the combative arts and unending lessons in the materialization of the mental and spiritual planes, found her crashing onto her stone bunk with its soft fur liner each night in grateful relief. No one had said becoming a...well, Ruby didn’t even know what she was becoming, would be easy. She’d have to ask tomorrow what she was becoming. This was her last thought that night. Sleep was instant and deep.
The next morning, when Ruby asked the Mother what she was learning to be, Uma simply laughed. “You are becoming Maodun, the paradox. That is all. Just Maodun. You are becoming only what you were meant to become. You are unique and you are whatever you become, that is what was meant to be. You are enough in whatever form you take.”
Ruby rubbed her forehead and said confusedly, “This girl I met on Gaiaca, Winter, she said that the Mother was this big glowing worm-like thing called Chrysalis. It ate a black hole that was pulling a planet into its vortex. Chrysalis also told her that she was enough as she was
. That light streamed only when the human eye focused on it. She took that to mean that she could not turn away from the light. That she had to administer justice in the galaxies. Really, it’s all very confusing,” Ruby said wearily. “If she’s the Viceroy to the Idolum Empire and is handing out justice to all and sundry, what am I supposed to do with this whole impenetrable shield, unstoppable force thing? It seems redundant.”
Mother Uma simply smiled serenely and asked, “Do you represent the Idolum Empire?”
“No, of course not,” Ruby snapped, still rubbing her forehead.
“Do you believe that the Chrysalis is the Mother?” Uma asked.
“No. I don’t think it is. Chrysalis is maybe an instrument of the Mother, or a part of the Mother. But you are the embodiment of the Mother. Therefore, Chrysalis cannot be the Mother,” Ruby stated firmly. “Winter is not entirely wrong. But she isn’t entirely right, either.”